Ex's grandfather put me in will.

[reducingfootprint]

This is my daughters situation.
She dated her ex from 18 to 23, ended badly and have not spoken in 4 years.
Grandfather and DD got on, she is a caring person and probably to be polite listened to all his stories etc. He lived on her route to her bus stop so would drop his newspaper etc round every morning, she says his family werent the most caring or couldnt be bothered with him. They both have an interest in nature and the environment etc, she says they were close but not overly. She viewed him as her partners grandfather and nothing more.

He has since passed and DD was contacted to say he has left her a sum of around 15k to her but not much to his own family.
WWYD?

[Enko]

It reminds me of a Cicero quote

The memory of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.
Anyone who was loved in this life will still live on in another heart.

For this man, your DDS behaviour and time meant something for him. So use the money for something special and remember him through this. & He will live on.

[ForTheLoveOfHalloween]

She was kind to him, caring. Showed an interest. He's showing her a kindness in return. How lovely.

[Mustbe3ormorecharacters]

HONOUR HIS WISHES. Nothing to discuss, I hope your daughter enjoys her inheritance.

[oansyboo]

What have the ex's family said about the situation? Are they annoyed? have they asked it be given to them instead?
She obviously meant more to him than his own family. She should accept it as that's what he wanted

[ferntwist]

She deserves it. Very kind of him.

[VenusClapTrap]

Why do the living feel the need to pass judgement on the dead’s wishes?? What’s the point in making a will if it isn’t going to be carried out?!

I absolutely agree with this. When my grandmother died she asked for a collection instead of flowers, to be donated to Cats Protection. My grandfather sent the collection money to the RNIB instead, which he felt was a more worthy cause.

When my grandfather died, he requested that a collection be made for the RNIB. My uncle, who was the executor, sent it to Cats Protection.

[di2004]

Your daughter sounds such a lovely girl.
She obviously had time for him. Listened to his stories and as she was with her ex DP for a while, got to know him very well.
He wanted to remember her in his will so that is a wonderful thought.

[OhCaptain]

She keeps it because he gifted it to a friend who cared about him, took care of him, and treated him kindly and with respect.

If she wants to, maybe she could donate some to an environmental cause in his name. Just a nominal sum.

But honestly, he wasn’t leaving anything to his grandson’s ex girlfriend. He was leaving it to his friend.

[Meuniere]

I think it says a lot that the attention she gave him was so valuable for him when she is thinking she only did the bare minimum and being polite.

She should keep the inheritance

[MintyMabel]

Are the family challenging it?

I wouldn’t personally feel right about having it, I wouldn’t feel that I needed to be rewarded for spending time with someone, but then, I wouldn’t listen to someone just to be polite. I also wouldn’t want to be part of some kind of revenge will, to spite the family.

If they wanted to contest it, I wouldn’t put up a fight if legally they maybe had a claim to it. If the family weren’t contesting it, I’d donate it to charity.

[goldenharvest]

what a lovely girl. She should accept it with the knowledge she did a good thing for an elderly gentleman.

[buckeejit]

@VenusClapTrap that's a great story!

Keep it unless she was bad to ex, or if the family are likely to be desperate, (I don't think this goes directly against his wishes unless expressly forbidden in terms). Did she continue to see the GF or hasn't she been in contact since the split!

[Myheartisbroken91]

@IWantT0BreakFree

I think it sort of depends what you mean when you say the relationship "ended badly". If your daughter caused unnecessary hurt or distress to her ex then I don't think it would be right to accept the grandfather's money, especially given that he may not have known what went on.

She is legally entitled to the money as long as the grandfather had capacity when he wrote his will. Morally, obviously an awful lot of people think it's absolutely fine so I guess she's clear on that front too. To be honest I wouldn't personally accept £15k from someone I didn't have a close relationship with, knowing that they had not left their family much. Especially given the bad blood with the ex. It just doesn't quite sit right with me and it's not a situation I would be comfortable with having been put in.

Well we can be thankful it wasn’t you who was put in this position!

However, how do you know you wouldn’t accept it? It is very easy (as shown on here multiple times daily) to say what you would do if put in a certain situation, but until you are actually in that situation you do not honestly know how you would feel!

It is a kind gift, from an elderly gentleman, who appreciated how this young woman treated him. She made an impact on him, because of this, and this is what he wanted to do! If this was my daughter I would be proud of how she had acted and I would tell her she deserved this legacy.

[Bettercallsaul1]

There’s no doubt that the OP’s kind daughter should accept the money this gentleman wished to give her. This is a lovely reminder that some good deeds do actually go unpunished.

[IWantT0BreakFree]

"To be honest I wouldn't personally accept £15k from someone I didn't have a close relationship with, knowing that they had not left their family much."

But perhaps he didn't want his family to have much?

Perhaps he didn’t. I am just saying that I would not feel comfortable with it if I were in OP’s daughter’s position. Irrespective of the grandfather’s wishes.

This is silly. Nobody needs to make a judgment. He wrote a will - a will is exactly that - his will, what he wanted to do with his estate.

OP is asking what we would do in her daughter’s shoes. That requires us to make a judgement on the situation. Obviously it’s got absolutely no bearing on the will or on what will happen. It’s just a hypothetical conversation on an internet forum.

[IWantT0BreakFree]

Well we can be thankful it wasn’t you who was put in this position!

Why are you being rude? I am not casting judgement on anybody who views the situation differently to me. OP asked what we would do in her daughter’s situation and I’ve given my thoughts which just happen to be different to yours. That’s OK isn’t it? We don’t all have to share the same opinions do we?

[eaglejulesk]

"To be honest I wouldn't personally accept £15k from someone I didn't have a close relationship with, knowing that they had not left their family much.

It sounds as though his family couldn't really be bothered with him, and if that is true why should he leave them anything? An inheritance is not a right simply because you are part of someone's family.

[eaglejulesk]

It would depend on the relatives situation. If they needed the money I'd give it to them. I know people will say it's going against the grandfathers wishes but he won't know about it will he?

Wow! Just what is the point of anyone making a will then?

[KunekuneKristmasCake]

Honour his wishes

[FinallyFluid]

Is this a reverse ??

[jessstan1]

@eaglejulesk

"To be honest I wouldn't personally accept £15k from someone I didn't have a close relationship with, knowing that they had not left their family much.

It sounds as though his family couldn't really be bothered with him, and if that is true why should he leave them anything? An inheritance is not a right simply because you are part of someone's family.

Exactly.

To be honest I would personally accept £15 from anyone.

[DartmoorDoughnut]

I absolutely agree with this. When my grandmother died she asked for a collection instead of flowers, to be donated to Cats Protection. My grandfather sent the collection money to the RNIB instead, which he felt was a more worthy cause.

When my grandfather died, he requested that a collection be made for the RNIB. My uncle, who was the executor, sent it to Cats Protection.

Love this

[RAOK]

Honour his wishes

[BloggersBlog]

Op hellooooo... Are you there ??

[Ellmau]

The one thing I would say is not to spend it or give anything away right away in case the family challenges the will.