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I can never leave my house again

147 replies

mylittleyumyum · 16/09/2020 01:34

Nor can I sleep. Was woken by noises coming from my back garden. Lay in silence straining to hear. Heard a throat being cleared. Definitely someone out there. I swung my legs out of bed, flicked on the security light while simultaneously pulling up my blind. Except it was the switch for my lamp. I stood naked, confused and blinking for a minute peering uselessly at my own reflection, saw movement in next doors garden, then heard my neighbour (male) saying "fucking hell" and sliding his door open to go back inside.
I've been lying here sweating and mortified for 40 minutes. Shit. They are lovely neighbours. Fuck.

OP posts:
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MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 18/09/2020 09:50

@nachthexe

Oh god. I once spent about two hours as a 17yo working in a warehouse on an RAF station with shirt undone to the waist. I genuinely had no idea (it was boiling fucking hot and I had undone my shirt at lunchtime to reapply deodorant and apparently got distracted and didn’t do it back up.) It was a lot busier after lunch with lots of nice young men in uniform popping by to say hello.
There were a few weird conversations but I was basically rolling my eyes at the lame attempts at flirting.
I didn’t realise until I had to walk across the station to a different store and got half way down the road when the wind picked up and MY FUCKING SHIRT took off and I realised I had basically been chatting to half the bastarding Air Force because the nice lads in the store had been calling all their mates to come and see the half naked totty before she puts her clothes back together.

Oh god, you have reminded me that, in my early 20s, I was striding through town in a hurry to do something on my lunch break. I had my earphones in (Walkman, back in the day..), so I was annoyed when I saw a man speaking to me - thought he was some random dude hassling me. Pulled one earphone out with an annoyed sigh, and snapped, "What?". The guy said "You're unbuttoned". Looked down to see my bastarding blouse had come open to the waist Blush. And I had just snapped at the poor guy who warned me Blush Blush .

If you're out there, Random Dude, I am forever grateful - and you're more of a gentleman than the entire RAF, apparently
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nachthexe · 18/09/2020 05:11

Oh god. I once spent about two hours as a 17yo working in a warehouse on an RAF station with shirt undone to the waist. I genuinely had no idea (it was boiling fucking hot and I had undone my shirt at lunchtime to reapply deodorant and apparently got distracted and didn’t do it back up.) It was a lot busier after lunch with lots of nice young men in uniform popping by to say hello.
There were a few weird conversations but I was basically rolling my eyes at the lame attempts at flirting.
I didn’t realise until I had to walk across the station to a different store and got half way down the road when the wind picked up and MY FUCKING SHIRT took off and I realised I had basically been chatting to half the bastarding Air Force because the nice lads in the store had been calling all their mates to come and see the half naked totty before she puts her clothes back together.

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Jeremyironseverything · 17/09/2020 03:08

The guy in front of me in airport security took his belt off to put in the tray. His trousers immediately fell down to his ankles. He pulled them up quickly in one swift movement and carried on nonchalantly. Most people didn't even appear to notice. My friend and I looked at each other in a "did that really happen way" then burst into fits of giggles.

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Alwaysinpain · 16/09/2020 23:48

@FenellaVelour

I’ve flashed the window cleaner. I was lying naked on my bed (top floor flat) thinking nobody could see in as I was on the fourth floor, casually reading my book, when I heard the squeegee run down the glass. I just had time to clock the cherry picker and the window cleaner’s slightly amused expression before diving under my duvet.

At least I never had to see that window cleaner again, though.

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin
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colouringindoors · 16/09/2020 21:29

GirlzRoolz

I think your friend Sally-Anne should be in charge of Everything Grin

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colouringindoors · 16/09/2020 21:14

Thread of the year for me OP GrinGrin

So many hilarious stories!

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colouringindoors · 16/09/2020 21:12

Thank you OP. My first laugh of the day Grin

It's England (?) Everyone will act as if it never happened.

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stanski · 16/09/2020 21:10

Thank you for the laugh!

