I’m Karen at work

[CoronaCustard]

Late 40s woman in an organisation full of 20 somethings - and I’m just failing to bite my tongue when they’re WRONG.

At the point where I’m just going to refuse to do it their way any longer.

And yes, I have written multi-paragraph letters of complaint and requested to see the manager.

How does one operate smoothly as a woman of certain age and wisdom in a world which is set up to not hear you ( I always presume because my qualification is different to everyone else in the office - but also maybe because of generation divide).

I don’t want to just walk out. I like the work. And everyone would scarcely be less eye-rolly to me if I bailed at 11th hour. Though yes I am job hunting for the future. Anyone know any good openings for a prime Karen?

None of this is making much sense.

If you are being a twat at work (and likely in life too) then stop being a twat.

And stop with the Karen bullshit.

I had to google what a ''Karen'' is.

Basically a White, bossy busybody woman of a certain age.

It appears to have generated in America, but it is unfortunate for all the genuine people named Karen.

Is there a male equivalent?

''Oh he's such a Victor Meldrew'' would make me understand that a man is a fussy and irascible, but Meldrew's character is quite endearing.

Do the work that you're employed to do in the way that you're being paid to do it.

If it doesn't sit well with your ethics put up with it until you can get another job elsewhere.

"assertive women of a certain age" aka pain in the arse as they think they know it all (been on the receiving end and believe me there is a fine line between the two).

Whatever you think they don't like you for, you're probably wrong. It's more likely that you behave like this at work. You've managed to annoy many strangers on the internet. So the probability is that you do it at work.

@oakleaffy

I had to google what a ''Karen'' is.

Basically a White, bossy busybody woman of a certain age.

It appears to have generated in America, but it is unfortunate for all the genuine people named Karen.

Is there a male equivalent?

''Oh he's such a Victor Meldrew'' would make me understand that a man is a fussy and irascible, but Meldrew's character is quite endearing.

Gary

I’m bamboozled. Stop with the Karen stuff, it’s daft. Look for a new job, the one you have is obviously not a good fit, though I’m so confused I’m not sure why.

I can't believe the only two ways you can imagine communicating are Doormat or Karen. That's a serious omission to a professional skillset.

Try Enthusiastic about augmenting their already successful format with an additional one to extend their current range and maximise the new skills they are bringing into the company? Try praise for what already works and enthusiastic clarity on what to do next to develop it.

@Imratherwellied

My name is Karen. Find a different term. Bored of seeing my name used as a slur on here

Sorry didn’t actually get passed the ‘I’m a Karen’

Bless you. I have a lovely friend called 'Karen'. She is the total opposite of this manifestation of a name. I wonder who started it ? I can also think of better names:)

@CoronaCustard

Palava - they referred me to the other ‘Indian chef’ in the org - who said that the templates are a PITA - and the management don’t understand the first thing about ‘Indian Food’ - but that I should be careful that I do enough ‘British Food’ to not screw up the paperwork.

She was kind of my mentor to ‘sanity check’ my menus for a while - then I pivoted into a slightly different role (& she left).

This week they bounced me into a short notice ‘Indian Wedding’ - and Coronavirus vs rigid template has made everything 100 times more frustrating.

Ok, so can you follow their suggestion of doing enough 'trifle' to satisfy the paperwork?

Have you suggested ways in which the paperwork could be changed to accurately reflect the role that you do whilst fulfilling whatever are the core minimim requirements/safety/governance standards?

If they're asking you to do a different job and that wasn't how you were hired then you need to ahve a conversation with them about mismatched expectations - how are you going to get trained/qualified to do the new role, how will they support you in reaching competence, etc.

Stop making it about personalities and identity politics and treat the scenario as you would do any other professional problem.

I hear that you are feeling judged and left out but you need to stay professional and constructive here.

OP, I find the way you communicate very unclear so I may be missing some key points, but I’ll share this with you...

As I’ve gotten older, and a little wiser, and find myself in situations where I’m 100% right and everyone else is wrong and they just don’t see it, I take a little step back and ask myself if maybe, just maybe, I’m the problem.

@SueEllenMishke

What hope have we got when women are using sexist and ageist slurs to describe themselves.

Absolutely. Stop using "Karen" it's awful.

I bet you wish you hadn't used the word Karen now! Everyone seems to be hung up on it.
If you think your colleagues are talking about you and eye rolling behind your back when you speak then that can't be pleasant. Sorry you are experiencing that.
If you have a qualification and years more experience then you should be better at the job and they should ideally listen to you.
Are you paid more? Does your job title reflect your experience? If not then perhaps this firm are not valuing your skills and taking you for granted.
I would be putting my CV on job websites to see what's available. If your qualification is valuable then other people will be interested.

