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Original poster

My mums not speaking to me, come tell me the ridiculous reasons relatives have stopped speaking to you

107 replies

SpottyPhone · 22/08/2020 12:40

My mum is hard work. I love her but we have a complicated relationship – she’s always the victim and always feels left out even if it doesn’t involve her and never has (she gets upset if she's not invited to my DCs school events for example even if it's a 2 ticket event and both me and ExH go).

My DC is at their dads for the weekend and I am having some much needed time. I met up with a friend of mine for a late breakfast and my mum happened to see me came over for a chat and left.

She’s just text me telling me that I clearly don’t want her in my life because if I did I’d have invited her to join me and my friend for breakfast oh and I’d have paid for hers to.

Apparently she’s not speaking to me until I apologise and make it up to her by taking her out like I did my friend (friend was actually treating me I couldn’t very well say “pay for my mum too she hardly knows my mum as we met at work before my DC was born and remained friends).

So tell me the most ridiculous reason a relative or someone has stopped speaking to you for to make me laugh?

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 22/08/2020 14:29

I can’t remember most of the reasons now, but my mother would frequently stop talking to me. It was generally if I did or said something that she didn’t agree with, and I’m not talking bank robbery here. Like a PP said, it’s like she didn’t see me as a separate person with my own thoughts and preferences.

One time she turned up to my work unexpectedly (in another city from her) and looked at me, said why did you do that to your hair. I said because I felt like it. She turned, walked out and didn’t speak to me for 6mths or so. In the end one of her friends called me while at her house and asked if I’d speak to her. Total coward. In the end I’ve not seen or spoken to her for 12 years as I reached breaking point of tip toeing around her. She’d also use things I said in conversation against me.

Elsiebear90 · 22/08/2020 14:35

My fiancée’s mum blocked us on Facebook and didn’t speak to us for three weeks because we couldn’t come down her house to help her sort out her loft as we were going away for my best friend’s hen weekend and then the following weekend we were going away for our anniversary. Apparently that meant we were “selfish bastards”.

Potionqueen · 22/08/2020 14:38

My dsis had had 2 fits so was not currently driving. She usually drove my dm about, took her to the shops etc. I was visiting dm (I lived about 300 miles away from dsis and dm).
Dm had a friend around and was bitching about dsis not taking her in her car. So I of course set the matter straight and said dsis couldn’t drive atm.
I was a bad daughter for showing up my dm as a bad mum and wasn’t spoken to for about 6 months by dm.

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PineappleUpsideDownCake · 22/08/2020 15:07

Oooh would love to know more about boundaries and not needing to defend yourself.

I try to defend myself a bit usually and then ignore. Both parents are like this but in different ways. One hasnt made much effort ever so I'm pulling back and now I think Im being blamed for not making an effort...

rainbowlou · 22/08/2020 15:11

@HerRoyalNotness

Mine also didn’t speak to me once when I dyed my hair darker, she was fuming! I was in my 20’s.
She also had a strop when my teen dd had her hair cut and couldn't believe I’d ‘allowed’ it.
She looked my poor girl in the eye and said I hate it, I can’t even look at you right now.
We got back in the car and drive home.

BashfulClam · 22/08/2020 15:22

I bet your mum is feeling smug but just let it lie and I bet she comes to you first.

areyoubeingserviced · 22/08/2020 15:27

My Godson’s mother( close friend who I had known since I was a child) stopped speaking to me because I gave my godson aged 15 £100 on his birthday. She said that I was spoiling him and then stopped talking to me.
A few months later, she sent me a email informing me that she didn’t want me to be her son’s godmother anymore.
I didn’t even bother to respond

Chicchicchicchiclana · 22/08/2020 15:27

Oh God op! That's so petty! Is your Mum saying you aren't allowed to go out with friends instead of her? Absolutely ridiculous Sad.

I'd give her an earful in reply I'm afraid!

IceColdFan · 22/08/2020 16:06

There are so many times and 'reasons' why my mother stopped talking to me.

One that sticks with me to this day is when she stopped talking to me for 6 weeks when I told her I was PG with her first grandchild. I was 27, married for 3 years, DH and I had good reliable jobs and we owned our own home outright, we had also been together since we were 18.
Apparently I ruined her life and what will people think! Her talking to me again after 6 weeks only lasted a couple of weeks as she then saw her arse over me not telling her that DH & I wee trying for a baby.

TBH our wedding was the beginning of the end of mine and my mothers relationship and if I'm honest it was never good anyway as I dared to be born female and not male as she originally wanted. I have now been no contact with her, my father and my brother for over 6 years and while it has been difficult it has also been the easiest time of my life.

I could write a book about all the times she stopped talking to me over stupid things. She's a nasty, unhappy, narc who should never have had children in the first place.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 22/08/2020 16:21

OP o had the same a few years ago. My friend who was struggling with a newborn and PND wanted to meet at the local mall for lunch and a shopping spree. Mum said "Ooh I could do with going to the body shop I'll come with you". When I explained that my friend just wanted me there to chat and vent she went in a massive huff and didn't speak to me for a week. I didn't indulge her tantrum, she just texted me out the blue a week later as if nothing happened 🙄

Fluffycloudland77 · 22/08/2020 16:22

So much drama. When they die it’s a relief.

