Relative really hurt me with ‘joke’

[endofaugust]

I was 23 stone start of this year . I’ve worked very, very hard and lost three stone so far . I can feel a difference, I can see a bigger one . I took a before and after photo, and showed it to a relative .

That relative on phone today, said, ‘can you send me that photo of you and your ‘big sister’ - you know; when the big fat sister?’

I was called fat every day in school, I think it of myself all the time and I didn’t need her to say that . She has said it many, many times before .

In same conversation she was asking after family heirloom, I said I was given it years ago and still had it . Said I really should hand it down to cousin as ‘the way you are you’re not ever likely to get married or give birth are you?’

I’ve got PCOS and have been told I might have difficulty conceiving; she knows that - her comment has really hit a sore point .

I didn’t know what to say and just tried to laugh it off and change the subject but I’m feeling totally deflated . I worked so hard to lose that weight, I felt good, but it’s not enough in her eyes .

I’m not sure where to go with it next - just pretend she never said it? NC isn’t an option.

it’s never promoted me to make a change yet

I suspect she thinks that her saying something will make you ashamed to eat or something or she is a total nasty person who gets off on being a bully. Who knows.

You've done really well. 3 stone is a lot. I'd be going low contact or even NC. You don't need that in your life.

Life is way to short to have negative people in your life..get rid..i dont mean bury her under patio but certainly go NC...bloody well done on your weight loss...im struggling to lose a stone

Oh I don’t know.... I’ll lend you a shovel OP @endofaugust

Tell her you realised she's right about the heirloom... so you've sold it on ebay.

Then never speak to her again!

Congratulations on your weight loss! It's a hard row to hoe.

You don't have to make any kind of 'declaration of NC'. Simply stop taking her calls and avoid being around her as much as you can. If you must attend a function she's at, then stay as far away from her as you possibly can.

I'd probably be fostering a closer relationship with the NC cousin. Sounds to me as if you could be mutual support for each other.

Well done on your significant weight loss, that's some achievement.

No way should you give the heirloom to her or your cousin.

Your relation is a nasty vindictive malicious wagon who knows exactly what she's saying and knows it's not a joke. Jaysus to start on a five year old and to continue ever since just shows the sort of c u next Tuesday she is.

She doesn't want you to be happy or lose weight and if you don't go NC just prepare yourself for the next time and there will be a next time when she will start saying something downright nasty and have a few well prepared responses ready to call her out on her nasty bullying. Don't let her off the hook with her saying she's joking, call bullshit on that and it's well known that's a typical response from bullies when they're called out on their bullying.

I'd be telling her straight that she must be extremely unhappy with her own life if she has to continuously be so nasty. I'd hold back on telling her that her nasty comments hurt you because that would please her but tell her they're beyond tiresome now and every time she starts being nasty you'll cut her off. Tell her you feel very sorry for her and her miserable life.

If push comes to shove tell her to fuck right off and crawl back under the rock she came from.

Well done on your weight loss and I’m glad your starting to feel the difference. Unfortunately you always get someone who puts you down usually due to their own insecurities. She might be looking at you and thinking how well your doing but can’t bring herself to say it as it’s always something that she’s felt she had over you and that’s slipping away. I would use this as a way to spur you on and lose even more as it’s clearly getting to her. Alternatively you could front her up about it and say that your disappointed and hurt by her comments and would ask her to not repeat them.the old saying if you +ant say anything nice don’t say anything at all.
Good luck with your weight journey.

She sounds absolutely awful. You’ve done so well with weight loss - I think you should now think about the effect continuing contact with her will have on your mental health.

Her horrible comments must have been so distressing- if you keep in contact with her, will that involve suppressing/denying your natural & proper feelings of hurt? That would be a really bad thing & might even affect your motivation to be healthy & lose weight.

If a friend of yours was in this position, what would you advise her to do? Be as kind you yourself as you would to a friend you cared about.

And don’t give the horrid woman the heirloom! She seriously does not deserve it.

Firstly congratulations on your weightloss journey. Please don't let this vile woman de rail your progress.
As so many people have said this person is absolutely toxic and from your posts it sounds as if she has been dripping poison on you since you were a little girl. That is so sad and you do not deserve that.
She's also made your cousin go NC.
She doesn't deserve a place in your life and as others have also said, its OK to show that her comments are rude, cruel and unkind and to say that you won't put up with it anymore.
Is there anyone you can talk to in RL, who can help you counterbalance this horrible person. Don't let them and their comments stay in your head and bring you down. You have already shown that you can achieve things, keep going. Also as others have said dont discuss your weight loss or anything related to it anywhere near this horrid woman. Find some people who are also working to lose weight and talk to them, you will get support and encouragement something you have been deprived of. Best of luck with your goals and finding your freedom.

She is jealous of you! Congratulations on your weight loss, ignore the snidey comments from her, be thankful you are you and not her! X

P you’ve done so well at losing 3 stone - that’s a fab achievement and definitely something to be proud of and to use to spur you on further.

I know you’ve mentioned PCOS - are you’re taking anything for it? (No need to reply on here!)

It’s just that I too had it - tried a variety of treatments over the years but the best was definitely metformin, which is an old drug that was originally used to treat type 2 diabetes but they seem to be discovering is useful for more and more things, a bit like how aspirin is useful for all sorts but is an ‘old’ drug - it’s cheap as chips and decades off license so not popular with the drug companies as little profit to be made.

I’d read about it as a treatment for PCOS but it too ages to get it prescribed (this is going back years!) - they made me take a couple of different contraceptive pills for a year each first (which made things so much worse and made me feel so ill for years too) plus other stuff. When I finally got to take it, it took a couple of months to adjust to it (which they warn you about) but on it I felt so much better and lost weight and when I tried to conceive I was lucky and got ds1. Different doctor/area a year later when I wanted to go back on it and they wouldn’t let me to start with - They wanted me to go back on the pill that had made me so ill instead. I wanted to get pregnant again so it wasn’t an option. Tried and failed to get pregnant. Eventually went private, saw a great endocrinologist who couldn’t understand why I’d been refused metformin so wrote a private prescription for me as well as writing to the go saying to put me on it. Took it again, started feeling better and losing weight and 6 weeks later I was pregnant. The drug is so cheap it’s one of those that the nhs makes a profit on when they prescribe it as it costs something like 50p a month’s supply, so it’s not like I was asking the gp to prescribe expensive drugs etc. I know I’m just one person and that different things work for different people. But just wanted to give you hope that there are things you can do to increase your chances of having kids when you have PCOS.

So keep going, ignore your cousin and her negativity, give yourself a massive pat on the back and keep going!

Well done on losing that much weight, that’s a real achievement.
She sounds spiteful and maybe jealous. You need people will be praise, support and encourage you. I’d keep away from her and spend time with nicer people.