PFB stuff you did that you look back on and cringe.

[cheesecrack]

I remember a thread about the stuff people did for their precious first born that was pretty bonkers.

Please share - I need a laugh.

Mine are:

Knee pads for my precious crawler

And pre cutting a banana (in half) as I was worried my MIL wouldn’t do it correctly. No idea how I thought my baby could over dose on banana but there you go!

@RoxytheRexy

My DD never slept so I was very tired. I took her to a Rhyme Time at the local library. A Mum asked her name and I said ‘Lauren’. Don’t know why, it’s not her name or anything like her name. The other Mum went ‘Oh that’s my name!’. I then realised what I had done and apologised and told her the correct name. The Mum obviously looked at me like I’m a complete lunatic.

Though fortunately Lauren is really sound and we are quite good friends now

Omg that is so funny 🤣

I’m another data nerd - have only just stopped logging everything for my nearly 9MO. Still recording sleeps though - can’t let go completely!!

To be fair, regarding bottles, we were told at our ante natal classes that we must not ever make up bottles in advance and never ever microwave them. That was if we were terrible enough to formula feed in the first place . (Not exact words there but thats certainly the message I took away). I dont know if the woman running our classes was overly anti formula or if there was a big breastfeeding push at the time.
She also made it very clear that any pain relief other than gas and air was unnecessary.

I got so upset when the mother in law dared to move dinner by half an hour and screw up my entire to the minute routine. I was completely inflexible, didn't say anything, just seethed. What a prat. I'm sure she would have understood.

I was a dick about baby led weaning like if invented the bloody thing

I used to take my daughter to the emergancy doctor every weekend pretty much, my husband used to say it was our Friday night out.

It was things like

“What’s that soft bit on the top of her head? I don’t like the look of that”
“I can’t get her to burp, I rub her back like I was told, and she just farts”

🤪

We logged everything for DS for a few months on a shared app. Our brains were so mashed it helped us keep a track of everything.

When he was 8 weeks old, my friend looked after him for a couple of hours whilst we went out for our anniversary. I wrote her a long step by step guide. My reasoning was it included instructions on how to make his complicated reflux milk, though I'm sure she could have just read the box. She never said anything and was nice enough to send me photo updates.

When he moved into his own room I would say the same sentence every night when putting him to bed in the hopes he would associate it with sleep, so when he woke up in the night I would repeat it and he would go back to sleep. Didn't work but I kept at it for 2 years!

Oh yes, and when we moved her into her own room at six months, I had the baby monitor up full volume, right next to my side of the bed, so I could hear her breath, refused to turn it down any, no matter how much my husband asked, honestly it was so loud, it was like sleeping next to darth vadar.😂

Oh god I’ve just remembered calling the hospital after about 3 days as DD wouldn’t stop crying.

@icedaisy

Both of them😅They're my favourites on this thread so far🤣

@nildesparandum conversely my mother got told off for bf! Because I wasn't gaining enough weight according to that hcp! I was 6 weeks early and the whole family are skinnies at least until/if they become mothers. I was well within a healthy weight percentile wasn't underweight or anything, I'm 48.

Some of these are hilarious! Making me genuinely laugh out loud!

My ex SIL took her newborn DS to A&E because he wouldn't stop crying. She had called me and asked what I thought was wrong with him. I told her it was colic. Then MIL phoned me up and gave me a right bollocking because "breastfed babies don't get colic. How dare you make SIL worry like that." Plus the usual "SIL is a qualified nanny so she knows more about babies than you ever will" (I had 2 dc by then). She rushed him to A&E, where they diagnosed him with colic
(I never did work out why she called me for advice when they thought I was so incapable as a parent )

Oh god I’ve just remembered calling the hospital after about 3 days as DD wouldn’t stop crying.

We called 111 and they sent a paramedic
In our defence, it did look like she was maybe doing that sucking in chest thing when she breathed! She’d had a bad cough when she was a few days old and they kept asking us to check her chest for it being sucked in under her ribs so we were extra vigilant about that.
The paramedic was lovely, had three kids of his own and reassured us that, you know, babies cry..
I’ve sworn my husband to secrecy over that story I’m so embarrassed.

So many.

Warming DD1 bed and pyjamas every night.

She started swimming and French lessons at five months ....I remember saying the words "her French teacher" to the HV at her 1y check. To her credit, she didn't smirk.

In fact, it gets even wankier - when she was 2, she took the French class bear home and I made a photo diary for it in French . My father is a professional translator in the diplomatic service and I made him proofread it.

Non-bleached organic cotton bedding only.

No refined sugar till her first birthday when she was allowed homemade chocolate cake made with wholemeal flour and natural yoghurt. I also like a PP remember her holding up a piece of Haribo aged about 3 and saying wonderingly "is it made of rubber?"

