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Original poster

What truth will you (sadly) take to your grave?

136 replies

Iwonder777 · 13/10/2020 21:45

Mine is my rape ☹️ hurts me still. Though you'd never know to look at me.

I've accepted it is my truth that I'll take to the grave. No proof. Too many years have passed....

OP posts:
BumbleFlump · 13/10/2020 23:03

Secrets2020 Oh that’s truly awful...are you 100% sure he didn’t rape your younger siblings too?

Schmoozer · 13/10/2020 23:04

Aww @Secrets2020
That should have never happened to you, please seek trauma focused therapy at some point, to process your experiences and help the healing x

FineWithWine · 13/10/2020 23:05

That I think about ‘the one that got away’ everyday. Haven’t seen him in 3 years, last spoke 2 years ago and he moved back to France. He is still the love of my life and I can’t move on.

73kittycat73 · 13/10/2020 23:05

I'm so sorry to hear of all your troubles, yours especially touched me Secrets2020 I'm sorry that any of you had to experience what you did. Sad
I don't know if I'll take my secret to the grave, because I don't know what it is. I sometimes come out in an absolute panic that I've done something really, really bad. It especially affects me in my sleep. That I'm going to get into serious trouble for what I've done. Really bad trouble. Usually I've done something with an assumed identity but it catches up with me and to put it right, it brings to light what I've done and I'll get into a lot of trouble for it.
I don't even know if any of that makes sense? I'm sorry if it sounds flippant, compared to a lot of experiences on here of things that actually happened. Flowers to you all.

Feefifo9 · 13/10/2020 23:06

@Secrets2020

I was raped from the age of 7 until 11 by my younger brother and sisters dad. I can't do anything about it because it would destroy them. My little brother and sister are so perfect, I adore them beyond belief.

He helped drive around me and little sister to 2 funerals a few years ago. My nan and aunt who brought me up after I turned 11. They passed away within a few weeks of eachother. I wet myself in the car.

My little brother and sister never experienced the childhood I had. Outwardly, I'm doing ok. I cry myself to sleep every night though. I know I need help.

For the sake of my siblings I would never EVER report him. It leaves me nowhere. I thought time would help but I'm truly and utterly broken.

I’m so so sorry. Please seek support. I can’t imagine how hard carrying this must be. Tell someone. Even if you can’t right now report it or tell your siblings. Don’t carry this alone.
Schmoozer · 13/10/2020 23:08

@73kittycat73 that sounds like intrusive thoughts ?? Like ocd ???

essexmum777 · 13/10/2020 23:09

Secrets2020 please get some counselling

wheresmymojo · 13/10/2020 23:10

@73kittycat73

I'm so sorry to hear of all your troubles, yours especially touched me Secrets2020 I'm sorry that any of you had to experience what you did. Sad I don't know if I'll take my secret to the grave, because I don't know what it is. I sometimes come out in an absolute panic that I've done something really, really bad. It especially affects me in my sleep. That I'm going to get into serious trouble for what I've done. Really bad trouble. Usually I've done something with an assumed identity but it catches up with me and to put it right, it brings to light what I've done and I'll get into a lot of trouble for it. I don't even know if any of that makes sense? I'm sorry if it sounds flippant, compared to a lot of experiences on here of things that actually happened. Flowers to you all.

This can be a form of OCD.

I know someone who used to be constantly worried that she'd accidentally killed someone (she obviously hadn't).

It can be treated.

It's often known as 'Pure O'

ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 13/10/2020 23:11

That I was sexual abused

That someone close to me was sexually abused by her father. Family had suspected it and it came to light that it had been witnessed. She idolised her dad I don’t know if she doesn’t remember or had blocked it out (He is dead now)

73kittycat73 · 13/10/2020 23:11

[quote Schmoozer]@73kittycat73 that sounds like intrusive thoughts ?? Like ocd ???[/quote]
Thanks Schmoozer, Smile I do actually have OCD (Tapping and counting.) Would it affect my dreams also though do you think? It's one to ponder over anyway. Thanks for the thought.

Schmoozer · 13/10/2020 23:11

Yes !! I thought so too !!! Pure O ! @wheresmymojo !

73kittycat73 · 13/10/2020 23:12

Thanks wheresmymojo Smile Now I have a name I can look into it.

Schmoozer · 13/10/2020 23:13

@73kittycat73 you welcome 😊 it responds really well to ERP !

