Overheard about my life

[twixter]

I was in a queue today and overheard two people in front of me talking about someone recently single and that ‘at 35 she will most likely have no marriage with anyone decent now, let alone a family.’

I’m 36 in two months and felt sick hearing this. I am so sad and alone and can’t help feeling they are right. I’m not 22 anymore, I look older. I don’t want a family alone. I’d love to meet someone. I’ve tried dating. I am exhausted with life and doing everything alone, moving house, changing jobs, choosing a car...it is lonely as fuck. And these girls were right that just like the person they were talking about, I too look like I will face a future alone and without a family.

Just feel sad and guess I wanted some words of comfort that a life alone is ok. It doesn’t feel ok right now.

[SenselessUbiquity]

I had my children at 37 and 39 and then I met my gorgeous man (2 years after the end of that relationship) at 47. I had been thinking and writing (I am an inveterate journaler) lots of stuff about coming to terms with life without romance or sex, no man really wanting you again type stuff. It seems ridiculous now. Partly because although I was definitely prettier and slimmer when I was younger, I was never a woman who had perfect looks so I don't know why I felt my sex appeal had dramatically fallen off this cliff - sure I didn't look like Julia Roberts at 25, when I was 47, but I didn't look like Julia Roberts at 25 when I was 25. So I don't know what magic I thought I had lost.

People are saying have babies if you want to - do - but don't think you have to. I had babies sort of with a sperm donor, not consciously but I didn't marry the guy although he wanted to, and I think I knew he was just doing a job for now. You could do it that way, as long as you are financially protected and so are the children, for the future.

[EmbarrassedUser]

I got married at 34. Still plenty of time @twixter

[SleepingStandingUp]

@Flittingaboutagain

I don't think you're a wet blanket it's fine to have a wobble online!

Exactly this @Megan2018.
Not everyone has to be a constant ray of positivity about how amazing their life is, will be and shall always be. It's ok to have moment where you think SHIT, I don't know how to get what I want without being called feeble, and a negative wet blanket.
You have no idea what op has been doing to get the life she wants, she had a stark reminder today that she's not there yet and it night not happen. But sure, your name calling is sure to help

[Justaboy]

I was never as lonely as in bed next to an unsuitable DH.

Yes don't they say that;

The loneliest place in the world is a cold marridge bed

[Flittingaboutagain]

I don't think you're a wet blanket it's fine to have a wobble online!

[AllRightEsther]

Sorry to regurgitate a cliche but really the grass is always greener. Coupledom is a misery for many who misjudged it and are together for the DC, trying to make the best of it, secretly wishing they were single again.

Not saying there are no happy couples/families of course there are, it's all so nuanced.

After a loooong relationship and DC I know it's the last thing I want now. Biologically I still have that option I just had to try it out first to know that for sure. Dc know they're very much loved by both parents but I'll never conform to the typical family.

[GabsAlot]

its very old fashioned thinking its not victorian times when everyone was married by 18

on the flip side some people marry young and are divorced by your age-it isnt a fairytale where prince charming will turn up be realistic

[Megan2018]

@SleepingStandingUp

The OP doesn’t need empathy, she needs a kick up the arse!

[Icanflyhigh]

I met my DH2be when I was 36, after 14 years of a loveless marriage.
4 and a half years later, we are so atupidly happy. Its not too late.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@Megan2018

Stop being so feeble-no wonder you are single if you mope about like that. It’s not attractive to be such a negative wet blanket

Amazing things happen to people at all ages. People in their 80’s fall in love, life does not end at bloody 35.

I met my DH at 35, had our DD at 41. Not settled thanks very much.

Why are you so invested in what other people think? Get a grip, get some therapy and change your mindset.

Not everyone meets a life partner and has children, there’s no guarantee of that no. But you aren’t going to find happiness with someone else if you aren’t happy and fulfilled on your own first.

And yet totally failed to find any kind of empathy in that process

[Megan2018]

Stop being so feeble-no wonder you are single if you mope about like that. It’s not attractive to be such a negative wet blanket

Amazing things happen to people at all ages. People in their 80’s fall in love, life does not end at bloody 35.

I met my DH at 35, had our DD at 41. Not settled thanks very much.

Why are you so invested in what other people think? Get a grip, get some therapy and change your mindset.

Not everyone meets a life partner and has children, there’s no guarantee of that no. But you aren’t going to find happiness with someone else if you aren’t happy and fulfilled on your own first.

[Sarahpaula]

At 36, there are other options than having a man and kids. That is not the only way to live your life.