I would like to say that I chilled out a bit for the next lot but they were premie twins and I had to keep a diary of all foods, meds, nappies etc for their dietitian! I still make all their food from scratch despite working FT and the only treat they are allowed is dark chocolate. They start preschool in a few months

But you know what? These are all acts of love. I seriously believe that for the babies what comes through is that warm attention and support. The organic unicorn tears are just incidental!

I followed Annabel Karmel recipes religiously and had a freezer full of cubes of organic homemade purees. I spent hours every day preparing my PFB's food then fed my husband ready meals as I was too knackered to cook supper. I used to go to the bloody fish counter at Waitrose every week to buy little cod and salmon fillets as I was worried about the freshness of prepackaged fish. Worst of all, I once even bought him a fillet steak from the meat counter, because rump or sirloin steak wasn't tender enough for my little princeling.

His sister on the other hand gets fed whatever I can find in the fridge at 2 minutes notice. Cheese toasties, tesco fishcakes and pasta with an Ella's pouch for a sauce feature heavily!

This embarrassing as it wasnt a PFB (Precious FIRST Born) but PFB (Precious Fifth Born).

He stayed with my parents for the weekend when he was about 3 months old, I cant remember why now but it must have been important. I did 3 A4 sheets (both sides!) on how to care for him. Bearing in mind that they had had the kids many times since babyhood so why I felt the need to do it that time I dont know. The only thing I have in my defence is that with a couple of months I was severely unwell and had a nervous breakdown.

Bless them, they never said a word.

I love the story from the poster on here who had been told that when going out the baby should just have one more layer than you’re wearing, she realised they were wearing the same amount of layers so took one of hers off to make it right ( that’s the jist of the story).

I was a logger too, there’s endless notebooks of how many mls PFB had a what time, mostly because the HV and midwives would could and ask how much milk he was having and I was that sleep deprived I had no bloody clue! Kept it up way longer than they were visiting for though

We were also obsessive about the temp in the room and would blast the hairdryer on cold to try and get the bloody egg to turn yellow instead of red.

Just remembered one from my cousin.

She bought a steamer and blender and food processor to make her childs food all from scratch. A sensible thing to do as he had/has severe allergies.

However, despite them all eating the allergen free diet she insisted on buying 2 of each item and steaming etc all his food seperately. She admitted later it was utterly bonkers as no potential contaminates ever entered the house, his allergies were so bad until he grew older that they didnt risk it, so there was no chance of cross contamination.

My favourite from MN will always be a toss up between the feeding the baby new foods in A&E car park in case of a reaction, and squirting baby shampoo in ones own eyes to check it really didnt sting!

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff warming the baby's bed and clothes just made me laugh. My mum still insists I have a hot water bottle if I won't have the electric blanket on when I visit and still puts my nightie on the radiator when I visit. I'm 60

Didn’t bath DS for the first month, or wash his hair, because we were told at ante-natal classes that even water is too harsh for a baby’s skin. He had dried blood flaking and coming off his scalp for the first month as we were only using wet cotton wool balls to clean him

I did the same thing with my pfb!! Also because of bloody ante-natal classes telling us all we shouldn't wash them straight away. Unfortunately my baby was born covered in meconium. So I basically left my poor newborn caked in his own shit for a good week and a half because I was so worried that I might disturb his microbiotic protection, or whatever is what I was supposed to be protecting, if I dared give him a quick hair wash .

I love the story from the poster on here who had been told that when going out the baby should just have one more layer than you’re wearing, she realised they were wearing the same amount of layers so took one of hers off to make it right ( that’s the jist of the story)

I howled at that one! I would probably have done the same if it had been a thing when PFB was a baby.

[quote OhTheRoses]@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff warming the baby's bed and clothes just made me laugh. My mum still insists I have a hot water bottle if I won't have the electric blanket on when I visit and still puts my nightie on the radiator when I visit. I'm 60 [/quote]
Oh I think thats possibly the sweetest thing I have ever heard! God bless your mum and lucky you for having her :)

I kept a detailed diary of what she ate and what her bowel movements were like. I don't remember why now - in fact I've only the vaguest memory of doing it. I found it when we moved house. Dd (now teen) speechless

I was obsessed about not overheating ds1. So much so that I remember taking him out in the pram on a frosty autumn day dressed in a normal babygro, no blanket, no coat. Saying that he never puts a coat on now!

ROFL @pyonyangKipperbang might be imagining this but did you once go to a London meet-up - years ago. Zombie and SGB were there. Just your name is familiar and I recall meeting a lovely lady who had struggled with her MH.

This thread is brilliant.

My favourite from MN will always be a toss up between the feeding the baby new foods in A&E car park in case of a reaction, and squirting baby shampoo in ones own eyes to check it really didnt sting!

I can remember having one of those sun parasols on the pram but having to stop on walks every few seconds to adjust it to make sure not one glint of sunshine got on pfb