If you have robust mental health, how?

[Laverbreadeater]

I think its great at the moment so many people are opening up about their struggles with mental health and that there is less stigma about it even if support hasn't quite caught up! I myself struggle with anxiety and depression and over the past few years I have realised that so do many, many people perhaps even most people to some degree. However what I am interested in here is the people who do not suffer from mental health issues and in finding out why they think that is?

I have one close friend who falls into this catagory stable and at peace with herself which I am in awe of. I did ask her to try and explain why she thinks she is this way and she told me that she is pretty much always able to pinpoint quickly exactly what she is feeling and why which allows her to put thinks into perspective and take any action she needs to in order to sort things out. Sometimes that might be to take a break, eat something, have a nap or even just nothing and let the feeling pass. She is also good at balancing her life so she can manage things well. She had a tough time in her 20's as did I but she seems to have been able to use that as a learning experiance and lives her life now better because of it. While I still feel broken by my past at times.

If you are a strong person, how do you do it? Was it something you learned, did your parents teach you or is it just genetics?

Weirdly, I have poor mental health and very strong mental health at the same time? I'm broken in parts - I still have triggers from old trauma, but I am generally optimistic and cheerful, resilient to material hardship, very good in a crisis situation.

My number one identifiable advantage is that I have an innate sense of self-worth (OK, call it arrogance) that enables me to set boundaries with people - I'm always astonished at what some people put up with! Being able to say "No. Don't wanna. Ain't gonna." is a great stress reducer.

I have a lifelong mental illness. It's there irrespective of my attitude/outlook/how I take care of myself. It's not there because I lack resilience or strength or have a negative outlook. I can't make it go away by any means.
Mental illness is just that - an illness. I will never have good mental health unless a cure is found. I use medication, therapy and adjustments to my daily life to try to lessen its impact but I can't wish myself mentally healthy.
There is a common misconception that if you have a mental illness you can be fixed by a positive outlook, healthy lifestyle etc. Similar to the pseudo psychology some people spout about cancer.

Fascinating thread. I am not resilient and had huge childhood trauma. I grew up feeling unwanted. I was bullied as an adult and I never developed or learned coping strategies. I wonder why similar childhoods make some people stronger and more resilient and others the opposite.

I agree with the pp who said low expectations.

I learnt very early on to be resilient and self sufficient. Parents who weren't particularly interested so I don't expect any support . I don't dwell on things and tend to see each day as a new start. I take pleasure in small things.

I've been made redundant but I've also had five months paid leave (furlough & notice), spent the summer with my lovely ds, we are both healthy and I'm sure things will turn around. Things could be much worse.

Good things about today, I found another suitable job to apply for and applied, I saw a roe deer and her fawn while out running, ds had a good day at school, supper turned out well (I am not a good cook), and the rain-battered roses I cut at the weekend have opened inside and my sitting room smells beautiful.

I can be very emotional but overall I think I’m resilient. Good physical health, good supportive family and friends, decent finances. Again easy to spot what’s bugging me giving me grief, and able to work through it systematically. Faith, mildly religious; I find it helpful.

I grew up in a community which was 99% white, so I constantly saw people who looked like me and as I’m reasonably conventionally attractive, I also saw ‘myself’ in the media a lot growing up, including in positions of success.

^

I think this is a big factor. I've never felt like the 'odd one out' as it were.

I have poor mental health. I can't identify how I'm feeling or why a lot and my feelings drag me down into both anxiety and depression. I had an unpleasant childhood. Constant fight or flight, with a volitile, hateful father who dispised us kids and my mum. I have no doubt that he has ingrained in me that I'm worthless.

I've spent a lot of money in therapy in my mid 20s and it seemed to unlock some of the trauma. I am going through more therapy now, years later, to try and work through it.

I really hope that one day I will feel better. I don't feel like I can plan my future or kids in the state I've been in, because I'm just not stable.

