Page 3 | Can a man fall in love with an ugly woman?

speakout · 17/10/2020 05:51

Who is "we"? Is this the royal we? Or are you speaking on behalf of some sort of caring, compassionate and considerate women appreciation society?

TicTac80 · 17/10/2020 06:10

What one person would find attractive, another wouldn't, so it's a difficult thing to say, but I don't see why not.

Also, define "ugly". Some of the people I knew in the past were conventionally very very attractive, however their attitudes and personalities made them awful.

It might sound twee, but I very much think that what Roald Dahl wrote in The Twits was true: “If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

I sure know who I'd rather be around!!

Chocdrop14 · 17/10/2020 06:14

Theres someone for everyone. Nobody is ugly to everyone and nobody is beautiful to everyone.

I do think most people are with someone roughly as attractive as them... Does that make sense.

You find the pretty boys or the gym boys often date women who reflect them. Often the handsome rich 35 year old has the toned leggy women on his arm who dresses to impress and would look great In a binbag.

But ultimately it's more a class thing than a look thing. You find someone you are comfortable with and on the same page as.if that makes sense. Hence why prince William didn't marry a random women in a nightclub.

I guess you often attract what you are. I'm with someone who is a home bird like me. We like going to the Beach and the cinema. We like long walks. We'd choose Macdonald's over posh restaurants and we don't like formal clothes. We still dress nicely but we are casual people. My biggest nightmare would be dating someone who expected me to go on work functions.

So everyone can find someone yes. it's less about looks and more about who you are and how you click

Aridane · 17/10/2020 06:32

@Chocdrop14’s penultimate paragraph sound like it’s from her dating profile

sugarlost · 17/10/2020 06:33

@BeMoreGenerally sorry to hear what happened to you OP. Some people are cruel.
I'm not beautiful and have struggled to find a partner although I'm told I have a nice personality.
Looks fade with time and I try my best to be presentable but I have no confidence. I've been bullied growing up and in the workplace which hasn't helped and also had an awful put down from a so called friend in the past regarding my lack of success in the relationship department.

Have you talked to anyone in real life for support about what happened?

TheAugury · 17/10/2020 06:35

3 threads about being ugly/disadvantages of being ugly posted by 3 different posters in one evening how odd.........

MysweetAudrina · 17/10/2020 06:41

I take it, you've never seen an episode of Jeremy Kyle then?

speakout · 17/10/2020 07:04

I remember sitting in traffic in the city some years ago.

A woman crossed the road, she wore a long but tight fitting dress, her body was lean and toned, her posture showed confidence, her spine straight, she exuded energy, her hair was long, glossy, I watched the other drivers as she crossed the road most of the men- and lots of the women had their eyes glued to her, she was an attractive sight.
It was a windy day and the woman's hair had blown over her face. I watched her too as she pulled her hair back from her features.
Her face was what some people may call ugly.
To me and the others watching her she was beautiful.
She exuded confidence.
That day taught me a lot.

Heatherjayne1972 · 17/10/2020 07:05

Attractiveness (or not.) comes from within

It’s not so much what you’d face looks like or what the scales tell you
It’s your attitude. Your confidence and self esteem. It’s what you say how you say it and your sense of humour
And just being a decent human being

OutComeTheWolves · 17/10/2020 07:24

There's no such thing as beautiful and ugly really. It's entirely subjective. You only have to look at how much beauty trends change to realise that.

It's not something that's measurable like height or wealth. There can be someone that I could find completely beautiful that my friends wouldn't even look twice at and vice versa.

When I was little I used to look at my mum and think she was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. I couldn't understand why people raved about princess Diana- has they not seen my mum? Looking at it objectively she was no cindy Crawford but it was how I saw her that made her beautiful to me. And I think that applies to everyone - we're all looking at each other through different eyes and seeing completely different things.

Standrewsschool · 17/10/2020 07:38

The person who called you ugly is the ugly one, not you.

pictish · 17/10/2020 07:43

I think men want conventionally ‘pretty’ women as standard, yes.
Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder and some will be blown away by a woman’s personality...but it is my opinion that plain women get far less choice of men than those with generic good looks.

Isawthathaggis · 17/10/2020 07:44

My dh is beautiful, properly gorgeous. As I lose sleep, get fatter, worry more I’m becoming quite ugly.

