PFB stuff you did that you look back on and cringe.

[cheesecrack]

I remember a thread about the stuff people did for their precious first born that was pretty bonkers.

Please share - I need a laugh.

Mine are:

Knee pads for my precious crawler

And pre cutting a banana (in half) as I was worried my MIL wouldn’t do it correctly. No idea how I thought my baby could over dose on banana but there you go!

7 seconds. Brilliant

I wouldn't let DH eat a pack of peanuts in the same room as newborn DD, in case she had been born with a peanut allergy and the airborne peanut dust particles caused her to have a reaction.

My second baby eats any old shit

I needed this laugh today 😂 I tracked every feed, nap and nappy for my pfb for months, I’ve barely opened the app for DC2.

Not listening to the radio as I was told at a baby group that too much noise was overwhelming for baby. Second has to listen to whatever oldest is listening to or watching!

PFB was EBF. I meticulously logged every feed on my phone for about the first 6 weeks e.g. right side 3:19pm-3:31pm.

Crazy schedule on notice board in kitchen complete with 'no nappy time' designated to set days, a full blown half hour affair it was too, complete with songs, toys etc.

I blame the advice we were given.

'Keep baby's room at 18 degrees. Overheating is associated with cot death.'
PFB was born in the summer. Cue DH and I fanning him dementedly, terrified because the thermostat read 23.

'Baby must BF for at least 20 mins at a time or he's only getting the foremilk and no hindmilk, which is like having a drink but no food.'
PFB would fall asleep on me after feeding for 5 mins. Cue DH and I desperately trying to stroke and sing him awake to feed more, until I called the hospital in floods of tears at 4am, thinking my baby was fading away because he'd only fed for 5 mins at a time 6 times in the last 3 hours.

@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander

I don't think i did anything overly PFB*, but i did get really upset (not crying upset, maybe more narked) that someone asked "her name" when I took DS1 out for the 1st time. He was dressed in head to toe blue ffs

*Well thinking about it I was (according to my relative) overly strict on what DC could eat when they were small. Eg, they were only allowed water or milk, and jam or chocolate spread were strictly rationed . But TBH I'd be the same if i had more dc.

I did even better than that... when DD1 was about 4months old an old man in Asda mistook her for a boy and asked “his” name. This is maybe the most English thing I’ve ever done but rather than laugh and say she was a girl or laugh and say her very clearly female name, I replied, quick as a flash “His name is Joseph!” What followed was an excruciating (for me) further five minutes in the queue while the old man cooed over DD1 and called her “Little Joe”

Don’t even know where Joseph came from... that wasn’t going to be her name if she had been a boy even! I told my husband and he still brings it up to this day, often to the great offence of now 6yo DD who refuses to believe she ever looked so like a boy that she made a believable Joseph.

I did even better than that... when DD1 was about 4months old an old man in Asda mistook her for a boy and asked “his” name. This is maybe the most English thing I’ve ever done but rather than laugh and say she was a girl or laugh and say her very clearly female name, I replied, quick as a flash “His name is Joseph!” What followed was an excruciating (for me) further five minutes in the queue while the old man cooed over DD1 and called her “Little Joe” grin
That is brilliant 😂

I think I may generally be the "wrong" person for this thread though as I'd been a nanny before having dd so was pretty confident on childcare...

Ex on the other hand dd was the first baby he'd EVER held and he constantly worried he was going to do something wrong!

Reason I mention is bathing in 2cm lukewarm water

Having had a c-section I found using the baby bath a pita! So as we had a good sized kitchen sink at the time I found it easier to bath her in there.

Ex's first time bathing her this way resulted in total panic stations! Why! Cos he accidentally knocked a sharp knife from the drainer into the sink panicked and caught the hot tap while trying to fish it out - then panicked about that too and tried to whip dd out the sink but she was covered in soap and just slid back in!

He was a nervous wreck and wouldn't bath her again that way...she was absolutely fine! Despite the knife and "flame" juggling

Ahh yes, I did once freak at my brother for giving her an UNCUT grape once - as did rest of family! He wasn't a father at this point and didn't know the recent (then) advice on this

I just watched parenthood (the movie) again and I do love the line about letting the 3rd kid juggle knives!

In terms of experience dd was about my 20th! But exs 1st.

Ohh just remembered the time I forgot ALL my training and experience...

When she was moved into her own room around 9/10 months old and her sleep went to shit!

We tried everything (we thought) but mainly we were VERY careful to make ZERO noise when she was finally asleep for dread of waking her!

I'm talking tv on mute and subtitles on, no "pottering" upstairs, only using the downstairs loo...and still not flushing unless absolutely necessary, closing the kitchen door before boiling the kettle....!!!!

We couldn't understand why she was COMPLETELY freaking out when she did wake up "but we were so quiet!"

Well...turned to my mum for advice, exhausted, wired, nerves wrecked...

And she laughed!

At first I was most insulted then she gently not reminded me of my experience/training and told me we were idiots! That the baby was freaking because that total silence made her think we'd disappeared, that we'd abandoned her!

