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Original poster

How useful was your birth partner?

104 replies

NimbleKimble · 19/10/2020 20:40

After reading a different thread it got me thinking.

DH was there and was fine but honestly he couldn’t have really done much else other than stand there, tell me it was going to be ok etc etc. But then I don’t know if I could have done it alone. However, even when it became clear I needed an EMCS, DH’s part was just to tell me it would be ok.

I sort of (and only a tiny bit!) feel sorry for birth partners because there really isn’t much they can do, they just get to watch and I think I would find that really hard. At least it was happening to me and I could feel and know how my body was feeling, if that makes sense.

So how useful was your birth partner? For those who had someone who had given birth themselves was that more helpful? Or did they too just stand like an extra piece with supportive words Grin

OP posts:
Thatwentbadly · 19/10/2020 20:43

Not great the 1st time but amazing the 2nd time round. I made sure he was fully briefed and had a crib sheet.

RandyGiles06 · 19/10/2020 20:46

Not very. I had a very long labour and he spent most of it complaining about being tired/hungry/uncomfortable etc. Tried to give him a job of boosting the TENS machine when I grabbed the gas but he kept forgetting “because he was so tired” so in the end I did it myself whilst he snoozed in a chair. Whilst he was useless for that part I would still want him there next time because I needed the moral support during my EMCS, and he took some fantastic pictures of me meeting my baby Smile

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/10/2020 20:46

He did l he could. Didnt help when the midwife said "heres his wee head coming" and do said to me " thats not wee ots massive!". I would much rather have neen in his position though.

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Families
emptyplinth · 19/10/2020 20:46

DH was crap, but I had no better alternative and it was wonderful to see his joy when the DCs were finally born.

Horsemad · 19/10/2020 20:48

Mine ate a prawn baguette in front of me when I was nil by mouth and starving...

He was ok I suppose but I've never understood women who say 'I couldn't have done it without him'. Errm, yes you could because that baby was coming, whether you liked it or not! 😆

RandomMess · 19/10/2020 20:48

He carried the bags!

lotuse1 · 19/10/2020 20:48

My OH was good for giving me water every 5 minutes to help cool me down and give me a hand for me to squeeze the life out of. He was telling me when to push and giving me positive support until the midwife told him off and said that I've only to listen to her for when I've to push 😅 altho this 3rd MW I had didn't have any kids so I think it's a bit diff , they can't seem to relate as well. At least your OH was there OP, some partners can't stand to be in the theatre as they feel sick or whatever!

Ohalrightthen · 19/10/2020 20:49

I had my husband and my mum, they were both incredible.

ShinyGreenElephant · 19/10/2020 20:50

My ex - dreadful. Argued with me the whole time, snuck out for a ciggy and I went mad when they let him back in. Moaned and whinged and got on my nerves. I sprained two of his fingers as she was crowning though so that was fun.

My husband - pretty much forgot he was there tbh. He did try but I was in my own little world and barely noticed him until he was cutting the cord. I could just as easily have done it on my own

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 19/10/2020 20:52

Very useful.
I had a massive heamorrage and passed out. DH was on hand to grab a nurse. Not sure what would have happened to me if d been on my own.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/10/2020 20:58

DH was brilliant. It was far more exciting than anyone would have hoped but he was there for me, asked the right questions, held my hand, helped me wee while the epidural was kicking in and I was doubled over with contractions and half numb legs - bye bye mystery Grin - made me laugh, brought me food, charmed the staff. He held DD first as I had a GA and did all the newborn care bar feeding as I was off my tits on meds and he held my oxygen mask in place while I struggled with it and holding her. He was a tower of strength and wonderfulness. Yes I’d have coped without him but it would have been shit. He’s the person I trust most in the world and he really had my back. We won’t get to do it again but when it counted he was everything I needed.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 19/10/2020 20:59

He was very useful for carrying the bags from the car and to the labour ward.

I was glad he was there to see them being born, but I didn’t need him there. He’s a brilliant husband and dad, but a bit out of his depth during the whole process of birth.

Tbh it was no different to me going in (alone) to get my tonsils out- I felt it was a medical procedure rather than a life experience.

Especially as with DC2 I had an amazing midwife. She was honestly incredible and it was her who I turned to when I was scared and needed reassurance.

DH popped over to the McDonalds across the road and got me some restorative chicken nuggets after I delivered the placenta, which I suppose was outside the MW’s responsibilities.