I’m pretending not to notice, it’s the only way.

Qwom · 17/10/2020 07:47

Eh?
What a weird question.
People fall in love with who they fall in love with...

QueenofLean · 17/10/2020 07:49

We love woman who care, are compassionate and consider others

Well DH loves me and I’m a selfish cow

Blondiney · 17/10/2020 07:55

@pictish

I think men want conventionally ‘pretty’ women as standard, yes. Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder and some will be blown away by a woman’s personality...but it is my opinion that plain women get far less choice of men than those with generic good looks.

An honest answer at last.

VictoriaBun · 17/10/2020 07:59

Very few people are truly beautiful anyway . Some people have an ' attractive ' attribute such as nice eyes , good hair, outgoing personality etc .
I know this probably sounds ageist , and I don't mean it to sound that way ( And I'm no spring chicken ) But a lot of people lose their looks as they get older . Using myself as an example , I used to be eyed up when younger , smiled at when out and stuff like that, and now nada , nothing , I've gone invisible . It doesn't bother me , and these days I rarely see someone when I'm out that would make me think the same .
However , what does make me go a bit soft inside is when I see two elderly people who have probably been together a life time walking down the road holding hands .

user1471565182 · 17/10/2020 08:05

I've never met any woman at all who cant scrub up nicely. Not one.

HildegardeCrowe · 17/10/2020 08:06

I’ve always been considered very attractive, even now that I’m in my 60s. But my relationship history is awful and I’ve never found lasting love (I’ve been single for 12 years). I actually consider my looks to have been a curse.

You hardly ever hear the word ugly these days thank god. There are simply degrees of attractiveness. I think that people gravitate towards those who they consider to be on a similar level, although there are exceptions of course. Not so attractive women have in my opinion just as much chance of finding love as an attractive one. Just look at your friends or work colleagues.

MuserOwl · 17/10/2020 08:07

You've had a hard time here OP.

But I do remember realising in my forties that love was mostly excitement and lust and flattery and validation and then later, habit, security, being a more successful economic unit, both loving the same children, house, life.

No mumsnetter wants to think that their husband settled for them. Or that their husband stays out of habit, convenience, security or because their husband knows they won't find anything better.

If love real love existed (in the naive way that so many people think it does) why do only young people pair up? Why is it all over by the time you're 45?

I'm averagely good looking btw but I'm living in the real world. I am happy in myself and not looking for love which has been the turning point for me. Life is exciting again. I am working on relationships with children, friends, strangers.

''love'' is not the answer and you'll be happier if you don't look for it.

QueenofLean · 17/10/2020 08:12

why do only young people pair up? Why is it all over by the time you're 45?

is it? My dad recently remarried, he’s 62. My mum met her partner at 50. My grandma remarried at 55.

frumpety · 17/10/2020 08:13

@BeMoreGenerally Who called you ugly ?

NualaSays · 17/10/2020 08:16

@speakout

We love woman who care, are compassionate and consider others.

Christ.

NIce girls who love kittens, smile and shut up when told then.

Yup.

ChasingRainbows19 · 17/10/2020 08:16

I’ve never been happy with how I look, I was very shy and under confident, however as an adult I did manage to attract a few men over the years. I’m very happy settled now. I think there are some shallow people who think good looks etc are the be all and end all, but that all fades anyway with time. Not everyone will think like that, attraction works differently for all.

RantyAnty · 17/10/2020 08:19

Women are held to impossible standards for appearance.

There is always someone, male or female, ready to tear a women apart with words.

Look at celebrities. One wears an unusual outfit or cuts her hair and people are commenting. OMG how could she do that. She looks horrible.
Men call women ugly fat bitches when they get rejected or simply to harass women.

When you look at the people they are talking about, in reality they don't look ugly at all. Young women so upset about their nose or hair or some other feature because a parent, sibling, boy, girl has said something nasty to them and they decided to believe it instead of considering the source.

So what I'm saying is, instead of internalising what someone says, tell yourself and write it down that is only their opinion. Consider the source. Was the person being rude and trying to cut you down?
Why did they feel the need to say something to you? They were trying to hurt you and make you feel bad.

If this continues to bother you, see about getting some CBT to have the skills to deal with the bs people heap on women.

Women with self-esteem have power and are less able to be manipulated.