If you have robust mental health, how?

[Laverbreadeater]

I think its great at the moment so many people are opening up about their struggles with mental health and that there is less stigma about it even if support hasn't quite caught up! I myself struggle with anxiety and depression and over the past few years I have realised that so do many, many people perhaps even most people to some degree. However what I am interested in here is the people who do not suffer from mental health issues and in finding out why they think that is?

I have one close friend who falls into this catagory stable and at peace with herself which I am in awe of. I did ask her to try and explain why she thinks she is this way and she told me that she is pretty much always able to pinpoint quickly exactly what she is feeling and why which allows her to put thinks into perspective and take any action she needs to in order to sort things out. Sometimes that might be to take a break, eat something, have a nap or even just nothing and let the feeling pass. She is also good at balancing her life so she can manage things well. She had a tough time in her 20's as did I but she seems to have been able to use that as a learning experiance and lives her life now better because of it. While I still feel broken by my past at times.

If you are a strong person, how do you do it? Was it something you learned, did your parents teach you or is it just genetics?

I had pretty bad anxiety for a year after ds was born 12 years ago (he needed surgery at 5 days old and I had dangerously high bp - I think that's what kicked it all off).

Other than that, my mental health has always been fine. I think a lot of it is that I've been pretty lucky in life . Nice, stable upbringing, no real traumas, not rich but comfortable, live in a nice place, happily married, pretty easy kids etc. I also think that I have a fairly philosophical attitude to life, don't put too much pressure on myself etc. I'm not a very emotional person and tend not to have big highs and lows.

I'm writing from the perspective of a MH professional but also someone who is pretty robust with my own mental health.

People don't choose to have good or bad mental health and it isnt something you can control very easily. Early life experiences have a massive impact - i believe my own resilience comes from having a strong bond with dm (despite having a shitty and abusive father, luckily he was out a lot).

I think that experiencing some adversity is helpful, as long as it doesn't push you too far.

I also think a really solid base if feeling loved by the people in my life helps. And having a safe and stable home. And having something in my life that I feel confident I am good at helps my self esteem massively.

I think a lot of mental health must be related to the exact mix of hormones and other natural chemicals in the body and brain.

The fact that anti depressants and other MH drugs, and some natural supplements help, proves that MH must be at least partly due to brain chemistry.

This is a really interesting post. So many people-both online and in real life seem to have struggled with their mental health and I feel very lucky that I don’t seem to have so far.

I struggled with my first baby when they didn’t sleep and did have some dark thoughts but this was purely sleep deprivation which was short lived, and when I could sleep again, I was fine.

I think I’m quite positive and try to recognise that ‘this too shall pass’ no matter what it is-that helps. I have lovely parents, siblings, children and friends who are immensely supportive. DH is the main sticking point, but that’s not for this thread-he is generally a good guy. My job can be stressful but colleagues are lovely so that keeps me positive, too. I do make sure I get plenty of down time-Reading, walking, just being alone, as well as spending time with friends and family which I think helps me recharge.

I think having faced adversities helps. I think I'm pretty resilient and have good mental health. I have faced alot of set backs but got through them which I think gives me the confidence and hope that I will get past problems. I also don't care that much what others think which helps!

I attempt to remove stressors from my life as and when they arrive asap. I sleep as much as possible and I rely in myself, not others, as much as possible. I am not ambitious. I don't have kids or want them. I work to live not live to work. If I dont like a job for any reason then I leave it and find another. I live in the moment as much as possible. I eat whatever I like but in moderation and I watch tons of tv and play a little video games for escapism. I dance about for at least half an hour every night to music. And I really couldn't give a shit about trying to impress anyone but myself (apart from on the rare occasion...in which case I try to check myself asap lol). Walking in nice weather is always good too. Life motto of Hakuna matata.

Usually pretty mentally robust. Provided I stick to the above.

I think I have robust mh. Trying to pinpoint how is harder than you think too so it’s a really good question op.
After a huge traumatic event in my teens and getting over that without any help or support I now have the attitude that absolutely nothing can come close to destroying me.

Since my teenage trauma, I have had some more pretty horrific events to contend with but although initially stunned and affected, I do seem to recover & crack on very quickly.

I don’t tend to dwell, I can’t hold onto things in my head for very long.
I’m pretty much average and unassuming, no deep & meaningful thoughts, robust, hard faced I suppose.
Had a bit of a shit childhood, so no influence or support there.
I think I’m just too lazy to be bothered.

I don't think it's something you consciously "do" because if it was, everyone would!

I have had bumpy times as a teen (alcoholic father) then very happy times, then deep loss (widowed). I think for a long time my MH felt like it was pulled taut and there was a stubborn fear of falling apart. And then I absolutely did crumble into pieces with grief...and through that discovered that I was still me. Which was so liberating, to lose that fear of breaking because I knew I could rebuild.

These days I can be a bit ruthless, very able to say no to things I think would be too much. That helps too. Having said that, lockdown as a single working parent has brought me to the edge more than once. I am not proud of who I've been at times, but I am exploring ways through it and new strategies to try. I can always rebuild, and that's a brilliant truth to carry around.

It's basically luck. In life, some people get dealt adversity after adversity, and other people win the lottery.

I actually can't think of any mental health professional I've ever worked with who has suggested otherwise.

Although for some people it will be important to their sense of safety and identity to believe that their good fortune is self-created and within their control, but really we have no control over the shitty things that happen in life and how our body and mind are affected.

