If you had a big, expensive wedding...?

[LeanishMachine]

When?

Are you still together?

Would you do it again? Or differently?

I had what my parents considered "proper". White dress, church, car, flowers, sit down meal for 100 people. TBH I wasn't particularly interested in the wedding and they organised and paid for most of it, in 1992 (I did choose the dress!). It was different times and whilst mine might have been extreme, I think parents did have far more involvement in weddings as the norm.

Which was fine at the time, I don't feel I missed out on anything and we're still together, getting married was always more important to me than the wedding day.

If I did it again (I hope I never need to!), it would be a handful of people and a picnic, not because I regret it but I just don't see what's gained by spending the money and expensive weddings seem to cause so much angst.

We got married in 1996 and the wedding including honeymoon cost £10k which was considered a lot back then. We paid for it ourselves.

Traditional wedding, church, country Manor House in the country for the reception, bridesmaids cars etc.

If we did it now it would be smaller, more relaxed and not in a church. Neither of us are religious so it was extremely hypocritical to get married in a church but that's what most people did back then.

I’d have gone smaller, we had 90 guests, it cost about £10k including rings and transport (steam train and vintage cars). But dh has a big family.

Both in our 40s second time for him. It wasn’t a traditional wedding, more of a party. It was fun. I’d do something similar again.

Got married in 1992, and still married. I think it cost about 7K.
We had 100 guests, but over 30 of those were my close family so it would have been hard to have a small wedding. We kept costs down on the fripperies. I think my dress was under 500, and the main money was hosting guests.

I couldn't imagine getting married without my family so I'm still happy that we had that wedding. It would have caused so much hurt to people we love, and left us unhappy, to have a smaller wedding. I would do the same again. If I were getting married right now, with the restrictions, I would find a way to live stream and include people, and there will be a huge family get together once we can travel and see each other again.

We had 136 guests in 2003, still together, no regrets

1998: probably 60+ guests to the wedding & day, then maybe another 30 more to the evening. Civil ceremony in a local country hotel, wedding meal and evening reception at the same place. My parents paid for nearly everything, no idea what it cost. We'd been together 7 years when we got married and separated just under 10 years later.

2016: 15 in total including us, planned to have register office ceremony & meal afterwards. Fate had other plans, we were lucky that the ceremony could do ahead and we went to the pub across the road afterwards for a drink then everyone disbursed. We had a garden party at home about a month later with about 30/40 guests, got party food from M&S and Waitrose. Had a lovely day, and DH really enjoyed it. Widowed 10 months later.

I don't think I'll marry again, but if I did it would be small with just close friends and family.

Small doesn’t always equate to cheap.

I’m getting married this month. Less than 15 guests and it’s costing well over £12k.

Ours was £22K in 2010, we're still together but no way would I have that type of wedding now, I'd have something significantly smaller and much more stylish, like a beautiful dress rather than a big white cream puff and private dining at a beautiful restaurant rather than a massive party for everyone you've ever known and your parents next door neighbour in a hotel function room!

It's amazing how times have changed, it's only 10 years but it feels in a different era!

So glad we’re doing it the way we are. It’s the way I’ve always wanted to do it. I don’t see myself ever looking back and having regrets about the size.

I had one in 2010, paid for by some money my Dad gave me. Around £20k (but probably more when I add in bit and pieces I spent!). We split 2.5 years later as he had an affair. I obviously wouldn't spend all that money with hindsight but I don't massively regret it or stress over it. We had an amazing party and I had my lovely son shortly before we split. My current DP also had a big wedding so I think we both feel we've "done" that and if we do get married, it'd be a v small do.

I wouldn't do a big wedding again, but if DH dies, I might do a super luxury small one.

And I'd love to do a bride's ball with all my girlfriends in their wedding dresses!

Ours was in 1993. The big expensive fluffiness was very much to keep my mother's spirits up: I was emigrating and she needed a real transition ceremony. She paid, dh and I let her make the decisions, and we actually had a really good day. The only thing I put my foot down about was the church wedding- I (unlike my mother) am a Christian but dh is not and I really didn't want him to feel uncomfortable on his wedding day. But we had a very nice non-church venue.

I've never regretted letting my mum take the lead: dh and I didn't mind and it was, I believe, a good day for all who attended. No fallings-out, no bad behaviour, no arguments with bridesmaids, children and adults all mixing together and having a good time, and a beautiful memory for my parents. But then I already knew that I was marrying a laidback and easy-going man who would enjoy himself in any which way.

Should have said, we're still together, still happy.

We only got married last year. We spent about 8k so not cheap by any stretch but not a big flashy wedding. We had amazing food and all the people we loved there which was all I really wanted, the venue (country pub) looked incredible but that was more down to hard work and generosity of family members with their time and skills than it was money spent. We had a ball and I can’t see me regretting it, we spent what we could afford by saving but not impacting our lives too much and it was fine. I’m glad I got to have a wonderful party with neatest and dearest and they still bring it up and remember it fondly. I’ve lost too many close relatives to regret splashing out a bit on a special day with those we have left. A much loved relative of DH told us it was the best day of her life since she’d lost her own husband, she’s since passed away and on that basis alone it was worth it.