I struggled with mental illness from about 12 until around 28/30. It upended my life and I was on disability for it. There was other stuff going on as well but the anxiety and OCD and panic disorder was absolutely overwhelming and life consuming. I was so unhappy and afraid. I was embarassed of myself.

I'm absolutely fine now. In a strange way, and I hesitate to say this because it's absolutely not PC and I am not putting this on other people, just saying about myself - but getting a bigger problem seems to have helped me work through it all. DH became ill and gradually quadriplegic and I ended up having to care for him on my own. We lived in poverty. I was cold a lot, and sometimes hungry. I didn't sleep. He was in terrible pain, agony. Nobody would help us. It went on for years and years and years. Understanding I am simplifying a massive saga here - eventually I myself almost died from the workload and only survived by the skin of my teeth.

Somehow during this, all that other stuff was burned away. I take pleasure in my life now; I'm content; I'm kind to myself. I like the sunshine and the sounds of trees. I'm glad to walk. Fresh bread is wonderful. My friends are a gift. I'm not blissfully happy all the time, but I am contented. I don't break my heart over what I don't have or who I am not. I accept what comes and I know I am equal to it. I lose well. I am okay.

I think I have fairly robust mental health. I've had some traumas in the past which I found extremely difficult to deal with but not unusually so, anyone else would have been the same I think.

I had a very stable and loving childhood and I believe that helped me. That's not to say that having a stable childhood means you'll always have good mental health, not at all, it's only my own experience. I have a friend who had very anxious parents and she and her husband (who also did) are both very anxious as people, as are their children now. I also have another friend with extreme anxiety but her children would never know because she hides it so well. There are so many factors to mental health, it's a complicated issue isn't it.

As well as being chemical and hormonal, I think good gut health helps. Agree that early life experiences are a factor. Financial security hugely affects MH. Choices such as not being around toxic people, not having an abusive partner and finding a workplace environment which makes you feel happy. Doing regular exercise, only eating and drinking things which nourish your body - so no drugs, minimal caffeine, minimal sugar, no tobacco etc.
Doing mind exercises for positive thinking and counting our blessings each morning and again at night.
Having a pet. Helping others.

After a huge traumatic event in my teens and getting over that without any help or support I now have the attitude that absolutely nothing can come close to destroying me.

Since my teenage trauma, I have had some more pretty horrific events to contend with but although initially stunned and affected, I do seem to recover & crack on very quickly.

This could be me but siblings who went through the same thing aren't as "strong" so I think some of it is down to luck and brain chemistry. I am very grateful for my mental strength.

(I genuinely don't get the "white" thing though and was surprised to read those comments. I would be interested to hear a black perspective on this.)

I had a turbulent childhood, parents divorced, both had MH problems, one had issues with alcohol and was perpetually skint as wasted tens of thousands on booze and gambling. I also knew far too much and wasn't sheltered from their problems at all. This lead me to feel deeply troubled and worried all the time. I feared rejection massively which lead me to have a horrible time at school when my best friend rejected me, then took me back, then rejected me again. This went on for five years. I also felt very unattractive, which lead to low self esteem. I'd definitely say I had awful MH problems throughout my teenage yrs but it was never recognised or dealt with.

In my early adult life I went off the rails somewhat, drank far too much and was terrible with money. Just following my parents example there. But I was relatively happy as I had good friends by that point and no real responsibilities.

In my early 30s I suffered badly with PND and horrendous anxiety. It was the darkest time of my life. It took me 4 years to recover with intensive therapy to unravel a lot about my past and a lot of self reflection.

Now in my late 30s I'm the healthiest I've ever been. Im able to think rationally now, I am wary about who I trust having repeatedly made that mistake in the past and have managed to curb my tendency to over share which I've done my whole life, I think I was always subconsciously playing the sympathy card. But I now realise people don't tend to respond well to that. I now keep things light and I try to be pleasant and positive as much as possible. I stay out of all drama and gossip and just try to appreciate what's good in my life. I exercise daily and eat heathily following years of overindulgence. My career is going well and I finally feel confident in my own skin.

