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Original poster

To be mortified by this

252 replies

mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 18:36

Dd has free school meals. She's off school (half term has finished here) because she was in contact with a teacher who has tested positive but because she sits at the back of the classroom she was more than 2m away so doesn't have to self isolate but they are being taught by zoom lessons as precaution.

We have just had a letter through the door with a voucher to cover the cost of her lunches for the week. I am so embarrassed that the school felt it necessary to come and hand deliver it to us. At least they didn't knock on the door!

OP posts:
fuzzymoon · 28/10/2020 19:25

There is nothing wrong with receiving FSM but it's inbuilt in us to be the provider for our children. Sometimes however grateful we are to receive something it still feels embarrassing or a little wrong.
I can totally appreciate why you feel embarrassed.
You're not saying your ungrateful. Quite the opposite. You're not say FSM are embarrassing.
What I feel you are saying is that your embarrassed that someone went out of their way to help you and you are grateful but just feeling a bit overwhelmed by the gesture.
It's also called pride.

EmmaWithTheGreatHair · 28/10/2020 19:26

@LEELULUMPKIN I imagine because at school, there is a degree of anonymity!

I don’t understand what people don’t get.

EugenesAxe · 28/10/2020 19:27

Not read the whole thing, just about 20 comments... if it makes you feel better I was getting quite cross with people having a go at you. I've no idea what your life is like and so don't feel able to judge either way; personally I could imagine it does feel a bit embarrassing.

Don't take this personally - it will be school policy I expect; there'll be no judgement they'll just be covering every child. If they are aware of families that really do 'need' it they can hardly single them out, but will safeguard the children by having this blanket policy.

Never feel ashamed or judged; you know you and no one else really does. Having a low income is not a crime and anyone who treats people differently because of it is a dick who is not worth troubling over.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
strawberrymilkshakemonkey · 28/10/2020 19:30

bless you op, you're getting quite the flaming here. totally needless.

unfortunately there's still a huge stigma attached to getting FSM/ food parcels. the school won't have done it to single you out or shame you. they have an obligation to provide something. but i can understand why you might feel embarrassed.

take care of yourself - hopefully you can buy yourself a nice treat and enjoy a relaxing evening :) xxxx

Toothsil · 28/10/2020 19:30

Oh OP, you're getting a really hard time and I don't know why Flowers

While there is no need to feel embarrassed by it, people can't control how they feel. Sometimes people don't like others knowing they need help, sometimes it's a pride thing. OP I hope you're ok, you didn't come on here to get made to feel worse 😢

FatCatThinCat · 28/10/2020 19:33

This is the current Tory narrative to absolve them of guilt for voting against feeding kids. They voted against as feeding hungry kids embarrasses their parents. If I were a cynic I'd not be surprised to see threads like this on one of the largest forums in the UK. Got to get that message out there!

Don't do the Tory's dirty work for them OP. Dump that embarrassment and accept whatever help you're offered. There's no shame in having free school meals, whatever the Tories tell you.

Nottherealslimshady · 28/10/2020 19:33

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YouKidsIsCrazy · 28/10/2020 19:34

bless you op, you're getting quite the flaming here. totally needless

No she isn't, at all. People are just asking wtf she's talking about, as it doesn't make any sense. Theres nothing to be mortified about, nobody even knows about it, and she's luckier than others who would be delighted. It kind of comes off like complaining about it.

When you ask AIBU, and you are, people will say so.

Lovemusic33 · 28/10/2020 19:34

We had hand delivered food parcels during lockdown for dc2 as the vouchers were not working, didn’t feel embarrassed about it at all.

lyralalala · 28/10/2020 19:35

@Nottherealslimshady

You're embarrassed because you think you're too good for needing the voucher but your daughter has free school meals. So you either need help feeding your kid or you dont. If you dont then pay.
That's just nasty and there's no need for it.
TeachesOfPeaches · 28/10/2020 19:37

It's like MN has never heard of pride 🙄 It can be incredibly embarrassing receiving help you feel you shouldn't need.

