Were you embarrassed or proud of your house growing up?

[Worriedaboutcovid19]

Pondering this thought after reading another thread which reminded me.

My mum and stepdads house was very cluttered growing up. Not hoarded, just cluttered. My mum smoked inside the house too so it stank. They weren't the type to spend any money on aesthetics if it wasn't broken. So they wouldn't buy new curtains if her old ones were undamaged or new carpets/sofas even if they were worn out/haggard unless it was broken. So the house was very mismatched as they would replace things when needed without thinking if it was matched.

To clarify we werent particularly hard up for money or anything, it just wasn't a priority to my parents I don't think.

Although the basics were done such as hoovering and wiping down the sides. We NEVER deep cleaned such as dusting, pulling out sofas/microwave/cleaning windows or cleaning skirting boards etc.

When going to friends houses there was always a stark difference. All their houses were cleaned well with soft furnishing and the decor matching. None of their houses stank of smoke. No matter what kind of style their parents had they obviously carried out home improvements. Im assuming if they ever came into any kind of money such as a work bonus or inheritance or something they would use it on home improvements such as decking in the garden or a new kitchen etc. Whereas I don't think it would even cross my parents mind and instead they'd spend it on a holiday or car or something.

The houses all felt like show homes!

Now I'm an adult I realise they weren't emmaculate show homes at all, just that most people enjoy living in a nice home free of clutter and smoke!

I would feel quite embarrassed having friends over after seeing their homes and wonder what they must have thought! The funniest thing is... my mother believes she's house proud!

I've always wondered if anyone ever felt proud of their homes?! Knowing they were lovely and cared for? Or did most kids just not ever think about it as they lived in nicely decorated houses similar to their friends so it wasn't an issue?

As an adult now I have to write a list of deep cleaning things to do every now and again and put it in my diary like cleaning behind the microwave or cleaning the fridge and cupboards. As I didnt grow up doing it, those things don't come second nature!

No I wasn’t embarrassed as such, but when I started secondary we needed to live with my grandparents, as we were homeless.

They lived in a very big expensive house, on the route most kids walked past from school. I’d get comments about it, but I always said it’s my grandparents not ours. No one really understood, I actually didn’t.

After a few months the council housed us, in a council flat in the middle of a council estate, it wasn’t in a great area, very run down, with a lot of poverty, drugs and criminal behaviour..

So of course the kids couldn’t understand it, how I’d went from living in this big expensive house to living in a run down council flat. It was actually charity housing.

For a period then I felt embarrassed. When kids asked me, but when everyone got used to it and it became old news it didn’t bother me.

Probably neither. Growing up I liked the house I lived in (mum still lives there) and have/still are some lovely neighbours.

Yes I was quite proud of my house. Mainly because it was on a street leading up to the school and several of my neighbours were in my year group & so there were always people coming and going. Friends'hanging out'. Quite a popular place to be.
Inside was always clean and tidy. And my parents had a big extension done when I started secondary school so the place felt quite modern which seemed to be a good thing at the time.

@FraughtwithGin

Why would you give it a second thought?

• If you lived with hoarders/people who didn’t clean
• If you didn’t have furniture or curtains
• If your parents were unwelcoming

You can’t be that hard of thinking

I wasn’t embarrassed about the state of the house I grew up in but I was embarrassed because of the comments I got from friends because it wasn’t the same as others. It was originally two houses so the rooms were all very large and spacious and the utility room was probably bigger than most kitchens.
I was still proud of it though. It wasn’t clinically clean and tidy, it was home.

I was happy and content being at home, my mum was lucky enough to be a sahm and my dad worked away mon-Fri. The house was always clean and welcoming, most of our stuff was second hand. Friend would comment on how fresh our house smelt.
However, now both parents are retired and I'm a grown adult I actually think it's rather messy at times. My dad clearly the culprit now he's around alot more!
But it did set me up to keep a clean and tidy home so that I'm grateful for.

@YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators

DD1 is embarrassed about our house, and it breaks my heart. We live in an ex-council semi which is tiny, and most of her friends live in much larger, detached properties, all with fairly modern, contemporary decor. Ours is clean and tidy, but the decor, although neutral, could do with updating. It just looks a little tired. And it's tiny. We could afford to redecorate and put in a new kitchen and bathroom, but have so far reasoned that it's silly to replace fully working appliances / units / flooring etc, prioritising saving instead, but I have recently begun to think that perhaps we should just splurge a load on a refurb for the DCs sake. I just need to get over myself, as I freak out about perfectly good stuff with years left in them going to landfill because ...aesthetics.

