Were you embarrassed or proud of your house growing up?

[Worriedaboutcovid19]

Pondering this thought after reading another thread which reminded me.

My mum and stepdads house was very cluttered growing up. Not hoarded, just cluttered. My mum smoked inside the house too so it stank. They weren't the type to spend any money on aesthetics if it wasn't broken. So they wouldn't buy new curtains if her old ones were undamaged or new carpets/sofas even if they were worn out/haggard unless it was broken. So the house was very mismatched as they would replace things when needed without thinking if it was matched.

To clarify we werent particularly hard up for money or anything, it just wasn't a priority to my parents I don't think.

Although the basics were done such as hoovering and wiping down the sides. We NEVER deep cleaned such as dusting, pulling out sofas/microwave/cleaning windows or cleaning skirting boards etc.

When going to friends houses there was always a stark difference. All their houses were cleaned well with soft furnishing and the decor matching. None of their houses stank of smoke. No matter what kind of style their parents had they obviously carried out home improvements. Im assuming if they ever came into any kind of money such as a work bonus or inheritance or something they would use it on home improvements such as decking in the garden or a new kitchen etc. Whereas I don't think it would even cross my parents mind and instead they'd spend it on a holiday or car or something.

The houses all felt like show homes!

Now I'm an adult I realise they weren't emmaculate show homes at all, just that most people enjoy living in a nice home free of clutter and smoke!

I would feel quite embarrassed having friends over after seeing their homes and wonder what they must have thought! The funniest thing is... my mother believes she's house proud!

I've always wondered if anyone ever felt proud of their homes?! Knowing they were lovely and cared for? Or did most kids just not ever think about it as they lived in nicely decorated houses similar to their friends so it wasn't an issue?

As an adult now I have to write a list of deep cleaning things to do every now and again and put it in my diary like cleaning behind the microwave or cleaning the fridge and cupboards. As I didnt grow up doing it, those things don't come second nature!

Our house was very nice, immaculate and with a large garden but I hated that I didn’t live closer to the local estate where everyone else lived.

I remember our house being 'busy' - never immaculately clean or tidy, but it was managed and I suppose lived-in. Furniture was always mis matched and I do believe they still have a 1950s carpet in one of the rooms. I definitely noticed a difference between our house and friends' houses which were generally uncluttered and spotless. I do remember being embarrassed about our car which was always full of crap (as mine is now). I'd love to be houseproud and feel more embarrassed about my house now than I did about my childhood home. I hate the thought of my kids not being able to bring friends round because they're embarrassed.

I was proud. In fact I thought we were very rich! Its only as an adult I realised we were comfortable but not rich. But I had everything I wanted.

As a kid I didn’t care; as a teenager I was embarrassed. The house was always cluttered and dirty. I actually voluntarily did housework as it did my head in so much. I’m not super house proud myself but I do appreciate basic hygiene.

I was always embarrassed having friends over to mine as my dad never invested in our home. All my my friends had lovely homes and I always wished I had parents like theirs. My dad always hid money from us to spend it on his own family. My mum was very clean, so we never had any issues with clutter or hygiene but the house never looked nice. We never had a new kitchen or bathroom, never even when we could have easily afforded it. My dad was really financially abusive and I always vowed to marry a man opposite to him which I have. Last year me and my siblings all decided to renovate mums house and give her something that she's never had. My mum now is the happiest person with her new home and is house proud for the first time.

Ashamed and embarrassed. Our curtains were old towels and every piece of furniture was from the tip..now this was the 70s so people only dumped this things once they were beyond use. Sofa stank and we had old cut up odd bits of carpet on the floors. Like a quarter of the room would be green and 3/4 jazzy browns haha. We had so much stuff you could barely enter the front door. Never allowed my friends in but one day a gang of friends forced their way in. They took the piss and I was mortified.

Didn't think about it. Actually my house was the dirty one although not to a horrific level or anything, just grubby around the edges and a couple of my friends as teenagers mentioned they were uncomfortable eating food made there, which surprised me.

I do remember going to play at a house when I was about 8/9 which was in quite a state of disrepair and the carpets were mouldy, that made me feel anxious/scared and I asked the girl if she knew her carpet was mouldy, thinking her mum would have definitely sorted it out ASAP and she must just not know, and she was definitely embarrassed and just insisted it wasn't mouldy and I was wrong. I didn't understand that at the time, because it didn't occur to me that somebody would not be able to (or not want to) fix things like that.

Never gave it a moment's thought, why would I?

Why would you?

You would if you noticed that your house was significantly dirtier and untidier than everyone esle's house, like mine was. Friends used to comment on the dust bunnies in the cloakroom and ask why my mum didn't clean the house. It was horrible.

Obviously, once I was socially aware anough to realise that my mum was a slattern reagarding housework I used to do it myself so the house looked more presentable when people came round.

You clearly haven't been in this situation.

@FraughtwithGin

You've never had any personal anxieties at all? You can't imagine why any teenager or child might feel judged for where they live?

As a child, I had a friend who was one of 8 children. His parents both worked but the house was not their priority. The house was always 'busy', lots of kids, teenagers coming and going. Lots of pets. The door always seemed to be open. The house was like a youth club during school holidays. Some of my happiest childhood memories are from times spent in that house. As a child I was aware the house was untidy and dirty but that was just the way it was and it everybody appeared to feel the same.
Oh the games we played and the laughs we had in that house.

