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Original poster

To be mortified by this

252 replies

mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 18:36

Dd has free school meals. She's off school (half term has finished here) because she was in contact with a teacher who has tested positive but because she sits at the back of the classroom she was more than 2m away so doesn't have to self isolate but they are being taught by zoom lessons as precaution.

We have just had a letter through the door with a voucher to cover the cost of her lunches for the week. I am so embarrassed that the school felt it necessary to come and hand deliver it to us. At least they didn't knock on the door!

OP posts:
OchonAgusOchonO · 28/10/2020 19:10

I really don't know why people are giving you a hard time. I get why you feel embarrassed. People are so judgemental of people on any form of benefits and they are made out to be dead beat scroungers. It's hard to avoid feeling bad about being 'one of them'. It's one of the problems of living in a right-wing society. However, you really shouldn't see it as anything other than the system giving back some of what you put in.

I grew up poor. My mother felt that one of the few things she had was her pride. She never asked for anything and made do in amazing ways. I think it's a common feeling in many hard working people. What we need is a society where we all feel comfortable taking when we need it and giving when we can.

LEELULUMPKIN · 28/10/2020 19:11

I don't understand why you are embarrrassed?

If they get free school meals AT school, why is having the vouchers any more embarrassing?

DigitalChristmas · 28/10/2020 19:11

[quote Glitterynails]@mortifiedmam I understand. I’m a teacher and I see lots of parents receiving FSM who feel embarrassed by it. They (and you) shouldn’t. But I understand.

The school is legally obliged to continue providing food/money support to children receiving FSM during periods of isolation. The school are not making a judgement about you and your family at all.[/quote]
@Glitterynails is spot on

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NiceTwin · 28/10/2020 19:11

Aww, don't feel embarrassed @mortifiedmam.
People's financial situation can change in the blink of an eye.
As children, we went from a 5 bedroom house with swimming pool to free school meals and uniform vouchers after my Dad lost his job.
My mother never attended another school event/parent's evening again because she was so embarrassed. Us kids were never bothered by it, we got school dinner instead of having to make our sandwiches, which was a plus in our eyes.
Glad the school are looking out for you, not all schools are that thoughtful.

Runningjump · 28/10/2020 19:12

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Caroncanta · 28/10/2020 19:14

You shouldn't feel embarrassed about it, although I get why you do. But your child would have been entitled to the meals at school. I think it's really cool that they dropped the vouchers off.

lyralalala · 28/10/2020 19:14

Yes, going to the office would be awful, I wouldn't do it I think

@mortifiedmam That’s why they do it. People are too embarrassed to ask for help.

This way everyone who has a child isolating gets the vouchers and that way anyone who is in dire, dire need of them gets them

It does mean some people, like yourself, will feel embarrassed by it. I know why you do, but you really don’t have to.

It’s just a general policy to make sure no kids go hungry when they should be in school. They are obliged to do it.

Lindy2 · 28/10/2020 19:15

It's nice that they do want to make sure we are ok
Nobody really cares about us ever, I think that's why it got to me tbh

Then today feel some comfort in the fact that this week someone cared about you enoughtopop through some vouches. As you said it doesn't necessarily happen very often.

Pumpkinpied · 28/10/2020 19:15

Don't be embarrassed or mortified by your situation. It hasn't changed presumably from last week or the week before when the child received FSMs. No one extra will know than didn't know already, they never even saw you and you sound as if it will be useful. They did a good thing.

Happyspud · 28/10/2020 19:16

Why is everyone being so obtuse and pointed! It's hard for ANYONE to accept they need help. I've only ever heard people who were in that situation at some time talking about how humiliated they felt. Of course they had no NEED to feel like that. But I bet a load of you would feel the exact same in the same situation.

A real bunch of shamers here. Since you can't shame the OP for her poverty as it goes against how you now see yourselves as kind and socially aware, you're finding another way to shame her instead.