Boringnamechanging · 19/10/2020 20:59

He carried the bags and held dc1 whilst I was being sewed up and didn’t feel safe to hold. Oh and he woke up 45 minutes into my labour (was trying to let him sleep as long as poss) and insisted we ring hospital. I was convinced it would take hours before I needed to go to hospital. I was wrong. 3 hours to fully dilated, we live an hour or more away from hospital.

And he would of been ordered to go with the baby and report back should baby need to go to special care.

Dc2 he broke many speed limits to get me there in time. Just.

Ohdoleavemealone · 19/10/2020 20:59

Same as you. DH couldn't do much but he was supportive as he could be.

addictedtotheflats · 19/10/2020 21:02

He was absolutely fantastic, I was so surprised. He must have payed attention in our NCT class, pushing me through we breathing techniques, helping me in and and out of the bath a million times, wiping up god knows what from the floor. I think I would have lost it without him

puppygalore · 19/10/2020 21:06

DH was rubbish! Looking back I wish I'd hired a doula. My mum would have driven me bonkers and I don't have any close enough female friends I'd have trusted.

SqidgeBum · 19/10/2020 21:12

My DH was amazing. We were in the delivery suite for nearly 24 hours, I was in labour for 52 hours, and he never left my side. He counted me through each contraction, helped me control my breathing, stayed when I begged him not to leave so he could find food that wasnt breakfast bars. I honestly couldnt have done it without him.

We are due DC2 in 2 weeks and I am so confident he will be the reason I keep it together.

badlydrawnbear · 19/10/2020 21:15

DH was good as far as I know. I literally remembered almost nothing of being in hospital having DC1, I don't know if it was some sort of reaction to the gas and air or a psychological thing or what but I genuinely didn't remember!! I was moved from the MLU to the consultant-led labour ward down the corridor part way through but have no idea why, had a cannula in and iv fluids but don't know why. I do remember bits of the actual pushing and DC being born, but none of the 5 hours or so that I was in hospital before that. DH must have been reassuring, telling me it was ok though.

DC2 he only just made it in time, as he drove to the hospital, realised when we got in the room that my notes were still in the car, and only just back from fetching them before she was born!

So, in both instances, I don't think I could have done it without him, but he didn't actually do very much because there wasn't much he could do really. They were both quick labours so there wasn't hours of labour at home when it was just me and him either.

ShirleyPhallus · 19/10/2020 21:15

He was absolutely brilliant. He was completely my advocate, he asked all the questions, he basically was really calm and measured when it all fell apart a bit.

He also forced me to eat and drink and made sure I was relaxed as I could be. We did PBC though and they are all about the partner watching / learning about it

corythatwas · 19/10/2020 21:20

He was good. I had been quite ill on both occasions so actually needed physical support too. Also we were left alone for long stretches so it was very reassuring to have him there. He kept an eye on the monitor.

And yes, no doubt it was hard to have to sit there and not be able to do much. But then over the years he has had to sit by the bedsides of his sick children and not be able to do that much either. A few years ago he sat by his dying mother's bedside. I'm sure that was harder. But that's what adults do- they're there for you when you need them, not just when it makes them feel important.

I can't think of anyone I'd rather have by my side in an emergency. My mum would be good too, but not necessarily better than dh.

SnowHare · 19/10/2020 21:21

Mine was pretty hopeless. he sat in the corner eating wine gums and reading magazines. Although we did watch a bit of wimbledon together too.

Original poster
NimbleKimble · 19/10/2020 21:21

Thanks for the replies. It’s so interesting!

I don’t know what more DH could have done, I didn’t really expect much of him and like I said he was just fine - I wanted the midwife/doctors/drugs!

Sorry for those of you who had a shit birth partner though especially the knobs who slept/argued with you Hmm

OP posts:
Shayisgreat · 19/10/2020 21:27

I think I would have preferred to have been by myself without DH during early labour. He didn't do anything wrong I just felt like he was getting anxious because I was clearly in pain so I felt like I couldn't show that. He was great when I had to go to theatre and I needed him then as I was quite scared.

I think if I have another baby I might ask him to stay away until the pushing part.

Al1langdownthecleghole · 19/10/2020 21:28

Amazing. Supportive, calm and there. Exactly what I needed. Also helped me in the bath after I had a home birth for dc3.

FatCatThinCat · 19/10/2020 21:31

Mine didn't arrive until almost 2 hours after the baby. In his defence, he was working 2 hours away and DS arrived about an hour after I told him I was in labour. My neighbours were useful though. Helped fix the ambulance while I gave birth in the street.