Were you embarrassed or proud of your house growing up?

[Worriedaboutcovid19]

Pondering this thought after reading another thread which reminded me.

My mum and stepdads house was very cluttered growing up. Not hoarded, just cluttered. My mum smoked inside the house too so it stank. They weren't the type to spend any money on aesthetics if it wasn't broken. So they wouldn't buy new curtains if her old ones were undamaged or new carpets/sofas even if they were worn out/haggard unless it was broken. So the house was very mismatched as they would replace things when needed without thinking if it was matched.

To clarify we werent particularly hard up for money or anything, it just wasn't a priority to my parents I don't think.

Although the basics were done such as hoovering and wiping down the sides. We NEVER deep cleaned such as dusting, pulling out sofas/microwave/cleaning windows or cleaning skirting boards etc.

When going to friends houses there was always a stark difference. All their houses were cleaned well with soft furnishing and the decor matching. None of their houses stank of smoke. No matter what kind of style their parents had they obviously carried out home improvements. Im assuming if they ever came into any kind of money such as a work bonus or inheritance or something they would use it on home improvements such as decking in the garden or a new kitchen etc. Whereas I don't think it would even cross my parents mind and instead they'd spend it on a holiday or car or something.

The houses all felt like show homes!

Now I'm an adult I realise they weren't emmaculate show homes at all, just that most people enjoy living in a nice home free of clutter and smoke!

I would feel quite embarrassed having friends over after seeing their homes and wonder what they must have thought! The funniest thing is... my mother believes she's house proud!

I've always wondered if anyone ever felt proud of their homes?! Knowing they were lovely and cared for? Or did most kids just not ever think about it as they lived in nicely decorated houses similar to their friends so it wasn't an issue?

As an adult now I have to write a list of deep cleaning things to do every now and again and put it in my diary like cleaning behind the microwave or cleaning the fridge and cupboards. As I didnt grow up doing it, those things don't come second nature!

Growing up our home was like a show home.. Mum was a housewife and very traditional in her views on men and woman.

My parents lived abroad and I was sent home to the UK, aged 9, to go to boarding school. I stayed with my grandparents during the holidays in one of the many properties they owned, all wrecks. They used to rent their houses and flats out so would often be in a different house each school holiday. They were all run down, the garden was never done and they were furnished with junk shop stuff. No repairs were ever done.
Quite a few schoolfriends lived in the locality and I was often invited to stay with them for a couple of days. Their houses were always lovely, beautifully furnished, luxury bedding etc. I used to feel ashamed when they came to pick me up. One particular time I remember we had a huge hole in the floor by the back door where the floorboards had rotted. I could tell by the look on the face of my friend's mum that she was both horrified and surprised at the way we lived.

@CallarMorvern yes I know what you mean it's more relaxed. We eat on our laps even though we have a dining table and my daughter has had pizza with friends in her bedroom before. We've had some lovely holidays the last 3 years - Florida, Lapland and Spain but I haven't spent a penny on the house apart from a new tv, washing machine and kitchen blind.
It's hard to know what to do for the best sometimes.
When I was young we never went abroad but had UK holidays but I wasn't allowed friends over as our house was a show home with lots and lots of expensive ornaments. My parents were worried they'd get broken.

It wasn't anything I ever thought of . I lived in a 3 bed semi, decorated in typical 70s style, as did all of my friends . In fact the only difference I noticed in our houses was that some people has a separate dining room like we did, and others had what was called a 'through lounge .

OP I hear you, and it really sticks with me to this day. My house is probably lovely to everyone else but it’s never ever clean enough to invite people round. I once had unexpected visitors a few weeks back and they were loving my new home but I was still worried it was never good enough. I’ve tried so hard to relax.

Growing up my home was a SHITHOLE. My mum rarely hoover, we had serious mice problems, my dads skin conditions made the sofas absolutely disgusting but no one would clean them or merely hoover, so me and my sibling would stay in our own rooms most of the time.

We never had a dining table, ever. The kitchen was vile. My mum used to pile up dirty washing and hide it in the cupboards, it was massive. I used to have to hand wash my clothes for school and hang them in the boiler cupboard praying they’d be dry enough for school.
The toilet was vile, so vile I can’t even begin, we had guinea pigs/rabbits that were allowed to piss wherever they wanted.