Runningjump · 28/10/2020 19:16

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ChaChaCha2012 · 28/10/2020 19:17

I hope you're ok OP, and that the voucher will help your family.

Last week one of our local MPs, Ben Bradley, claimed that people used these vouchers for brothels and drugs. His comments were ignorant and more than that, they were inhumane. He doesn't realise the impact his disgusting comments have on real people, they're dehumanising and make people feel ashamed.

You have no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed OP. Look after yourselves.

Storyoftonight · 28/10/2020 19:17

What ? I think they handled that fantastically.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 28/10/2020 19:18

We used to live off food stamps - the system in the USA, or at least it was. Horrible to have to be told by the person at the check out that some food items weren't covered by food stamps. I know they weren't judging, but still...

Hopeisnotastrategy · 28/10/2020 19:18

I think everyone is trying to pull together right now OP, even if things are maybe a bit clumsy or rough around the edges, I think it comes from a good place of warmth and concern.

If it helps, I got back to the UK after four and a half months of lockdown in Spain to find a shielding letter and one from my county council offering to deliver groceries if I needed help. It threw me, I wasn't expecting it and didn't need it, but it warmed my heart to know there were people out there thinking of me. x

Billynomates33 · 28/10/2020 19:19

Please don't be embarrassed op.

I grew up in a poor area on fsm. My parents kept us clean, read us stories, really did try their best but were just poor through no real fault of their own. They felt the same as you, that they weren't good enough to provide for us, but actually it takes more than money to be a good parent so please don't place your value as a parent on your financial position.

Ignore the negative comments, they don't get it.

EmmaWithTheGreatHair · 28/10/2020 19:19

I hope all those who have shamed the OP, feel mortified themselves! You should do!

Wonkydonkey44 · 28/10/2020 19:19

I’m another one who doesn’t get it .... you’ve been given vouchers to help feed your daughter while she’s off . You don’t have to use them of your to embarrassed ... your over thinking this far to much Flowers

itsmeagainagain · 28/10/2020 19:20

@mortifiedmam you have nothing to feel embarassed about but I do totally understand why you would feel like that. Don't listen to the people moaning to you...its not at all about gratitude and you cant help the way you feel. I think people showing lack of empathy have perhaps never been in your position and cant possibly imagine it so dont beat yourself up Flowers

ilovesooty · 28/10/2020 19:21

The school has ensured that they have fulfilled their duty of care.
No need to be mortified but you feel what you feel. I hope other posters don't feel mortified either.

LEELULUMPKIN · 28/10/2020 19:22

I get why people may feel embarrassed about having to utilise fsm's but what I am not understanding is why the vouchers are any different?

Are you mortified when your child has FSM in school OP? There is absolutely no reason to feel that way but I do understand it.

As PP's have said unless they turned up in an ice cream van with a loud hailer telling all and sundry what they were about I don't get the sudden "mortification"

It's absolutely no different is it?

Original poster
mortifiedmam · 28/10/2020 19:22

@Runningjump

If you're so mortified to receive the vouchers at home then send her to school with a packed lunch. Or is she suddenly someone else's problem if she's not in the house?
She does take a packed lunch but only because she doesn't want to queue up when they don't social distance
OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 28/10/2020 19:23

This made me sad "Nobody really cares about us ever, I think that's why it got to me tbh".

Are you both ok stuck at home for a bit longer?

YouKidsIsCrazy · 28/10/2020 19:25

You think thats mortifying? I was on FSM in secondary school and there was a lunch supervisor who would shout out things like "put down that sauce, you don't get that for free as well!" or "hurry up there, its not like you're looking for your cash, is it?" to the kids on FSM.

Now that's embarrassing, and meant to be. Kindly putting vouchers quietly through your door, not so much.

LolalovesLondon · 28/10/2020 19:25

Believe me, nobody thinks anything of it. Don’t feel embarrassed, the school is obliged to provide free schools meals to your child. As they are not in school, vouchers are the only way they can do this.