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Original poster

I am 90% sure my friend's DD is not her DH's

174 replies

SpaceOP · 02/09/2020 12:53

I have a good friend who I've known for a long time. I love her and consider her a very close friend, but she's also someone who seems all super open on the surface but there's all kinds of stuff going on below.

I have long had my suspicions about her DD. Since she was really very small, I kept being struck by how much she looks like a friend of ours. My friend and her DH are very close to this man, and have been for as long as I've known them. Recently, the man posted a picture of HIS DD who is about 5 years older than my friend's DD and I almost dropped my phone in shock. I showed DH and when looking at the picture, after a few seconds he said, "is that friend's DD from a few years ago?"

I think it's entirely possible she had an affair. I think it's possible her DH knows and has forgiven her EXCEPT that he is still very close with this man which seems odd. So my new theory is that for whatever reason, they asked him to donate sperm.

Obviously, if she wanted me to know, she'd have told me and I'm certainly not going to ask her. Ditto, I would never ever say anything to any mutual friends or even just anyone in real life in case they ever met her/her DH. So I came on here!

Any other ideas on how this might have happened? Affair (known or not) and sperm donation are my main ones. I guess it's possible they used to do threesomes back in the day too (the other man was single until a few years ago but is very attractive).

OP posts:

SmellsLikeFeet · 02/09/2020 15:14

@BoreOfWhabylon

Perhaps it's your friend's DH who is father to both girls.

indeed , either way i really wouldn't want to know

Babyroobs · 02/09/2020 15:15

Bloody hell, talk about conspiracy theories. just leave it be it's none of your business.

lightyearsahead · 02/09/2020 15:16

You need to mind your own business, it really is distasteful that you are discussing this, you are not really a friend are you....

NC4todayx · 02/09/2020 15:18

All of you "it's none of your business" people - DUH! She knows that!

OP - probably not an affair, probably an open marriage - lucky her!! Not sure I would deliberately have a child by the lover unless it was a full-time triad, but perhaps her DH is infertile. Either way, hope she's a good mum to the little one.

CleverCatty · 02/09/2020 15:19

what you could do, if you wanted to know and be sneaky about it - is to get drunk with your 'friend' one night without her DH and DD about and ask a few probing questions.

I actually know someone who did this wanting to find some juicy swinging gossip but it turned out her DH had a very low sperm count, they'd tried IVF etc and their friend had decided to sleep (not use a turkey baster) with the woman a couple of times to father their child. As far as I know everyone was fine with it and the DD was none the wiser. But my friend who wanted to know was curious like you and one day she decided to get her drunk and dig. What she didn't bargain for is the friend was really guilty, embarrassed and cried for ages, she had wondered if anyone knew and was petrified people were talking about her - so it turned her 'friend' who asked ended up feeling sorry for her and had to let her cry on her shoulder for a bit.

rebecca102 · 02/09/2020 15:21

What @radioband said.

CleverCatty · 02/09/2020 15:23

on the flip side - one of my nana's friends - was a woman who had a sex change (also swang between bi and lesbian etc) and transitioned as a man - years ago this was. Her best friend a woman who was a woman agreed to bring the DD up and this young woman grew up knowing the best friend as her DM and the transexual man as her DF.

I mentioned to my nana's unofficial GF partner (yeah sounds weird) why had no one told the teenager - and was told never to say anything ever - I wouldn't have anyway but sort of thought maybe she should know the truth. After my nana died years ago we lost contact with the friends and to this day AFAIK she thinks her DM is her real mum and her DF is her real dad, there's a man out there who's her DF who she has no idea about at all. Sad really. But no one's business either

thewhitechair · 02/09/2020 15:24

None of your business but I don’t blame you for being curious. You could be right stranger things have happened.

AlternativePerspective · 02/09/2020 15:31

Something like two in ten children are not the biological child of the man they think they are.

My Nan had a child by another man many years ago. None of them actually knew about it until my Nan was dying, at which point some nosy relative decided they should all know and told them, despite the fact that my Nan died and the child in question had died several years previous. There was literally no reason for anyone to know because the man who thought he was her father was a waste of space anyway and had buggered off years before...The woman was clearly just shit-stirring but it caused a huge amount of upset in the family because others then wondered if they were also this man’s child etc.

My DP has a friend whose ex had an affair several years ago and whose second child was born eight months after she said the affair had ended. she didn’t actually confess to the affair until several years later for God knows what reason, but she said they never slept together were just emotionally involved and went to bed together but no sex etc etc the usual cliches.

It’s widely believed the youngest is this other man’s but nobody talks about it.

I think anyone who says they would never wonder or be curious about this sort of thing is lying. It’s not about making it your business it’s about wondering about it, iyswim. It’s human nature.

Dazzedandconfused · 02/09/2020 15:32

I dont understand people going out their way to read a thread and comment saying "None of your business"... You know you can skip over threads you find irrelevant?

Anyway OP, my thinking is.. If DD is biologically the friends then it was probably an open marriage or some sort of 'agreement' that the husband was in on.

Rossaloony · 02/09/2020 15:33

Can someone explain to me why the op is getting such a hard time? I don't get it.

