Amusing mishearings of children

[nevernotstruggling]

Dd1 thinks the device in a petrol car is called a Cat Litter Converter.

Indulge me with more please I'm tired of covid gloom!

My ds1 used to mispronounce popcorn and called it ‘cop porn’ many a time he mortified me screaming for ‘cop porn’ while I was frantically rushing past the crisp aisle in the supermarket with him

My brother used to call squirrels squivvels. He's 15 and we still call them squivvels automatically.

My six year old started karate chopping my shoulders yesterday and told me he was giving me a sau-sauge he also can't say watermelon and says waterlemon, so cute.

Sau-sauge!!! Sounds rude

I know! I asked what he wanted for dinner tonight before he went to school and he said sau-sauge again! 😂

My 13 year old DS (ASD) also says waterlemon which always makes him giggle so much and he says get it waterlemon what is it really? Then more giggling at himself.

My daughter once woke up crying and I said what's wrong she said 'I've had a right mare!'

Dd, then around 3yo, was in the bath and said 'I need to wash my crumpets', when I asked her what she meant she said 'under here' and pointed to her armpit. She's 7 now and we all still call them crumpets.

Little grandson 3 just said 'are you scared of granpires?'

Could be my Halloween costume

One DD was in the bath and fiddling with her genitals. She looked up at me and said: "There is a label here" - there followed much speculation by OH and I as to what it might say.

My 4 year old thinks boys have "woolies" and girls have "baginas".

My ds warned his sister not to eat too much salt as it's bad for her 'kids knees'.

My ds10 goes to a COE school. One day when he was about 6, he came home and said "mummy! I know what Gods name is!" Intrigued, I asked him what it was. "It's Harold!" I asked him how he had decided this and he answered "Our father, who art in heaven. Harold be thy name."

I was laughing so hard. We still sometimes say "oh for Harolds sake!" 😂

Remembered another one of DS's.

Grabbity - gravity. Makes sense. It does grab you and keep you on the ground.

When our DS was little, we did the usual emphasising the need to say the word 'please':

"Would you like a banana?"
"Yes!"
"Yes....PLEEEASE!!!"

He picked it up fairly quickly and we wanted to praise and positively encourage him, so we then had:

"Would you like a banana?"
"Yes, pleeease!"
"Good boy - nice manners!"

The problem was that he then believed that we were teaching him the second part of what he had to say to be polite, rather than what we said in response. Thus it became:

"Would you like a banana?"
"Yes, please, good boy, nice manners!"^

We chuckled and didn't correct him, but before long, we had the sad puppy-dog eyes looking up at us in bewilderment when we said No:

"Can I have a treat, yes please, good boy, nice manners?!"
"No, Sweetheart - you've not long had one. How about a banana or a carrot instead?"
"WAAAAH, BUT I SAID 'YES PLEASE, GOOD BOY, NICE MANNERS'!!!!"

Sorry, love, it's not a magic spell - it doesn't work quite as simply as that!

I've been in worst circumcisions than this.
Oh, look at that tampax mirror (compact)
I've just slashed out on a new bag. (I don't think you have)

Comments from aged 8 - 16.

DS2 came home from preschool a few years ago and said he'd had 'mental crisps' for a snack. I was very confused until his preschool teacher realised he meant lentil crisps!

Ds2 is now at school and they must have been doing yoga as he came home and said that he was going to 'levitate'! Then he proceeded to sit down, raise his hands and say 'ohmmm'.

Ds2 also called his toe nails 'foot nails'

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

When our DS was little, we did the usual emphasising the need to say the word 'please':

"Would you like a banana?"
"Yes!"
"Yes....PLEEEASE!!!"

He picked it up fairly quickly and we wanted to praise and positively encourage him, so we then had:

"Would you like a banana?"
"Yes, pleeease!"
"Good boy - nice manners!"

The problem was that he then believed that we were teaching him the second part of what he had to say to be polite, rather than what we said in response. Thus it became:

"Would you like a banana?"
"Yes, please, good boy, nice manners!"^

We chuckled and didn't correct him, but before long, we had the sad puppy-dog eyes looking up at us in bewilderment when we said No:

"Can I have a treat, yes please, good boy, nice manners?!"
"No, Sweetheart - you've not long had one. How about a banana or a carrot instead?"
"WAAAAH, BUT I SAID 'YES PLEASE, GOOD BOY, NICE MANNERS'!!!!"

Sorry, love, it's not a magic spell - it doesn't work quite as simply as that!

Oh that reminds me of another DS one. We were trying to train him out of just having a massive tantrum when somebody suggested something he didn’t want. So we told him that he didn’t have to have a massive tantrum, he could just say “no thank you”. And this worked beautifully when we offered him food he didn’t want, a drink when he wasn’t thirsty, etc.

Then it was bedtime. He ended up being carried upstairs kicked and screaming “no THANK YOU! no THANK YOU!” in absolute fury.

Then it was bedtime. He ended up being carried upstairs kicked and screaming “no THANK YOU! no THANK YOU!” in absolute fury.

I used to point out the 'hairy planes' to my mum and dad.

My Godson would run going "Ready , deadly, go!"

When dc1 was a toddler they told my mum they liked going to playgroup at the Heaven Jolly Church (Evangelical Church), I thought it a lovely and somehow appropriate misheard name.
My toddler dgs is fascinated by the cock on my wrist.
I work as a ta and once worked with a lovely girl who excitedly told me her mun was going to send 20p to school so she could buy a puppy and how much she was looking forward to choosing which one she wanted. It was November. Poor girl was so disappointed to discover that her 20p entitled her to a paper poppy.

As a tot my DD used to ask for her underbrella if it was raining, which I thought was quite logical.

After going for taster sessions at school she came back adamant that she was going to be wearing a school unicorn. She had a blue dress with a unicorn on it, that was the exact shade of school colours, and was furious with me when I told her she had misheard. I was convinced there was going to be a stand off on the first day of school.

I loved it when she told me that the bees were out "getting connector out of the flowers", couldn't ever correct her, it was just so cute.

Now at 7, she comes up and rubs my back and says "come on mum, I'm giving you a lassage"

I am dying at yes please good boy nice manners post!!!

Sorry, love, it's not a magic spell - it doesn't work quite as simply as that!

DD was doing that yesterday. “I SAID PLEASE! I SAID PLEASE!”
To be fair, the childminder used to say “what’s the magic word?”

DD got excited today when I said I wanted a walk-in wardrobe. “I want to go in the walking wardrobe!” She wondered aloud if the walking wardrobe had four legs, then decided it had two.