Will he cheat tonight?

[Devoilmum]

Need some distracting, stomach in knots.

Im taking the dcs away for a couple of nights to visit grandparents during half term. Dp is working some of the days we’re away but was planning to follow us there. However, logistically, rule of 6, travel sick dog, it’s not possible.

Six months ago I found out he’d been having an affair. He stayed, lockdown, and we said we’d work on fixing it.
We work well together, never argue, just drifted apart really. Anyway, we’ve thought, we’ve talked and are going to try and make it work.

I want to trust him, but I don’t yet. Tonight will be a real test. Last night he told me he’s committed to us, our family and will do whatever it takes. He told me he still loves me.

Will he come home, have dinner and go to bed? Or will he head to OW?

He doesn’t realise that I can track his location (his previous downfall).

I’m not sure how I shall manage to drive and think of anything other than this all day.

Just looking for a handhold I guess.

I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through this and that tonight is going to be a tough one for you. This is of no help, but you cannot control his movements, actions or who he sees. If he is going to cheat he will and nothing you do will stop that. It's whether you can live with feeling like this. It may never go away unfortunately. I'm not saying you need to leave him but you do need to accept that you cannot do anything about it, you cannot control his actions. But you need to try accept that fact. If you can't, then I think you know the answer.

Hi op I think you need this test to see if he really wants to work on things

This must be so tough for you

Tonight will give you your answer, I guess.

I personally feel its over anyway. You can't live like this.

How would you feel if a future partner of your children cheated on them and what would you want them to do? Then apply the same logic to yourself..... also make sure you get a STI screen no one is worth losing your health over.

Handhold given

Your mh is just as important... This is no way to live.
Have you a plan if you get the worst answer?

I realise that if he’s going to cheat he will. I’m giving him an opportunity. Lockdown, working from home, his chances have been pretty much impossible since I confronted him.
I’ll know tonight whether he’s just saying what he thinks I want to hear. Or whether we stand a chance.
I can’t live like this, you’re right @burglarbettybaby - I just need to know.

I don't mean to sound harsh, because you are clearly very worried and upset, but when the trust has broken down so completely that your main concern is whether he will remain faithful when given an opportunity to cheat, then the relationship is over. What is the point of living with someone and giving them your heart if you cannot trust them to be careful with it?

@burglarbettybaby

I personally feel its over anyway. You can't live like this.

God that was exactly what I was going to say, but you did it for me.

No way to live OP, you deserve better.

There isn't much you can do to stop how you are feeling right now.

Maybe make a plan.
Start to detach
What will you do if he does?

This is no way to live op. Knowing where he is every second of every day isn't always going to be possible. Even if he stays at home tonight and doesn't cheat, you'll still be worried the next time. Your trust has gone

I’ve got a plan written down, I’ve been reading it through regularly.
I’m already partly detached. I’m on the fence as to whether we can fix things. I recognise it’ll take a lot.
Whilst his affair is in no way acceptable, I recognise what led to it and that, in part, I am not blameless.
For the dcs I need to give it our best shot.
If he goes there tonight, tomorrow night, it’s over. He’ll have to leave. And leave with the knowledge that he has looked me in the eye and blatantly lied to me.
As nervous and as on edge as I feel, I feel strong with how I move forward now.

And if he doesn't tonight, is that it? Will he have passed the test in your mind? And you'll never worry about it again? I doubt it... You don't trust him so there will always be a next time and another opportunity (in your mind). For what it's worth I hope he goes straight home and has dinner and this truly puts your mind at rest one and for all.

Ho are you tracking location though OP? If it's his phone he can leave it at home. If it's the car, she could collect him.

How soz - fat fingers.

@Kittykat93 you’re right - currently the trust is gone. His actions tonight are Whether we attempt to make or break. We have a stepping stone to rebuilding trust if he stays home tonight. Of course next time I’ll worry, but I’ll worry a whole lot less

It must be awful feeling like this and I wonder if it will ever get better for you. Have you had any counselling?

It wasnt worth it to me, OP. The way you are feeling now is exactly why I didn't stay.

It's like you're setting him up for an assault course but it will hurt you most.

I'm sorry that he's behaved badly but you need to think of yourself and a more settled existence.

Leave him that much anxiety isn’t worth living with

OP what if the OW comes to your house? How will you know?

Sorry that you've had to go through this .. but if you're having to track his location to check up on him, I don't see how this can ever work, as you clearly don't trust him.

It's just not a way I'd want to live, that's all.

This was me about 18 months ago. Whilst trying again following his shortlived affair I went away for 5 days and he remained faithful. A couple of months later he went out for a couple on a saturday night...and never came home til sunday teatime. I said...'you know what this means?' he replied 'yes, it's over' and moved out a few weeks later. We're now divorced. My point being, if he passes this test there will be others. You won't have peace of mind again and will be forever waiting for that time to come when he does have a choice and doesn't choose you. Can you live like that?

What a miserable way to live.