My mums not speaking to me, come tell me the ridiculous reasons relatives have stopped speaking to you

[SpottyPhone]

My mum is hard work. I love her but we have a complicated relationship – she’s always the victim and always feels left out even if it doesn’t involve her and never has (she gets upset if she's not invited to my DCs school events for example even if it's a 2 ticket event and both me and ExH go).

My DC is at their dads for the weekend and I am having some much needed time. I met up with a friend of mine for a late breakfast and my mum happened to see me came over for a chat and left.

She’s just text me telling me that I clearly don’t want her in my life because if I did I’d have invited her to join me and my friend for breakfast oh and I’d have paid for hers to.

Apparently she’s not speaking to me until I apologise and make it up to her by taking her out like I did my friend (friend was actually treating me I couldn’t very well say “pay for my mum too she hardly knows my mum as we met at work before my DC was born and remained friends).

So tell me the most ridiculous reason a relative or someone has stopped speaking to you for to make me laugh?

My mother was upset at something my sister said about my mother's actions - she was completely in the right but my mother felt everyone should be pretending to forget what she had done. My mother fell out with me even though I wasn't involved. She didn't speak to me for months. Apparently I should have showed solidarity and defended her pretty undefendable actions.

Generally I don't get the silent treatment. She will make really nasty, cutting remarks. If we comment on them we are being oversensitive or she is only joking. She has said once, whilst drunk, that she makes the comments because we have hurt her in some way. I often have no idea what I've done to offend her.

My DM fell out with her sister-in-law because SIL gave her a spaghetti jar with a pack of spaghetti for an anniversary gift.

She liked the jar but took offence at the spaghetti ”she thinks I don't know what to put in a spaghetti jar” she didn't speak to her for years.

My mil fell has mh issues and falls out with everyone occasionally.

My favourite one is we were flying home from holiday and due to land at 1am. We were delayed for about 90 minutes so didn't get home til almost 5am.

When I got into the house carrying my sleeping 1 year old the house phone rang and woke up the baby, I answered the phone with baby screaming and it was mil checking why we weren't home earlier as she's been calling since 2am and raging we didn't answer. Also complained re screaming baby. I said we just got home and the phone woke baby. I asked her if everything was ok as to why she was calling and she took offence and didn't speak to me for months.
When I put the phone back on craflevtge answer machine alerted me to over 50 missed calls all from her over a 3 hour period 😱

Why she didn't phone a mobile I'll never know!

She also didn't meet our baby for 3 weeks as I upset her by bringing my laptop out when she was visiting the day before I was getting induced and wanted to download music onto a cd. She wasn't invited to visit and I apparently wasn't allowed to get organised and was required to entertain her during the unplanned visit which was my time for getting sorted.

Lots of stories like this , she hasn't spoken to other son for almost 3 years as she doesn't like his partner who he's been with for 13 years

My older aunt did not speak to my younger aunt for years. I'm hazy on the details, but I think it had something to do with the fact that younger aunt had a boyfriend when older aunt was divorced and single. Then younger aunt was getting married to said boyfriend, and my mum, the middle sister and peacemaker, somehow cajoled them into speaking again, using the argument that people would talk if older aunt wasn't at the wedding.

The peace didn't last more than a year, then older aunt stopped speaking with younger aunt again. The reason this time - younger aunt came round to visit grandma (in whose house older aunt was living) after grandma had just come back from a long-anticipated trip to Russia to see family she had not seen for years. Younger aunt immediately went to hug her mother, ask about the trip etc and did not ask older aunt how she was. Older aunt had been sick, don't you know, so younger aunt should have been more concerned! What horrible illness did older aunt have? A head cold. They did not speak for more than ten years after that, not even when my mother, their sister, died.

@PineappleUpsideDownCake

Oooh would love to know more about boundaries and not needing to defend yourself

I try to defend myself a bit usually and then ignore. Both parents are like this but in different ways. One hasnt made much effort ever so I'm pulling back and now I think Im being blamed for not making an effort...

I could have written this precise scenario myself. (DF = no effort ever)

Id also like to know how to stop it hurting and move on! Magic wand to disentangle from their dislike of us.

It has def affected my self esteem/sense of self.

I've fallen out with my mom numerous times since she threw me out aged 16. But most recently it was all because of Skype!

She would call at 5pm via Skype every weekend. This was unfortunate timing as my youngest is 2 and 5pm is when I start her dinner bath bed routine etc, so I simply asked, can we move the weekly call to a different time. Oh you would think I'd asked her to go and dig her own grave. Kept repeating that 5pm was the only time she could do. (fair enough) and that if i was going to be awkward and have 'attitude' about it she wouldn't mention it again. This descended into her calling me to tell me every little failing she thought I had and we havent spoken since. I don't think I ever will again.

