I am clearly doing money very wrong in comparison to 90 per cent of my friends.

[ComplexPTSDmaybe]

My new (as of July) monthly take home income is £2580. A rise of £480 (new job that I worked very hard for) Income used to be £2100.

My household bills are £1261.98. Which means I now have £1349.02 for food, petrol and general expenses. I have 3DC's. I am £800 overdrawn. I have slowly got this down from £2600 debit this time last year (thank you lockdown). I do an internet shop weekly that costs about £60. Top ups from farm shop and local coop - prob around £40 per week. Petrol is max £20 per week. My car is 8 years old. My mortgage is reasonable (£460) for a small 3 bed new build. I pay £260 in student loans - my only debt (I have 3 degrees). Only eldest DC and myself have a phone (£50 per month for both).

This summer hols I have taken my DC's to the seaside once, eaten out three times in a pub and two cafes (twice for a birthday, once on day out). We are going on holiday for a week in Ireland, ferry and cheap Air BnB (all paid for). Looking on FB I am do very little in comparison to many - others seem to do lots of eating out, days out, house renovations, garden renovations, new cars, holidays in the UK. Know a fair few of these are on furlough so they will have more opportunity to go out so will seem busier and that is fair.

I think I should be able to afford that level of activity/house/garden improvements with my income but can't seem to stretch it. It seems that stuff always comes up e.g. My dc's birthdays are clustered around this time of year so that is x3 £100 outlay, MOT comes up in summer too £250 ish generally, TV broke so that sets me back. School uniforms in August £250. Then Christmas comes up. I feel like I am always chasing my tail. What am I handling badly? My exH took and handled all the money including my wage so I do feel like I have never really got a grip on it. I really want to start managing my money better - first I want to get rid of the overdraft and feel like the money I earn in a month is mine. Then I would like mine and DC's lifestyle to be a bit better - do more things. My marriage to my ex was awful (broken bones and lots of financial, sexual and psychological abuse). I would like a bit of joy now I am past just surviving. Any ideas?

I haven't read the whole thread, but I think you are doing amazingly well. Youv emanaged to get yourself out of a hellish relationship and you are keeping you and your kids head above water, have been bacj to uni. What you may lack in surplus income, you more than make up for being a great role model. X

Switch to cheaper phones £10 for no limits is all I pay. Also do bigger shop and no top ups.

You need to budget and meal plan.

1. you are spending too much on food: if you shop at Aldi and meal plan you can halve that.

2. draw up a spreadsheet and include all monthly expenses including birthdays, socialising, clothes, dinner money, extra curricula and any other expenses you can think of and then do another excel for school hols/uniform/mot so you can work out how much you spend in bulk and then divide it by 12 and split the cost monthly.

3. join Park Savings. I pay £50 per month so by Xmas I have £600 saved (you can top it up if necessary) so I have no worries at Christmas.

4. I assume your phones are on contract? £100 a month for 2 phones is ridiculous so next time they are up for renewal go sim as you go as you will get a much better deal, you keep your number and current phone and it will quarter your bill.

I would also recommend discount cards: I have a friends & family railcard, tastecard and blue light card and the savings are amazing. Admittedly I get the Taste card via my bank but the cost is reasonable. Just make sure you put these yearly costs on your excel.

Good luck.

@Graphista no it doesn't connect to an aerial outside - just to the tv. Think we got it at Maplin. It's just a black box that connects to the tv, it was about £15.

Open a Monzo account. Go to a Christians Against Poverty course ( don’t be put off by the name) it really is very good, no one will preach to you! One of the few charities promoted by Martin Lewis (money saving expert)

@QueSera that's an interior aerial then which as I said is dependent very much on location as to whether they work well or not. I've used a lot of these over the years as a frequently moving renter and I've yet to find one that works at more than one address! If at all!

1) you are spending too much on food:

HOW?! that’s for 4 people inc at least 3 with adult calorific needs!

It’s also £50 for both phones not 2 phones at £50 each? I think (can op clarify?) which I think is good as I’m around the same for mine and when it inc buying the phone that’s a reasonable price. I’m guessing op didn’t have the funds at the time to buy outright. I’m not a fan of buying things like this 2nd hand as too much can go wrong and you don’t have the same protections/guarantees as you do with newly bought tech, they can be harder to insure too.

3) join Park Savings. I pay £50 per month so by Xmas I have £600 saved (you can top it up if necessary) so I have no worries at Christmas. sorry but I personally think that’s AWFUL advice!

