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Original poster

Ex's grandfather put me in will.

137 replies

reducingfootprint · 23/10/2020 17:29

This is my daughters situation.
She dated her ex from 18 to 23, ended badly and have not spoken in 4 years.
Grandfather and DD got on, she is a caring person and probably to be polite listened to all his stories etc. He lived on her route to her bus stop so would drop his newspaper etc round every morning, she says his family werent the most caring or couldnt be bothered with him. They both have an interest in nature and the environment etc, she says they were close but not overly. She viewed him as her partners grandfather and nothing more.

He has since passed and DD was contacted to say he has left her a sum of around 15k to her but not much to his own family.
WWYD?

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 23/10/2020 19:22

If he wanted his family to have it then that's what he would have done.
I don't understand why anyone would question this to ge honest.
Your dd sounds lovely. I can understand why the family might question it (are they?) But not you as her mum!
Honour the poor old guy's wishes!

Fridgeandkitchen · 23/10/2020 19:25

@wendywoopywoo222

I'd be very happy for her. She was obviously much appreciated.
This.
TableFlowerss · 23/10/2020 19:29

Aww how lovely. Honour his wishes of course. He felt she was a lovely person and deserves it!

dottycat123 · 23/10/2020 19:30

I know of someone who was left a huge sum of money ( as in hundreds of thousands) by an elderly lady with no living relatives. He was her paper boy but always carried coal and logs into the house in winter and did a few errands. I would tell her to keep it.

jessstan1 · 23/10/2020 19:32

That is wonderful for her!

DeliciouslyFemale · 23/10/2020 19:32

she says his family werent the most caring or couldnt be bothered with him.

If that’s the case, then hell slap it up them. I’m sure the poor old soul missed her and this was his way of letting her know he appreciated her kindness.

PegasusReturns · 23/10/2020 19:33

How lovely. She made a difference to his life and he wanted to acknowledge that.

toobusytothink · 23/10/2020 19:37

Aww that’s actually made me feel all warm. It sounds like your daughter is a wonderful kind person. This just goes to show that a little kindness goes a long way and a reminder to us all that things we think are insignificant, may have a huge impact on someone’s life. Be proud and tell her to accept graciously

forrestgreen · 23/10/2020 19:42

How lovely. Keep it. Maybe make a small donation to a nature charity in his honour.

GameSetMatch · 23/10/2020 19:42

It’s a lovely kind thing for him to do, honour his wishes, don’t give any away to his family. He has done this for a reason, don’t worry about anything. I hope your daughter can find a good use for the money.

winterchills · 23/10/2020 19:45

Accept it. He clearly appreciated what she did. How lovely!!

CeibaTree · 23/10/2020 19:48

What do you mean what would you do? It's your daughter's money now, nothing to do with the exes family. She sounds lovely by the way :). Are the exes family kicking up a fuss?

Bid876 · 23/10/2020 19:49

Honour his wishes. It’s the small things like dropping a newspaper off, staying for a brew & chat that really count, especially for elderly people who can get very lonely.

Also be proud of the lovely woman your DD is x

BIWI · 23/10/2020 19:51

@IWantT0BreakFree

If your daughter hadn't spoken to the gentleman in 4 years and he hadn't capacity (either legally or practically) to alter the will for most of that time it would probably be fairer to let the family keep the money.

Yes definitely this ^

There's not enough info in the OP to make a fair judgement.

This is silly. Nobody needs to make a judgment. He wrote a will - a will is exactly that - his will, what he wanted to do with his estate.

If he wanted to leave the money to the girl it was his absolute right to do so. Equally, if he didn't want to leave much to his family that was also his right.

Nothing 'unfair' about it, and no need for any judgement either. This is a legal document of his wishes.

SpilltheTea · 23/10/2020 19:55

How lovely. I don't blame him not leaving it to his family if they didn't give a shit. Blood isn't everything.

willowmelangell · 23/10/2020 19:55

Her thoughtful kind attention. Her unexpected and unlooked for reward.
What a lovely young woman.

AntiHop · 23/10/2020 20:00

Accept it without hesitation.

Bikingbear · 23/10/2020 20:05

Did she continue to care for him after her relationship with BF ended?

And as others have said did he end up having to pay care home fees so his assets dwindled?

But if the answer to 1 is yes and the answer to 2 no then she truly deserves and should take it in thanks for the care and time she gave.

ImMoana · 23/10/2020 20:08

My exH’s grandfather left me something worth a lot of money.

My exH asked me to sign it over to him and I did. The reason I did was because it didn’t feel right to keep it. His grandfather may not have had a chance to amend his will or might have forgotten what was left to me and I didn’t want to keep it. It was entirely my choice.

Has she actually been asked to return it?

DartmoorDoughnut · 23/10/2020 20:15

Why do the living feel the need to pass judgement on the dead’s wishes??

What’s the point in making a will if it isn’t going to be carried out?!

Your daughter sounds lovely and she obvs made an impact on what sounds like a lonely man, I hope she does something nice with some of the money in his memory as a few PPs have suggested, a tree or a bench in his memory.

picosandsancerre · 23/10/2020 20:15

Not sure what there is to discuss. Your DD has been gifted some money. If the family feel he didnt have capacity at the time of signing his will they can challenge that decision. Although this assumption that all old folks who die must be demented is a little odd. My grampa was in his 90s when he died and made a new will and gave alot of money to his neighbours who had done most of the caring for him. His adult DC got a smaller amount. One of the DC wanted to challenge it but the others told him to cut the crap out. They didnt do anything for my grampa, didnt see him and were mainly estranged. there lucky to have got anything tbh. Money brings out the nasty in folks...

MarinPrime · 23/10/2020 20:16

It would depend on the relatives situation. If they needed the money I'd give it to them.
I know people will say it's going against the grandfathers wishes but he won't know about it will he?

TW2013 · 23/10/2020 20:19

It does partly depend if his circumstances have changed since he made his will. If say he had 150K five years ago and left £15000 (10%) to your dd and the remainder to be split equally between his two children, but over the intervening years care home fees had whittled it down to £20000 then your dd's £15000 would have to come out as a fixed amount leaving just £5000 rather than £135000 to be split between siblings. If instead he only ever had £20000 and wanted dd to have most of it then I would respect his wishes. Legally though it is hers to do with as she wishes.

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/10/2020 20:26

@MarinPrime

It would depend on the relatives situation. If they needed the money I'd give it to them. I know people will say it's going against the grandfathers wishes but he won't know about it will he?
Really?

I could be really cynical and say 'If they needed the money maybe they should have been nicer to him when he was alive', but I'll content myself with 'No, he's dead so HE won't know but everyone alive will - and will be wondering which of their relatives will happily overrule their will for their own ends. And leave everything to charity, because charity lawyers won't stand for that shit.

Horrible attitude, MarinPrime. Just horrible Sad.

Worstyear2020 · 23/10/2020 20:33

Wow.. you must be so proud to have such lovely caring daughter. Please tell your daughter to fullfill this old man's wishes, he obviously want her to have the money.

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