So we (nervously, not entirely convinced) went back to normal noise levels even gradually adding in doing "noisy" things like running a bath and having music on for said bath...

Dd settled better at night and stayed asleep for longer periods

D'oh!!

Made a sugarless birthday cake with sugar free icing for his first birthday. He didn’t at any of it and nor did anyone else because it was disgusting

My DD never slept so I was very tired. I took her to a Rhyme Time at the local library. A Mum asked her name and I said ‘Lauren’. Don’t know why, it’s not her name or anything like her name. The other Mum went ‘Oh that’s my name!’. I then realised what I had done and apologised and told her the correct name. The Mum obviously looked at me like I’m a complete lunatic.

Though fortunately Lauren is really sound and we are quite good friends now

Oh a sugarless cake! Who was that weaning book we all used?

I remember doing purées like a Michelin chef with vanilla pods and all sorts!

Not me, but I did take ds to a 2nd birthday party once where the food was all carrot sticks and cucumber slices; no sweet things at all, and the party bag presents were toothbrushes...

In my last month of pregnancy I was worried that my baby might feel bored and lonely. I talked incessantly to my bump and sang songs with lots of tapping and stroking on my belly.

Can I just say these are all adorable. In a world of chaos and uncertainty- the love that we had from sugar/banana overdose is wonderful

@AllTheWhoresOfMalta @RoxytheRexy you've both reminded me of when DS1 was newborn, still in hospital. Someone visiting a Mum on the same ward asked what I'd had, and what he was called. I replied with a name that not only ^wasn't DS1s name, but hadn't even been on our list of possibles. (I think it was Jacob or Elliott or something, I can't remember now) She said that it was a nice name at which point I said "No its not. Its [name]. No idea why I said that". She looked at me like I was mad

My parents learned that not sticking to the letter, regarding my in-depth and to the minute instructions for PFBs routine, would result in me sinking into deep misery and them not being invited to look after PFB again for months.

I cringe.....but I also fear that if I ever suddenly fight I'm pregnant and having another (please God, no!) that I'd be the same again. My bid to get to a full nights sleep via a routine was determined to say the least.

I also gave the I d worth instructions to my childminder when I returned to work. Bless her - she had looked after a multitude of babies and was great with children, but she nodded and smiled and let me walk away happy. She probably thought I was a nutter, although I expect she'd seen it al before.

I love these threads and am now at the point I can join in and laugh at myself.

I was however gripped with manic anxiety and was absolutely crazy with sleep deprivation with Dd. I was not well at all but also absolutely ridiculous.

First outing post c section I drove to supermarket at 5am, took the pushchair out the boot, transferred her over in car seat, walked round car park and drove home again. This was so as to trial it without anyone seeing, yes the shop was shut, yes I knew it would be.

I recorded everything until she was about seven months old.

I cried my eyes out and almost had a panic attack at a weaning lunch hosted by a lovely doctor friend because Dd ate and managed a piece of steak.

She is nearly two and I have not left her yet, mind nobody has offered. Except nursery for a few hours.

I'm already drafting her routine for when I go in to have baby 2 in December

I have hit myself over the head with a object after she did so to see how sore it was.

When she first started sitting I put a king size duvet on the floor incase she toppled over, I also made my mum do this if at her house. Cringe.

I spend most of the day trying to force myself not to helicopter. She is wild, a total daredevil and I fear it's only going to get worse.

Ps my favourite from the last thread was the lady who got into the pushchair, put the rain over on and made her husband hose it to see if it was waterproof.

Oh and I remember that our NCT group full of mums with PFB could easily spend 2 hours discussing stock with no-salt recipes, when the babies were weaning.

I didn’t have a steriliser (ebf) so when DD went for her 2 month jabs I carefully measured out the right amount of water for the liquid Milton (so a whole bucket). So I could sterilise the calpol syringe I used for her post immunisation dose. It looked utterly ridiculous floating round on its own but it didn’t occur to me that I was bonkers!!

I was so precious about my first born's diet that he had never so much as touched a crisp, until another 2nd birthday party, when he held up a Wotsit for my inspection and said 'Mummy, what are these?' in a very clear and penetrating little voice.

I’ve just remembered some others which made me smile:

One was a mum who admitted to pre warming cucumber sticks.

One was a mum who squirted shampoo in her eyes to see if it really was ‘no more tears’

And lastly a mum who felt sorry for the nursery staff having to say goodbye to her son for the weekend as she presumed they’d miss him.

I've still got the 'log-book' where I recorded 24 hour movements of baby for over 6 months. I wrote down the exact times of sleeping, of 'tummy time' when 'restless and unsettled in night' - ie screaming.

I also recorded exactly how many spoons or ice cubes of baby rice or puréed food were eaten at every meal and how many ounces if milk drunk from the bottle.

I still have that logbook somewhere.

I can laugh now, but it seemed vital back then and necessary to cope with it all....not someone who liked uncertainty!

My PFB is 2.5 months old so I probably don't know what I am being PFB about yet! Although I have logged every single feed since she was about a week old. And nappies until four weeks ago. Sleep I've been doing about the last six weeks too! Uber data geek over here...