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Original poster

What truth will you (sadly) take to your grave?

136 replies

Iwonder777 · 13/10/2020 21:45

Mine is my rape ☹️ hurts me still. Though you'd never know to look at me.

I've accepted it is my truth that I'll take to the grave. No proof. Too many years have passed....

OP posts:
Soupcon · 13/10/2020 23:41

@topcat2014

I don't think I can forgive DW for causing the disruption of the adoption placement of a little boy with us last year
I’m so sorry, @topcat2014. I remember your heartbreaking thread from Adoption.
GabsAlot · 13/10/2020 23:42

sorry secrets shes not nice and funny she let her daughter be abused

GabsAlot · 13/10/2020 23:43

@welliguessitwouldbenice

I lied under oath. Civil matter of no import and no harm done
how is it no harm done if you had to lie
Greydove28 · 13/10/2020 23:43

@FineWithWine

That I think about ‘the one that got away’ everyday. Haven’t seen him in 3 years, last spoke 2 years ago and he moved back to France. He is still the love of my life and I can’t move on.
Ahh 💖 Maybe in another life.. He may think of you often too.
welliguessitwouldbenice · 13/10/2020 23:48

@GabsAlot I was working as a litigator and missed a deadline and got a claim worth c£2000 struck out. I backdated a file note to make it appear I'd agreed an extension to the deadline. I was cross examined during the hearing to reinstate the case and was believed. So it cost an insurance company £2000 rather than my employer. I could have owned up as that would have been as small a drop in the ocean to my employer as it was to the insurer. But I was 25 and naive.

I've always been able to lie very well

rach2713 · 13/10/2020 23:49

That I feel unwanted by my dad he has 6 kids but never wants contact with me. That I feel like I'm failing my kids everyday that I'm not good enough for my husband. I feel like I bend over backwards for people but they never return it I feel like if I wasn't around they all would be happier...

RationalOne · 13/10/2020 23:52

Flowers @Iwonder777

GabsAlot · 13/10/2020 23:53

[quote welliguessitwouldbenice]@GabsAlot I was working as a litigator and missed a deadline and got a claim worth c£2000 struck out. I backdated a file note to make it appear I'd agreed an extension to the deadline. I was cross examined during the hearing to reinstate the case and was believed. So it cost an insurance company £2000 rather than my employer. I could have owned up as that would have been as small a drop in the ocean to my employer as it was to the insurer. But I was 25 and naive.

I've always been able to lie very well [/quote]
so insurance fraud then

Secrets2020 · 13/10/2020 23:53

@GabsAlot I've got to take what I can get. My boys adore her. She's a wonderful grandmother. If I ever told anybody what happened, I'd ruin too many lives. It wouldn't be worth it. I'm already ruined. I can't picture myself as ever being truly happy again. Why destroy other peoples lives when I know they can live happily ever after? This is something I will definitely take to my grave, regardless if who knows already x

ilikemethewayiam · 13/10/2020 23:55

@Postsecret123

Growing up, my next door neighbour was a pedophile.

He wasn’t exactly subtle. As a result my parents fully suspected this and told me never to go into his house alone, called me in for dinner if they heard him talking to me over the garden fence and never let me accept gifts from him.

They didn’t appreciate the fact I was only 6 and the nice man next door was telling me my parents were just jealous of all the gadgets he had in his house. If we kept it secret I could sneak over while they had a lie in. I didn’t really understand what happened and I was too scared to tell my parents as I had broken their number one rule.

My parents hearts were in the right place but they were so naive. He died earlier this year and they were recalling all his odd behaviour, but how they had the measure of him.

It would break my Dad’s heart if I told him. I think my Mum would just refuse to believe it, as her way of coping. I reported him anonymously through a child abuse charity around 10 years ago, but I don’t think anything ever came of it. I can’t think of any good that would come of telling my parents now.

@Postsecret123, 😢💐

How have you processed this? Have you had any counselling?

nancybotwinbloom · 13/10/2020 23:56

@FineWithWine

You need to move on. He's the one that got away. Your his the one I let go.

Move on. Enjoy your life and meet someone else.

If it was meant to be it was would have.
What is for you won't pass you by.

I'm coming to terms with this myself. Getting older, fantasising, day dreaming.
I have for years but you know what, if he was for me, he'd of made it happen. He didn't.

