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Original poster

I can never leave my house again

147 replies

mylittleyumyum · 16/09/2020 01:34

Nor can I sleep. Was woken by noises coming from my back garden. Lay in silence straining to hear. Heard a throat being cleared. Definitely someone out there. I swung my legs out of bed, flicked on the security light while simultaneously pulling up my blind. Except it was the switch for my lamp. I stood naked, confused and blinking for a minute peering uselessly at my own reflection, saw movement in next doors garden, then heard my neighbour (male) saying "fucking hell" and sliding his door open to go back inside.
I've been lying here sweating and mortified for 40 minutes. Shit. They are lovely neighbours. Fuck.

OP posts:
Funnyface1 · 16/09/2020 10:52

Well he shouldn't be out in the garden at that time, making noise, disturbing the neighbors.

I'm assuming he'll only have seen your top half? Well worth it if it stops him prowling around the garden in the early hours.

Unless he saw something he liked and now he'll be at it again.

Best thread ever btw.

HappyBumbleBee · 16/09/2020 10:53

Grin @mylittleyumyum Thankyou hahaha - funniest thing I've read in ages xx

LaDilettante · 16/09/2020 11:03

I’ve got a really annoying upstairs neighbour who keeps going in and out slamming the front door until 3 am to make phone calls,vape etc... I live in a house converted into two flats and the front door is right next to my bedroom. I’m going to try your technique OP. I’ll let you know how it goes

Allusernamesalreadyused · 16/09/2020 11:12

OMG😂. Sorry for being mean but I needed this today😂😂😂

PerveenMistry · 16/09/2020 11:17

@Jeremyironseverything

He won't know that you knew he was out there. As far as he knows you were just looking out of the window in the middle of the night. So you are just a weirdo, rather than a flasher.
This. Grin
Original poster
mylittleyumyum · 16/09/2020 11:35

Thanks all, your tales of accidental flashing are making me feel a lot better about it.

My taxi rank flash was back when my youngest was about 8 months old. I used to front carry her in a sling and she would feed non-stop all the way round the shops. To facilitate access I'd scoop the neck of my vest top under my boobs, and flip one over the top of my bra at a time. All nicely hidden.

My toddler was being a git on the way back to the car, I was hot and frazzled, carrying shopping and couldn't wait to unsling the little one. I bent into the car, unclipped her, popped her in the car seat and stood up, with the sling dangling like an apron. Felt cool air on my damp nipples, felt about 10 pairs of eyes on my damp nipples, and I just hopped in the car, belted up and drove away.

I refused to acknowledge that one to even myself for MONTHS.

OP posts:
SconesJamthenCream · 16/09/2020 11:49

I once flashed at one of the workers at our local tip. Had taken a jumper off and somehow my t-shirt caught up inside it without me realising until I got back in the car.

I've just about recovered, some 5 years or so on - he still works there. You do get over it as you can't avoid seeing them.

To be fair, he's probably more concerned that you're going to report him for being a peeping Tom!

GrouchyKiwi · 16/09/2020 12:16

OP I am dying at your stories. So sorry. Grin

gower4 · 16/09/2020 12:18

Why was he in his garden at 1:30am mid-week??

CorianderLord · 16/09/2020 12:20

Hahahah ah well

Frownette · 16/09/2020 12:34

Thinking about it last week neighbour asked to go around a bit unexpectantly when I'd just showered because he was worried about something. So I was just swaddled in a huge towel which would be larger than most dresses.

A song came on which I really liked so I got up and swirled around and managed to drop my towel and knock over cheap glass from the sideboard at the same time.

I only felt slight embarassment as it's not an exciting sight and was a mistake. Just picked up my towel as quickly as possible and wanted to clear glass up.

TheBadWaitress · 16/09/2020 12:39

You have a switch for your outside security light next to your bed?

Original poster
mylittleyumyum · 16/09/2020 12:42

@Frownette

Thinking about it last week neighbour asked to go around a bit unexpectantly when I'd just showered because he was worried about something. So I was just swaddled in a huge towel which would be larger than most dresses.

A song came on which I really liked so I got up and swirled around and managed to drop my towel and knock over cheap glass from the sideboard at the same time.

I only felt slight embarassment as it's not an exciting sight and was a mistake. Just picked up my towel as quickly as possible and wanted to clear glass up.

I hope your naked dancing took his mind off his woes :D
OP posts:
Original poster
mylittleyumyum · 16/09/2020 12:42

@TheBadWaitress

You have a switch for your outside security light next to your bed?
yip, on the wall next to a double socket.
OP posts:
heidihigh · 16/09/2020 12:43

"You're just a weirdo, not a flasher" has me absolutely howling. Grin

Suzi888 · 16/09/2020 12:45

Grin haha! Brilliant!

TheBadWaitress · 16/09/2020 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

yecannyshoveyergranny · 16/09/2020 12:53

@fairydustandpixies

Oh no!! That's hilarious!! Sorry, OP!

If it helps, several years back, early one summer's morning, I opened my curtains to see my neighbour running, completely starkers, across her garden to her shed where she kept her tumble dryer. We locked eyes as she opened her shed door, she screamed, dived inside the shed and then reappeared a few moments later fully dressed and strolled back across the garden like nothing happened!

😂😂😂
sunshinesupermum · 16/09/2020 12:58

OP thank you for the laugh, the taxi driver story is hilarious!

As for your NDN Ignore, ignore, ignore

Jeremyironseverything · 16/09/2020 13:00

At least you'll save on the stamp duty...

Sunnydaysstillhere · 16/09/2020 13:05

You do know ndn will have arranged to have 5 mates round later and they will all be coughing in the garden /making odd dcat/hedgehog /ddog /burglar noises don't you?? Shops are still open - get yourself a fancy dress outfit.
Wonder woman maybe?
Or a baywatch swimsuit?

Girlzroolz · 16/09/2020 13:36

My mate’s story is guaranteed to make you feel better.

She had the whole back half of her house demolished, and it was being rebuilt. She was using the old makeshift shower one morning. Felt something strange sprinkling onto her hair from the shower rose as she shampooed. Rinsed her eyes and looked up to find maggots falling from a big dead native animal in the roof. Ran naked, screeching and madly shaking her head into the open back ‘garden’. Took up the garden hose and tried valiantly to sluice out the maggots. Looked up (eventually) to find 7 workmen, of various trades, frozen in place staring at her. Most of them within 10 metres of her. Gobsmacked.

She straightened up, maggots and all, and walked nonchalantly indoors, pausing to comment on the good workmanship of the framing.

Her name was Sally-Anne. Be like Sally-Anne.

Jpowe · 16/09/2020 13:45

🤣 too funny

ArabellaScott · 16/09/2020 13:45

Wow, Girlzroolz. I am in awe.

Shadow1986 · 16/09/2020 13:52

Oh dear OP!

These things happen, my DH has actually been flashed twice. Once by a neighbour who, on a sunny day, walked across the road to talk to DH just as a huge gust of wind blew up her summer dress to reveal she had no knickers on. She patted her dress down and carried on talking like nothing had happened. The second flashing was actually my puppy’s fault, DH was walking her and a group of people were having a picnic and sunbathing. One woman came over with a bikini top on and dungarees pulled down and bent down to stroke the dog, the dog jumped up on her chest and pulled her bikini top down and her boob flipped out. Hahaha