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Original poster

Gutted for my DS

302 replies

MillieVanilla · 15/10/2020 14:50

Sorry need to come to a safe space as I'm so upset.
DS is 12, second year he's a little softy
Due to getting points for not wearing a mask and being late for class, school said he would have to wear a sunflower lanyard to avoid this happening. I was quite dubious of them (no offense to anyone who wears them) because let's be honest, kids can be gits and bully for any reason.
So he's worn one for a fortnight.
Today I got a call- he's been badly beaten up, we had collect him as he has had a head injury.
His cheek is purple, black eye, he's dizzy, his leg has twisted too.
The boy who did it walked past laughing at him "look at him with his flower necklace".
Due to Aspergers, he didn't react, he doesn't ever. As a result the boy turned back around, grabbed him by his blazer and smacked his face into a wall then a bench. He then threw him on the ground, laughing.
DS is very quiet. He hasn't cried. He just said that he knew he shouldn't wear the lanyard.
I saw him come into the office and I could've cried, he is bruised across his entire right side. His blazer is filthy. He kept apologising over the blazer.
School have said they will be involving the police due to the severity of the incident. Which of course I'm grateful for, they did suggest getting a report from a+e but he absolutely lost the plot at the idea of going to a hospital with Covid being around, luckily our understanding GP has said he will take a look and write a report instead.
I'm gutted. He's had a few mean comments before over his disabilities, but nothing as bad as this. Part of me wishes he was the type of lad who would've hit the boy back but of course that's just not him (although if the school doesn't get to the boy before DD does that will be a whole other issue, she is not happy and was rather vocally trying to get the boys name off of DS).
I just think behaviour like that is just so old school, you think of their generation of being so much more accepting and understanding of things.
I now have a lad who doesn't want to go back to school, and is scared that he will have to speak to police.
Sorry to vent but I can't be silly and cry!

OP posts:
orangejuicer · 16/10/2020 08:42

I would probably be sat there imagining ways I could low key make the other boy's life miserable for a little while. Not doing anything obviously but thinking about it would make me feel better.

Weenurse · 16/10/2020 08:44

I hope you get some satisfaction from the school.

Original poster
MillieVanilla · 16/10/2020 08:49

@Juicyfrooty

You'd think with how far the younger generation seem to have come with their attitudes to racism and homophobia that they would be more accepting of disabilities especially autism since it is quite common in mainstream schools now.

Sadly it seems its the last form of discrimination that is still seen as acceptable amongst a large proportion of todays 'woke' youth.

Hope your son has a better day today x

I think it's probably come from the boys home. There has been times when on the parent forum a parent would be called out for voicing that Sen kids are more disruptive or rude or a nuisance. The problem is these sunflower lanyards are increasingly being used due to all the mask stuff, because I suppose people feel they have to wear a lanyard to prove they shouldn't be moaned at by Marshall's or seen as part of the transmission problem by shops or others. To my mind, it marks them out as weaker to nasty thugs and bullies. DS cares so much about the points system and not getting detentions, he desperately doesn't ever want to be seen as a bad kid due to his illnesses, so he tries especially hard to be well behaved. He did feel safe wearing it and had said he wasn't worried when I said I felt it was a bad idea but the country as a whole seems to have pockets of folk who have lost all sense of reason and as a result are not behaving in the way they should.
OP posts:
LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus · 16/10/2020 08:50

That is dreadful and shocking! I worry about my son who also has autism, being beaten up too but luckily hasn't. There are a couple of nasty kids at his school. One of them has beaten up his friend. Unfortunately this child doesn't care about consequences, so he just does what he wants. I hope your son is ok and the school keep them separate from now on. Something that really helped was when our school made the bullies stay an extra 10 minutes after school, so my son and his friend got a head start home and wouldn't have to face them. What worries me most is that these sort of kids may take a knife with them one day.

CloudPop · 16/10/2020 08:54

This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry to read this. What an absolutely awful thing to happen.

Cloudybean · 16/10/2020 08:54

Oh bless him, any teacher should know that (unfortunately) wearing a sunflower lanyard would be a target for bullies (sadly). The whole thing is horrible, points for not wearing a mask, even for those medically exempt? Ridiculous. Why not have a passport system where if a teacher questions why someone isn't wearing one, they can just show them a letter from the head or their tutor saying exempt if they feel they have to have something in place. Hope you're both okay.

eaglejulesk · 16/10/2020 08:59

Your poor son, that is just awful OP. I'm glad the police are on the job and I hope they treat this as the serious matter it is, and I would be expecting the boy to be expelled by the school. As for the lanyards, surely anyone with half a brain would have realised that bullies would have a field day.

WouldaCouldaShouldaNot · 16/10/2020 09:00

God how awful, I’m sorry sorry. I hope the school come down hard on the perpetrators

Juicyfrooty · 16/10/2020 09:03

The thing is though that if he had been attacked because he was black or gay, the school and police would take it so much more seriously. Other pupils wouldn't stand for it either. Discrimination against disabled people just isn't taken as seriously in my experience.

These kids are so much more vulnerable though, if anything it should be taken more seriously. My OH is black and experienced racism when he was younger, difference is he is more than able to stick up for himself. Autistic kids quite often don't have the tools to do that.

