I am clearly doing money very wrong in comparison to 90 per cent of my friends.

[ComplexPTSDmaybe]

My new (as of July) monthly take home income is £2580. A rise of £480 (new job that I worked very hard for) Income used to be £2100.

My household bills are £1261.98. Which means I now have £1349.02 for food, petrol and general expenses. I have 3DC's. I am £800 overdrawn. I have slowly got this down from £2600 debit this time last year (thank you lockdown). I do an internet shop weekly that costs about £60. Top ups from farm shop and local coop - prob around £40 per week. Petrol is max £20 per week. My car is 8 years old. My mortgage is reasonable (£460) for a small 3 bed new build. I pay £260 in student loans - my only debt (I have 3 degrees). Only eldest DC and myself have a phone (£50 per month for both).

This summer hols I have taken my DC's to the seaside once, eaten out three times in a pub and two cafes (twice for a birthday, once on day out). We are going on holiday for a week in Ireland, ferry and cheap Air BnB (all paid for). Looking on FB I am do very little in comparison to many - others seem to do lots of eating out, days out, house renovations, garden renovations, new cars, holidays in the UK. Know a fair few of these are on furlough so they will have more opportunity to go out so will seem busier and that is fair.

I think I should be able to afford that level of activity/house/garden improvements with my income but can't seem to stretch it. It seems that stuff always comes up e.g. My dc's birthdays are clustered around this time of year so that is x3 £100 outlay, MOT comes up in summer too £250 ish generally, TV broke so that sets me back. School uniforms in August £250. Then Christmas comes up. I feel like I am always chasing my tail. What am I handling badly? My exH took and handled all the money including my wage so I do feel like I have never really got a grip on it. I really want to start managing my money better - first I want to get rid of the overdraft and feel like the money I earn in a month is mine. Then I would like mine and DC's lifestyle to be a bit better - do more things. My marriage to my ex was awful (broken bones and lots of financial, sexual and psychological abuse). I would like a bit of joy now I am past just surviving. Any ideas?

[AnnaMagnani]

You never know what is happening with your friends.

Things that are likely are:

Bank of Mum and Dad
Secretly on more money than they make out
Hidden income eg inheritance
And most popular - living on credit

While you are trying to get rid of debt on one income and 3 kids. You are almost certainly not comparing like with like.

I can't recommend Moneysavingexpert enough. If you do all the relevant money saving things on there - looking at your phones, bank accounts, utility bills etc you will save a fortune.

[optimisticpessimist01]

I started saving a LOT more money when I created a budget on a spreadsheet. I had a section for all my necessities, a section for non-necessities and did this over 12 months so I could enter things like car insurance, birthdays, Christmas etc.

I had a profit/loss section where I took away all my expenditure from my income

I then tracked my savings accounts (LISA, S&S ISA and easy-access ISA). I then went through each month after I had entered everything and adjusted each month accordingly so I had no months that were in a loss. So it might mean only spending £50 eating out and on drinks one month rather than £100 to save £50 for a birthday the following month for example.

It is the best decision I have made finance wise and I wish I did it sooner

[CantSleepClownsWillEatMe]

Never mind what you see on FB, that’s just the (edited) highlights of people’s lives. I mean each individual FB friend is not doing all of those things you’ve listed, are they? Much less a family of four on one salary. Lots will be two income households, I bet most aren’t getting back on their feet after an abusive marriage, some will be up to their eyes in debt, others will already be in the financial situation you’re aiming for ie their take home salary is their own.

Remember too that you’ve only just got this salary increase so you haven’t yet had the benefit of the extra in your budget. Don’t be too hard on yourself!

I think pps are correct that you need a realistic budget. Your post suggests you don’t have a handle on all your outlays which is why school uniforms in August, birthdays etc are tripping you up. These costs need to be accounted for every month and money put by to cover them.

You’re earning enough to be able to continue clearing any debt/overdraft, budget for your more expensive months, save a little and have occasional treats like day trips and eating out. When you’ve finished paying off debt, you’ll have more money each month to spend or save (ideally both).

The Money topic on MN is pretty good for advice on saving, budgeting and tips for making your money go further .

[optimisticpessimist01]

Look on the MSE website too he has a huge section about decreasing your monthly outgoings which is very useful

[BackforGood]

I agree about letting us see a breakdown of your bills, as that seems high, if you want folk to help.
If you are on a budget, then £100 seems a lot to be spending on birthday gifts.
£25 each is a lot to be spending on a monthly phone contract.
So it suggests there are saving there to be made.

