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Original poster

Will he cheat tonight?

118 replies

Devoilmum · 26/10/2020 08:53

Need some distracting, stomach in knots.

Im taking the dcs away for a couple of nights to visit grandparents during half term. Dp is working some of the days we’re away but was planning to follow us there. However, logistically, rule of 6, travel sick dog, it’s not possible.

Six months ago I found out he’d been having an affair. He stayed, lockdown, and we said we’d work on fixing it.
We work well together, never argue, just drifted apart really. Anyway, we’ve thought, we’ve talked and are going to try and make it work.

I want to trust him, but I don’t yet. Tonight will be a real test. Last night he told me he’s committed to us, our family and will do whatever it takes. He told me he still loves me.

Will he come home, have dinner and go to bed? Or will he head to OW?

He doesn’t realise that I can track his location (his previous downfall).

I’m not sure how I shall manage to drive and think of anything other than this all day.

Just looking for a handhold I guess.

OP posts:
milfinthehouse · 26/10/2020 17:24

This reply has been deleted

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VodselForDinner · 26/10/2020 17:34

I can’t help but think that if you had ended this six months ago, you’d currently be on a nice trip away with your children and not giving this cheating loser a second thought.

Don’t waste the next six months. Life is too short.

Original poster
Devoilmum · 26/10/2020 17:37

I think a man should be honest. I’ve given him opportunity. He looked me in the eye last night and told me we’d got too much to lose and he loved me.
He’d been seeing a work colleague. She’s been furloughed and due back to work next week.
I’m not happy with this stress. I dont believe they’ve been in contact, but suspect it’s started up again recently. He said she’s text and called and he’s ignored her.

OP posts:

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foxyroxyyy · 26/10/2020 17:42

Gosh. I'm nervous for you. For the sack of your own sanity you'll probably end up leaving him anyway.... even if he doesn't let you down tonight, you'll worry the next time your away. Sorry op Thanks

ShalomToYouJackie · 26/10/2020 17:42

If you're tracking him to see if he cheats the first night you're away from him and you don't trust him then I'd say the relationship is as good as over anyway

MissScarletInTheSnug · 26/10/2020 17:42

As others have said, this is not a happy way to live Flowers but I understand why having been through similar myself.

Ori3 · 26/10/2020 17:46

Put it this way. Tonight will be the test of his loyalty. You’ll know then for sure where his intentions lie. That can only be a good thing. If he cheats you know to call it quits. If he doesn’t, you can proceed with more confidence.

oakleaffy · 26/10/2020 17:47

@Devoilmum

It is a miserable way to live and I don’t want to live wondering anymore. In my heart I want to believe him. I think he’ll go there. He’ll have his phone, he always does. He doesn’t realise that I can track him through the dcs phones. I’ve reactivated it.
Tracking a partner is so bad..But you know that.

If I felt like I had to track a partner, I'd be ending the relationship.

Without deep and fundamental trust , it is no way to live.

Once they have strayed, I think it is time to call it a day.

Yes, it hurts like hell, but people who 'Have tried to make it work' can often let their righteous anger come out sideways...And living under that cloud is grim.

Once trust has been broken..the relationship is essentially flawed.
But...Just my opinion.
Others may be able to cope..I couldn't.

peboh · 26/10/2020 17:49

How will you know? I know that sounds really morbid, but you truly have no way of knowing. You either need to put it in the past, and trust him again or you need to leave and focus on yourself and your own self worth.

HollowTalk · 26/10/2020 17:53

For all those insisting that she could come to his house, if she has her own house then it's far far more likely he would go there. Why would she want to come to his when she could stay at home?

HollowTalk · 26/10/2020 17:54

By the way, I don't blame you at all for tracking him.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 26/10/2020 17:59

Why are you so convinced he will cheat tonight?
Wouldn't he have to be an absolute tit to do that on your first night away?

ForeverWondering · 26/10/2020 17:59

Handhold OP, I know you're feeling all too well.
Constantly worrying, wanting to trust but can't. (I found out during lockdown too)
Its hard, but I get the feeling you have..
Hope he "behaves" for your piece of mind tonight..

But there is always the possibility that he might behave knowing you're keeping a close eye on him.
And I know you'll want to know who he's talking to etc when you're not there... if you can try not to bring it up with him!
Keep smiling and give those babies a cuddle xx

SunshineCake · 26/10/2020 18:08

I really want to post a reply to you @Devoilmum but it is nothing like most others are saying.

For now, I'll just say this. I hope you are able to enjoy your time with your parents. I hope they help with the children so you can rest. I hope he doesn't break your heart again.

ScrabApple · 26/10/2020 18:12

Hand hold from me OP. I have no idea whether trust can be rebuilt and like you say this is pretty much the first test of it. Does anyone else know about this in real life? Do you have someone you can call?
Good luck. The women of Mumsnet are here with you xx

Original poster
Devoilmum · 26/10/2020 18:16

I appreciate all your words of wisdom, support and hand holds. He’s home at the moment.

It’s very unusual for me to be away with the dcs alone.

OP posts:
popcornlover · 26/10/2020 18:16

What if the OW comes to your home? If your location tracks him as not moving then it looks like he’s not cheated, but what if she is at yours? Unless I guess you’ve probably got CCTV.

combatbarbie · 26/10/2020 18:19

I don't usually advocate spying etc but I can sense how anxious you are. Do you have any alexas in the house. You can drop into them and listen. This is how a work colleague discovered her husband was cheating in similar circumstances. Yes he was that stupid to bring her to the house.

nimbuscloud · 26/10/2020 18:21

Do you have any alexas in the house. You can drop into them and listen

How does this work?

Spied · 26/10/2020 18:24

All this angst and he may not even cheat.
Is he worth all this unhappiness.
Your DC will sense your unease no matter how hard you disguise it and this is only gonna get worse once she's back at work.

Spied · 26/10/2020 18:25

The trust is gone. The foundations have crumbled.

combatbarbie · 26/10/2020 18:26

If you have more than one they will be named ie living room, kitchen etc you just ask alexa in your phone app to drop into living room but it then acts as a 2 way microphone so need to be careful. I actually use this to talk to my kids in their bedrooms when they don't respond to me shouting up the stairs....

Heartofstrings · 26/10/2020 18:31

OP I really feel for you, I can see that you are stressed. Is it worth it?

PegasusReturns · 26/10/2020 18:34

Sorry to hear you’re so anxious about this OP - it’s no way to live.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 26/10/2020 18:36

Can't you get someone you trust to park outside / near your house for a bit? 👀