Answer the question above you. Wrong answers only. PART 2

[bearlyactive]

To answer the most recent question...

What to do to stop procrastinating?

Take a nap. Keep procrastinating until it gets boring.

And my next question is...

How long will it take for this thread to fill up?

No, use it as a frisbee instead.

What's so special about Farrow & Ball paint?

You can use it to paint balls and they still bounce

Why am I awake at 5.30 again?

Cos I have to get up at 3.30am and I don't see why everyone else can stay in bed.

What possessed me to eat a curry last night with my only non stained white ( rather than grey /white) t-shirt on.
That's another one ruined!

You know instinctively that white T-shirts are the root of all evil. They cause frustration, anguish and laundry. Your subconscious is telling you to never where white again.

How many creme caramels can one 17-year-old eat in a week?

wear white again, curses!

One and only in one small piece at a time.

Why are dogs so excitable?

Woof woof woof woof. Woof woof.

(On the subject of stained top... Have you tried putting it in direct sunlight?

Where has my DH put his work belt. He can remember doing something sensible with it....

On your front lawn where he was doing the Full Monty earlier.

Should I wash my hair now or in the morning?

Neither. You should wash it at 3.17 am tomorrow, whilst singing 'Dancing Queen' at full volume in the shower.

Why can't I be bothered to get my laundry in off the line?

Because you are feeling daring so you are going let it get darker on

Why when I have just got home from work and flopped on the bed does my cat think my stomach is the best place to lie

@Aroundtheworldin80moves
Its been warned on and rained on but there no sun round here today.

You're a cat bed.

Why did I not feel the earthquake, despite being in the region?

The earth was moving for you for a entirely different reason

Oops posted to soon

Double or king size quilt

Everyone knows that you need an Isle of Wight sized duvet if you sleep with a quilt hogger.
Failing that tie partner up & put him/her in a hammock in the attic.

Why was it so hot today?
(26C compared to 15-18C all last week)

Because the hot air spouted by Boris and his cronies is speeding-up global warming.

What's the best pizza topping?

Pineapple and onion.

Why do evenings go so fast?

So that there is more time for insomniacs to enjoy not sleeping

If a 7yo has a 45min walk home from school,vwhat percentage of that time will be taken up by complaining over the walk home?

46 mins

If I don't put my phone down and go to sleep now what will happen?

I will start singing a medley of Waterloo, Don't Cry For Me Argentina, YMCA, The Wheels On The Bus, and for my finale I will sing all of the songs from The Sound of Music followed by the whole of Bizet's Carmen very loudly outside of your bedroom window.
Oh and I might bring a megaphone if I can find one.

Why I am still awake even though I went to bed at 10.30pm & the alarm is set for 7.30am?

Cos some bugger up the road is singing a mixture of really ear-wormy songs .

Should I buy a new tooth brush ?

Get a second hand one at your favourite charity shop.

Do I have to drive the kids to school? Or shall I give them a map and send them by themselves?

Drive them and honk every time you see a white car.

Why did the man in Tescos call me a duckegg yesterday when I helped him get something from the shelf?

Because you are blue and speckled.

DH away tonight. What shall I watch on the TV?

Back to Back episodes of Dallas, Do you think my kids will get to half term without having to self isolate ?

Of course they will. But they may choose to self isolate by becoming hermits on the nearest high mountain, where they will keep goats and pronounce doom over anyone who comes by.

If I walk an alpaca and it is male, am I having a date with a hairy man? (Asking for a friend)