I still think of him but ultimately it's a romatisized thought. Not real life. If it was real life, he couldn't deal with the obstacles in our way then so he couldn't now when there are more in our way.

Sad it is what it is.

welliguessitwouldbenice · 13/10/2020 23:56

@GabsAlot yes, hence why I'll take it to the grave, other than confessing anonymously here

iwishididntknow · 13/10/2020 23:57

I know the truth about the paternity of a very close family member. It haunts me that I know. I really wish I hadn't been told. I hate keeping it from them, but it's not my secret to tell. I've felt so much guilt over it. My husband also knows, but we just can't ever tell.

Thank you for starting this thread, OP. We all have secrets it seems.

NC1967 · 13/10/2020 23:57

That my popular and respectable husband in his 60s is a recurrent heroin addict who has taken me to hell and back multiple times. Nobody but me will ever know.
There, I've said it.

TartanDMs · 13/10/2020 23:58

I lost my virginity at 17 to a married man who only wanted me for sex, I was fully aware of that and even introduced him to two of my friends for him to shag them too. There has always been something between us since then, we haven't been in touch for years but bump into each other occasionally by accident and the chemistry is still there, even though its fucked up and weird. Haven't had any sexual contact with him since I was in my early 20s but I feel so ashamed that I let him use me like that just for the kudos of being seen around with the most popular bouncer in our town. My husband thinks I've only slept with him and my ex, he knows there was some sexual stuff with this bouncer but not proper sex.

iwishididntknow · 13/10/2020 23:58

@NC1967

That my popular and respectable husband in his 60s is a recurrent heroin addict who has taken me to hell and back multiple times. Nobody but me will ever know. There, I've said it.
Oh god, I'm so so sorry. Addiction is hell.
Schmoozer · 13/10/2020 23:59

@Secrets2020 I understand why you maintain a relationship with your mum .... these things are complex,
It terms of seeking trauma focused therapy it depends on your locality
In the midlands there is the Quetzal Project,
Have a look around 👍

iwishididntknow · 14/10/2020 00:04

@Secrets2020, I can feel the pain in your post. I'm so sorry that you were abused by someone you should have been able to trust.

Please seek some help from your doctor or a therapist. You don't have to carry this secret alone forever. I hope and pray that you can find peace.

thisldo · 14/10/2020 00:10

Raped multiple times by my ex. He is my DC's father so will never tell

RunningFromInsanity · 14/10/2020 00:12

When I was young and stupid and showing off, I drunk drove, crashed into someone’s car and just drove off.

Caused a lot of damage to their car but surprisingly little to mine.

For about 10 years after that I was terrified the police were going to track me down and arrest me. I feel awful for the car owner who would have been out of pocket. I could have killed someone.

Puffalicious · 14/10/2020 00:29

My best friend steals things from shops all the time. Just little things or the odd bit of food when supermarket shopping. I think it's because she can get away with it: middle class, a teacher, very respectable, always buys other things from the shops so is at the till purchasing etc, but sometimes with a stolen item in her reusable bag.

I think it's to with control but also her husband left 2 years ago and I wonder if things are tighter than she would say.

I witnessed it twice when she didn't know I'd seen. I can't raise it I just can't.

Puffalicious · 14/10/2020 00:30

Flowersto you all with really traumatic secrets. Be strong and seek help when you can in whatever way that might be.

impossible · 14/10/2020 00:33

Secrets2020 - so sorry to hear what happened when you were a child. You MUST tell someone. Of course you worry about your adored siblings but you need to address this as it is eating you up. You don't have to report this man (though you may want to in the future) but you do need to begin to offload this horrible burden you carry. That way you can take some control of it rather than have it entirely control you.

If you're in England or Wales you can speak to someone confidentially at Rape Crisis - rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/

kittensarecute · 14/10/2020 00:33

There were several times during early lockdown I came very very close to attempting suicide and if not for the fact that my mum would have been the one to find me, I would have gone through with it.

lolsurro · 14/10/2020 00:33

The fact I had an abortion behind my husbands back- although I did have compelling reasons (I have never been unfaithful and we have been married 15 years). We have an otherwise great relationship and he truly is my best friend. I just feel so sad whenever I think about the whole situation.

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