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Original poster

My mums not speaking to me, come tell me the ridiculous reasons relatives have stopped speaking to you

107 replies

SpottyPhone · 22/08/2020 12:40

My mum is hard work. I love her but we have a complicated relationship – she’s always the victim and always feels left out even if it doesn’t involve her and never has (she gets upset if she's not invited to my DCs school events for example even if it's a 2 ticket event and both me and ExH go).

My DC is at their dads for the weekend and I am having some much needed time. I met up with a friend of mine for a late breakfast and my mum happened to see me came over for a chat and left.

She’s just text me telling me that I clearly don’t want her in my life because if I did I’d have invited her to join me and my friend for breakfast oh and I’d have paid for hers to.

Apparently she’s not speaking to me until I apologise and make it up to her by taking her out like I did my friend (friend was actually treating me I couldn’t very well say “pay for my mum too she hardly knows my mum as we met at work before my DC was born and remained friends).

So tell me the most ridiculous reason a relative or someone has stopped speaking to you for to make me laugh?

OP posts:
Redraptor · 22/08/2020 12:47

That's exactly the kind of thing my mum would do. Thankfully shes been kept sweet for a long time.

2 cousins stopped talking to me after my child was born. We met up so they could meet baby, baby just fed and cried and wanted me. They didnt ask for a hold and I didnt force the crying baby on to them and they've never spoken to me since

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 22/08/2020 12:49

My mums sending abusive messages the last 2 months :(

She regularly takes some slight to soemthing she thinks Im thinking....

This time its because I moved out when I was scared of one of her "boyfriends" when they were both drunk and I was a young teen. Obviously warrants attacking me now 25 years later 🙄

Beachbodylonggone · 22/08/2020 12:53

My dm decided she didn't like my dh and walked out.
Didn't see her for 10 years!
Sent half wrapped Xmas gifts via taxi with a PA note to the dc that she hadn't finished her shopping when we fell out so it was my fault they wouldn't have a nice Xmas!

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Muser314 · 22/08/2020 12:55

My Mum's not speaking to me either. You're in good company Wine

I tried to defend myself and she got very annoyed that I would not respect her right to label me paranoid, sensitive and emotional, so she's very wounded. My dad even came round to berate me for hurting my Mum.

I'd ignore that text. She's clearly expecting to be able to manipulate you. Don't play that game. You don't have to invite her to everything.

rainbowlou · 22/08/2020 12:57

I’m wondering if we are sisters?
My mum is exactly like that, it’s draining!
I won’t mention everything because I’ll never stop typing 😀 but last year I had an asthma attack and couldn’t go to a family party she organised and I was blanked for weeks.
She slagged me off to other family members, sat and wailed at the party that I was doing it to punish her and I was keeping my dc away from her etc!

Turquoisesea · 22/08/2020 12:59

My SIL is like this, falls out with people for the most ridiculous reasons. She didn’t talk to her elderly parents for 6 months as she asked if they wanted to go on on holiday with her, they initially said yes but a couple of days later changed their mind as felt the trip was too much at their age. SIL had already booked and still went with her DP, my PIL paid the cancellation costs but she was still furious with them. Not the only incident, they never speak up as they are scared she will ignore them again!

Muser314 · 22/08/2020 12:59

Seriously, do not make ANY attempt to placate your Mum. Just sit with the discomfort as they say. She's pissed off with you. Let her be pissed off with you. Resist the temptation to try and make her understand that you have the right to separate relationships, which of course you do

I know if a friend invited me out, I'd be surprised if their mum showed up. It's not normal to think you have the absolute right to be included in all of your daughter's friendships. She is seriously overstepping a boundary there.

gamerchick · 22/08/2020 13:00

Just ignore it OP. Enjoy the peace for a bit.

It's such a shame that some mother's are like this. Especially when people get mothers who they can be close to naturally. That must be really nice.

Muser314 · 22/08/2020 13:02

I know, it's weird isn't it. Wouldn't you prefer an authentic genuine relationship with your daughter?

BowowMttt · 22/08/2020 13:06

Let her stew, do not apologise or invite her along next time. I have friends that bring their mums to things and it really changes the dynamic of the day. I find it so weird.

Iverunoutofnames · 22/08/2020 13:10

MIL once stopped speaking to me because I wouldn’t cancel a holiday we were going on, because she wouldn’t go there. She wanted me to go to where she went on holiday (not with her though, at a different time).

gamerchick · 22/08/2020 13:13

My mother has always acted herself. My wedding, many birthdays where she would strop and sit and cry for no reason. When I passed my driving theory test was the most bizarre. So much stomping.

Of course she can't actually say why she's kicking off because it's petty as fuck but then nobody knows so she just looks bizarre.

I understand, she had a bad upbringing and I was the baby that ruined her life. So therefore my life should be as hard as possible and it's unbearable for her that it isn't. The times I'm going through a hard time or something shit happens to me, her eyes shine with glee. I tell her bugger all if possible.

Luckily I came out of the FOG a long time ago so just let her get on with it.

