Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Can a man fall in love with an ugly woman?

154 replies

BeMoreGenerally · 16/10/2020 23:02

Do you think?

OP posts:
ukgift2016 · 17/10/2020 08:21

Quite lot whimsical posts here...

OP I am no oil painting. I split from my ex husband when I was 25 and even at that young age I struggled to find a new partner. Many men rejected me because they thought they could do better, (find a prettier woman) I believe most of them did! Men do prefer genetically a prettier woman, that is the truth and you won't have as much choice as that pretty woman does.

However, some men realise they won't reach that standard so will settle and then fall in love with you. My current partner and ex are both nice looking men but like I said, I had to struggle to find them. Men never flocked to me.

Don't give up, it's about finding that needle in a haystack.

Ratonastick · 17/10/2020 08:21

I understand what you’re saying, but think you’re wrong about falling in love. We all superficially fancy beautiful people, but when we fall in love we fall for a “something” about them. That something is rarely physical beauty. And when we love someone we love their quirks and their flaws, not their overall looks.

I fell very hard for a chap a few years ago and was crazy about him. He was the most beautiful, handsome man I ever met. I introduced him to my friend who was astonished. To her he was quite short, overweight and greying. But his eyes, I said, his smile, his beautiful brown eyes and that way he looks at you like you’re the most important person in the room. Didn’t notice, she said.

Beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder.

MrsBobDylan · 17/10/2020 08:21

The question you need to ask yourself is, could you love a stupid arsehole who calls you ugly?

Op, tell this person that you find them them very ugly on the inside and because of that you will be terminating your relationship with them forthwith.

MuserOwl · 17/10/2020 08:23

@QueenofLean

why do only young people pair up? Why is it all over by the time you're 45?

Confused is it? My dad recently remarried, he’s 62. My mum met her partner at 50. My grandma remarried at 55.

Did your Dad marry somebody younger?

I do admit that maybe I could have found a ''partner'' (when I was out there dating in my forties) if I'd been prepared to date somebody who was 1) older (by older I'm going to say 6 years+) or 2) boring/clingy (no depth, nothing to say for themself, on any level, not even superficially, no ability to ''charm the birds out of the trees'' whatsoever, and aware of that, so they cling to whoever has the low self-esteem to settle for them)

Men my age think they're settling if their gf isn't 10 years younger. Women my age have to settle or stay single.

Obviously I copped on and stopped looking and thank god because life is short and i have wasted decades with that expectation that one day I'll meet somebody. It really is the biggest crock of shit sold to us.

I wish I'd realised at 20 something and made decisions based on being single. Now I am happy with my secure job but I cannot retire until I'm nearly 70 as I'll be broke! I'd love the time and the money to get out there and do all the things I want to do.

Being braver as a single person would be more useful to you than being attractive OP. You don't owe the world beauty.

QueenofLean · 17/10/2020 08:27

Did your Dad marry somebody younger?

3 years younger.
My mum married someone 5 years younger than her.

movingonup20 · 17/10/2020 08:27

Thankfully yes Grin

Lovemusic33 · 17/10/2020 08:30

There’s not really any such thing as ugly is there? Because one person may find you unattractive whilst another might think your beautiful? Every one has different tastes? Plus when you fall in love with someone’s personality they become attractive, you love everything about them?

I have and acquired taste in men, I don’t necessarily find the super model type attractive, Prefer someone a little quirky and rough around the edges but obviously personality is the most important thing.

ExclamationPerfume · 17/10/2020 08:31

They can. My DH worships the ground I walk on.

MrsBobDylan · 17/10/2020 08:33

Also, beauty is wasted on some people. My husband is beautiful but will never think of himself as anything more that 'passable'.

Being attractive when I was younger didn't help me find love. I had lots of men wanting to sleep with me then trying to manipulate me.

My husband was the first man who fell in love with the 'whole me' and treated me with respect.

Doingitaloneandproud · 17/10/2020 08:37

I thought beauty was in the eye of the beholder? Of course they can as what's ugly to you may not be ugly to someone else

MuserOwl · 17/10/2020 08:39

@QueenofLean

Did your Dad marry somebody younger?

3 years younger.
My mum married someone 5 years younger than her.

Exceptions to the rule!

But I'm not hoping to be right here. But ''love'' for women does sadly mean settling. Men get more out of ''love'' than women do.
It is what it is though. I am just cross with myself though, my entire 20s I bought in to that notion that I had to meet somebody. 30s spent raising babies and toddlers. 40s, finally FREE and I even wasted the first half of my forties looking for love. Took me until about 45 for the scales to fall from my eyes and realise that now that I valued myself it was going to be impossible to gel with any of the entitled unattractive older men who deigned to message a woman my age.

And actually, it's that valuing myself which makes finding whatever people think of as ''love'' as impossible. Before when I would have been grateful somebody very ordinary wanted to commit to me.

