Were you embarrassed or proud of your house growing up?

[Worriedaboutcovid19]

Pondering this thought after reading another thread which reminded me.

My mum and stepdads house was very cluttered growing up. Not hoarded, just cluttered. My mum smoked inside the house too so it stank. They weren't the type to spend any money on aesthetics if it wasn't broken. So they wouldn't buy new curtains if her old ones were undamaged or new carpets/sofas even if they were worn out/haggard unless it was broken. So the house was very mismatched as they would replace things when needed without thinking if it was matched.

To clarify we werent particularly hard up for money or anything, it just wasn't a priority to my parents I don't think.

Although the basics were done such as hoovering and wiping down the sides. We NEVER deep cleaned such as dusting, pulling out sofas/microwave/cleaning windows or cleaning skirting boards etc.

When going to friends houses there was always a stark difference. All their houses were cleaned well with soft furnishing and the decor matching. None of their houses stank of smoke. No matter what kind of style their parents had they obviously carried out home improvements. Im assuming if they ever came into any kind of money such as a work bonus or inheritance or something they would use it on home improvements such as decking in the garden or a new kitchen etc. Whereas I don't think it would even cross my parents mind and instead they'd spend it on a holiday or car or something.

The houses all felt like show homes!

Now I'm an adult I realise they weren't emmaculate show homes at all, just that most people enjoy living in a nice home free of clutter and smoke!

I would feel quite embarrassed having friends over after seeing their homes and wonder what they must have thought! The funniest thing is... my mother believes she's house proud!

I've always wondered if anyone ever felt proud of their homes?! Knowing they were lovely and cared for? Or did most kids just not ever think about it as they lived in nicely decorated houses similar to their friends so it wasn't an issue?

As an adult now I have to write a list of deep cleaning things to do every now and again and put it in my diary like cleaning behind the microwave or cleaning the fridge and cupboards. As I didnt grow up doing it, those things don't come second nature!

My DP’s never let me have friends round, I went to theirs. Friends were allowed in the garden, never inside. The house was always tidy.
I do remember going to a friend of the families house and all the furniture was from their uncle who was a dustman. To say it smelt was an understatement, their house was awful to go to. I felt sorry for the daughters living like that, they weren’t poor as both parents worked where my df worked and we’re on good money. The furniture was filthy

Never really thought about it. It was a small rented house, my mum was a single parent but it was spotless.

I don't remember being embarrassed of the house I lived in first. We were all cut from the same cloth so no competition etc. It was a bit messy at times but nothing too bad.

The second house that was just my mum and I, I was very conscious of. My friends were a mish mash of nuclear families and middle class or single mums and council houses. Mums rarely worked so they were spotless and some huge. I remember one friend had two living rooms. One could fit the floor plan of my house in it. It also needed work doing that my mum was doing slowly but surely. As I get older I feel terrible that my mum worked so hard to get this house and away from a council house and I was embarrassed of the house. That being said some friends practically lived at the house and never said anything bad.

The house now is full of shit as she's been left to her own devices and hoards everything. I left school 20 years ago and she still had exercise books from primary school.

House growing up till young teens was a 5 bed detached on a 'good estate', with a garage and huge garden, we always had the 'new thing' electrics wise and parents spent a lot on furnishings. Post divorce it was a 2/3 bed terrace and our furniture came with (including carpets). I felt a bit embarrassed but some friends in new area were 'Ooh your house is a bit posh' 🤨 I suppose it's all relative really? By comparison to some new friends houses it possibly seemed a bit fancy? By contrast old friends previous similar houses made our new one seem a bit crap. Old friends never commented though as it was just a house so didn't matter. My mum did push the boat out on making sure my room was decorated nicely though, as that's where I'd sit with friends. Although it was strictly on the basis of me taking good care of it and knowing there was no extra money spare to replace carpet or anything if I knacked it. By contrast DF house was an absolute shit hole! So I'll assume my mum was primary cook, cleaner, bottle washer, child care provider, whilst working her 'little job' grafting her arse off prior to the divorce!