Like Auldfox said last night, a lot is good luck. Not necessarily in circumstances but being born with a contented disposition.

I've never struggled with my mental health, although I have been very unhappy for periods of my life. I think it is important to know the difference.

My parents divorced when I was 7, which I was in the middle of for a bit, but both had excellent second marriages. I worked in a very toxic office for a while (but was happy when I went home); I put 3 stone on when I did a PGCE but was happy in my home life.

So I suppose a naturally contented / stoic disposition, the ability to compartmentalise and not to over analyse things.

So I suppose a naturally contented / stoic disposition, the ability to compartmentalise and not to over analyse things.

This resonates with me. I don't have much money, have been unemployed for two years, live alone and don't have many friends, but mostly I am content and happy. I try to be resilient, and don't question why things happen, just accept that they do, good and bad. I've never wanted to be wealthy or have a lot of possessions, and while many would consider my life boring it suits me.

The times when I do feel a bit down are usually when I over-think things, so I try not to do that and just go with the flow, and stay positive.

Stable childhood here too. Though I think I have low self-esteem and a general underlying feeling of stress but don’t necessarily see those as mental health problems. I don’t have super highs or super lows, I guess I exist somewhere neutral. I can take pleasure in small things. But mostly I don’t feel like I can get pulled under by negative thoughts because my DH’s mental health is so fragile that I feel I have to fight to keep on an even keel or we’d probably all fall apart. I do wonder what would happen if I run out of energy to keep up with that.

@StCharlotte I’m not saying I attribute my good mental health to my ethnicity, but rather that my ethnicity allows me to feel like I belonged in the place I grew up and the media I consumed, and has never caused me any issues - I’m basing this on knowing the importance of role models from when I studied psychology/education and a BAME friend who ended up with terrible anxiety after being stop and searched by police officers a number of times as a teen and ended up fearful for their life. It ultimately manifested in agoraphobia.

Obviously this won’t hold true as a contributing factor for every white person, but given what we’ve learnt through the BLM movement it’s hard not to think it has contributed by not being an issue, if that makes sense.

I've found that if you try to control life then life will control you. Whatever is happening is happening and so it is as it is.

I am a resilient and have generally good mental health. I had a nice, if slightly impoverished, childhood. My parents were largely uninterested in me as a tween/teen, so I came to the conclusion that I could only rely on myself. I've suffered some traumas (chronic illness, divorce etc) but hasn't almost everyone? I also have ASD so I don't necessarily approach things the same way as a neurotypical person. I avoid participating in big life stressors i.e. having children as much as possible. I will move on from a job if I get bored. I've never cared if others think I am odd/nerdy/unfashionable; I just do what I like. Not bothered hugely by appearance either, which I think bogs a lot of people down. My mother always used to tell me off for pessimism, but I prefer to consider myself as a pragmatist! Anything nice that happens is a bonus if you expect things to pan out sub-optimally!

Does anyone have robust mental health.

I find that impossible to believe.
Surely there’s only so much that any human being can take.

@topcat2014

I never doubted my mental health until last year.

Then we adopted a child, but that broke down after a short while.

Then, I felt totally shite..

So, mostly I think it is circumstance and luck, that could change.

Time is helping me to move on.

I think this is it.

Your mental health is robust simply because you haven't encountered the event that changed it.

I would have said the same as @topcat2014 until this year. I'm laid back, tend to decide it isn't worth the fuss, never really suffered from any mental health worries.
Then something happened at the start of the year. If I described it to you, you'd probably think I was being a drama queen, but I was (briefly) suicidal and even now if some things/people are mentioned I can feel the blanket lowering onto me.

Yes, there are some people who are less robust, whether that is earlier events, choice or personality. But robust mental health, I don't think that's a lifetime term. You can have robust mental health "for now".

I have a lifelong mental illness. It's there irrespective of my attitude/outlook/how I take care of myself. It's not there because I lack resilience or strength or have a negative outlook. I can't make it go away by any means.
Mental illness is just that - an illness. I will never have good mental health unless a cure is found. I use medication, therapy and adjustments to my daily life to try to lessen its impact but I can't wish myself mentally healthy.
There is a common misconception that if you have a mental illness you can be fixed by a positive outlook, healthy lifestyle etc. Similar to the pseudo psychology some people spout about cancer.