I am 36, and at the moment I am working remotely and I am traveling around Mexico (which is still open to tourists). Live the life you really want!

[Doliv63]

My sister was 43 when she met her partner...12 years ago !! Ok no children but they have an amazing life . Holidays that I can only dream of and so much fun together. I have three children who I adore but every day is a drama for various reasons and husband is lovely but sooo🥱

[Danja2010]

DONT give up I met my hubby at 40...get this he is 13 years younger and we are still together 20 years on !

[DeliasDinner]

Nooo OP. I settled in my 20s, divorced him in my 30s and found proper happiness in my 40s. Can remember feeling just as you do, and assuming I'd remain single, but please know there will be someone for you. People say 'youll meet someone when you least expect it', and when you're single and a bit fragile, that sounds such placatory nonsense. But it will happen. And you wont be expecting it

[FairPoint]

Just maybe, because you are more discerning than most, when you meet "the one" you won't get divorced 15 years later, as many do, and will have more happy years than most? Both myself and my sister are single divorced early 50s. However, even that is not too late! - and you actually can adopt quite late.

[BrunetteAli]

@twixter and @AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit I am in the same boat too although a couple of years older. I try to be positive but it is hard as it feels like time is running out. What you overheard was mean and judgemental gossip but people sometimes don’t think before they speak. I am often asked if I am married or have children, both very personal questions and the older I get, the more these cut me to the core. I would dearly love to be but things haven’t worked out that way and yes, you end up doing things on your own. It’s the companionship I miss; society does make you feel inadequate and like you have underachieved if you aren’t at least in a relationship. Everything is built for two, even when you book a hotel, the room default is two adults. I agree that you need to be happy in yourself and no one should look for someone else to complete them. There are plenty of people who are in unhappy relationships and being single is preferable to that but I know how you feel and sympathise x

[thinkingaboutLangCleg]

I felt the same at your age, OP, but DH and I met in our 40s and have never looked back. We’re both easy-going and had both become more tolerant than when we were young.

But some things you must never compromise on, especially aggression. I had earlier had some crap relationships through putting up with bad-tempered men, thinking I could make their lives happier. What an idiot I was! Lucky to meet DH, who wanted to make me happy.I hope things work out for you too.

[ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit]

You can do children alone if you really want! I think I would have done, and was starting to think along those lines when I met DH at 34. He is younger and we didn't rush, and eventually married at 39. Two babies later and very happy now in my later 50s.

BUT - I had left it a bit late and needed IVF with donor eggs. Not everyone's choice, and some people do have issues with carrying a child - but most healthy women can carry donor conceived embryos and bear children even when menopausal. Or you can foster or adopt.

If you want a family there are a few time constraints, but if you just want a life partner there are none. Either way - I'm sure you'll get there, just please don't feel sad and ignore these stupid people.

[oakleaffy]

@twixter

I know it is better to be alone than with the wrong one. I do believe that. I just feel sad I’ve never met someone right for me.

I think now if I do any of those things I will have to settle for someone because most are already taken.

Good grief!
Don't 'settle for someone'... how ghastly...

Ironically those people I knew with the so say 'picture perfect' social media relationships are now divorced.

It seems that unless one is exceptionally lucky, that marriage for life is a rare thing.

More people than ever are living alone through choice these days.
I too have heard of people falling in love in their 60's!

[Rubytoosday]

I met my DH when I was 37, nearly 38. We married last year when I was 42, nearly 43. We probably won’t have any kids by our age but a) the people you overheard are wrong, you can find happiness with someone at any age and b) is there only one way to find happiness in life? Some people are miserable living the life they seem to assume everyone should follow. It’s 2020!

[oakleaffy]

30's is young!

I don't mind living alone...it has a lot to recommend it.

Far better to have autonomy than to be stuck in an unhappy relationship!

However...I do have an adult DS who lives nearby which makes a difference.

Many people would envy your life! I was never as lonely as in bed next to an unsuitable DH.

[RickOShay]

One of my best mates has just met her partner at 45. They are trying for a baby, the first for both of them.
I got married at 38. It will happen. Try and love yourself in the meantime.

[Jux]

Good God woman! I met (and married) my dh when I was 38! I had dd at 41. You have years ahead of you.

One of my best friends met her dh in her late 60s! It was like a fairy tale!

[DumDaDumDum]

How small minded...

@twixter let me tell you. I am 35, been in several LTR with men that weren’t good enough. Everytime marriage was mentioned, I ran...

Then I met my now fiancé. I knew as soon as I met him that we clicked. That was 2 years ago. He proposed this summer.

It will happen when you least expect it, just be open to it and be positive!