PFB stuff you did that you look back on and cringe.

[cheesecrack]

I remember a thread about the stuff people did for their precious first born that was pretty bonkers.

Please share - I need a laugh.

Mine are:

Knee pads for my precious crawler

And pre cutting a banana (in half) as I was worried my MIL wouldn’t do it correctly. No idea how I thought my baby could over dose on banana but there you go!

I don't think I did anything too crazy myself, as I had quite a bit of experience of looking after babies, though of course it is quite different when you first have your own. But DH had some strange ideas, including that we had to carry the pram over any rough terrain in case the vibrations gave her brain damage. I remember one incident we visited a castle with a cobbled drive. DD was tiny so still in a proper pram and DH insisted we carry it up this driveway that was about a mile long. We are very different heights so this was easier said than done. DH was getting narky with me because I, apparently, wasn't keeping my end of the pram high enough. I was getting narky with him because my arms were killing and so was my stomach. I was only 7 or 8 weeks post section and although I'd recovered well, carrying pram whilst walking backwards over cobbles was a bloody stupid thing to be doing. And DD was screaming her head off. Eventually I snapped, refused to do it anymore and stormed off pushing the pram over the cobbles as fast as I could. Within a couple of hundred metres DD stopped screaming and fell asleep, and which point DH freaked out because he thought I had rendered her unconscious. I guess we provided the other visitors with some additional entertainment anyway.

I don't think I have ever been on a thread where almost every post has made me laugh or smile. Bless every one of you.
I have no DC but I feel like I'm reading posts from my DSIL and DB.

When DS was 2 weeks old ish we went for a Walk down the side if the canal. He was pushing pram and we went to swap me a little slower to catch up. He let go of pram on a flat surface well away from water for 19 seconds whilst I took hold of handle. I screeched at him ‘afar do you think you are doing the baby could roll into the water!!!’ 🤦‍♀️ Not my finest or sanest moment. DH just looked at me and shook his head

10 seconds not 19

I didn't do anything crazy but, at 2, my dad's wife (who had a child the same age as mine) was still sterilising everything and using syringes to administer calpol.

They also removed all of the door knobs and drawer handles from furniture so that the child couldn't open anything and so never had to hear the word no.

Oh seeing the room temperature mentioned reminds me, once a friend came to stay with me with her PFB and bought a room thermometer for the room she was staying in. PFB was one and a half!

How do people think babies survive in hot countries if they cant be in a room above 21 degrees in the UK

I woke up thinking about this thread and it makes me feel mine must have thrived on passive neglect. They were kept warm, fed and cuddled a lot but they are grown up now and survived controlled crying.

A friend who had 3 children said out loud when she came to see baby ds "you'll be fine - your first gets a nappy change for a wee, your second for a poo, and for the third, wherever possible the poo goes down the loo and if the nappy came off, it goes back on again if you're fast enough".

Oh, sorry MrsAvocet, I am laughing at this:
“Within a couple of hundred metres DD stopped screaming and fell asleep, and which point DH freaked out because he thought I had rendered her unconscious“

This thread is amazing

I was on a bus with my then 3 month old daughter and someone asked what his name was. I said William. William wasn't even on the boys name list. I don't even like the name William.

I had an app into which I carefully and meticulously entered the precise details of every nap - time and duration, and every feed - length of time in minutes if a bf and quantity if a bottle feed. I made DH and DM note down these details if looking after him without me so I could input the data when I got back. It was only after many months of this, when DM one day dared to ask why I was doing it, that I realised I had no idea and immediately stopped!
With DS2 (3 months old) I have not once taken any kind of notice of when he feeds or sleeps, he just has to fit in with my day!

Shouting at DH "you need to cut those blueberries into twelths or at least eighths"

Just RTFT and realised I was not alone in the mad data gathering!

And also just thought of another one - I drank Olbas Oil because it had been left in the same room as DS1 to see if there were any terrible
effects of him having swallowed it - even though we had no evidence what so ever that he had drunk any.

@MrsAvocet . omg that was hysterical to read.

These are so funny.

I was tied to a routine too. Not sure what I thought would happen if we missed a nap! Also breast fed until she was almost 2. My second had 6 months.

She very slightly banged her head and we rushed to A and E as if it was a major incident. Docs were 🙄🙄🙄🙄

I’m sure there are more.

I was generally very relaxed, but the day after dd1 was born and my folks visited me in hospital, my DF went to touch dd and I told him rather sharply not to - worried about germs I suppose.
I relaxed very soon afterwards, but my DF died ages ago and I still feel mean and horrible for not letting him touch new little dd1. 😥

@MrsAvocet

Surely it would have been easier to carry the baby than the actual pram?

I blended up weetabix in a blender when weaning my twins, in case crushing them before putting milk in didn't make it soft enough

Oh god -blended weerabix

Ah no, Soubriquet because it was very important that she was laid flat for sufficient parts of the day. I can't quite remember why....

I was quite laid back weirdly, it was my mother that went all PFB (I lived with her when DS was born)

DS spent the first 5 years of his life thinking his favourite back of ready salted crisps were called 'chewits' because I'd give him a bag and my Mum would hover over him shouting "CHEW IT!! CHEW IT!!"

@MrsAvocet

Ah no, Soubriquet because it was very important that she was laid flat for sufficient parts of the day. I can't quite remember why....

Ah ok. That makes perfect sense

Honestly nothing, but I was young, I still lived at home and had been around young children my whole life, and never picked up a baby book. Maybe I'm a bit too lax

When visiting a friends pfb, her dh had a bottle of hand sanitizer that he demanded everyone ise when coming in incase they touched the baby. She stood silently rolling her eyes behind him.

@MrsAvocet I always think when people say they’re crying with laughter at something on here, “No, you aren’t, you liar ” but dear God. That image. You finally having enough and racing off with the pram across the cobbles like Lewis Hamilton and your husband hearing DD go silent (asleep) and thinking, “The mad woman’s injured her!” when actually, he’s the insane one. It sounds like a sitcom.