LEELULUMPKIN · 28/10/2020 19:37

@EmmaWithTheGreatHair but they did put them through the door anonymously. There was less interaction than there would have been had the OP filled in a form or spoken to a member of staff in the first place when setting FSM's up. The OP said that they didn't knock so were obviously being discreet.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 28/10/2020 19:37

Op, the arseholes are out tonight.

Think about the average person in terms of intelligence. Then remember that 50% are below that level. Not my quote and Ive buggered it up but you get my meaning.

I agree with happyspud picklemewalnuts and others, sorry I've forgotten more. Op is feeling emotional and a little fragile, reaches out to a community of mothers and receives a fucking skip of utter tripe, some intending to be hurtful too.

What utter bastards people have to be to treat others in this way.

Op, if you can skin over the ridiculous posts then you might find some nuggets of support. We aren't all twats.

Thank you and thank you emmawiththegreathair, I love your username too.

Sally872 · 28/10/2020 19:39

Don't be embarrassed every child entitled to s school meal is treated the same. They aren't assuming you wouldn't afford to feed her, but this means they will get the vouchers to those who rely on school meals much more than you do. Don't think any more of, just be glad those who really need the vouchers will also get them.

Yourpartjewishfriend · 28/10/2020 19:39

Nobody cares about us as much as we think... that's to say we think people are judging us or questioning us... they're not. They're thinking about their own lives.
No need to feel embarrassed. Nobody even notices really

Most of the population are glad to help those who need it right now. Especially in a global pandemic.
We all know we could be there one day. No judgement at all.

MudSmudge · 28/10/2020 19:40

If you're getting FSM then it means you can't afford to feed your child lunch - that's literally the point. Why would you suddenly be able to afford to feed her lunch if she's isolating?

randomer · 28/10/2020 19:40

Honestly you'd think every child in the country was starving to death

Not every child.

MudSmudge · 28/10/2020 19:42

@TeachesOfPeaches

It's like MN has never heard of pride 🙄 It can be incredibly embarrassing receiving help you feel you shouldn't need.
Why is a voucher "help she doesn't need" if the actual meals are help she does need? I'm genuinely completely baffled why OP can't afford lunches most of the time but can afford them this week.
Ideasplease322 · 28/10/2020 19:42

I am sorry you feel this way, but really it’s no different that receiving free school meals in the school setting.

You get them because your income is considered too Low to pay for the meal. That hasn’t changed while your daughter is home - they are ensuring you don’t get into financial difficulty.

I can see how them coming to your door is embarrassing, but they won’t think anything of it. Lots of children receive free school meals.

SoulofanAggron · 28/10/2020 19:42

Don't feel embarrassed. It's good that they made sure you got the vouchers. I assume it's not personal either and others at the school have had or will have them at some point.

If you're that mortified you could always stop getting your DC fed for free- but I bet you don't. Smile

cansu · 28/10/2020 19:43

OP I can understand how you feel. The school will just be doing what they need to to ensure that no kids go without. They won't know what your individual circumstances are. There isn't anything to be embarrassed about, but I know many people hate the idea that people know their financial circumstances.

Happymum12345 · 28/10/2020 19:43

I understand how you feel, op. Even though there really is nothing to be embarrassed about and people really do care, the idea that you may need help like this can make you feel embarrassed. I remember getting free school meals as a child, over 30
Years ago now, I can remember the feeling of queuing up for lunch with a special token and feeling slightly ashamed.

Whatwouldscullydo · 28/10/2020 19:43

It's like MN has never heard of pride 🙄 It can be incredibly embarrassing receiving help you feel you shouldn't need

That's on those in charge though. Not the op or anyone else that needs the help.

We shouldn't have people unable to afford to feed their children in one of the richest counties on the planet. And one of the more developed countries.

The last people who should be judged for that are the victims of the circumstances leading to it.

You can garuntee no one through twice about their posh menus being subbed by tax payers their end .... and they are people who could afford to buy their own everything.

Chickydoo · 28/10/2020 19:44

Op I understand Thanks

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 28/10/2020 19:44

Slimshandy, that's a disgusting post. Reported and I hope others too. Fuck me, threads like these make me want to simultaneously run screaming from Mn (and I've been here fourteen years) and not leaving due to fear that posters like Op then get undiluted batshittery. Or something not quite so pompous sounding. I'm sure you will get it or you won't.