Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

My mums not speaking to me, come tell me the ridiculous reasons relatives have stopped speaking to you

107 replies

SpottyPhone · 22/08/2020 12:40

My mum is hard work. I love her but we have a complicated relationship – she’s always the victim and always feels left out even if it doesn’t involve her and never has (she gets upset if she's not invited to my DCs school events for example even if it's a 2 ticket event and both me and ExH go).

My DC is at their dads for the weekend and I am having some much needed time. I met up with a friend of mine for a late breakfast and my mum happened to see me came over for a chat and left.

She’s just text me telling me that I clearly don’t want her in my life because if I did I’d have invited her to join me and my friend for breakfast oh and I’d have paid for hers to.

Apparently she’s not speaking to me until I apologise and make it up to her by taking her out like I did my friend (friend was actually treating me I couldn’t very well say “pay for my mum too she hardly knows my mum as we met at work before my DC was born and remained friends).

So tell me the most ridiculous reason a relative or someone has stopped speaking to you for to make me laugh?

OP posts:

PinkKind · 22/08/2020 18:32

The same sibling stopped talking to me before my wedding as I later heard that she had told everyone I was only marrying him to divorce him later.... She also told family not to gift us anything expensive due to inpending divorce...been married nearly 20 years

PinkKind · 22/08/2020 18:35

Same sibling thought that driving my new car was showing off. I pointed out that cars are for driving unless they had another purpose.... I need to stop as I have millions of these stories...

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 22/08/2020 18:49

I dont get why my mum/others do it. It only makes their life more lonely.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

SpeedofaSloth · 22/08/2020 20:53

Late DM stopped talking to me as I wouldn't give her my new phone number. I was moving house and I didn't have a new phone number yet.

Butterbeeeen · 22/08/2020 20:59

We are quite close now however my DM once fell out with me as she had given me her sick note to take in to work as we worked together at the time. During the night I had an extremely traumatic miscarriage and ended up in hospital and was understandably devastated. She didnt speak to me for 6 months as I hadnt put her sick note in on time.

EdwardsNewJumper · 22/08/2020 21:23

Late DM stopped talking to me as I wouldn't give her my new phone number. I was moving house and I didn't have a new phone number yet.

Yes! I've had this too. Also, moving abroad for a contract, staying in a hotel for first two weeks as company helping to find somewhere to live, DM would.not.believe I didn't have address. I gave hotel details but that was a 'smoke screen ' apparently. For what, I still dont know.

Muser314 · 22/08/2020 21:59

@SpeedofaSloth

Late DM stopped talking to me as I wouldn't give her my new phone number. I was moving house and I didn't have a new phone number yet.

After she died, did you experience any doubt for having 'held a standard', defended your boundaries... vocalised your frame of tolerance. I don't know how to put it. But at the moment, I'm not reaching out to my 70 something mother, and I'm NOT missing her. She is always right. She would rather die than say sorry to me, and even alive, she will not and cannot acknowledge that she called me paranoid for no reason for decades. What child is ''paranoid''? I am just wondering how I will feel when she dies. At the moment, the word that pops in to my head is ''relieved''. I hope I don't suddenly feel, Oh, if ONly I'd over looked all of her delusional blind spots and just accepted her script.

ihatethecold · 22/08/2020 22:01

There is a fantastic book that can really help everyone that has immature parents. It’s helped me immensely.

It’s called
Adult children of emotionally immature parents.

It changed everything for me. I understood the behaviour and how I was caught up in it.

My boundaries and understanding are so much better now.

Muser314 · 22/08/2020 22:11

My mother and I used to get on in an inauthentic superficial way and since I have defended a few boundaries she has put herself up on the cross and branded me cruel, hurtful, difficult. I know I feel better for defending a few straightforward boundaries. Ie, she is not to let herself in to my house and leave books on my bed
She could have left them on the hall table. For some reason I just found it a boundary too eroded to know that she let herself in and put the books I'd leant her on my bed. She would not see my POV though. LIterally WOULD NOT see it. God it is all so exhausting isn't it!?

Muser314 · 22/08/2020 22:12

@ihatethecold that book is available on audible, i"m going to listen to it.

SpeedofaSloth · 22/08/2020 22:35

At the moment, the word that pops in to my head is ''relieved''.

This, with guilt. It has faded with time passing, though.

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 22/08/2020 22:43

The book looks good. My concentration span is about 10mins at the moment :(

Im interested in how to manage this though.

JacobReesMogadishu · 22/08/2020 22:48

OP, your mum is emotionally abusive....please dont apologise.

My mum didn’t speak to me for weeks because I bought a car she didn’t like. Didn’t talk to me for months when I was pregnant and she didn’t approve.

She now hasn’t spoken to me for six years because I shouted at her when she purposefully let my dogS run out the house Onto a busy road and stood there and watched while I tried to catch them both and refused to help. Best six years of my life.

Thingsarel00kingup · 22/08/2020 23:05

So many....

My mum fell out with me because I got a dog and she doesn't like dogs. I had my own house and family, she just didn't think it would be nice to visit if I had a dog.

Then she fell out with me because my then-DH arranged a surprise trip for a big birthday and didn't invite her. Apparently it was her important celebration too. She made a huge fuss and blew the whole surprise. I spent the entire trip feeling guilty.

Then it was because my DB got a girlfriend and he'd be upset if DM was friendly with me as it might upset his girlfriend.

Then it was because I moved further away, after she actively encouraged the move, helped me prepare my house to go on the market, viewed properties with me, arranged future visits, raved about the amazing location. I was supposed to realise she didn't mean it.