Gilead · 22/08/2020 16:34

A million and one reasons. She likes the world to revolve around her, she also lies about things. Her amazing garden (it's a scrubby lawn), how my sister's children are so much better at everything than mine. She once stopped speaking to me because I'd asked dsis how nephew's instrument lessons had gone. Nephew didn't play said instrument, he'd had a few lessons, but years before. Well, how dare I consult with dsis.
Haven't spoken for years now and the peace is fabulous.
Dsis speaks, but keeps it short and if Mother does start, sis tends to say in Mary Poppins tones 'When you've quite finished'!

HazelBite · 22/08/2020 16:43

I have a SIl like this!
Her Dh challenged my DH to ask why weren't "the family" more friendly with her, how he doesn't realise that she takes offence at the most innocuous remarks and reads a deep and sinister meaning into everything you say.
I saw her in Sainsburys one day and ran hid in the bread aisle, I didn't have the energy that day to talk to her, its really hard work, thinking hard about everything you say and what she might make of it.

Beachbodylonggone · 22/08/2020 17:00

My df was a flakey df as I grew up. As a teen I tried to renew our relationship.. Quite successfully I thought.. I had a few dc and he was genuinely invested.
He won big money and he faded away - sm likely behind that move I reckon...
I moved house and he sent me a Xmas card. I decided to be the bigger person and ring him.
Dm shouting in in the background they had bought a new house but no room for any bloody kids to stay over...
I never bothered them again..
He /they had never had my dc alone before never mind overnight!
Over 20 years now.

igot20joe · 22/08/2020 17:05

DH’s uncle had a revolving door of girlfriends. We invited him and his latest girlfriend to our wedding but he stopped speaking to DH because we didn’t invite his girlfriend’s 17 DD. Who neither of us had ever met!

SecretWitch · 22/08/2020 17:15

I have a cautious relationship with my mother. She says horrible things to me and when I get upset she replies that she is a “truth teller “. When I have challenged her on statements she has made that are hurtful, she gets angry and becomes more hurtful. I’m sad as I would have loved a closer relationship with her.

I am grateful that I learned what not to do as a mother from her. I am close with my children and try to be their greatest support.

Original poster
SpottyPhone · 22/08/2020 17:41

@Chicchicchicchiclana

Oh God op! That's so petty! Is your Mum saying you aren't allowed to go out with friends instead of her? Absolutely ridiculous Sad.

I'd give her an earful in reply I'm afraid!

She doesn’t like me having friends that aren’t her friends because then she feels left out of my life. She likes to know every minute detail of my life and uses me to show how good a mother she is/was.
OP posts:
BananaPop2020 · 22/08/2020 17:48

I have fallen out with my Mum several times and I wish we had a better relationship. One of the countless times she lost her rag was when I dared to suggest she might have an alcohol problem when she was putting away 3 bottles of wine EVERY SINGLE NIGHT and becoming aggressive.

SmudgeButt · 22/08/2020 17:49

I nearly gave up on my mom when I moved far away and was struggling to get by. She came for a visit, saw how much I was struggling and rather than do something constructive just commented that she hoped this didn't mean I was going to become a prostitute.

roundandsideways · 22/08/2020 17:51

My sister hasn't spoken to me since our dc passed away some years ago. Apparently she is sick of me, I'm self centred, and should be ashamed of being divorced twice. My life is much better, ow that I don't have her ridiculous demands to deal with.

roundandsideways · 22/08/2020 17:52

DF passed away...

Collaborate · 22/08/2020 18:09

My sister stopped talking to me after she found out I still sent Christmas cards to her ex husband. She felt I should ostracise him like my parents had - she had left him for someone else. Not long after they’d separated it turned out she’d been confiding in her then 6 yr old daughter about the breakdown (now and adult and hasn’t spoken to her dad for years). I’m a divorce lawyer and could spot the beginning of parental alienation a mile off. I offered some advice and was told to stay out of it and it was none of my business, but I refused to take sides in the same way as my parents had. It was just that my sister couldn’t handle that. We haven’t spoken for 8 years now, and my life is immeasurably better for it.

PinkKind · 22/08/2020 18:26

My siblings are not talking to me as they have stolen ALL of MY inheritance and for the sake of peace I allowed it to happen (yes, I realise I was a fool now) - but now they would also like my house too!! Beat that!!!

Lollypop4 · 22/08/2020 18:29

My Aunty stopped speaking to her sister (My Dm ) because I got pregnant.
Basically, My aunt knew that my mother would likely cut back buying clothes and food for her and her children almost weekly, as My child (my DM 1st grandchild) would now have a few bits bought instead.
My aunty was and still is Bone idle and has never worked to support her 2kids, still managed to find daily cash for cigarettes and other luxuries for herself though! 🙄

Iwonder08 · 22/08/2020 18:31

I took my mum to Paris for a long weekend to celebrate her big birthday. 5* hotel, dinner at one fo the best restaurants. She shouted at me in the middle of Versailles that I am the worst daughter, she wishes that I will never have children, I always humiliate her(because I politely suggested not to grab lots of little pots of cream from the hotel lobby to take homr as we can buy them later). She stopped talking to me for the last 2 days of the trip but continued talking to my DH who was puzzled by her behaviour. She hasn't talked to me for 3 months after. It was always explosive, but I am the only child and she has no one else.. So I have no choice.