Also people that have posted get a life - you clicked on the post, knowing what it was about and was going to be 'gossipy', and then took precious time out of your day to comment on the post, just to express your disdain. I find that very ironic.

MorganKitten · 02/09/2020 15:37

It’s your business because?

AlternativePerspective · 02/09/2020 15:38

Maybe all those people have children by their husband’s friends or some other man so wouldn’t want to be judged for it.

MissConductUS · 02/09/2020 15:38

@Etinox

Get her very drunk and ask her.

I like this!

Devlesko · 02/09/2020 15:47

Can't people read threads.
All this keep your nose out, the OP said she wasn't going to get involved.
Musing in company that's all she's doing.

I can't think of anything other than you said OP, not very imaginative. I'd bet on threesome, rather than affair.

Ori82 · 02/09/2020 15:55

What makes me laugh about this thread is all the posters who have responded with the self-righteous "it's none of your business!" but have clearly read the title and opened it to have a good read themselves...…….

Oh the irony!

CleverCatty · 02/09/2020 15:58

@Devlesko

Can't people read threads. All this keep your nose out, the OP said she wasn't going to get involved. Musing in company that's all she's doing.

I can't think of anything other than you said OP, not very imaginative. I'd bet on threesome, rather than affair.

But the OP has this suspicions about the DD - so it's clearly on her mind - e.g. an itch to be scratched. also it's the fact her friend is a contradiction - so OP knows there's stuff her friend keeps hidden but in this case not only OP but also her DH have been doing double takes on the fact the DF could be the looker. It's just that no one dares to ask. Unless they get someone else really pissed

LoseLooseLucy · 02/09/2020 15:58

Or they’ve come on to tell OP not to be nosey due to the title? Pretty good advice, not necessarily ironic.

TheNavigator · 02/09/2020 16:01

@Rossaloony

Can someone explain to me why the op is getting such a hard time? I don't get it.

I think some of us may have been the victims of malicious gossip. Or have friends and family we have heard tongues wagging unpleasantly about.

People forget how deeply unpleasant it is be the subject of a nasty, unfounded bitchfest, so I will always take the chance to point out the little malicious glow people get from some spicy speculation could actually really hurt other people.

Gilly12345 · 02/09/2020 16:11

You can wonder and speculate all you like but it sounds like you have way too much time on your hands, I would mind my own business if I were you and concentrate your efforts on yourself and family.

DianasLasso · 02/09/2020 16:31

@LoseLooseLucy

Or they’ve come on to tell OP not to be nosey due to the title? Pretty good advice, not necessarily ironic.

Yes, precisely.

Having watched the emotional devastation caused by this sort of scenario play out with relatives, I can testify that the fallout is horrendous.

So I reiterate what I said earlier: OP mind your own bloody business and whatever you do, do not air your suspicions aloud in RL.

Cheeseandwin5 · 02/09/2020 16:32

@Ori82

*What makes me laugh about this thread is all the posters who have responded with the self-righteous "it's none of your business!" but have clearly read the title and opened it to have a good read themselves...…….

Oh the irony!*

Haha- totally agree.
Also I assume that these people will also answer on every OP/Query on Mns that ' as I dont know you , the other people involved or the situation, that it is none of my business and everyone shouldn't comment'

Jagoda · 02/09/2020 16:33

OP you have had a hard time on this thread

At my village school were two best friends ( in my year group) Let's say Steve and Adam. Steve now lives in Australia and recently posted a photo of his 21 year old son. This young man is the absolute vision of Adam at the same age. If I couldn't see Steve standing next to him I would just think it was an old photo of Adam. Steve and Adam look nothing alike.

Obviously it is their business, and I had heard that Steve's wife had an affair before they went to Australia "for a new life" but I hadn't imagined it was with Adam, his best friend since infancy. Steve must know that anyone who knew them growing up would think the same as me.

I would never say anything and luckily there were no comments saying "Oh isn't that funny, he looks just like Adam" which shows that people are generally rather kind.

JustCallMeGriffin · 02/09/2020 16:33

You'd be amazed how the doppelganger effect spreads around. I have friends whose daughters could pass for twins in their respective younger photos...until probably the age of 7.

There is zero chance that either of the dads is the father of the other families child.

Quite famously Josh Brolin has trolled his father online about how much Christian Bale looks like his dad James Brolin.

Genetics is a funny old thing, it could be that some sort of arrangement was made with your friend and the corresponding men...or it could just be one of those genetic flukes that seems too coincidental to be true.

SunshineCake · 02/09/2020 16:38

Biology is interesting.

My dc look very alike and there is no doubting who their father is while with two of them they also look a bit like me when I was younger. A photo of them all at six months shows them looking so alike that dh doesn't always know who is who.

Same as me and my sperm donor father at the same age while his two kids with his wife look nothing like each other or me.

My only concern would be if the child isn't the dd of who she thinks is her biological father and then goes on to have a relationship with the son of the friend.

Many parents don't admit to their child being theirs/not being theirs and I worry about related people getting together when they don't know they are biological family.

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