There's loads more. Loads of tiny - and not so tiny - digs about every life choice, all my parenting, my career etc. Yet if you met her you'd think she was the loveliest person ever. And she can be, that's what messes with my head. All her friends think I'm a dreadful daughter. I've only felt like my own person in the last few years, I've always been an extension of her. Any of my successes throughout life were due to her parenting, or her ideas, or her help (in her opinion). It's really fucked me up, must read that book!

Shizzlestix · 22/08/2020 23:22

@PinkKind sounds interesting, I’d love to hear more!

I’ve fallen out with my dm so often! Notably when I said it would be nice if she didn’t get pissed every single night. How dare I tell her what to do in her own house! I agree, not up to me, but if she wants me to visit, she can stay sober because I don’t see why I should spend a fortune travelling 5 hours to be greeted with someone pissed.

She then put the phone down she was told she couldn’t come to stay when my dh was on night shift. ‘We’ll be really quiet’. No, you’re retired and don’t need to come when he and my db who lived nearby were both on nights! I had the same when I asked her to come one day later for Christmas because apparently the traffic would be appalling and how dare I tell her when to come to my house. God, I got so sick of this shit!

She wondered why I closed the door when she left and her car wouldn’t start and she felt like she couldn’t come back to the student house she had stayed in (putting one housemate-a mate-out of her room for the duration) Who stays in a university house share and not a hotel when visiting their dc 3 hours away?! So bizarre!

My db stopped talking to me when he’d been banging on about what brands he bought and my dh called him materialistic. We didn’t notice til my sil told me at a family funeral we were all attending months later!

SaltyLou · 22/08/2020 23:39

My father stopped speaking to my sister because she chose a career path he didn't approve of and thought was beneath her.

Deelish75 · 23/08/2020 00:06

My mum got the hump with me when I changed DS’s formula. He’d been on Cow & Gate for a couple of weeks but it was giving him constipation so switched to something else. She was annoyed, kept telling me “it’s the best” she didn’t seem to care that it was causing DS pain and he was happy on the new stuff. She didn’t stop talking to me but there was plenty of huffing and puffing and shaking her head and kept bringing the subject up for several weeks afterwards.

She’s a very controlling and manipulative person who expects her wants to come before mine and my children’s needs and wants me to be available to her 24/7. We’ve been NC for 4 yrs now. Life is a lot less stressful.

matildawormwoood · 23/08/2020 00:34

My mum fell out with me because I couldn't go home for my sisters birthday meal (I live 3 hours away). She organised it for a Thursday evening at 6pm, despite knowing that I can't leave work until 5 at the earliest due to staff meeting, so the earliest I could get there would be 8pm, then I'd have to leave straight after for another 3 hour drive to be at work the next morning! She was angry that I didn't take the day off... I work in a school and she knows I can't just take time off in term time!

There has been many other similar stories too

Tillygetsit · 23/08/2020 00:59

My mother is currently not speaking to me because my brother was not invited to a family wedding and I said I thought it was unfair. Her response was "Why is it bothering you? You're invited " This sums her up beautifully.
I said its too far away, too expensive, too difficult with 3 dc under 9 and disrespectful to my db. She put the phone down and hasn't spoken to me since. She has, however, asked my db if he minds not going and says she is baffled as to my reaction.
Its bliss frankly. I'm sick of her horrible comments about me and dcs.

PinkKind · 23/08/2020 01:22

shizzlestix

My sibling stopped speaking to me as I had had a double fitted wardrobe fitted in my younger DCs bedroom. Sibling stated it was far too small for said child and I was neglecting said child. Said child was 6 years old and very happy with the new wardrobe which was able to hold all of their clothes and was still over a third empty.

Sibling then declared that said child did not have enough clothes which was miserly and borderline abusive...

PinkKind · 23/08/2020 01:29

Sibling stopped speaking to me as I had held an event in my house and had put up some decor which she deemed was something for commercial places (it was a banner I had bought for my lounge for said event). it was declared wonky and stupid and what did I think I was doing The other 50 odd people went out of their way to tell me they loved it!!.. it was literally some wording and glitter

Lightsmother · 23/08/2020 01:50

My mother has stopped speaking to me several times, usually whenever I stopped “playing ball” and made decisions of my own. Every conversation is fraught with risk - say the wrong thing (disagree with her) and you could be banished again. She also plays my siblings and I off against each other, is always the victim and like a previous poster is able to down three bottles of wine in a crisis she completely created :)

Banana0pancakes · 23/08/2020 04:50

My favourite time was when my mam fell out with me because I was on drugs.

Let me clarify, I've never taken drugs. Never had an interest to take drugs, never had friends who take drugs. I've never even smoked.

My crime? She drove past my uni flat and my bedroom window was open on a cold day. Therefore the only possible explanation is I must have been airing out my drugs den. Its been 12 years and I still sway between feeling dumbfounded and irritated.

ihatethecold · 23/08/2020 07:12

The book I recommended is very easy to read. It’s broken down into smaller chunks.
I guarantee you will recognise yourself and the immature person in your life.
For me, I had lightbulbs going off in my head.
Everything started to make sense.
Their behaviours and my reactions to it.

In a way it set me free to realise they can’t really change but I can my responses and emotions to it.

matildawormwoood · 23/08/2020 08:13

@Banana0pancakes

My favourite time was when my mam fell out with me because I was on drugs.

Let me clarify, I've never taken drugs. Never had an interest to take drugs, never had friends who take drugs. I've never even smoked.

This is hilarious

Flip

1 2 3 4 5