What I’d change is that Id have splashed out and payed for a decent honeymoon. We just had a cheap Uk break which was lovely but we kind of thought we’d go on a decent holiday this summer instead, and what with COVID and - as it turns out a newborn, doesn’t look like we’ll be getting that holiday anytime soon so missed our chance really.

i wouldn't waste money on getting married. Both weddings cost less than a grand - in and out of registry office basically, just as well as neither lasted but I bought a house with the money I saved which I still have

Over a decade ago. Still together. I definitely wouldn’t do it now, but I didn’t want to do it then either. I bowed to pressure from DH’s family to have a bigger wedding than I wanted and it just kept snowballing.

2009, 100 guests (two big families) church and hotel reception. The full works, but it was actually quite good value. We don't have expensive tastes and looked at smaller, local suppliers such as market traders which kept costs down. (We splurged on an epic honeymoon which was amazing and again, no regrets other than that chicken burger in Mumbai Airport...)

Our guest list would be smaller now as our social lives have contracted as we and our peers are more focused on family life, but the day was a brilliant celebration of where we were at that point in time.

2015, 80 guests. Don’t regret it at all- was the happiest day and absolutely worth it. Still together and very happy.

Would I spend it now? Well no- because my life is different. I couldn’t afford it as we have a bigger house and DC now, so different priorities. If I did marry a second time (and I hope I don’t!) I feel that I’ve ‘done’ the big wedding thing, and wouldn’t want to do it again.

First wedding was a massive and expensive affair. Divorced a couple of years later.

Second marriage was a teeny tiny registry office and meal afterwards for 12, still married 8 years and two kids later.

Should this one go tits up for any reason, I’ll never marry again!

First time round, yes, the whole works. Lasted 18 months.

Second time we had 35 close family and friends and had a very relaxed ceremony and day. Still together 17 years later.

Ours was 100 people. We tried to keep it small but once you count family and close friends + partners you get to 100 easy!
Would do it exactly the same.

Had about 50 for the christenings too as we have a very large and involved family. This would be the minimum we could have managed if we kept it to ultra closest.

(It wasn't expensive for us particularly but wasn't budget).

Not counting the honeymoon which was an epic adventure!

We had 130 people back in 2005, still together, no regrets. Thing is, the way I saw it was that all our mates were having big weddings as well throughout our 30's, would have felt a bit unequal holding a small cheap bash. Maybe they wouldn't have cared though. Would be much smaller next time round though. After 50 or so, can't do the meringue thing any more.

EArly 90s. Church wedding. Sit down meal for 80. about 30 more came in the evening. Didn't spend masses. I was (and still am) active member of the Church, and people contributed their skills (choir, flowers, minister, organist, stewards, etc and a friend drove us in his car). Meal was lovely, but at a social club, not ridiculous prices like some "wedding venues" charge.

A couple of years ago, we went to my niece's wedding, and it was the first wedding in the family since our wedding. Really similar to our wedding, in truth Like @LadyofMisrule said, it was so lovely to have all the family together for a lovely, happy day rather than another funeral.
I have no regrets, and, if I were transported back in time, I would do the same again.
I would be happy to pay for / contribute to my dcs' having a similar wedding.

Not expensive but big - over 150 guests but that's mainly because I'm from a big extended family I am close to. We were very lucky that almost everyone invited came despite it being a fair distance for most, although the army people are of course used to travelling and that includes one side of family. People turned up in campervans, Harley's, American style motorhomes... all sorts, we provided free accommodation to as many of the ones we knew were on a budget as possible and sourced cheap, but cheerful local accommodation for others. My lot are used to "lumping in" and at one point all my child aged cousins were in bed with me eating toast that morning before being hustled away to let me get ready.

Chapel job too which was important to me at the time and if I hadn't both grans would have pitched a fit but on the cheap "village hall" type idea.

1995

Divorced after 10 years married.

Wouldn't do it again but mainly as it was the last gathering of so many people I adored and who are now sadly passed, it is very emotional seeing the group pics as not all of them were due to natural causes/ageing.

I'm glad I did it, I'm an army brat and it's the only time in my life almost everyone I loved then was in the same place at the same time and having a good time.

With hindsight/experience and also having worked in the industry IF I were to marry again it'd be on a boat! Much smaller and more casual.

Definitely wouldn't do the hideous dress again! It was a very early 90's job all puff sleeves and meringue bollocks and absolutely drowned me! (I'm only 5'2" and was a size 6 at the time - so I also couldn't do a brides ball as I'd be lucky to get one leg in it these days if I still had it!)

@Chasingsquirrels Sorry for your loss

We got married in 2005 and spent £6k. My parents contributed 1.5k and we paid the rest ourselves. Church wedding followed by a sit down meal for 50 people and an evening do for more guests. I'd do it again but I wouldn't obsess over flowers, favours, candles etc. No one cares about them! We also massively over catered for the evening guests. The venue were adamant that we needed to provide lots of food and I remember thinking that most people would have eaten before heading out, but being unsure of ourselves we agreed. Lo and behold at the end of the evening there was an embarrassing amount of food left over.