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Original poster

Overheard about my life

102 replies

twixter · 18/09/2020 19:27

I was in a queue today and overheard two people in front of me talking about someone recently single and that ‘at 35 she will most likely have no marriage with anyone decent now, let alone a family.’

I’m 36 in two months and felt sick hearing this. I am so sad and alone and can’t help feeling they are right. I’m not 22 anymore, I look older. I don’t want a family alone. I’d love to meet someone. I’ve tried dating. I am exhausted with life and doing everything alone, moving house, changing jobs, choosing a car...it is lonely as fuck. And these girls were right that just like the person they were talking about, I too look like I will face a future alone and without a family.

Just feel sad and guess I wanted some words of comfort that a life alone is ok. It doesn’t feel ok right now.

OP posts:

Toriathebadger · 18/09/2020 19:42

Had those people transported themselves to modern day from ye olden days?! Since when are 35 year olds too old to find a partner and start a family?!

PrincessFlorretta · 18/09/2020 19:44

Oh OP don’t be so hard on yourself.
I know so many people who didn’t find “THE ONE” until late thirties early fourties!
The right person will come along when they are meant to, what’s meant for you will never miss you!
Don’t force it, work on bettering yourself and let it happen naturally.

Original poster

twixter · 18/09/2020 19:45

I feel like it is true though and I was already feeling that way.

I’m 36 in two months. There’s no going to be many people out there. I online date but never feel much even when I carry on seeing them to see if it grows. I’ve tried everything the last two years, dating those I wouldn’t normally, being v open minded about what I want, being specific about what I want and giving up for a while to focus on other things. Still haven’t found the right person.

I feel old and broken by life a bit.

OP posts:

Suckmuckduck · 18/09/2020 19:45

My best friend felt like this when she was single and 39. By 43 she was married with two children.

MaidofKent78 · 18/09/2020 19:46

I met my now husband at 36. Had my DS at 37. Could have had more children but opted to stop at one.

If I'd not met my husband, I'd have been perfectly happy to continue to be on my own. Life alone is great if you're happy and ALWAYS, ALWAYS preferable to being with someone awful for the sake of not being alone.

TinyBarista · 18/09/2020 19:47

That's such bollocks! Don't let it get you down OP

Original poster

twixter · 18/09/2020 19:47

How though? How did she meet them? Did she just settle for someone?

I can’t see it happening at all. I’m so low tonight.

OP posts:

AuntieMarys · 18/09/2020 19:47

Rubbish. I met dh at 55.

Original poster

twixter · 18/09/2020 19:48

I know it is better to be alone than with the wrong one. I do believe that. I just feel sad I’ve never met someone right for me.

I think now if I do any of those things I will have to settle for someone because most are already taken.

OP posts:

SayakaMurata · 18/09/2020 19:51

I met my DH when I was 37.

WatershipDown7 · 18/09/2020 19:55

My sister didn't meet her husband until she was 38. My cousin got married around that age.

SummerHouse · 18/09/2020 19:55

Forgot those witchy dicks. They are probs stuck in unhappy marriages and jealous. You are very young. I know an amazing woman who had three girls all in her 40s. You just never know what's round the corner. Perhaps it's not love but it could be something equally life affirming. Don't lose hope.

Original poster

twixter · 18/09/2020 19:56

Did they settle?

That’s what the feeling seems to be after 35, it’s settling or forever alone

OP posts:

MaidofKent78 · 18/09/2020 19:57

@twixter

How though? How did she meet them? Did she just settle for someone?

I can’t see it happening at all. I’m so low tonight.

I met my husband on-line. I had done all the things you have. Tried keeping an open mind about who I wanted to meet. Went the other way and became ultra-choosy. Took a break to enjoy just being me and being completely selfish about my needs.

This was over the course of I think 4 years. The difference I think when I met my husband was to SLOOOOOOW DOWN and get to know him a bit better before jumping straight into a relationship (and bed). And perhaps going with my head a bit rather than my heart/loins.

But absolutely no settling. I valued myself, and knew what I needed from a long-term prospect.