(The name Karen is perfectly fine, just stop misusing it.)

oakleaffy
It started as a lazy stereotype for a certain kind of woman who is unpleasant to shop workers, service staff, demands to see a manager to bully the service staff into whatever unreasonable demands they want. Those in that stereotype are also likely to say that they 'are just being honest / tell it like it is' when what they actually mean is they've confused being assertive with being rude. In America I believe it also links to a certain type of white woman who calls the police because the black person walking down the street minding their own business is obviously up to no good.

That's still how some extra use it. It's lazy but definitely about a particular type of person.

Some people have taken it further to dismiss anything a middle aged women says and it's absolutely laced with misogyny (I only came across this use after a discussion on Mumsnet).

Equally, the issue with the first type of 'Karens' is that they end up saying things like 'so people should roll over and accept terrible service just because they're a woman' or 'so I should say nothing and be a nice quiet lady instead of having an opinion'. They have the same attitude as the OP where the options are either being totally abrasive and whining or silent and compliant. They conveniently ignore that vast middle ground where people can raise concerns and resolve issues without being an arsehole.

I'm so confused

Also, 'Indian wedding' and 'Indian food' as like saying 'European food' or 'European wedding'.

As the rest of your post, it makes almost zero sense. Look for a new job, would be my advice.

You are not Karen. Karen is highly misogenistic word that is used to repress women from asserting themselves by trivialising and ridiculing them. What is the equivalent male name for Karen?
At the very least women should stop perpetuating this women-hating insult.

Is this your communication style at work OP? Because it's quite confusing and defensive.

You say it feels like I’m short changing the service users by essentially faking that I have any knowledge in the other area - and not doing what I’m actually qualified to do so it sounds like you're in the wrong job, even if you're getting around that by pretending otherwise and then fixing the paperwork to suit.
You also sound like you think you're too good to be there - you're the Indian chef and they're all making big standard cottage pie, no one likes cottage pie but only you have the wisdom to see it because you're so much better qualified and grown up and you're so great that even though you falsify work documents you'll never get the sack because you're the best there is. I'm not sure your colleagues are the issue here

Aside from the whole Karen thing, you've demonstrated clearly that your communication skills are poor, and your listening skills are even worse.

Combine this with your arrogance and your lack of self awareness, and your willingness to pass judgement on everyone around you, and I think you're quite lucky to still have a job at all.

Would it be possible to explain it really simply and clearly without using any weird analogies, or any references to Karen because I don't think you understand what that means, or any corporate speak, or any sentences which are full of sound and fury but signify nothing?

Because at the moment, I have absolutely no idea what your grievance is.

@TheNavigator

I haven't a clue what you are going on about, but find your general tone a bit patronising to your colleagues and self preening. So I am not surprised you have difficulty with working relationships. Maybe you need to work on that - or change job?

Yep I agree with this Someone who comes off as you are, I won't get along with, 20yo or 50 I get the impression you think your shit don't stink

"So, you’re an opinionated homophobic transphobic racist who supports right wing activity."

Karen started out being a character in middle age who 'asks for the manager' and complains about bad customer service. The rest of it came later. I think OP is usin 'Karen' quite correctly.

belowradar
I think in this case the OP seems to be using Karen as a badge of honour, whereas her actions and attitudes really come off as being a bit of an arsehole at work who thinks highly of themselves and rubs their colleagues up the wrong way.

I stopped reading after ‘I’m a Karen’

I too hate the misogynistic and ageist use of the 'Karen' meme. Agree, too, that it's hard to understand what you're saying, other than an outburst of frustration that people aren't giving you the respect you feel you deserve as a more experienced member of staff? Maybe instead of trying to assert your superiority, think of how you could be a leader, and use your experience to support younger members of staff. It seems like you are focusing on yourself and what you think you deserve, instead of thinking how you can benefit others. Also, no one is infallible. Believing you are right and others are wrong is very blinkered. We proceed by discussing and debating and compromising - not by one person asserting that their way is the only one and anyone who doesn't follow is wrong or stupid.

@pooopypants

I'm so confused

Also, 'Indian wedding' and 'Indian food' as like saying 'European food' or 'European wedding'.

As the rest of your post, it makes almost zero sense. Look for a new job, would be my advice.

I'm not sure what's wrong with saying European wedding or European food. Yes, there would be varieites among them, but you can still have European food.

In any case, OP was using this as an EXAMPLE. I don't think she really works for an Indian food company.