However you sound like you are doing fantastically well. Your overdraft will be paid off and saving pot started just by putting aside your increase in salary in 2 months. You've already paid most of it down. You've managed to buy a house, look after your dc, take them out and about and on holiday this year. That is great. Stop being so hard on yourself.
I imagine most of your friends haven't had to start again with nothing after coming out of an abusive marriage - they are bound to be wealthier even if on the same income.
There was a thread on here recently, asking how much help people get from parents / in laws / grandparents. It was staggering. Not just the people who said outright they get this or that paid monthly, but the people who had been given a lump sum for deposits for houses, and the people who said 'no, although they take us on holiday every year' or 'no, but they look after the dc when I'm at work' or 'no, but they bung us a few hundred every now and then'.

None of us have any idea what other people's finances are like. SOme bung stuff on credit cards / finance plans / overdrafts and seem to have more available cash than others.

[DustyD2]

On pay day set up standing orders to separate instant access savings account, kids activities/clothes, house emergencies, car, holiday etc, presents etc then you can separate your money into pots and you have it when a bill comes up. We put £50 a month in car account for example and it cover tax, MOT, tyres when they are required rather than taking it out of the current account

[Juiceey]

Hi OP. Best thing I've done is open a Monzo account. You can make 'pots' in it. So I transfer a set amount to it each month- in my case, £600- and move money to each pot. I do as follows:

Car - £100
Emergency fund - £100
Christmas - £100
Presents - £100
Dog - £75
Haircuts - £50
Clothing - £75

I then have whatever money is left over AFTER the Monzo money for the month. Really helps with those months where lots of things are due at once.

Hope this helps

[LizB62A]

You need to really understand where every penny is going - it's easy to miss small spends here and there that add up to a lot.

Money Saving Expert is really good - you can build a budget, see where you need to make savings, and use all the tools there to save on your household bills:
www.moneysavingexpert.com/budgeting-debt-help/

e.g. re: mobile phones - can you keep your phones longer once you're out of contract and move to sim only to save money ?
MSE is currently showing a sim only deal with Smarty which is £10 a month for 30gb plus unlimited minutes and texts. That would save you £360 in a year.

I went through my budget about 3 years ago, listed literally everything I spent on over a couple of months and found where I could make savings. It made a huge difference to me and makes it easier to budget if you've got a small pot of savings to spread out the big spends when they come along

Good luck!

[killerofmen]

Spend the time and effort sitting down with you bank statements and work through Martin Lewis' money makeover. You won't get a handle on it until you fully understand how much you've got coming in and going out.

[Juiceey]

@lovelemoncurd

...and your sentence construction could also do with some work.

FUCK. OFF.

[Viviennemary]

Your student debt is quite high. Are you counting that as part of your expenses. I agree you need to put an amount aside every month for annual expenses birthdays, school uniforms, Christmas and so on. Paying all bills with three children on one wage is quite an achievement in itself. These others probably have two wages of even get help from parents.

[sunnysidegold]

I will also say to get an account with pots or vaults or whatever. Now, you need to realise that it's not a bank account so you don't get interest on your pots, but for me the important thing was getting a handle on my money.

I was able to allocate one pot to each week of groceries, one for each week of diesel.

I always remember reading the Dave Ramsey money book thatbirthdays and Christmas are expenses you know will come at the same time each year so it makes sense to tuck a little away each month for these.

Sometimes I think the little things you spend on really add up - before I used to run out of money and go into the overdraft each month. It was only when I really broke down the budget properly that I realised I frittered money away without even notici g.


Good luck op, you'll vget there.

[DadDadDad]

I'd ignore @lovelemoncurd - here's an example of her sentence construction that a quick search threw up:
Your her mum. She's 16 step in and say you will take it to an employment tribunal.

[Lovemusic33]

I have my bank set up to put money in different pots, money for birthdays/Christmas, money for car repair, money for clothes etc.., I then put a set amount into each every week/month and then the rest stays in my main account for bills and food. If I need a bit of money for a day out and I haven’t got it in my main account it comes out the Christmas funds but usually I have enough left over each month so I don’t need too.

I also shopped around for broadband deals, gas and electric to see if I could save money. I think it’s often the small things that we forget about so regularly check your bank and see what’s going out, things like insurances, car tax, national trust membership and amazon prime all add up and we often forget them when calculating outgoings.

[PiggyPokkyFool]

I am in awe at the £250 every August on school uniform? Can one not pass down to the next? I got two children all the way through primary school for about that amount. (not including shoes/socks obviously)
If there are specific logo jumpers and polos you can buy usually from second hand uniform sales or the local charity shops and then pass down.