We’re entering a major recession, many large well established companies are massively laying off - Debenhams, Marks have announced 7000 jobs are to go with them, and I certainly remember the utter fiasco with farepak, a similar company a few years back!

Better for op to open a savings account just for Christmas shopping that she doesn’t touch.

I used to use a post office deposit book account as it was easy to arrange a standing order to BUT difficult to access to withdraw from (had to do so in person and post office had limited hours so this meant I was given time and space to consider if I was REALLY needing to withdraw the money)

The tip on discount cards is excellent though, very good idea.

I’m not currently using any as housebound and they’re mostly travel/eating out related but when I am out and about I usually have a taste card, disabled train card, dd has been using student/school child ones for years.

Here in Scotland we have the young Scot card which gets youngsters (11-26) discounts off LOADS of things at a ton of different places, and also acts as ID and proof of age, great idea.

In the past I’ve had access to forces discounts as a forces dependent, student discount cards even as a much older student (people think these are only for youngsters they’re not), and various employee related ones.

Everyone’s circumstances differ so look around and see what suits you and yours op.

Like others have said , some simple changes that may help
Stop the top up shop
Unless you are tied into contracts buy the phones outright on a 0% interest credit card and use giff gaff sim £6 per month
Utilities looking at swapping if you’re not tied into a contact, I’ve just done this & saved £22 per month
Apply for a 0% interest credit card if you haven’t got one already
Budget for everything so there are no surprises
Take advantage of freebies for eating out eg, Tesco vouchers, 2-4-1 cinema tickets from Comparethemarket insurance purchases , they do meal deals too
It’s hard to get a grip of it at first but the more you do, the easier it will get

Best of luck, eventually your salary will increase further and your DC will grow up. Are you paying into a pension? Don’t think it’s a luxury you can’t afford - long term you can’t afford not to have one.

Hi OP, you've had some great advice already, but I think you should also be getting child benefit for the youngest back in your name as primary carer - not least because your ex may use having that as a reason to claim maintenance from you in the future.

And then that's 60ish quid you can put into your emergencies savings?

Firstly, I want to say you're doing tremendously well, bringing up 3 DC on your own and working FT. I know how expensive it is to feed and clothe growing kids, I could never fill my DS when he was a teenager.
You've received loads of advice on here about how to budget, my couple of tips are; buy contact lenses online - I've used daysoft for years £12 a month and I can't believe how high your water bill is. Are you on a meter? Once we moved to one our bills were halved. Good luck OP, you've done the hard part now to just budgeting a bit more carefully and you and your DC will get the lives you deserve.

I’m only halfway through the thread. Contact lenses from spec savers are 12.50 a month. www.specsavers.co.uk/contact-lenses/daily-disposables/easyvision-sential. I get month wear ones and it includes my eye tests and contact lens checks too.

Hi. Look at your buildings and content. We pay £25 a month and we are in London with bigger home. We just renewed and more than covered everything. Also, contacts. I get mine through online. I search for branded and much cheaper then stores.
Do you have to have phone insurance? Martin Lewis covers this issue.
You are doing great. We also use the jam jar method to cover all our bills.

Your household spends are your household spends. It is what it is, you've had lots of advice on how to reduce them if you want - i think the main thing that would have an impact is changing your contact lens provider (I get mine online and it's literally half the price) but none of the rest seems excessive and it becomes a payoff between time and money when you really try to cut them to the bone (particularly, I find, with food shopping).

In terms of making your disposable income work harder for you, there are lots of things you can do. In the first instance if I were you I'd start saving the pay rise money straight away. You won't miss it - you've been without it up to now - and it will create a pot you can dip into for birthdays/car repairs/holidays etc. If you feel mentally able to go after your ex for the rest of the child benefit and some maintenance, that could go in there too.

When you're spending the disposable income, particularly on experiences, definitely shop around. Sign up to places and follow them on fb (local theatre mailing lists, MSE newsletters, days out guides, the lot) because that way you'll be the first to know when they have offers on, and pounce on them. Set up flight trackers if you're planning on going on holiday. Use camelcamelcamel for Amazon purchases, especially big ones (also good for birthday presents if you have an idea in advance). Book things in advance, especially days out, it's often cheaper. Consider buying a National Trust or similar membership to use as well. Sign up to and check cashback websites (I've had £1600 off Quidco in 5 years, which is worth having!) Literally don't buy anything without checking for a voucher and/or cashback. Same applies to buying school uniform, renewing your insurances, etc. You can make it all go much further if you hustle a bit, and that will improve your lifestyle a lot :)

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job OP. My only tiny contribution would be your phone cost. £50 for two phones is very high. I pay £35 for two with Vodafone, unlimited calls, lots of data etc. And tbh, don’t think I’m getting the best deal with them. Definitely check out Martin Lewis website. He’s on a mission to get us all saving money! Good luck with it all.

