Relative really hurt me with ‘joke’

[endofaugust]

I was 23 stone start of this year . I’ve worked very, very hard and lost three stone so far . I can feel a difference, I can see a bigger one . I took a before and after photo, and showed it to a relative .

That relative on phone today, said, ‘can you send me that photo of you and your ‘big sister’ - you know; when the big fat sister?’

I was called fat every day in school, I think it of myself all the time and I didn’t need her to say that . She has said it many, many times before .

In same conversation she was asking after family heirloom, I said I was given it years ago and still had it . Said I really should hand it down to cousin as ‘the way you are you’re not ever likely to get married or give birth are you?’

I’ve got PCOS and have been told I might have difficulty conceiving; she knows that - her comment has really hit a sore point .

I didn’t know what to say and just tried to laugh it off and change the subject but I’m feeling totally deflated . I worked so hard to lose that weight, I felt good, but it’s not enough in her eyes .

I’m not sure where to go with it next - just pretend she never said it? NC isn’t an option.

Tell her you're not speaking to her again until she apologises and accepts that her behaviour is disgraceful. She sounds absolutely vile and you don't need to put up with this.

That's not a joke. That's being a vindictive, nasty, malicious bitch.

I don't know what relative she is to you, but please, be very clear that your efforts and achievements are amazing. The eyes that need to see that what you are doing, and who you are, is more than good enough, are yours.

And there's the old line, 'I might be fat, but I can get thinner, however, you're never going to be anything other than a poisonous, vindictive cow.'

Why isn’t NC an option, this person is clearly not pleasant.

She's being deliberately unkind, or she's incredibly insentive. Either way, ignore her. And well done on your weight loss. I've lost almost 3 stone and I think its an achievement! Don't let your relative's rudeness hinder your weight loss!

Just stop responding in any way to her and phase her out of your life. Does she offer any positives at all as those comments make her seem like a mean, vicious, cruel bitch who gets off on hurting people. Absolutely no way she could possibly think that what she has said is funny.

Why do we always feel the need to laugh things off so we don’t make ‘them’ feel uncomfortable? She sounds awful, well done on your weight loss. Keep feeling good and don’t let her take that away from you

Oh, and apologies for slagging off your relative.

Ignore or tell her how you feel please. If you tell her how you feel, the dynamics might change. I feel for you x

Distance yourself, she's toxic

I am going through something similar. So I feel your pain. I am clinically obese. My DM keeps raving on at me about a relatives weightloss and how I need to be doing the same faddy expensive diet. Pointed looks and remarks about my weight.

I have actually lost 3 stone. She hasn't noticed. She was also specifically told not to buy me food for my birthday. She bought me a large box of very high calorie high fat sweets.

I just despair

Those comments about never marrying/having kids are disgraceful. Talk about going for the jugular

Why is going NC not an option.

I think you need to answer back the next time they say something..They are not worried about your feelings,so why worry about theirs.

And well done on the weight loss thats really great going.

It’s ok to show a reaction when someone is so horrendously rude.

Feel free to gasp and say, “I can’t BELIEVE you just said that!”

Let there be an awkward silence. It wasn’t you who caused it.

If you really really can't go NC then I think you should call or text her and say 'in our last conversation you really hurt me. You mocked my weight, insulted me and made a joke about my very serious concern that I may struggle to conceive. It was cruel and it's not the first time. Why do you treat me like this and why should I keep communicating with you if this is the way you intend to speak to me in the future?'.

Her answer will let you know whether you should maintain the relationship as it is now, whether you should go NC or whether you go LC and just don't ever tell her anything important and stick to topics like the weather.

Bloody well done at losing 3 stone - that´s phenomenal!

Don`t let this horrible person set you back for even a second - turn it into determination to keep on getting healthier and fitter - fuck her.

And if you can`t go NC, you can certainly completely ignore any requests from her. Giving her something she wants when she talks to you like that? She can bugger off.

Sending you a ton of love and support xxxxx

on the fat thing: 23 stone is fat. It's a fact.
on the heirloom thing: just tell her to go suck an egg. That was really uncalled, insensitive and nasty.

Well done on your weight loss and please don’t let this vile person deter you. So many overweight people have individuals in their lives who one way or another try and push them down, make sure they stay overweight and generally sabotage their lives because it makes them feel better. Be warned that people around your may not all be pleased for you as you lose weight and become healthier but anyone who is worth keeping around will be supportive and encouraging. Ditch whoever this person is from your life until they apologise and focus on yourself. You are worthwhile and worth getting healthy for!

Just don’t engage. Let her contact you again. When she makes a comment just say, that’s extremely rude I am not continuing the conversation, phone me when you are ready to apologise and put the phone down

I think the 'you’re not ever likely to get married or give birth are you?’ comment is worse than the fat comment, TBH, but they're both staggeringly rude and thoughtless.

I'd have hung up. And I wouldn't be talking to her again in a hurry.

Unless she's your mother and you are a six month old baby NC is an option and inc you should take up sharpish. What a bitch she is.

I've taken nearly two years to lose two stone and half a stone has been since July ish. So I know how hard it is so a big well done from me.

Sorry OP that wasn't a joke. It was a mean and malicious comment deliberately designed to hurt you. You need to stand up for yourself with this person although personally if someone said that to me I'd go NC. You need them like a hole in the head. Its fatphobia plain and simple. Plus what an awful thing to say to someone who is going struggle with fertility.

Well done on your weight loss, keep going you will feel amazing when you get there.

Sorry, I’m being thick because nobody else is confused but was she calling your sister fat??

I think she thought she was being funny and implying the photos were of two people.

As LC as you can if you can’t go NC, so I’d respond civilly to her but not not contact her/ go out of your way to get back to her every time or immediately and make any no effort whatsoever.

The problem with people like this is they don't care that they hurt your feelings, if they did they wouldn't say shit like this in the first place.
Just because this person is related to you it doesn't mean you're obliged to take any shit from them or put up with insults and nasty comments. You have a right to stand up for yourself and not allow people to trample all over your bounds just because they're related to you. Tell her she's a nasty piece of work and mean it.