Lavanderrose · 13/10/2020 23:16

I’m so sorry for all those that have been abused, I’ve gone through similar and it would tear my family. It’s a very dark secret to keep.

Secrets2020 · 13/10/2020 23:17

@BumbleFlump no, they were his children. Their childhood was somewhat disrupted because of other issues but they were never EVER abused. My mum got custody of them again eventually and she's a fantastic parent to them now. Absolutely brilliant. I know this sounds ungrateful but I wish I had that same relationship. They adore my mum. I support my mum. Financially and with advice. Every 'thank you' I get from her means the world. it shouldn't because she knew what was happening. My children adore her. She's kind and funny. It's the big fat elephant in the room that I will never bring up for the sake of my brother and sister. I will always and forever put them first.

Rainbowb · 13/10/2020 23:21

That I’m asexual. I know it sounds silly but it’s meant that a lot of what I’ve said and done in my life has been pretending. I love DH with all my heart and there’s nothing wrong with him at all, I’m the weirdo.

Secrets2020 · 13/10/2020 23:23

Whilst I'm here, can I ask where to seek help from? All through my childhood and later years I just 'got on with it'.

THANK YOU OP, this is a huge kick up the ass to sort myself out x

Devlesko · 13/10/2020 23:27

I can't say what it is, because it is that awful.
I haven't known for long so at least didn't carry the burden in my younger years.
I'm so sorry for you my love.
I have found a closed fb group for my burden, completely anonymous
I wonder if there is one that you could join, for support.

It will always be there, I know, but to know you aren't alone is sometimes a huge help. Thanks

HandsDownRoundTheTown · 13/10/2020 23:29

@Rainbowb - you’re not a weirdo, you’re just you. Being asexual is difficult because people can’t understand it easily but it’s not wrong. You might have to talk to your DH about it tho...Flowers

MachoSavsge · 13/10/2020 23:30

That when I was 13 years old, I was groomed by a 22 year old man and he told me on our first ‘date’ that I was his now and became possessive over me. It was 2 years of hell and, to this day, my parents don’t know why I had a breakdown. They already feel so guilty about not being there for me, if I tell them this, it would tip them over the edge. The man was also my cousins best friend and my cousin was always over at ours, to visit my brothers. This friend would often come with so he always seemed to be around. I couldn’t escape him and felt trapped. I finally got the courage 2 years later to tell him to leave me alone or I’ll tell my cousin and he will go to jail. I thank my best friend for that as she was the one who gave me the courage to stand up to him. I never spoke to him again and spent the next 12 years trying to come to terms with it. To this day, the only 3 people who know about us is me, him and my best friend. I never told my brothers or my cousin. I knew they’d probably kill him and couldn’t live with that on my conscience. I’ve also never really been able to have a normal relationship since.

Postsecret123 · 13/10/2020 23:32

Growing up, my next door neighbour was a pedophile.

He wasn’t exactly subtle. As a result my parents fully suspected this and told me never to go into his house alone, called me in for dinner if they heard him talking to me over the garden fence and never let me accept gifts from him.

They didn’t appreciate the fact I was only 6 and the nice man next door was telling me my parents were just jealous of all the gadgets he had in his house. If we kept it secret I could sneak over while they had a lie in. I didn’t really understand what happened and I was too scared to tell my parents as I had broken their number one rule.

My parents hearts were in the right place but they were so naive. He died earlier this year and they were recalling all his odd behaviour, but how they had the measure of him.

It would break my Dad’s heart if I told him. I think my Mum would just refuse to believe it, as her way of coping. I reported him anonymously through a child abuse charity around 10 years ago, but I don’t think anything ever came of it. I can’t think of any good that would come of telling my parents now.

BumbleFlump · 13/10/2020 23:34

Secrets2020 your mum knew and did nothing?! Did she leave your brother and sister with him knowing what he’d done? Did your abuse end when you moved to your grandmothers?

I hate to say it but you need to be questioning your relationship with your mum now too.

Please do speak to someone, that’s a huge amount to be carrying around all this time x

GameofChess · 13/10/2020 23:35

Oh Secrets2020 I am so very, very sorry. Flowers

pradamarda · 13/10/2020 23:39

That I was an escort for a while and was anally raped by one person. I could never report it because no one knew I was escorting.
It haunts me often.
My DP was my DP at the time too, he knew and did nothing about it (not sure what I expected)

welliguessitwouldbenice · 13/10/2020 23:39

I lied under oath. Civil matter of no import and no harm done

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