We pay 35 for 4 phones with tesco mobile. Not flash but they do the job

I think you're doing great op.
My hints would be, like others have said, have a good look at money saving expert website and sign up for his emails. Use the comparison tools to make sure you're paying as little as possible for gas/elec, phones (i think £50 is a lot for 2 mobiles), Internet, mortgage etc.

After reading MSE I adopted the piggy bank/pots/envelope system - before the days of monzo etc.

Using excel, I know how much all my DD & SO add up to. On pay day I transfer that amount from my Spending current account to the bills current account. Whats leftover is allowed to be spent.

ALL direct debits and standing orders go from the Bills account. Some of the standing orders are to my other accounts:

Car fund (cash isa)
Untouchable emergency fund (higher interest regular saver)
Christmas fund (instant access savings)
Kid fund (joint ac with STBEXH, we both pay in the same amount plus the child benefit goes in. Things like school uniform, music and swimming lessons, scouts, guides etc come out)

I also look at the year as a whole and ÷12, some expenses are predictable. Again, I did this after reading MSE website. Eg car expenses. I went through all bank statements and added up EVERY car expense (except fuel) for the last 12 months. ÷12 and then rounded it up a bit. This amount is paid by standing order from my bills ac to my car fund (a cash isa). When the insurance has to be paid or I need new tyres I transfer the exact price from the car fund to the spending ac. No stress.

I do need a holiday fund.

'MOT comes up in summer too £250 ish generally'

If you are paying this each year for an MOT then no wonder you are broke!

You can defo cut cost on your bills...

£50 for two phones a month?

Twp phone contracts with unlimited calls, 4GB of data etc can both be had for under £15 total a month unless you need the latest model phones every year...

Water rates use a meter, the 2 of you will not use enough if you pay a flat yearly charge.

Have you switched elec/gas? Don't stay with the same company unless they give you the best price!

I pay £7 a month for phone, £13 a month for Sky tv (Entertaiment) £25 month unlimited fast fibre broadband, home phone & TT TV £25 month, unlimited calls to mobiles and landlines)

You can save money by bargaining, you have the power as you are the customer, they want & need you!

Good luck!

Jeeze I feel you badly. I’ve been debt free now for almost a year. During lockdown thought we’d save hundreds. My partners income is very close to 4,000 a month mine 1,200 so between us we should be quids in but again, during lockdown seem to have less. I’m lost. We don’t do anything more than we would usually in fact we’ve done much less we haven’t even had a holiday. One night away is all since the beginning of the year! I’m baffled as to why. My mortgage is only 340.00 a month plus usual household expenses! Plus my credit file has gone down ridiculously. Rang them today they told me they cannot see why. Everything is paid on time etc. Think it’s time to make a budget planner but on 5,200 a month between us if we cannot survive then how the fuck can anyone on less than that! Scary times!

Put some money away in an account every month for your mot ...that you don't look at very often. Buy pressures throughout the year in sales.

Pressies*

Ps kids are expensive...not surprised you are overdrawn !

This is a great chat thread, so many useful and bloody genius tips. This is where mumsnet does good! Thanks to posters

You have a lot more spare cash than many so I don't know what you are doing wrong. Have you checked if you can get universal credit top up.

I doubt the OP is entitled to top ups, her salary is well over £40k pa. What is more relevant is that she's approaching the level where she might start to lose CB due to being a high earner, although she should stay below that point if she's paying into a pension.

Kimbob Sounds like you need to read the thread for ideas, analyse your spending, look at a budget planner and see where your money is going, because it sounds like there's a huge hole somewhere.

Have you been getting lots of deliveries (takeaways or online shopping). What's your partner's spending habits like? You should have a surplus of at least a couple of grand a month building up. I'd be worried someone is gambling or squirrelling money away elsewhere if you're getting through that amount of money with a small mortgage and not doing much due to lockdown.