Please spruce up your house. Your dd cant see future but presend. Size doesnt matter but imagine how lovely it will feel for you all and how she will be able to have a friend come round. It doesn't need to be much just some paint and go to b and m.

Our house in itself was fine - nice enough, nothing special, was always kept clean. However, I know friends didn't feel comfortable hanging out there as we got older, because my parents had a lot of strict rules and it was too tidy and controlled.

I had friends who lived in similar houses in the same area of town, whose parents were a lot messier and more relaxed, and I always felt happy and welcome there in comparison.

Interesting thread. We lived in a huge house, 6 beds, three baths, massive original Edwardian conservatory, gardens etc. New friends always commented on it when they came round, sometimes a bit sniggery iyswim. Parents spent all their money paying the mortgage and doing up the house so we didn’t have many holidays abroad which friends did, so I was always jealous of that.
Added to that, DM worked full time and DF worked abroad so the house was a shit tip most of the time.
Kids like a tidy, “normal” house where they can bring their friends and nothing is an issue I think.

As a small child, under 10, I probably never noticed our home. Warm, friendly, everyone else’s was similar, lots of kids, no one particularly rich, everyone in the same boat. Fairly standard decor and as passable as you could get with kids running in and out. Had people over for sleep overs etc.

Then my dad died and my mum descended in to addiction and it was horrible. We moved to a new house, couldn’t do it up, the radiators leaked and we never got it all dry again because we couldn’t afford to fix the heating so just never had any heating again. The place was all hard cold surfaces, no carpets, no rugs, second hand chesterfield, couldn’t have people home because we’d have no idea what I might open the door to each day. I remember even the fruit in the fruit bowl was covered in a weird sticky nicotine dust.

So yeah my house is messy (clothes upstairs and toys downstairs) but I don’t really have that fear of repetition because it’s not as bad as I know it could be. My home always feels like a palace to me.

I grew up in a big detached house filled with mis-matched inherited furniture, bookcases everywhere, radio used more than the tv, parents listened to classical music, classic cars in the drive.

When I first went to friends houses for 'tea' I became deeply jealous of their small, cluttered places where family ate their dinner on the sofa. I wanted that rather than professional parents who commuted and spent little time with me.

Looking back now I can see I was probably fairly lucky to grow up with no concept of money issues because it was never discussed, we weren't spoilt by any means but we had cultured holidays.

My house is now a mix of my childhood and what I craved from my friends houses and families.

I'm a bit like this. DC don't seem embarrassed but who knows.

My home is pretty clean and tidy, I have cleaning routines for everything and everything has a place.

But it's all 90s decor, unmatching furniture drawn on by DC years ago, small bits of carpet ripped up at sides, slightly ripped curtains, walls need painted. At least it's clean and tidy I suppose.

It's rented and so I can't square up in my head spending any money on it. I think even if it was 'mine' I'd still be averse to spending on it. I don't have much money and if I do have extra I feel I have to save it (I've been homeless etc as a teenager and feel I must save).

I do get a bit embarrassed and it's probably one of the reasons I don't have 'mum' friends, because they'd invite me but I wouldn't invite them back. DC friends occasionally come, vast majority don't bat an eyelid I suppose cause it's clean and tidy kids don't seem to notice decor.. Once a friend came from a posher area, DD said her parents had been apprehensive of our (perfectly ok) area. I tried so hard to get in food and drinks asked what they'd like beforehand. She didn't stay for long and never came back. Oh well.

I loved my home growing up - it was huge and eccentric and had libraries and books and cool weird things everywhere. I knew my friends’ houses were very different from mine but my parents sort of sneered at then for being so conventional and middle class and sort of encouraged me to think of us as superior.

It was very ‘I Capture the Castle.’

As an adult I realise my mum was severely depressed and that growing up in filth with ancient carpets isn’t normal or healthy. I’m a clean freak who hates antique furniture and it’s definitely a reaction to my childhood home.

I was utterly indifferent. I lived in a quite few places and I honestly felt no particular way about them. They were just houses. Looking back, I think they were clean and mostly tidy places so I guess I had no reason to feel anything negative.

