I don't know where to put this but DH is sick and we are in bits. *MNHQ edit to ask posters to read update before posting*

[PandaBearBear]

It has been such a shit year. DH has been so sick, numerous times I've been told he probably wouldn't make it then he seemed to make magic happen and got so much better. Now things have gone downhill really quickly and he is back in ICU on a ventilator and I am having to have the same conversations with doctors that I didn't think I would have to have again.

We have 2 DC, who are 8 and 2. I am a mess but trying to put a brave face on for them. 2yo obviously doesn't grasp exactly what is happening - just that daddy is in hospital again. 8yo is anxious and sad, much clingier but trying to be brave.

I just want to stay in bed until this is over.

How do I help my children through this? And how do I get through this?

He may well recover, I have seen him make bigger miracles happen than this. He also may not. Either way all 4 of us are still so traumatised by this year that this is a huge blow.

Just looking for some advice or even just for someone to tell me a nice thing thats happening in the world.

So sorry to hear this. Thinking of you all x

I'm sorry op, and to the others here in a similar position. My DH passed away some years ago. I found widowed and young really helpful for peer support from others in the same situation

So sorry op

Deepest sympathy, PandaBearBear. I hope you can find comfort with your children and everyone who loves you, despite the difficulty caused by social distancing rules.
I am caring for a much-loved relative who is dying, and I dread the loss to come. Family and friends feel very important to me now.

So sorry OP

I'm so sorry for your loss. MN might be a nest of vipers but we aren't for something like this. Thinking of you all, just know so many women are holding in their thoughts this evening and are with you. Nothing we can do can do can make it any easier, but we can share it with you, and help you carry the load xx

So sorry to read this. I echo @Opheliaa and would suggest you get in touch with WAY - widowed and young. My dh died aged 45 when I was 37, this was ten years ago but I am still a member and made life long friends within WAY.

Sorry for your loss

Oh Panda, so very sorry x

I am very sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss OP

I am so sorry to hear this. I remember reading your thread. My sister had just been diagnosed with cancer and was very, very poorly.

I would like to say that it might be worth contacting Barnardo’s for the 8/9 year old. I am not sure how much they can do at the moment but I know they do lots of training as I have a friend who works for them. I did some bereavement training and worked with some children in school. We made books and put photos and messages on the pages. There is a wonderful book called Badger’s Parting Gifts. It does make you cry though but it seems to really help the children. There are other books too. I thinking talking to someone can help as sometimes they are too scared to upset their parent.
I am glad to hear you have some support. Remember to be kind to yourself too it will have been a huge shock to you. I remember reading a book by Relate and it explained the stages of bereavement. I found it helpful when my dad died. Sorry I can’t remember the name of it now it was a long time ago. I still cry for him sometimes. Something just sets it off. We were on holiday once and I caught sight of a man who looked just like my dad but taller. I just burst into tears. So don’t worry if you do suddenly burst into tears as anyone that has lost someone will understand.

Just take one day at a time.💐 I will light a candle for him on Sunday.

So sorry to hear this, sending you a big virtual hug 🤗 x

I’m so sorry OP. I hope you and your children are able to get support to grieve, heal and move forward in time

Oh I was so hoping that this wouldnt be what you posted.

I am so sorry. I dont blame you for staying away, but know that if you want to talk, we are here for you

So sorry to read this very sad update. Life is just terribly unfair at times. One day at a time x

Oh panda - I am so, so sorry. Holding you all in my heart. How cruelly, brutally unfair.

So very, very sorry for your loss

I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss OP.

I’m so terribly sorry for you and your children. What Redsquirrels said about making a memory photograph book with your 8 year old writing things about your dh is a lovely idea. A child psychologist told us to do this with dd when our dog died - not the same thing obviously but it helped with her grief.

Peach green

Oh Panda, I'm so very very sorry to hear your sad news. I hadn't seen your thread before, but am sending you love and hugs from the other side of the world. I saw on the first page your request for something nice in the world, and I was going to tell you about how all my plumbago cuttings have taken root and are flourishing in the garden. Sorry, that sounds trivial and daft now, but seeing new life and positive, bold little green shoots always fills me with such joy. Holding you in my thoughts. Arohanui.x

I'm so sorry to hear your news Panda

• and a hand hold if you're still up.

I’m so sorry op

Panda, so very, very sorry.

You have all been through so much trauma. I have no wise words or professional advice but I am sending you all virtual hugs and the very best wishes xxx