Muser314 · 22/08/2020 13:16

@gamerchick, how do you maintain a relationship with her when you 'get' it. I find it very hard. My mother wants me to respect her right to label me paranoid, sensitive etc... I end up ''wounding'' her when I defend a boundary. Or if I defend myself against the old narrative that I'm emotional. So she hides behind this shield of ''no, *I" am the wounded one, I am the hurt one''. We get nowhere. But if you met her, she would be so pleasant, so hospitable. There'd be lots of very pleasant conversations about the hydrangeas and the weather.

BlueSwathesChoose · 22/08/2020 13:18

Not a relative but my former best friend and godmother to my oldest DC. Stopped speaking to me because i put my DC into an independent school.

It's immoral apparently. Never mind that she moved house to a better catchment area - apparently just apoying direct was such a heinbous crime that she has literally not spoken to me for now 6 years.

It hurts to be honest.

Original poster
SpottyPhone · 22/08/2020 13:23

It's not the first time, I won't be giving in. The most bizarre one was when I was waiting for a call back from the GP about my DD and my mum called me I said on the phone "I'm sorry I can't talk now I'm waiting to speak to the GP about DD I will call after I've spoken to them" and she stopped speaking to me for 6 weeks after that because I was apparently prioritising others over her Hmm

OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/08/2020 13:23

I don't defend. I either say nothing for a few moments and then move the conversation on or I cut her off mid sentence with a totally unrelated topic. If it persists then I leave her company. Usually the cutting off stops it though. Do not engage at all, I'm just not interested in any putting down or other crap. She doesn't have the right, nobody has. Any texts get totally ignored.

It has got better, sometimes she forgets herself and can't help it. But as long as you're consistent with not engaging you don't get that bad feeling in your middle like you're young again.

iklboo · 22/08/2020 13:24

'Sorry mum, friend was actually paying for lunch. Maybe next time but, until then, here's a link to Amazon so you can get a bloody grip'.

My mums not speaking to me, come tell me the ridiculous reasons relatives have stopped speaking to you
Original poster
SpottyPhone · 22/08/2020 13:25

@iklboo

'Sorry mum, friend was actually paying for lunch. Maybe next time but, until then, here's a link to Amazon so you can get a bloody grip'.
Grin
OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/08/2020 13:27

@iklboo

'Sorry mum, friend was actually paying for lunch. Maybe next time but, until then, here's a link to Amazon so you can get a bloody grip'.
A good approach Grin
user1471538283 · 22/08/2020 13:30

Oh I had a mother like that. The world had to constantly revolve around her. My DS was a private school and when he refused to do his A levels there she got so upset and it would take her "time to get used to it". How? It wasn't her. She wasn't paying for it. But of course she could no longer brag or get the attention that maybe comes from having a grandchild at a private school. Absolutely bizarre. Particularly when she didn't get his name right. I wouldn't bother with your mother OP. She clearly doesn't see you as a person who is independent of her

Shinyletsbebadguys · 22/08/2020 13:33

My dsis is very much like this. It's been a very long time since I bothered with her even remotely but it's become relative entertainment when she falls out with dm for some random insurgence.

I usually roll my eyes and debate with DP how dsis has the actual energy to be so constantly offended. I mean I'll grant that I have a quickfire temper (predominantly at how slowly people pull away from traffic lights ) but my God, being offended by everything must be so bloody tiring.

I'm reasonably sure that I regularly get cut off by dsis in a temper but as I stopped speaking to her years ago I never really find out what it is. Given that I never interact with her it's hard to find what I could possibly do to offend her but don't fear I'm sure I do (from dm oblique references ) i suppose i breathe a lot ....that would probably do it .

Thebearsbunny · 22/08/2020 13:35

My ex mil fell out with her next door neighbour because she wasn’t over her sons death after 6 weeks and didn’t feel able to socialise with mil. I called to see her a few days after and she was raging.

ZenZebra · 22/08/2020 13:36

I was at the same party as my sister and her DP. My DH had stayed home to look after our DC as it was adults-only and we didn't have a babysitter. My sister had mentioned in passing to someone (not sure who) that our mum was looking after her DD (my niece).

For context, this wasn't news to me. DN had always been my mum's favourite grandchild. She had zero interest in my DC and hadn't spoken to them/us in years. No great loss and we're all more than used to it.

I heard on the grapevine that later my mum was absolutely furious with me. I had apparently embarrassed her because people had been wondering why she was only babysitting for one of her DDs. I had made her look bad and so she wasn't going to be speaking to me any time soon.

At the time it had been around 3 years since our last conversation (we live in the same town) so I'm not entirely sure what difference she thought this was going to make to my life. :o

TotallyKerplunked · 22/08/2020 14:18

DSis, because I was pregnant and apparently I was going to have a girl to replace her in the family (I had a boy Grin)

WinterBerry7 · 22/08/2020 14:28

My nan (mum’s mum) is like this. EVERYTHING is about her. She finds offence in the tiniest of things. It’s quite amusing sometimes, but not so much for my lovely DM who wouldn’t hurt a fly!

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