What irks me the the most is if I ever had the audacity to disagree with her I'm told I have an attitude. I'm 31 for fuck sake.

How do these tantrums end? Does she just phone you and act like nothing happened or do you end up calling her and trying to talk her round?

I have this sort of thing with my sister. All her questions are leading - ‘she’s horrible, isn’t she?’
‘I’m right, aren’t I?’ and I disagree she gets in a strop. She 8 years older than me and our mum died when I was 10 so relationship boundary is a bit blurred.
It makes me feel quite helpless. Better read that book. Interestingly, she’s also quite kind, and also a pisshead. Is this a type?

• if I disagree

@Iwonder08

I took my mum to Paris for a long weekend to celebrate her big birthday. 5* hotel, dinner at one fo the best restaurants. She shouted at me in the middle of Versailles that I am the worst daughter, she wishes that I will never have children, I always humiliate her(because I politely suggested not to grab lots of little pots of cream from the hotel lobby to take homr as we can buy them later). She stopped talking to me for the last 2 days of the trip but continued talking to my DH who was puzzled by her behaviour. She hasn't talked to me for 3 months after. It was always explosive, but I am the only child and she has no one else.. So I have no choice.

you DO have a choice. Just because she gave birth to you it doesn't give her the right to treat you like shit. My mother hasn't been in my life much past me being a toddler and I last saw her 29 years ago. Me and my dc have not missed out on being abused, treated cruelty, ignored and shouted at. Think about your self worth and stop this horrible situation .

My mum drinks too... in fact she is reasonably nice when she doesn't so I know the nasty isn't the "real" her. But she's so nasty when she is (never loved you, kids are evil spawn... ) that its hard to reconcile.

As a mum I can't imagine turning on my child.

My family are totally fucked up.

My Mum didn't speak to me for 6 weeks after DD2 was born because apparently DH's sister was told DD2's name before my Mum. This wasn't the case, DH just mentioned names we were thinking of. Also having just been through a CS I wasn't in the mood for a long convo with my Mum about names.

Years before I was accused of murdering my aunt's budgie by feeding it cannabis resin (this was in Holland). It was something my cousin made up because she was a spiteful fucking bitch and the creature died because she probably neglected it, but my aunt believed her. The relationship between our families never recovered!

My BIL's ex girlfriend fell out with me (and only me, not BIL, DH, PIL or anyone else) for 3 years because as a family we split the cost of Christmas dinner. She feels that if you host then you pay. BIL explained to her that it was actually a few other people who suggested it because we're the most central, have the most space and there's accommodation enough locally for everyone (there's usually 23/25 of us in total for Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing day), but equally people didn't feel it right we carry the cost every year.

She said I was a disgrace. She and BIL split up in the end over it because she also couldn't see why it wasn't ok to come to my home (BIL lived with us at the time) and bitch about me loudly when my children were around.

My mums not speaking to me either... because she thinks I'm to old to get married in church (I'm 26) and I couldn't possibly get married in a church it would be shameful because I'm not a virgin (I've got 2 children)

She's slagging me off to anyone who will listen and actually expects me to let her have my oldest child over to play (note: she doesn't want to see my youngest- just the oldest)
No happening anyway with the way she's talking about me!

She's had many of these episodes over the years and fallen out with so many people.

Really can't be bothered this time!

I'm a grandmother and have grandchildren but to different children.

The bubble thing is a problem for me because I had to choose which one of my childrens households I had for my bubble. I couldnt have all of them under the rules. I chose the single parent because I helped them with childcare more often anyway. But I still saw the other ones in the park

The amount of bickering and nastiness toward me over this has been terrible and really upsetting. They simply cannot grasp my predicament. I feel taken for granted by all my children and children in law, I'm expected to jump through hoops all the time, they want me to break the rules all the time. I honestly think sometimes they don't give a damn about me as long they get someone to babysit.

My mum tried to take advantage of me by saying she'll look after my cat whilst I was away with the family when in fact she really wanted to save on a hotel bill, bring her friends and use my place as a base to go out and enjoy themselves in the West End. My cat was a mere excuse. When I found out I didn't speak to her for weeks.

She has form: her DiL's family owns a lot of property abroad and she tried to wangle a free holiday.

We are still LC now.

