If you had a big, expensive wedding...?

[LeanishMachine]

When?

Are you still together?

Would you do it again? Or differently?

I had what my parents considered "proper". White dress, church, car, flowers, sit down meal for 100 people. TBH I wasn't particularly interested in the wedding and they organised and paid for most of it, in 1992 (I did choose the dress!). It was different times and whilst mine might have been extreme, I think parents did have far more involvement in weddings as the norm.

Which was fine at the time, I don't feel I missed out on anything and we're still together, getting married was always more important to me than the wedding day.

If I did it again (I hope I never need to!), it would be a handful of people and a picnic, not because I regret it but I just don't see what's gained by spending the money and expensive weddings seem to cause so much angst.

We had a 'lavish' wedding - traditional Church ceremony and reception in beautiful venue for 150 people (big family!). It had all the trappings as my parents were extremely generous; we were very very lucky.

I'd love to do it again but I also know we couldn't top it. I definitely don't think it's essential to splurge but we've been married 7 years and still reflect on what a fantastic day it was.

2005 £40k
Divorced 2016 🤦🏻‍♀️

No I certainly wouldn’t. Wince at how much money was spent. Don’t get me wrong the day was amazing from start to finish, and I don’t regret it because we separate. I just regret it because to be quite honest, what a waste of money!

I would do something much more personal, intimate (and cheaper!) instead.

Married for 5 years, spent approx 12K. We had a great day; church wedding followed by reception in a brewery. It was pretty relaxed compared to many others weddings we've been to, and pretty raucous.

But would I do the same again? Probably not. A small intimate ceremony would be nice. Apart from anything, life has thrown a lot of shit our way since then and we've grown up a fair bit. Our priorities are different now, but it's easy to say that in hindsight.

If we had had children or other commitments
I would have had a much smaller wedding as we probably couldn't have afforded it but we both had well paid jobs and could afford it
We spent a fortune back then on things that now seem frivolous eg eating out virtually every night,skiing holidays designer clothes etc but had a great time and I don't regret any of it

Did I really just read that 2 posters spent £40k? On a wedding?! What do these weddings look like? I can't even imagine

AlwaysLatte It's possible to do it on a budget if you use what's available

But most people don't have a garden big enough to hold a marquee for 70 people available to them!

Did I really just read that 2 posters spent £40k? On a wedding?! What do these weddings look like? I can't even imagine.
I was a guest at a wedding that must have topped 100k . Exclusive use of an entire boutique hotel for the weekend all guest accomadation paid, vintage cars, wedding eve dinner, breakfast the next day, flowers absolutely everywhere, multiple photographers, bands, open bar ....it was beautiful and very tastefull but gobsmakingly expensive.

Friends of ours spent over £100k.
£16k on flowers.

I agree @LeanishMachine - a big expensive wedding isn't worth the stress. I got married abroad in 2007. It was lovely, and our guests enjoyed it - the main reason was so our families and friends could meet and get to know each other over a few days as we come from different countries. We're still together, but money has been a constant issue in our married life and now I kind of wish we had had a cheaper, simpler event and perhaps used the money for holidays. The other sad thing is when I look at the pictures, almost every couple that came to our wedding has split up or divorced.

Married in 2001 and still very happily married. Reasonably big (c80-100 people?) and semi-traditional for the time. I'm not even sure what the budget was, but I think c£23k inc honeymoon. I'd certainly be more DIY/budget if doing it these days ... but at the time both dh and I were working long hours, building careers, making decent money and I don't regret our choices: we prioritised what were the right things for us (decent food and booze; seriously great band) and saved money on things where we weren't bothered (no favours; DIY/cheap flowers).

One thing I would say, is that paying more does tend to mean you and/or family and friends have to do less. My BIL had a super-budget wedding: but it meant that friends and family had to help out with organising and sorting decorations and food in the weeks/months running up; spent all day dressing the venue/sorting food and drinks; me and other family members were on waitress/bar/DJ duty all through the meal; and then we all had to 'take down the venue' by 12:00 and pack everything back into our cars. They probably had a great day as we took everything off their hands, but actually I - and other family members - did resent it tbh.

I do agree that cheaper weddings the guests pay more. At mine we supplied all the wine/beers/single spirits and had an additional large snack instead of nibbles. The food was the biggest bill but I didn't want anyone going hungry or thirsty.

I've been to "cheaper" weddings where the guests pay for their own drinks and reckon the income received by the hotel was probably the same I just subbed more as s guest. Especially as hotels know they have you trapped and can charge £££.

Our wedding wasn't mega bucks it I'm going to one next year! Can't wait!

