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Original poster

I can never leave my house again

147 replies

mylittleyumyum · 16/09/2020 01:34

Nor can I sleep. Was woken by noises coming from my back garden. Lay in silence straining to hear. Heard a throat being cleared. Definitely someone out there. I swung my legs out of bed, flicked on the security light while simultaneously pulling up my blind. Except it was the switch for my lamp. I stood naked, confused and blinking for a minute peering uselessly at my own reflection, saw movement in next doors garden, then heard my neighbour (male) saying "fucking hell" and sliding his door open to go back inside.
I've been lying here sweating and mortified for 40 minutes. Shit. They are lovely neighbours. Fuck.

OP posts:
Cheeseandwin5 · 16/09/2020 09:32

To be fair , your neighnour is going to be worried you think he is a peeping tom.
I am sure its a situation all parties wished hadn't happened, but pretty sure in a few years it will be a funny story you tell ppl

NoBloodyFighting · 16/09/2020 09:32

I've giggled throughout this thread but this had me howling it felt like forever I was standing there blinking like a myopic owl.

Original poster
mylittleyumyum · 16/09/2020 09:33

@SillyCow6

Was the lamp behind you or in front of you? Just wondering if he just saw a looming silhouette or did he see your naked form in HD
It was to the right of me and slightly behind. Hmmm, I'll need to experiment with that, find out how exposed I actually was....

I've accidentally flashed in the past, the window cleaner (breastfeeding) and a queue of middle-aged taxi drivers in a car park, but this feels so much worse.

OP posts:
Crazy8 · 16/09/2020 09:36

Tell him your weird twin was staying the night

Osquito · 16/09/2020 09:39

Ahhahahahaaaaaaahahah oh my god!
Never mention it, don’t look embarassed, don’t avoid him, don’t make excuses.

Didkdt · 16/09/2020 09:40

Maybe he didn't see you?
Have you said good morning. Grin

Vinosaurus · 16/09/2020 09:49

Oh bloody hell - that's hysterical! Think you're gonna have to brazen this one out and act completely normal the next time you see him. Maybe slip into conversation that your sleepwalking has gotten a lot worse recently?

If it makes you feel any better - DH and I went for a bit of afternoon delight the other day and he decided that it was the day for being INCREDIBLY vocal (must've been doing something right!). Only realised front and back windows were open and lovely neighbours (in their 60s) were in their garden afterwards. Haven't seen them since.

ArabellaScott · 16/09/2020 09:50

You ... how do you ... accidentally flash a line of taxi drivers?

newsyoucanuse · 16/09/2020 09:55

You'll have to leave. I can see no other way. Sorry.
Just never EVER mention it Ever...

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 16/09/2020 09:56

@ArabellaScott

You ... how do you ... accidentally flash a line of taxi drivers?
Agree - we must be told.
JinglingHellsBells · 16/09/2020 09:58

Great start for a novel.

Next chapter please!

But if it's true- just smile at him :)

newsyoucanuse · 16/09/2020 09:58

I once flashed the top deck of a bus... hotel room several floors up - threw the curtains open to look at view not realising that as the hotel was on a hill/curve the top deck bus sitting in traffic outside was level with the window... there was no buildings on the opp. side of the road so I thought no-one would see owt.

Pinkypink · 16/09/2020 10:05

This thread is the reason to be on mn.
Thank you op

Lisette1940 · 16/09/2020 10:07

ach OP I really feel for you but thank you so much for posting. You've certainly added to the gaiety of the nation particularly when we're in the middle of this pandemic.

fairydustandpixies · 16/09/2020 10:11

Oh no!! That's hilarious!! Sorry, OP!

If it helps, several years back, early one summer's morning, I opened my curtains to see my neighbour running, completely starkers, across her garden to her shed where she kept her tumble dryer. We locked eyes as she opened her shed door, she screamed, dived inside the shed and then reappeared a few moments later fully dressed and strolled back across the garden like nothing happened!

AriettyHomily · 16/09/2020 10:14

If it makes you feel any better OP, I was living in a third floor flat above shops in my student days. I opened the curtains in a hungover daze because there was no way anyone could see in there, it wasn't overlooked by anything, too high for busses to see in etc.

Abslutley stark naked, and right outside my window where two guys in a cherry picker fixing the streetlight.

Worst thing was I had to leave for my job about 20 minutes later and as I walked out they were coming down from the cherry picker.

Spied · 16/09/2020 10:14

Oh God. I hope you don't hear a throat being cleared tonight.
This seemingly lovely neighbour may be out there hours waiting for a repeat...

maddy68 · 16/09/2020 10:15

You have to move ....

Annasgirl · 16/09/2020 10:17

Thanks OP, I needed a laugh this morning. I am sure you will recover - but I hope he is a very old man so you can ignore him and not a dad from the school run Blush

Knittedfairies · 16/09/2020 10:19

I once heard the window cleaner outside while I was getting dressed. He uses one of those long brushes with a big tank of water in his pick-up truck. I was wearing nothing but my wedding ring when he appeared at the bedroom window; his brush thing was being repaired so he was cleaning windows the old-fashioned way. Neither of us has mentioned it...

pussycatinboots · 16/09/2020 10:21

I've accidentally flashed in the past, the window cleaner (breastfeeding) and a queue of middle-aged taxi drivers in a car park, but this feels so much worse.

Ah, so now it's all exposed.
You are a serial flasher.

MargeProopsSpecs · 16/09/2020 10:21

I’ve accidentally flashed in the past, the window cleaner (breastfeeding) a queue of middle aged taxi drivers

Oh flipping heck, so you’ve got form op... Grin

TenDays · 16/09/2020 10:25

When I drop myself in it I remind myself that humiliation is character-forming.

Anyway, you'd be backlit so he wouldn't see much even if he looked hard. He's probably assuming you were in some skin-coloured nightie and thinking 'I'd SWEAR she was nekkid!'

I'd just live it down. Act naturally. Nobody can prove a THING.

gottomakeithappen · 16/09/2020 10:25

I'm having a stressful day and this really made me smile. I am sorry you have experienced that but honestly you and your neighbour will move past it.
I have done something similar in the past with the bus stop opposite at 3am and wondering what was going on. Safe to say they moved on fairly quickly after me appearing at the window and my other half turning the light on (don't think he realised i was at the window).

TenDays · 16/09/2020 10:27

@Knittedfairies

I once heard the window cleaner outside while I was getting dressed. He uses one of those long brushes with a big tank of water in his pick-up truck. I was wearing nothing but my wedding ring when he appeared at the bedroom window; his brush thing was being repaired so he was cleaning windows the old-fashioned way. Neither of us has mentioned it...
My bedroom windows were once cleaned REALLY thoroughly for about there quarters of an hour throughout several pages of the Kama Sutra as demonstrated by the ex and myself.
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