You may as well ask what people do to avoid getting cancer. There are minor things we can do to reduce risk and take care of ourselves, but ultimately it is not within our control. It's luck.

I have good mental health. I am pretty resilient, am generally good-humoured, and practice gratitude to an extent. I think I have fairly low expectations of life in a way but am ok with that. I have some good lifelong, and newer, friends that I laugh with and can talk too. Don't have money worries although not rich, and life with my partner and dc is ok to good.

I was brought up with an abusive dad, my parents relationship was absolutely awful and my dad coercively controlled my mum. One sibling had psychosis as a young adult and (devastatingly of course) committed suicide. Other sibling does not have good mental health. Both siblings were physically hit when children, whereas I wasn't.

For some reason I have been fine mentally generally. I'm in my early 50s. I hope this continues and I haven't jinxed myself!

There are things one can do to help themselves encounter less stress day to day, and this reduction in constant tension leaves a person more resilient to trouble when it comes.

My upbringing.

Luck and not too many traumatic events, although I've had a good few. However my parents were very keen on trying to build mental resilience. I think it worked with all their children.

I think I am probably like your friend op. I can usually identify why I feel like I do and so either try and make changes or understand why things can't change.

I'm a positive person, very much glass half full not empty and I'm practical. I see problems and see how I can solve them, I don't get bogged down by issues.

My husband is the opposite to me and is negative naturally, he sees an issue and can't see past it other than how it affects him, how the world, the house etc is against him. He suffers with depression and has for years.

I do think our different outlooks on life impact how we view everything and how we process our thoughts. I know he can't help the way his thoughts and brain processes things as much as I try to help him.

I feel better when I stay away from alcohol, exercise and get decent sleep.

Alcohol is a major one for me. It really does cause massive anxiety - background but I notice it when I stop for a long period.

Low expectations .

Seriously, my parents were very hands off and I'm a lot younger than my older sibling. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my mother went to pieces and I had to look after myself emotionally. It made me resiliant because I had to be.

Luck. I had a good childhood and I've not experienced any major trauma. And yeah, just lucky not to have become mentally ill because even with no trauma people can just end up with poor mental health.

I’m fairly strong mentally. I think when adversity comes my way I v quickly assess what is within my control to change and what isn’t. And then try and solve the things I can. I suppose fairly confident now I can take what life throws at me. Good at distancing myself from any worry or anxiety that comes up and observing it.

Very interesting subject OP - I think this is a question that has plagued scientist and docs for years.

For me personally, i don't have clinical MH issues, I do have days where I feel meh and cba but it wasn't until I started IVF did I really understand how it feels to be depressed which has really helped me in my day to day life and relate to those who have clinical MH issues. It didn't matter what people said or did for me, I just felt low. I still had my rational inner voice but I also had another that spoke the narrative of why bother, what's the point etc.
Now I understand why it takes drugs and therapy to overcome that horrible inner voice, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I was lucky as I only had to deal with those feelings for a few weeks, I can only assume that it multiples as the days/weeks go on.

In terms of how I deal with life's crap, I'm very rationale to the point it worries me that I am not normal.

Apart from a year of anxiety over chest pain which has been costochondritis, I am great! I’m happy and content but I just want to achieve one goal of access. I put it down to a stable loving family and strong faith in God.

I never doubted my mental health until last year.

Then we adopted a child, but that broke down after a short while.

Then, I felt totally shite..

So, mostly I think it is circumstance and luck, that could change.

Time is helping me to move on.

I always give myself something to look forward to and then use that to put things into perspective.
I have one small treat every day (usually a bit of chocolate and a hot bath with a bath bomb) to look forward to. I have a two year old and a three year old and this helps me cope with their tantrums, fights and general 2/3 year old behaviour. A deep breath and a reminder that when they’re in bed I have a nice evening ahead keeps me sane.
Then I always have a bigger treat planned once a week (usually a meal out) to look forward to.
Then I have big treats about twice a year to look forward to. I make a huge deal at Christmas and then holidays would count towards this too. If I’m going through a really tough time, I just think that “by Christmas this moment will be completely forgotten”.

I make sure I get out with the kids every day. I’m a SAHM and breaking the day up with our mornings out does wonders for us all.

I am a resilient and cheerful person with good mental health. It’s partly just how I was born I think. I also had a strong bond with parents and family. I am very analytical and reflective. Have a big sense of the bigger picture or other people’s motivations. Very grateful for the good in my life. Had some adverse events in childhood and early adulthood but working through them made me stronger. Able to separate work and life, fairly independent of what others think and not hormonal. I have good friends and strong boundaries. Partly luck partly life.

I have very robust mental health and I don’t get bored or anxious easily. I’m sure it’s down to luck and no particular merit of mine.

I honestly think genetics has a lot to answer for. It’s luck of the draw. Quite a number of my relatives have severe mental health problems (that I suspect in past times weren’t diagnosed or treated at all properly). One of my parents committed suicide. Out of me and my siblings (same upbringing) only one of us sadly has the same traits and has unfortunately fallen into exactly the same traps (mainly alcohol abuse) and I hate to say it but I can see them ending up with the same fate (also refuse help which is depressing to watch). The rest of us (inc. me thankfully apart from postnatally) are definitely fairly robust. Echoing others, I’m not hugely emotional (I rarely cry). There are definitely attitudes I think I chose to adopt to be a relatively contented person (which I won’t bother listing as it’s sounds a bit cringe) but ultimately I think clinical mental health problems are out of your control. Being able to access and seek help is the key. I do worry that the ‘gene’ for it might come out in my children or me at a later time though.