Yes I agree.

I think we need to distinguish between genuine mental illness - eg severe depression or anxiety such that you cannot function normally in life - and what I might call “bad mental health habits” such as over thinking things or always seeing the negative.

The former is an illness and you can’t teach yourself out of it. The latter, yes maybe you can.

A very interesting thread, great question OP even if the answers are not easy or simple.

Despite having some very traumatic experiences, I'm OK mental-health wise and it has always interested me how some people can cope with stuff and others can't. I'm quite accepting of whatever life throws at me, whereas a relative with mental health issues takes everything personally and constantly seems to be fighting life to me.

I was a worrier when I was a teenager and looking back on it now, what a waste of time and energy that was because it doesn't change anything! I have a teen of my own now who can tend to worrying and I tell her 'whatever happens, we'll deal with it' - because we will.

So I think what helps me navigate life is a positive attitude that I can cope with whatever it throws at me, acceptance and owning my decisions (that means not blaming others for anything that happens or trying to apportion fault to someone else).

I have seen a counsellor through my GP in the past after a traumatic bereavement which I (and tbh, my work colleagues had already noticed!) found difficult to cope with - work were fine as they saw it as a positive that I recognised I needed some help to deal with it and although it was just a few appointments it did help. I think it's better to unload your feelings on to an uninvolved third party who doesn't take anything personally and you feel comfortable saying what you really feel - that doesn't always apply to friends and relatives (who also may not be very good at supporting you!)

So if something does crop up in life that you feel you can't deal with, I'd recommend getting some help whether that is a face-to-face chat with someone or a self-help book - whatever you feel most comfortable with. Find something that works well for you.

I'm the most mentally strong/stable person I know and it's something others have commented on so not my imagination!

I didn't have the easiest of childhoods, we moved a lot, there was a very traumatic bereavement and I was bullied at school and although my parents were mostly great, it was very much a '70s' childhood, so they weren't necessarily massively supportive. They are bloody wonderful now and I'm lucky to have them.

I think I'm quite a 'simple' person, I'm emotionally intelligent, very good at reading people and find it easy making and keeping friends but I'm not academic and I think being a bit 'shallow' and not a particularly deep thinker helps my mental health. I don't over think or worry about things, I'm very much a 'everyday is a new day' type of person!
I'm generally on a very even keel mentally, it takes very little to make me feel happy and an awful lot to make me feel down. I'm very resilient but have absolutely no idea why!

My first dh was incredibly intelligent but very ill equipped for real life and had terrible mental health problems.
Dh is also very bright but has the sort of mind that questions everything and he also has struggled with his mental health. Is there a link between mental health and intelligence? From observing my family and friends I'd say there is but I realise that there are many other factors!

I've struggled all my life, bad upbringing, lots of trauma over the years. Tried numerous anti depressants which helped a bit but I still had underlying suicidal feelings. Then I started another anti depressant and was supposed to be tapering off the original one, but within days it was like a switch had flicked in my brain. For the first time in nearly 50 years I didn't feel suicidal. I felt this overwhelming peace and contentment that I'd never experienced before. So I asked the GP to let me carry on taking both and he agreed. Turns out this particular combo of AD's can have great results, as I experienced.

I've been on this combo for nearly 3 years now and I feel able to cope with anything life throws at me. I would have never developed this on my own. I needed the chemical help. I don't feel bad about it. Knowing what I know now about child development, I never stood a chance as I was neglected right from birth. It's like trying to walk with only one leg. If you need a false one to walk properly then that's what you'll do.

Does anyone have robust mental health.
I find that impossible to believe.
Surely there’s only so much that any human being can take.

I believe there are many people with robust mental health, it's just that we only hear about/from those who don't. I know of people who have been through horrific events yet have coped.