I was in awe of my friends homes though which were (still are) huge compared to ours (the final home my dad and step mum bought was a very respectable 4 bed detatched, where my step mum still lives with it all to herself)

My best friend lived in an old vicarage, beautifully and tastefully decorated by her parents, with a living room just for show, (and christmas) and a balcony. How I loved the curved staircase with balcony! All the bedrooms had sinks in, which I'd never seen before, and her parents also had their own bathroom, as did the 'guest room', which again I'd never seen before (this was the early 80s and I guess before en-suites were a common 'thing') Her parents had a four poster bed, again, something I'd not seen other than on the tv and in stately homes.
Her next door neighbours house was equally gorgeous, with a servants stairwell leading from the kitchen to the top of the house. They had an orchard, not just a garden. It was huge.

I grew up in a lovely 3 bed detached house with a huge garden and orchard. This was a stretch for my parents and so it was not a show home it was always a work in progress. It was clean and cozy and the garden was great when it came time to have teenage parties camping out etc and I was always proud of it.
However I also really loved the modern estate houses some friends had as mine was a bit “good life” and I thought the other houses were so modern.
I would never swap it for the world though and can still walk through it all in my mind in detail.
We now have a detached bungalow with a normal garden I think my DD’s are ok with it it’s nothing super special and always things need doing but it’s clean and cozy and they have their own rooms.
Unless somewhere is really dirty I honestly think most youngsters remember the welcome they get more. I used to play with a girl with the most amazing house but her parents never seemed very warm and I remember other friends cozy little terraced houses with much more joy where I loved staying over.

Please spruce up your house. Your dd cant see future but presend. Size doesnt matter but imagine how lovely it will feel for you all and how she will be able to have a friend come round.
It doesn't need to be much just some paint and go to b and m

Goodness. The pp stated she is sensible, re-uses and saves money for the future. This is why people and the environment are in a mess, no savings in case of redundancy etc. Replacing everything that isn't aesthetically pleasing. Furniture on credit from DFS. We do have savings for a rainy day, plus savings for DD to go to uni, although this means our sofas are covered in throws to hide the holes, and everything else is secondhand. We also just don't have enough time to paint everything that needs it.

Yes but teenagers are embarrassed by just about anything, especially anything they deem to be different to their peers.

That's hardly news.

I realise that, but I had hoped mine would grow out of it. Some of you don't seem to have done.
My Dad went bankrupt when I was a child, we moved to a council estate and had very little, most things were hand me downs, clothes from jumble sales. I was not embarrassed, my parents tried their hardest, they worked all hours, and I knew this. I look back and think how hard it was for them. I'm not ashamed or obsessed with giving my children better.

@takenbywine your mum must be so proud of you and your siblings. What a lovely thing to do

I liked my house. It wasn't very flash though.

We lived in very overcrowded conditions until I was about 12. Was hard to have people round but it was the 80's / early 90's and most of my friends were in similar situations (sharing bedrooms was the norm)

Moved to a much bigger house where I had my own bedroom plus a walk in wardrobe. Was uber happy and proud and spent most of my teenage years hosting friends, having sleep overs etc.

Not embarrassed at all - house was clean and tidy, parents were welcoming. As I got older definitely realised that friend’s houses were very different, most much bigger and more trendily furnished than ours (Habitat mostly ) and have realised it’s probably because my parents were 10-15 years older than parents of my contemporaries, and cared very much less for the outward trappings. That attitude rubbed off, thankfully!

My parents are very cluttered and it did embarrass me. Also they would spot clean so the idea of doing a spring clean where you clean the whole place at once was something introduced to me as an adult. I do remember being mildly embarrassed that every table and countertop had stuff on it, but it was more that it was inconvenient to me. I lived far away from my school and it was rare to have any friends back to my house because of the distance.

When we visit them now we do tend to fill the days with activities because the house is quite small to spend a lot of time in.

"I realise that, but I had hoped mine would grow out of it. Some of you don't seem to have done."

I don't see anyone saying they're still embarrassed by things like rubbish furniture. More they don't want their children to grow up with filth and hoarded stuff around them.

Embarrassed but we weren’t allowed friends around so no one really saw it.

In contrast I’m a neat freak and have always had an open house (pre Covid obviously).

I never thought about it