I'm sorry you've been made to feel like this. Maybe they just caught you at a bad moment.

monkeyonthetable · 18/09/2020 19:57

I know someone who met the love of her life at 45 and another person who met him at 50 - both been incredibly happy together for the last twenty years. I hope you don't have to wait that long and I still remember feeling exactly as you did - doing everything alone while all around me happy couples and families mucked in together. Then I met DH and it changed overnight. It is lonely if you want a partner, But it's even lonelier in a relationship that isn't working.

Toilenstripes · 18/09/2020 19:58

I know the feeling. I met DH when I was 41, and wasn’t looking because why would I? But honestly, just because you got to the party a bit later doesn’t mean there’s no one left for you. I met DH online. He had been overlooked for years because he wasn’t that good looking. Yay for me! Just don’t give up. You will find your lovely person.

Pinkshrimp · 18/09/2020 20:03

Why do you assume people have settled just because they met and married later?

If you haven’t met the right one YET then there are certainly men who haven’t met their right one yet either.

You will find each other when you least expect it!

OneMoreForExtra · 18/09/2020 20:04

OP i can really relate, I've been where you are feeling those things.

I met DH at 38, married 39 and have 2 DC.

But, i did have to do some serious and pragmatic thinking. There was a reason why I had been a serial monogamist and was single at 38. Your story will be different, in my case no-one would have known it but I had all kinds of screwed-up notions about relationships arising from my relationship with my undiagnosed autistic DF. I wish could go back in time and get help to sort it out much, much earlier.

Its still not sorted completely, but at least I have managed to commit to a marriage. The reality is that I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been at the eleventh hour kids-wise, but that pushed me through my pain threshold and it's working out OK.

Its not fashionable to say so, but while you might meet your future DH tomorrow, you might not, or might not recognise any number of potential future DHs, and there are probably factors in your past that are getting in your way. I would tell past me to get relationship counselling on my own. Not necessarily right for you, of course. But if you're upset, it might be time to look at what you're bringing to the relationship scene that isn't working out.

tvsnacking · 18/09/2020 20:05

I met my dh at 37. Please dont give up

MaidofKent78 · 18/09/2020 20:06

@Pinkshrimp

Why do you assume people have settled just because they met and married later?

If you haven’t met the right one YET then there are certainly men who haven’t met their right one yet either.

You will find each other when you least expect it!

This! I didn't settle. If I'd done that, I would have settled down much earlier with either of the two prize prats that I had long-term relationships with before. If anything, I was holding out for for much, much more than I got with either of them.

tvsnacking · 18/09/2020 20:06

Dont know where the came from

SleepingStandingUp · 18/09/2020 20:09

My best friend is 38.5, first baby due imminently. Married about 7 months ago so she must have been about 35 when they meet.
OLD.
She didn't settle bit she did shift her perspective. She's always gonna for a certain type of guy, she was still auntie in her 30s so something needed to change. He isn't what I'd expect her to go for physically or job wise, so maybe she settled for someone less conventionally attractive and someone less ambitious bit she didn't settle with regards to how he made her feel, how he treated her etc iyswim.

Codexdivinchi · 18/09/2020 20:16

Oh crap I’m 41 two kids and just left my DH so it looks like My life is over

I was single up untill I was 31 so I know how lonely it is but married life and kids isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either.

I suppose you have to make the best of what you have.

I was SA by a family member when I was younger so there is zero chance of me trusting another bloke near my kids so o know I’m looking at single life for a long time.

I settled for exdh and although we have had a good ten years it wasn’t thrilling we plodded along mainly me being used as a door mat.

Internet dating is shit. My mates do it. All it does is damage your self esteem.

What’s your social circle like? Do you have many single friends?

WiserOlder · 18/09/2020 20:18

What a small town life mindset.

MissConductUS · 18/09/2020 20:28

I got divorced at 34 (no kids), met DH at 36 and got married two years later. We have two great kids, both in uni now, and he's been a lovely husband and father. He's the best person I know tbh.

I asked him out on match.com.

As to "all of the good ones are taken", there are always some good ones coming back on the market. And you only need one. But you have to put yourself out there and be a pushy trollop like I was.

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