Our home was like a show home, all the latest decoration. My zMum discouraged me from h IH acing visitors though

Well I was never ashamed of my childhood home. My parents keep it clean and tidy but aren't anal about it - a bit of mess or a pile of papers is OK. But my best friends house was super cluttered (mum pretty much a horder) but there were some weird and wonderful things (there was some taxidermy there) and it was full of dogs and cats and we used to love visiting there. It was so relaxed and fascinating too. I still enjoy visiting her house most of all.
My dd rarely invites people back but I don't think she is ashamed of the house as in mess and decor (I'm forever redecorating and love it clean ans tidy) but more because she has 3 younger brothers and they can get a bit full on. Oh and her dad is super embarrassing. Thinking about it, it's definitely dh that stops her bringing friends back, even though they all think he's "cool"

Neither, but I never invited people round. Ours was always immaculate and my mum hated having people eat in the living room or do anything messy. She was often unpredictable and never let me have more than 2 friends round at once -I had a group of 6 very close and sensible friends at 6th form and we would take turns meeting at each other’s houses except mine because my mum was scared it would turn into a “Skins party”

I’ve probably gone too far the other way now but when I moved out I was so excited to be able to eat on the sofa or leave a glass of water on the coffee table.

Jesus this a horrible thread, makes me feel quite shit actually. Can't believe how much value people put in possessions.
Whilst it's not OK to live in a dirty house, or to let your children feel neglected, there is nothing wrong with having mismatched furniture or unfashionable kitchens.
My teenager daughter is often scathing about our house, she has friends who live in houses where the interiors look like they have been lifted from the Next catalogue. We live in a big(gish) Victorian house, I actually hate it, we can't keep up with the upkeep and I want to move. We don't have much money for new furniture, but I renovate things and our house is probably seen as quite arty, but there are always walls that need painting, chipped woodwork. The garden is a constant battle. We drive two 15yr old cars.
It makes me sad to think my daughter might be saying the things some of you might be saying when she's an adult. The irony is most of our spare cash we spend on her.

Just like oldraver our house was like a show home, the Laura Ashley/ Barker & Sronehouse type and Immaculate garderns. I remember many hours/weekends/bank holidays spent in garden Centers/show rooms/dog places. Mum was constantly doing something to it. We never had friends around, we never sat on the sofas (still don't) and we never made ourselves anything to eat in the kitchen. The only sanctuary were we could play was our bedrooms and even then they were picture perfect. We went to our friends houses instead. I remember wanting mfi 80s bedroom furniture with posters all over the walls like my friends.

*diy places, not dog places (would've been much more fun but we never had pets)

"Jesus this a horrible thread, makes me feel quite shit actually. Can't believe how much value people put in possessions.
Whilst it's not OK to live in a dirty house, or to let your children feel neglected, there is nothing wrong with having mismatched furniture or unfashionable kitchens."

Yes but teenagers are embarrassed by just about anything, especially anything they deem to be different to their peers.

That's hardly news.

not proud or embarrassed

as a teen mine was the Go To house for meeting, we were allowed to smoke, listen to records, play games. but had to leave by 9 or 10 i think because I had to get up early for a paper round

I grew up in the end one of a terrace of rented farm cottages. Until about 6years old the toilet was down the garden, lovely warm polished wooden seat with two "holes" side by side, but I wasn't keen on the spiders in autumn. No hot water (single cold tap on kitchen sink), no bathroom - strip washes in said kitchen sink with water boiled in large pans. Two rooms, two down. Dad was a carpenter (made me a lovely dolls house), mum picked fruit seasonally. Financially we were poor but it was a loving, clean home.

However, when I passed my 11+ exams and went to grammar school in town I mixed with girls from more affluent backgrounds and my two best friends had parents who were solicitors and doctors. Their houses had modern kitchens, bathrooms, central heating, fitted carpets, telephones and colour TVs! Plus mums with their own cars - neither of my parents ever learned to drive, so it was bikes, buses or what was termed Shank's Pony (walking) for us.

As a teenager I rarely had friends over, being very self conscious about the lack of "facilities" (although landlord had by now built a tiny room with flush toilet next to kitchen) and it was embarrassing to have a sleepover where we washed and cleaned our teeth in the same sink dishes were done after tea! And don't get me thinking about what happened to used sanitary towels (Dr Whites, the ones with loops worn hooked onto a belt) .......

My parents are hoarders - I'd have given anything to live in a 'normal' house, however shabby or unfashionable.

Some of my friends with immaculate homes were not allowed in certain areas - a separate lounge for grown ups. And they weren't allowed to have friends in the house.

My parents always seemed far more interested in the house, doing it up and keeping it immaculate than they did us tbh. It was their sole hobby and whilst the house was very nice, I didn't invite friends round. My parents weren't very welcoming and would always find something wrong with whichever friend I'd invited which meant I wasn't allowed to be friends with them any more. So I went to my friends' smaller, messier, smoker houses instead.

This thread is a bit of an eye opener for me.

We had a spacious house but all my DP’s money went on school fees so everything was old and worn. Carpets repaired with duck tape, worn sofas, kitchen/bathrooms from early 70s and appliances that were only partially working. Plus both DP worked so garden was overgrown and house never very clean.

All my friends had lovely houses and I was too ashamed to ask them round.