@LeanishMachine are you me? Except 1994. And with the added bonus tho that there were people at my wedding I didn't actually know.
My DS got married last year and it was a riotous fun filled affair. Loss of their friends and hardly any oldies. I'd do it like that if I did it again
My wedding was my mother's wedding

I was the same as you - DP wanted to pay for most as they wanted to invite a large no of their friends - had the traditional wedding with about 100 guests. I did enjoy it, but would have far more input, and much smaller/ more relaxed if I was to do it again. Still married - the do wasn't for me, and the marriage part was and still is the most important for me.

@Bluesheep8

Did I really just read that 2 posters spent £40k? On a wedding?! What do these weddings look like? I can't even imagine

We spent £40k.

Well, £13k on the wedding, and £27k on the honeymoon.

It was excessive, but fuck me, it was amazing.

£40k on a wedding. You may disagree with me but that’s insane. You could have paid that off your mortgage. A massive step closer to owning ur own house.

@Paranoidmarvin

£40k on a wedding. You may disagree with me but that’s insane. You could have paid that off your mortgage. A massive step closer to owning ur own house.

Our friends who spent £100k on their wedding don’t have a mortgage. That’s what 2 investment banker salaries can do for you!

Married 1987 div 1990 wedding cost £50 - div cost £500
Married 1992 div 2000 wedding cost £500 - div cost £5000
Married 2008 ...still very happily married wedding cost £20,000 (can't afford to div if you go by the previous divorces costing 10x the wedding cost)

Well, £13k on the wedding, and £27k on the honeymoon.

where on earth did you go?!

£40k on a wedding. You may disagree with me but that’s insane. You could have paid that off your mortgage. A massive step closer to owning ur own house.

Quite. Each to their own but my home makes me happier than the memory of 1 day ever could.

Married 2018 - still together
Cost 18k - 47 guests

Price per guest high but we had exclusive use of a very nice boutique hotel, paid for everyone's accommodation and had a Michelin-starred meal with free-flowing Champagne.

Also, the hotel took care of everything, so no stress at all.

So pleased we kept out numbers down. We had a truly lovely day and were able to spend time with everybody. I would do it again in a heartbeat (in fact I may already have suggested it to DH).

Yes we already owned our own home so no deposit needed. As I already explained upthread, it wasn’t a bling wedding with unicorns and fire eaters and stuff - just a nice London venue with good caterers and booze all night for a hundred people, and a live band. And we paid for immediate family/bridesmaids/best man to stay in the same hotel as us so we could all have breakfast together the next morning, without feeling we were expecting them to stump up for a pricier hotel than they otherwise would have done. It adds up. But it was all pretty relaxed actually.

@VenusClapTrap

Yes we already owned our own home so no deposit needed. As I already explained upthread, it wasn’t a bling wedding with unicorns and fire eaters and stuff - just a nice London venue with good caterers and booze all night for a hundred people, and a live band. And we paid for immediate family/bridesmaids/best man to stay in the same hotel as us so we could all have breakfast together the next morning, without feeling we were expecting them to stump up for a pricier hotel than they otherwise would have done. It adds up. But it was all pretty relaxed actually.

Same with ours. We actually paid for 60 people to stay overnight (it was a fairly ‘niche’ venue!), plus free bar etc. It does add up. It wasn’t at all stressful though, as someone organised it all for us. I helped my cousin to arrange her small DIY wedding and it was lovely but very very stressful!

No, divorced after 6 years.

5 star UK hotel, all the trimmings, 60 guests day, about 100 evening. £30k.

If/when we do it, it will probably just be us and our best friends. Registry office and a nice meal. Or maybe New York Court House at a push. Whatever it is, it won't be a pretentious waste of fucking money like the first time. I have no idea what I was thinking other than keeping up the Joneses. Now me would slap that me.

Met in 2009, married in 2015...just. Had a 30k wedding, if I were to do it again it would be abroad and on a beach, ideally just the two of us.

This is interesting reading as me and my OH just arent sure what to do. We were due to get married this april. Obviously didnt happen due to lockdown. We weren't having anything too mad. Everything all in (including clothes, flowers, food, drink) was £15k. We got £5k from each parents and saved 5 ourselves. Church wedding followed by a village hall party afterward with casual catering. We now dont know whether to wait until we can have all 80 of our guests or go ahead with the current rules of 13 guests. All these people are saying they loved their small weddings but I simply can't imagine not having friends and family there . Just a quickie church service and a meal after? With no family or friends? Do people really wish they did that? I genuinely want to know as we are so torn