TeddyDidIt · 16/10/2020 09:03

Oh OP, I have a gentle (NT) boy a similar age and a nephew with ASD also a similar age, and I cried reading your post. I am so sorry this happened to your boy. SadThanks I would be making sure the school/police see a firm response through, as that was hideous unprovoked violence.

ihaveanidea33 · 16/10/2020 09:11

Genuinely heartbroken reading this... I can imagine your so is so gentle and kind as well :( I hope the boy who has done this is severely punished.. He's behaved like an adult abusive male so I hope he's punished like one also.
Big hugs to you and your beautiful boy xx

MsEllany · 16/10/2020 09:12

This is so heartbreaking, and with two gentle little boys just started secondary myself this is something I fear and dread.

I hope he feels better today and the school expel the bully. Is he older? That’s an extreme reaction for an 11/12 year old.

RationalOne · 16/10/2020 09:16

Flowers you go ahead and cry if you want to. Your wonderful son has been assaulted.

I am glad that the police are involved this is an actual bodily harm assault. It needs properly investigating. The person who did this might have done this type of thing before and will continue to do to others and needs stopping.

Your son needs reassurance (you know this already anyway) that he has done nothing wrong at all. It's all on the other person. DO NOT LET YOUR DAUGHTER GET INVOLVED - her and friends getting involved just make things worse.

Bullying and assault is awful. Best wishes

RationalOne · 16/10/2020 09:17

This is true and does need changing

'The thing is though that if he had been attacked because he was black or gay, the school and police would take it so much more seriously. Other pupils wouldn't stand for it either. Discrimination against disabled people just isn't taken as seriously in my experience.'

AriettyHomily · 16/10/2020 09:19

This is awful. What a shit. I hope he gets expelled.

I hope your DS is OK today.

blissfulllife · 16/10/2020 09:29

Your posts have bought me to tears! I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this. You sounds like an amazing family xx

My daughter is autistic and hasn't been able to start secondary school yet due to anxiety of exactly this kind of thing happening. She has some visible disabilities as well as the ASD. Most children are fantastic but a few are obviously dragged up!. I hate the lanyard thing. One more thing to point out to her that she's different.

Hope everything goes ok and your son recovers well mentally and physically x

Dontstepinthecowpat · 16/10/2020 09:34

I’ve shed a few tears for you and your lovely DS. I have a lovely gentle 12 year old DS and I would be heart broken if anything like this happened. I hope your boy has a good day, his friends sound lovely. And I hope the horrible person who did this receives appropriate punishment.

HappydaysArehere · 16/10/2020 09:35

No wonder your daughter reacted in that way. I had a strong desire to get my hands on him myself. So sorry and angry for you.

EvilPea · 16/10/2020 09:37

This is an argument I have with secondary schools. Zero tolerance and demerits is soul destroying for the kids who care too much. The ones who are too petrified to put a foot wrong.
The ones who don’t give a shit, still won’t give a shit. The ones in the middle it may pull up, and suck it up when they inevitably forget something, but it causes such unnecessary anxiety to those that do care. We just expect them to put up with it because of the naughty kids, but it’s shit. Really shit.

Like the lanyard and his “I knew I shouldn’t wear it”, yet he did anyway because he was told to and wouldn’t want to be told off.

The suggestion of getting demerits and resolving later is a good one, but if he’s like mine, that will cause such unnecessary stress about getting it wrong and the initial teaching thinking they are bad.

At my dd's secondary “I’ve got autism” is shouted out all the time as a reason not to do something or do something.

sashh · 16/10/2020 09:38

Tell your DD that I love the way she is looking out for her brother but this once she needs to wait for the police to take action.

I can almost feel your DS's hurt, not just physical, but the not doing anything wrong and ending up beaten.

Take photos of his blazer and injuries. Make sure this is recorded in the accident book, the school will tell you they can't because it is a) a pupil and b)not an accident, that is not true.

Sunnydayhere · 16/10/2020 09:43

This sounds terrible. In my teaching career I don’t think I came across anything as serious as this. (or marking out pupils with a pick on me neck band)

So this is what may happen........

The boy’s parents will intervene, pleading that the police are not involved. They’ll say that he’s very sorry and will never do it again. They’ll say that a police record will ruin his future career plans etc etc.

School management will cave in and the boy will have a few days out of school or in internal exclusion.

I’ve seen that sort of thing happen before.

I think you should involve the Police too. It becomes your case as well, should you wish to drop it then its your decision.

Main thing is I hope your son is ok soon - both physically and mentally.

HettyPain · 16/10/2020 09:46

What a horrific thing to happen. I can't believe the child who did it hasn't been at least suspended immediately. Sounds like your DS has amazing support from you, his sister and school friends though. I hope he heals quickly and the thug gets dealt with appropriately.

Bobkitten · 16/10/2020 09:47

Thinking of your DS this morning. I am so sorry this happened to him - just devastating. Can I just check he is no longer feeling dizzy?

KatherineSiena · 16/10/2020 09:51

Your family sounds fab and your son seems to have some lovely friends too. I hope he mends soon. It was an awful attack.

What is also quite refreshing to me is the speedy reaction of the school. I hope that they follow through with their initial prompt response. It is encouraging to hear you speak so positively of a school’s reaction to bullying and violence.

PopsicleHustler · 16/10/2020 09:53

Oh my gosh my 12yr old boy is also going although a rough patch at school atm with bullies . Its driving me nuts.

I am so furious for you with the school. Tell them he csnt wear the lanyard and that's that. And the mask too. And if they dont like it tough. Also sanctions need to be out in place for the bullies. My child was beaten and targeted and filmed by a gang and just two of the gang got excluded for 2 days. It's disgusting.

I'm even considering a new school. Maybe you should too. Although you shouldnt have to. This is truly terrible. Sending big loves to your boy.