Why? My mum and dad were alcoholics. They chose to spend every spare non working minute spending all their money in the pub. That’s genuinely where all the money went. They’d normally come home and batter each other , often breaking things.

The irony of all this? My mum has spent all her life working as a head housekeeper.

I legged it to live with a friend at 16, and was soon alone in a council flat. I had NOTHING, not even carpet, but it was clean.

I’ve come a long way.

I never even thought about it, it was just home. So neither. Friends had houses of varying sizes and styles but were all likewise just homes.

Embarrassed. I had a scholarship to a posh (to me!) grammar school and lost of my friends lived in big expensive houses. Ours was small and poky, and also a bit grubby tbh as my mum was disabled and couldn’t do as much cleaning as it needed. It was often cold as they economised on heating, and my dad smoked plus we had a dog and several cats so I imagine it didn’t smell too good. Furniture and carpets were cheap and often secondhand so a bit battered.

I now own a much bigger nicer home that I try to keep clean and tidy and inviting... we do have three cats though, and a messy little DS, so it’s not as clean and tidy as it could be! It’s warm and cosy and inviting though and I don’t think DS will be embarrassed by it growing up.

@YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators
Please don't be upset by the comment given by @Advicewouldbeappreciated .

You really don't need to spend money you possibly can't afford on redoing your house just because it doesn't have the latest decor . As long as it's clean and tidy and you feel comfortable there that's fine For all you know your DDs friends parents may all be in debt paying off the mortgages on their large houses .

We also live in a small ez council semi and don't decorate unnecessarily. For us we've always been happy to live within our means and any spare money means we can do nice things like holidays

@hiredandsqueak

Our house was immaculate at all times as dm cleaned constantly. None of my friends or my siblings' friends ever saw our house though as we weren't allowed to invite them in because they might make a mess. I work hard at not being obsessive like dm but house is very clean and tidy (three of my siblings have similarly immaculate homes)

Very similar experience to @hiredandsqueak. Our house was sterile. Forces accommodation and frequent moves meant we could never put anything on walls as kids and personal possessions were kept to an absolute minimum. I do have an immaculate home now but my children have super efficient storage for their masses of belonging and I probably have more clothes than I could wear in two years - they’re just organised by colour and type.

Embarrassed. We rarely invited friends back. My mum was not a cleaner, and there was just so much stuff she would hang on to. We had stacks of newspapers round all the sofa and armchairs almost as tall as the chairs themselves. The floor along every wall was lined up with carrier bags stuffed with shit she was planning to get around to sort through.

I remember lots of arguments between my parents after my Nan (dads mum) had visited, because she would try to tidy and it would piss my mum off.

As adults my brother, sister and I all have very organised, no clutter homes.

Totally disgustingly embarrassed about my home, my parents relationship, the ideas they put in my head raising me, the homophobia, racism, lack of care or attention for us children and the way they treated us as we grew up. It has made me realise that my children's life experiences are more important than my own. They need to not feel ashamed of their home and family, need to feel safe, wanted, listened to and loved and that parenting is an ever changing process where you have to constantly adapt to your growing children/young adults. Though I'm not rushing in to giving mine the newest phone etc, I will ensure they have enough clothes that fit, nice hair cuts, chances to express themselves and chances to socialise with friends.

Embarrassed but not because it was dirty - my mum kept the house beautifully clean although both her and my dad did smoke so it did smell (sadly the norm for a house in the 60's and 70's). I was embarrassed as we lived in a police house so all my friends knew what my dad did. It got worse when my dad arrested,my best friend's brother. Mortifying!

ShinyNewApple, that's so kind of you. I hadn't seen AdviceWouldBeAppreciated's response to my post, but now that I have, I just think Advice has misunderstood what I was trying to say; my house doesn't need painting or 'sprucing up' necessarily as we take good care of everything, but when I say 'tired' I should probably have said 'dated'. DD's friends have gloss kitchen units and high gloss floor tiles and, ours are Shaker and sanded floorboards. Her friends have en suite wetrooms with chrome fittings and we have a plain white suite in a small downstairs bathroom. It's not a matter of freshening up, but we'd need to change the decor quite drastically (and throw in a kitchen island) to make her feel un-embarassed.
DD1 does invite friends home frequently (both DC do) and her friends all enjoy our home very much, but in her eyes, the grass is definitely greener in her wealthier friends' houses.