Embarrassed

Really old furniture and we didn’t have a fitted kitchen little spare money

But everyone who came round was made to feel very welcome and fussed over (I was bought up by grandparents)

I’m embarrassed by my mums house its messy and dirty she has often said ds can take friends round there when he was younger but he was embarrassed I could tell

Your home sounds like mine, Worried. My kids friends and the neighbours' children loved being at ours. If anyone was embarrassed it was me at times but we were busy with work (like most people), and when at home we prioritised good family time over house work. The basics were done and we did lots of good cooking. However I would have liked to have been more orderly.

My home when growing up was immaculately clean but I did find it embarrassing, it was quite poor by standards of the homes of other children I knew. I know that sounds bad but when you are a kid you do think such things and can't help how you feel. I didn't feel like that as an adult and of course realise some people were very much worse off. There is so much more to a home than bricks and mortar.

Most of all my parents' home was not hospitable. They didn't encourage visitors or like people outside of the family, particularly my mother. She was very snobbish and there is nothing worse than working class snobbery. I'll never understand any of that. She couldn't understand why I allowed so many people in and children always round mine. She'd make superficially humorous comments such as, "It's feeding the 5,000 at Jess's house" (she was very good in other ways).

Therefore I have to conclude I do not look back on my childhood house/home with great affection and, yes, I was embarrassed by it, mainly because it was unwelcoming.

My parents decorated and renewed furniture etc regularly but I was a bit embarrassed to have friends over only due to my parents old fashioned taste in furnishings and decor!

To be totally honest I worry more how Dd feels about our home as she was growing up? 😔 I seemed to be on a constant cycle of fixing, decorating, bodging. Always declaring no more pets, and then we'd end up with some dog/cat/rabbit/hamster that had nowhere else to go (not an animal hoarder 😂). Then the dog's/cat's would presumably end up throwing up/chewing corners off cupboards/doors, destroying cushions, peeing on duvets and the replacing cycle would start again. But as an adult she always talks with fond memories of the waifs and strays vs the carpets always looking a bit minging.

I wasn’t allowed friends over it the house was spotless because I had to clean it and my ‘mother’ would go around and check it with her finger or a white cloth and if anything was found such as a bit of dust in a skirting board I’d be dragged by my hair day or night and hit whilst I was made to clean it.

As a result mine isn’t spotless (unless someone is due round) but sadly my daughter won’t invite friends around because she would never say but our house is tiny compared to her friends and many are driven by money so I suspect they’d tease her.

When I was 13 my parents built an extension which left us living on top of each other for 5 months during building so no one was keen to have visitors round. After it was built, it was great so enjoyed bringing my friends over and there was space for us to go to one room whilst parents chilled in another. I was slightly embarrassed of our holiday house, as my parents had no money to do it up after buying it so it's a little sparse in contrast to my friend's structurally identical but beautifully decorated one. However, I was a silly teenager and was aware of how lucky I was that my parents had two homes.

I lived in a large, very lovely detached house. My mum kept it spotless and it was well decorated. I'm not sure I was especially proud but I certainly wasn't embarrassed.

I had one friend who lived a walk away whose house was extremely run down, no central heating, threadbare carpets etc. I didn't judge her but it brought home the stark contrast.

When I was in primary school actually although we lived in the same aforementioned house, we came very close to repossession (only found this out recently), shopped exclusively at jumble sales and stuff like that. We'd been on the bones of our arse but I was obviously very well shielded from that.

I was embarrassed because other children were very jealous. It was a detached house in a country where 95% of people lived in apartments. Specifically apartments with 3 bedrooms. We had more bathrooms than people - 8 bathrooms for 6 people. It was overkill. A friend of my sister came and said this looks like a hotel. I think that made me want to live in a flat, cos I wanted to fit in.

It made me feel different and not in a good way. When I first moved to London, I didn't realize that most people lived in houses as I lived in central London and didn't really have a reason to venture out to the suburbs until I met DH who hails from the north London suburbs.

House was spacious and generally well furnished but mums hoarding slowly got worse so stopped inviting school friends over...the dining room was full of papers and magazines and then it crept into the only clear room..our lounge... papers on the sofa etc...I used to move them before friends came over and then had to put them back exactly in same place etc but then it became too much....no where left to hide them all !!