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Thegreymethod · 16/09/2020 21:04

That's Hilarious I'm sorry OP! I think I would have to explain so he didn't think I was purposely flashing him....... or maybe I'd want to but would be too embarrassed to actually have the chat!! You have my full frontal sympathy

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mummabear1967 · 16/09/2020 20:34

Oh, OP, you’ve given me a good laugh, I’m so sorry!

Honestly, I’d be the same if I was in your shoes. I don’t know if I’d say anything. Just be normal when you next see them and don’t say a thing. If they bring it up, just explain you were half asleep and that you apologise!

Nothing else you can do

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madcatladyforever · 16/09/2020 20:21

Burn the house down to the ground and leave immediately.

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Alwaysinpain · 16/09/2020 20:17

Omg! This reminds me of my 6 months spent living in a first floor flat next to a traffic light junction.... One afternoon I'm starkers after a shower and what pulls up?

Double decker bus.

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WorryWartOne · 16/09/2020 20:00

Flashed the postman the other day, didn’t realise DH had left the front door open to cool down the flat, so I strolled cheerfully out of the bathroom naked as a jaybird to hear a hurried ‘Sorry!’ and see a flash of red (uniform, face, who knows) as postie hurriedly scuttled away 🤦‍♀️

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FenellaVelour · 16/09/2020 15:56

I’ve flashed the window cleaner. I was lying naked on my bed (top floor flat) thinking nobody could see in as I was on the fourth floor, casually reading my book, when I heard the squeegee run down the glass. I just had time to clock the cherry picker and the window cleaner’s slightly amused expression before diving under my duvet.

At least I never had to see that window cleaner again, though.

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tiktokmakeaclock · 16/09/2020 15:32

My skirt fell off once as I was walking past a line of lunching lorry drivers at a service station. I stopped solemnly and put it back on.

Afterwards, my boyfriend didn't think I took it seriously enough. When didn't agree that a Terrible Thing had just happened, he said "Well, I'm mortified for you! And when you had baggy pants on, too! They could be Huggies Pull-ups!".

How I laughed.

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tiktokmakeaclock · 16/09/2020 15:24

12:34Frownette

You are a legend. I wish you were my neighbor!

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EmbarrassedUser · 16/09/2020 15:15

Nothing helpful to say apart from... 😂 😆 🤣 Tbh, if I’d seen you, it would make a hilarious story to tell mates for a day or two but I would have forgotten about it by Saturday, just being honest! Feel for you though 😆

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BashfulClam · 16/09/2020 15:05

My husband also flashed our neighbour who was out front with her dog and he ran down the stairs starkers with the landing blind open.

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Lisette1940 · 16/09/2020 15:04

I need to be more like Sallyanne @Girlzroolz. Am totally inspired by her!

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BashfulClam · 16/09/2020 15:04

I was once in Edinburgh and looked up at a hotel on the Royal Nile there was a woman
In a towel struggling with the curtain. Her towel dropped during the struggle and she flashed to full Royal Mile. She had caught my attention as I spotted movement out the side of my eye up at the window so I probably wasn’t the only one who saw her.

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Shaniac · 16/09/2020 14:21

This thread is hilarious Grin op if it helps i once flashed my entire uni lecture in a massive auditorium.

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MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 16/09/2020 14:04

Grin @Girlzroolz - tell your friend that she's our heroine

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Shadow1986 · 16/09/2020 13:52

Oh dear OP!

These things happen, my DH has actually been flashed twice. Once by a neighbour who, on a sunny day, walked across the road to talk to DH just as a huge gust of wind blew up her summer dress to reveal she had no knickers on. She patted her dress down and carried on talking like nothing had happened. The second flashing was actually my puppy’s fault, DH was walking her and a group of people were having a picnic and sunbathing. One woman came over with a bikini top on and dungarees pulled down and bent down to stroke the dog, the dog jumped up on her chest and pulled her bikini top down and her boob flipped out. Hahaha

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ArabellaScott · 16/09/2020 13:45

Wow, Girlzroolz. I am in awe.

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Jpowe · 16/09/2020 13:45

🤣 too funny

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