Luckily, I've figured out ''I'm the one!''. It's going pretty well. Grin

Looking for much is the source of so much misery.

TableFlowerss · 17/10/2020 08:40

People generally end up with partners of similar perceived attractiveness. So if you’re asking, is someone like Brad Pitt or George Clooney is going to date a woman that people perceive as not attractive, then probably not, although it does happen.

However, most men aren’t in the same category as Brad/George etc....

You do see more particularly attractive women with men that wouldn’t be considered attractive generally. This seems more common than the opposite way around, but again, it’s like you often see older men with younger women buys rare to see younger men with older women.

The word ugly isn’t particularly useful. Beauty or attractive is absolutely subjective and thankfully the majority of us fall in the average category.

TableFlowerss · 17/10/2020 08:42

Also looks fade for everyone and most people know this so it’s better to be with someone with a great personality!

MsTSwift · 17/10/2020 08:42

Haven’t read the thread but do hope someone hasn’t posted that dreadful Ronald Dahl quote 🙄.

BoudicasBoudoir · 17/10/2020 08:44

@speakout

We love woman who care, are compassionate and consider others.

Christ.

NIce girls who love kittens, smile and shut up when told then.

Quite so. I’ve been told I’m ‘not considerate’ by a man. What he meant was that I challenged his authority and dared to question his judgment.

As for being ‘ugly’, please take steps to overcome that perception of yourself. Your internal voice can be the most damaging. Don’t put up with less than you deserve because you don’t value yourself. (I’ve been there.)

Craftycorvid · 17/10/2020 08:47

OP, I’m really sorry that someone called you ugly. It hurts. I’ve had it said to me. But the older I get, the more I learn: those words say everything about the person who spoke them and nothing about you. Whoever it was, they feel ‘ugly’ about some aspect of themselves and is projecting those feelings because it makes them feel better for a short time to see hurt on another person’s face.

Craftycorvid · 17/10/2020 08:48

‘Are projecting’ doh!

chrislilleyswig · 17/10/2020 08:56

@Chocdrop14

Theres someone for everyone. Nobody is ugly to everyone and nobody is beautiful to everyone.

I do think most people are with someone roughly as attractive as them... Does that make sense.

You find the pretty boys or the gym boys often date women who reflect them. Often the handsome rich 35 year old has the toned leggy women on his arm who dresses to impress and would look great In a binbag.

But ultimately it's more a class thing than a look thing. You find someone you are comfortable with and on the same page as.if that makes sense. Hence why prince William didn't marry a random women in a nightclub.

I guess you often attract what you are. I'm with someone who is a home bird like me. We like going to the Beach and the cinema. We like long walks. We'd choose Macdonald's over posh restaurants and we don't like formal clothes. We still dress nicely but we are casual people. My biggest nightmare would be dating someone who expected me to go on work functions.

So everyone can find someone yes. it's less about looks and more about who you are and how you click

Another with the "everyone can find someone"

That's shite. Read some other threads and see

It's easy to feel ugly and equate that with being unwanted and unloveable when people trot out that nonsense

Maybe OP can't find love.

If there's someone for everyone then why are so many people still looking?

Crystal87 · 17/10/2020 08:57

I doubt you're ugly. Sure, there are people who are seen as conventionally attractive and will find it easier to attract the opposite sex. But every person will have someone that finds them attractive. I think attraction is important in a relationship but I don't think how good looking someone is, comes into that.

Kaiserin · 17/10/2020 09:07

People lust over bodies, but what they really fall in love with is your mind.

I have seen attractive looking men with much less attractive women. Invariably... The guy was sweet and a bit quiet/shy, and the lady... My! She would have one of these unforgettable personalitis. Massive confidence, warmth and charisma. Or sometimes less "in your face", but incredibly sweet and caring. Either fiery, or golden. In any case, the kind that "lights up" a room.

When someone makes you laugh and smile when you're down, and/or fills your tum with delicious home cooked dishes, who cares that they look "ugly"? Their other qualities shine through regardless.

Kaiserin · 17/10/2020 09:08

"Much less attractive looking women"
The whole package was very attractive. Just not the body.

cabotstove · 17/10/2020 09:15

women fall in love with ugly men all the time so of course the opposite is true.

*Although I don't think many people are truly ugly.

Alicatz66 · 17/10/2020 09:19

@MsTSwift ... ha ha ... I love that quote .. ( it's Roald btw) .. but no one had posted it ...

Blondiney · 17/10/2020 09:26

@MsTSwift

Haven’t read the thread but do hope someone hasn’t posted that dreadful Ronald Dahl quote 🙄.
It took until page 3 Grin

Glad it's not just me that despises that nonsense.

pictish · 17/10/2020 09:36

I like the Ronald Dahl quote. I think it’s a lovely passage. The sentiment is really sweet.
It bears no resemblance to reality of course...but it’s nice to spend a moment imagining it’s true.