Amusing mishearings of children

[nevernotstruggling]

Dd1 thinks the device in a petrol car is called a Cat Litter Converter.

Indulge me with more please I'm tired of covid gloom!

When DD was 4 she thought the dining room was called the diamond room. We renamed it as it sounded very grand (it wasn't)

Also called a flamingo a flamamingo, which was too funny to correct - until she started school when I thought best to correct her

Also 'dother' for 'the other' which she still says now at age 6 despite us telling her otherwise!

On my first day of Infant School i came home singing "Who built the Ark? No one! No one!"

DS2, full name Alexander James but known as Alex, assumed he had three names and sometimes got them in the wrong order “Alex James Ander”.
DS1 wanted to know what kind of cake was a stoma cake. As in what the hungry caterpillar gets. We’d read the book about eleventy billion times by this point so he had obviously never got that the poor old caterpillar had a stomach ache.

From my days as an infant teacher:

Insect day (INSET day)

Thai boys (older boys at the school who wore ties) - had us worried for a while as to what they were trying to say!

From my own DC:
Orderments (ornaments)
Cantililty room (utility room)
Viving Room (living room)
Sausage-jars (sausages)

And not quite the same but used to make me laugh - mummy goes to work; daddy plays on computers

They're all coming back now!

Mango chuckney
Blekfast (breakfast)

DD1 has a hard time with Avocado and Abracadabra. Avocadabra!

DS1 loved the Bruno Mars song Uptown Funk. He liked to sing it at top volume everywhere, which is lovely until he’d belt out “uptown fuck you up!” in the middle of Tesco

Ds1 managed to mix up the religious story of Easter and the Easter bunny after an assembly one day and came home to explain in depth that jesus went into the cave and transformed into a bunny after three days si was able to be small enough to hop out through a gap and decided to leave chocolate eggs in case he couldn't find his way back (this was a few years ago but I did recently have to explain that rabbits don't lay eggs so I've probably failed in his education somewhere ).

We are not a religious household so we rather liked that explanation, there was a logic there somewhere.

My DS when he was 2 used to call fish "shit". No idea where that came from!

Whenever we went shopping he'd ask to go to the fish counter and shout excitedly "OOOHHH BIG SHIT".

Chicken horse!!!!!!!

DS also thought the Fatboy Slim song was 'Praise You Like A Shoe'. He had:

Lompster (lobster)
Scrumpled egg (scambled)
Statube (statue)
Dark Vader & his life saver
Michael wave
Persketti

Just remember when DS was about 7 asked him if he wanted some tarte tatin French DH had made and he said is that upside-down sticky bottom cake? Explained it was a tart with apple and caramel and he said yes I love all tarts.

Also went to a restaurant where they had some tarts in the desserts menu and he shouted out 'I love tarts'

My DD just asked me to find Neneh Cherry's "Gruffalo Stand" on YouTube.

My friends little one says Die! Die! very sweetly with a little wave. She means Bye Bye!

DD used to call mushrooms worms so when we were having an english breakfast she'ld ask for egg, beans and worms. Sounds delicious.

My niece swore a little monkey carried Mary on her way!

Loads from my childminder days -

The child yelling for mouse cock - hickory dickory dock

The time my DD and her friends learned about cuntinents. Then spelt it out like I was stupid - C U N T cuntinents.

Or the little boy telling everyone about his big dick and how his friend has a small dick (stick)

This week we had a tantrum because the 2 year old had a wet Willie (wellies).

The almost 2 year old who loves the fuk. (Fox). She also likes a dick dick (biscuit apparently) and cack - cake. Oh and chocolate is cock.

The real classic is from one of the books by Gervaise Phinn about being a school inspector.

He went to a catholic school and asked a little girl about the picture she had drawn of a woman kneeling by a large lake. "This is Mother Mary and she is praying for the sick."

DD used to belt out Let it go with 'I'm never going back, the pasta's in the paaaaan'

DD is deaf. We have LOADS of these.

Particular favourites from a couple of Christmases ago:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright, will you slay my guide tonight?"
and
"On the first day of Christmas my true love said to me 'there's a partridge in your pear tree'".

Seriously considering a name change to Independent Moomin.

We all want to be independent moomins

At a hotel swimming pool, my son was upset he was too young to go in the "oozie-cuzzi"

My daughter is 20 and still says 'robin redchest' even though I've told her many times

My daughter (10) asked me do adults have to do the deed 2 times if they want to have twins 😂

Dd says dandraft regardless how many times I say it's dandruff 🙄

My DS1 is 3 and one day was being really naughty so I was telling him to behave. He calmed down after a while and said “am I being have mummy?”.