[Standrewsschool]

budget planner

Use this Money Saving Expert budget planner to work out you spending, it makes you consider one-offs such as MOT, haircuts, etc.

Simple measures to improve the situation:

1. transfer debt to free balance transfer card or low interest loan
   
2. set up a second card, and transfer money each month to cover birthdays, Christmas, holidays
   
3. set up a third card for clothes, shoes, school uniforms, mot, car tax etc

[blacksax]

What are your outgoings on buildings and contents insurance, council tax, water rates? Are you on the best rates for utilities such as gas and electricity?

[Greengrapes1357]

There's 1 adult, 3dc here 16,11,11 here. Things that help me:

Our weekly food bill is £50 for shopping - I do online shop and menu plan and do not do top up shops. I bulk cook and freeze for convenience. Rarely eat out but would budget extra. I menu plan 3 meals and 1 snack per day. Packed lunches are cheaper than school dinners.

RE mobiles we use smarty sim only for £10 ds gets 30 data, me and the younger ones have a £6 plan each. We get a discount for extra contracts, it's a rolling monthly contract so no tie ins. Plus get credit for not using all data - this month for four of us I paid £25.

Put something aside every month for birthdays, mot, school holidays, Christmas, holidays etc.

Write a budget and stick to it, have no spend days or weeks. Prioritise debts over savings. Aim eventually to have a minimum of 3 times your monthly income (ideally 6). Set realistic short term goals.

Look for cheap /free activities. Take your own drinks and snacks with you. Check out Groupon etc for cheap activities. Visit museums, libraries, local nature reserves, the beach. Have meet ups with friends in the park.

Check all your bills are as low as possible and renew at the end of contracts for cheaper deals (set reminders for when renewals are).

Well done for realising and trying to get on top of it.

[Holothane]

@thistledownandcobweb pots are a godsend aren’t they I couldn’t do my finances without them. 😊

[Purpleice]

Our income and expenditure is roughly the same as yours. Write down everything you spend for a month. When payday hits I squirrel away £200-£300 and aim to live on the rest. The savings money goes towards holidays and Christmas, but also acts as a buffer, so if something breaks or anything, I don’t have to worry. If I spend from savings I will aim to replace is as soon as I can. I like to have a cushion of about £1500, which isn’t a lot, but sees us through most emergencies. I don’t save in December or July and the extra gives us Christmas and holiday money. The trick is to live slightly below your budget.

[Earslaps]

Definitely agree with putting money aside each month for yearly expenses- we save every month to cover things like insurance renewals (it's usually cheaper to pay annually than monthly), holidays, school uniforms, memberships for things, a delivery of logs for the fire, boiler service, car service, new tyres, Christmas, birthdays and an amount to cover repair/replacement of electrical goods. That way we don't have large amounts coming out and we can see what we have to spend on fun stuff.
Our fun budget is all in a different bank account to the main one, and when it's gone it's gone!

[sixlemons]

I reckon that the difference between you and others is that you have only your student loan and your mortgage as debts.

They can afford all this stuff because they are buying it on credit.

[sansou]

Yes to stopping the £40 farm shop topups.
Mobile phones - DC & I are on giff gaff - £6 pm. Mostly at home on the Wi-fi so don’t need mobile data.

Horses for courses - personally, I wouldn’t go on a holiday if I lived in my OD since I wouldn’t be comfortable with the inevitable increase of my debt (abnormal expenditure). You’re more comfortable with living like this than I would ever be. There’s been many years in my past when we just didn’t have a holiday because we just didn’t have the money and I refused to put anything on a credit card unless it was a short term cash flow issue. It’s a luxury! Look up sunk costs fallacy.

Same with eating out. We haven’t done ANY - adhering to social distancing more than financial necessity in our case.

Lockdown and restrictions have facilitated less spending overall for the majority.

Up to you whether you really want to change your mindset and not live in your OD. With nearly £500 extra monthly income, surely you can pay your OD off within the next few months.

[ThistledownAndCobweb]

[quote Holothane]@thistledownandcobweb pots are a godsend aren’t they I couldn’t do my finances without them. 😊[/quote]
They have literally changed my whole relationship with money - before any big bill (even expected) or crisis would throw me into a tailspin.
Now, the comfort of knowing that I have money ready is immense. It has also made me reel in my spending because I am now of the mindset that I'd rather see the money sitting in a saving pot rather than frittering it away on coffees or clothes

[BlenheimOrange]

It sounds like you’re doing brilliantly. We prob have a similar post-bills income to you and we’re doing home improvements but ffs, we’re putting half of it on the mortgage and half of it from savings that my mum helped my start 15 years ago and no financially abusive twozzock has chipped away at.