DB gets offended my my WhatApp messages. For example, I once texted about Dneice's career aspirations and he got paranoid asking why I was enquiring. I was only showing an interest! He's gone hot and cold on me loads over the years...

Im obviously sad so many people have weird /hurtful family, but it is really reassuring to me to feel not the only one!
On my facebook i see grandparents that want to see their grandchildren/ speak to people that have their kids over on Sunday etc. My dad/stepmum are 9 mins dowm the road and keep putting us off 3weeks at a time so it will be a few months since we've seen them.

Its unfair but it is what it is! The sad thing is they have no idea how awful they are or the trauma they've caused andnif anything would just blame me for being "sensitive" or not growing up/hanging on to the past/being demanding...

My relationship with my mum is 'ok'. She and I clash because I don't allow her to run my life. She cannot see beyond her own needs/wants and is NEVER wrong. About anything. In my whole life, I have never known her to apologise for anything. Over the years, I have often 'pulled back' when she has overstepped, but due to her need to to be in control of everyone and everything, she doesn't stop talking to others in case she misses an opportunity to control them in some way.
Having said all that, there was one occasion when she did stop talking to me for several weeks. It was many years ago, when dc1 was a few months old. My mum used to visit weekly and we would go shopping together. I would always buy us a cake to have once we got home - it was a long walk with a pram and a weeks shopping. I can't remember why, but one week I didn't need to go shopping on her day, so I had nipped to the local shop to buy us a cake. All they had was lemon curd tarts or coconut tarts. So I bought the lemon curd as she doesn't like coconut. When my mum arrived, I made the coffee and put the tarts on a plate and brought them through. She took one look, ranted at me about how she expected something better than lemon curd tarts and stormed out. Didn't talk to me for four weeks. All over a lemon curd tart!

My dad and brother stopped speaking to me for a couple of years and they said it was because I didn't tell them my sister had gone into labour/given birth. She told me it was her news and not to tell them - she wanted to tell them herself so I went with her wishes. They were raging that her husbands family found out before them.

There's a bit more back story to this, my sister was't on the best of terms with dad and brother at the time of the birth but this is the reason given as to why they fell out with me, stopped speaking to me, and in my brothers case started sending abusive texts.

I worked out in the end that it was good riddance although I was initially really hurt. We are reconciled now but it is strained and I've made it clear I don't take any bullshit. When they fell out with me I think they thought I would grovel and apologise to make the peace. They waited a long time and got no apology. They know that if there are any more antics I can live happily without them.

My mum stopped talking to me because I called her out on telling me I was a prostitute.

Didn't learn my lesson, I got back in touch but things have fallen apart again. No more.

My mum stopped talking to me for a few weeks because she accused me of glue sniffing and I - understandably - has no idea what she was talking about and denied it. Her evidence?

I had spots on my chin (hello, teenager?)
I was tired (studying, rehearsing two plays, teenager)

And - her piece de resistance?

She had found a Pritt stick under my bed.

@lyralalala

* she also couldn't see why it wasn't ok to come to my home (BIL lived with us at the time) and bitch about me loudly when my children were around.*
Really - some people are just plain ODD! Thank goodness she and BIL split up in the end.. small loss going by this incident. 🌹

@Flaxmeadow

I'm a grandmother and have grandchildren but to different children.

The bubble thing is a problem for me because I had to choose which one of my childrens households I had for my bubble. I couldnt have all of them under the rules. I chose the single parent because I helped them with childcare more often anyway. But I still saw the other ones in the park

The amount of bickering and nastiness toward me over this has been terrible and really upsetting. They simply cannot grasp my predicament. I feel taken for granted by all my children and children in law, I'm expected to jump through hoops all the time, they want me to break the rules all the time. I honestly think sometimes they don't give a damn about me as long they get someone to babysit.

My goodness you ARE being dumped on! 🍷🌹 for you...

@Goyle

My mum tried to take advantage of me by saying she'll look after my cat whilst I was away with the family when in fact she really wanted to save on a hotel bill, bring her friends and use my place as a base to go out and enjoy themselves in the West End. My cat was a mere excuse. When I found out I didn't speak to her for weeks.

She has form: her DiL's family owns a lot of property abroad and she tried to wangle a free holiday.

We are still LC now.

DB gets offended my my WhatApp messages. For example, I once texted about Dneice's career aspirations and he got paranoid asking why I was enquiring. I was only showing an interest! He's gone hot and cold on me loads over the years...

You say "tried to": did she succeed or did you find out in time to put a spoke in her wheel? Unbelievably entitled and rather sneaky behaviour. 🌹