Completely ashamed. My parents are hoarders. They would hoard things in several rooms in our big house and have one living room that remained untouched by hoarding but we weren't allowed in only guests were and the kitchen was generally not boarded in but the kitchen itself was from 1950 and I left in 2006 and the kitchen remained and still does as it is. It wasn't a nice old kitchen either it was hideous plastic worn down worktops.

Our one loo didn't flush and we had no central heating. I could never have friends over. My one really good friend used to hold her wee and go to the local tesco express that had a loo just to come to my house.
I refused to have anyone else over for fear of being judged. All my parents used to say was I was a snob and friends don't care about your home. I cared though. They even burnt a hole in the carpet and chopped a bit of carpet from behind the sofa out and place it in the hole.

Real life cut and paste! But it looked terrible. Worst bit is they sent me and sis to private school and I used to go to my friends houses and look in awe. When they asked if it's possible to go to mine I'd have to lie all the time. It's stayed with me for the rest of my life. I am anxious when people visit my home still. And I still hate very much going back to my parents house.

I'm quite sure they just have hoarded every Argos catalogue going and even things like the ads you get through the door, they kept everything. I think it must be a mental disorder or something but I wish I wasn't their dc and didn't have to see it tbh.

Our house was always immaculate. The house was Mum's 'thing' and she was always decorating or changing things. Reading some of the comments on here, I realise how lucky I was. At the time I didn't think anything about it, it was my norm. My best friends Mum's house was always messy, but I didn't think much about that either, that was just the way they lived. I must remember to ask BF what she felt growing up. My Mum grew up in a cluttered house which made her feel very down, but my grandmother had about a zillion children, so it can't have been easy for her. My home is definitely not up to Mum's standard, but ds don't seem embarrassed by it and often invite friends over.

Embarrassed sometimes in front of friends as i had the world's tiniest bedroom and never anything very modern. The carpets were ugly and the decor dated. Home was clean and very tidy, but full of stuff. My mum was a SAHM and dad didn't earn a lot. What they did earn went on holidays, savings, hobbies. For example they shoved a small pool table into downstairs for my brother, ridiculous really! You could barely get past it to the tiny dining table squashed in at the far end of the room.

My good friends never made a comment but others bullied me over where I lived.

The state of it - no problem, my mum is pretty much a clean freak.

My parents are total oddballs with no social skills though so that always made me ashamed.

Embarrassed. It was a dump, my df was selfish and aggressive, he wouldn't spend anything and my dm was too stressed to care..
Visitors were not welcome and encouraged to leave ASAP. It left me struggling to cope with normal friendships and I was in my 30s before I could have friends round to mine and relax.

After my df died, my dm became more house proud and sociable.

Now I make sure ds' friends are always welcome, there is always food available and we have a clean cheerful home. I love it

I never thought about it at all until I invited a girl from school who said her mother wasn't happy with her coming. I must have been about 12 and didnt dare ask her why. It really played on my mind.
I don't think my home was particularly dirty. Mum was an avid redecorater so the colour schemes were sometimes a bit unusual but so what?
That one daft remark made me very uncomfortable and I still hate people coming to my home for the first time.

I never thought about it. It was a flat, not a house. Friends' homes were bigger, smaller, more or less crowded - just accepted that. It was the friendship and the fun we had that mattered.

I don't think anyone I knew lived in a complete hovel, though.

Our house was always cluttered... I was neither proud nor embarrassed. It was a house... People came to see us not our home🤷

That said... I hate when my house is cluttered and people come by... But my house is still cluttered. A friend (who actually started out as my cleaning lady) watched my kids at her house and when I picked them up she said that she now saw why I struggled to keep things tidy haha. They were into EVERYTHING at her house

I wouldn't say proud, but I enjoyed the architecture and history.

Didn't really think about it at the time, but looking back, I wouldn't been proud. My parents didn't really have a pot to piss in most of the time, but dad loved his garden and my mum was incredibly house proud.

would've, not wouldn't 🙄