I am clearly doing money very wrong in comparison to 90 per cent of my friends.

[ComplexPTSDmaybe]

My new (as of July) monthly take home income is £2580. A rise of £480 (new job that I worked very hard for) Income used to be £2100.

My household bills are £1261.98. Which means I now have £1349.02 for food, petrol and general expenses. I have 3DC's. I am £800 overdrawn. I have slowly got this down from £2600 debit this time last year (thank you lockdown). I do an internet shop weekly that costs about £60. Top ups from farm shop and local coop - prob around £40 per week. Petrol is max £20 per week. My car is 8 years old. My mortgage is reasonable (£460) for a small 3 bed new build. I pay £260 in student loans - my only debt (I have 3 degrees). Only eldest DC and myself have a phone (£50 per month for both).

This summer hols I have taken my DC's to the seaside once, eaten out three times in a pub and two cafes (twice for a birthday, once on day out). We are going on holiday for a week in Ireland, ferry and cheap Air BnB (all paid for). Looking on FB I am do very little in comparison to many - others seem to do lots of eating out, days out, house renovations, garden renovations, new cars, holidays in the UK. Know a fair few of these are on furlough so they will have more opportunity to go out so will seem busier and that is fair.

I think I should be able to afford that level of activity/house/garden improvements with my income but can't seem to stretch it. It seems that stuff always comes up e.g. My dc's birthdays are clustered around this time of year so that is x3 £100 outlay, MOT comes up in summer too £250 ish generally, TV broke so that sets me back. School uniforms in August £250. Then Christmas comes up. I feel like I am always chasing my tail. What am I handling badly? My exH took and handled all the money including my wage so I do feel like I have never really got a grip on it. I really want to start managing my money better - first I want to get rid of the overdraft and feel like the money I earn in a month is mine. Then I would like mine and DC's lifestyle to be a bit better - do more things. My marriage to my ex was awful (broken bones and lots of financial, sexual and psychological abuse). I would like a bit of joy now I am past just surviving. Any ideas?

Your grocery shopping of a total of £100 per week is extremely high .
It could easily be cut down to half that .

Examine the rest of your bills they are far too high ...

You earn slightly less than me , I’m also a single parent, and have way more spare cash than you . My monthly bills are a total of £950 including mortgage

I’m a bit at someone suggesting the OP and her kids should drink water. Seriously, should they buy bread to go with that and live on that?

OP there are lots of ways you can cut down food bills without actually having to live on water. buying cheaper cuts of meat and a slow cooker for instance, then batch cook things like mince/casseroles/stews etc

Meal planning is key. I did so much of that during lockdown and batch cooked because of not knowing whether I would be able to get hold of certain ingredients, and now it’s just stuck, and I have always been careful with money anyway.

Bills are bills, sometimes there are things you can cut, sometimes there aren’t. Are you on single person’s council tax? If not then you should apply, and if they grant it you should apply for it to be backdated. Mine was, by a number of years.

Your situation certainly isn’t worthy of judgement. I would judge more someone who complains they don’t have any money while booking their 3rd foreign holiday and having just having bought a new car. I have a family member who believes that the amount she has available on her credit card is her’s to spend, consequently she is thousands and thousands in debt, but it’s ok, she has two foreign holidays a year because that’s her money right?

Truth is that a lot of people who live what seems to be extravagant lifestyles are in debt. And one day that catches up with them.

£100 not to bad when you’re feeding four people, although I agree the top up shop could probably be reduced. I spend approx £100 for four, usually £70-80 on main shop, and £10-20 on top up.

Your grocery shopping of a total of £100 per week is extremely high . not with three teenagers it isn’t. Also it’s worth bearing in mind that “grocery” shopping could equally include things like shower jells, soap, shampoo, washing powder, cleaning products.

OP, the issue here is the overdraft. Fact here is that you’re starting out every month on a negative, so as soon as you’re paid your overdraft is paid off but then that essentially counts as a bill you’ve paid to the tune of whatever your overdraft is, so you’re already down. Clearing the overdraft is key here. I have little doubt that if you clear the overdraft and just start out the month on £0 rather than £-800 or whatever your overdraft was, you’ll have more disposable income because it won’t have been ploughed into the overdraft.

I’ve never been in debt per se, but I did have a credit card bill until recently, I gradually paid that off over a few months and now I can set aside that money for other things if I want to. The difference between me and you though is that I could choose how much I paid off my credit card, whereas you don’t have a choice. Your overdraft will automatically clear leaving you that much out of pocket.

@babbi

Your grocery shopping of a total of £100 per week is extremely high . It could easily be cut down to half that .

Examine the rest of your bills they are far too high ...

You earn slightly less than me , I’m also a single parent, and have way more spare cash than you . My monthly bills are a total of £950 including mortgage

£100 a week for groceries is not 'extremely high', it's just about bang on average.

Spending half that would not be easy and many people with the OPs income will spend quite a bit more than that.

There's not a huge amount of wriggle room in the rest of the OPs bills either. The water looks a little high, but not extortionately so.

However, regarding the OPs new utility bill, that looks suspiciously low unless you are very careful with the heating and anything else that uses a lot of power (eg tumble dryer) and I'd keep a close eye on how much you are using to make sure you are keeping up with what you need to pay.

Has anyone suggested yet that the OP take in ironing?

Do you have credit card debts or loans to pay? I cannot understand how you are NOT managing financially well on that take home pay.
Pay off the debt with the highest interest first
Some other poster mentioned others may be living beyond their means and it will catch up one day
I would agree with that
Live within your means
Budget for everything
Have a little saved for emergencies. On pay day put some of the money aside
You just need more structure with your finances

As a single parent, it's always going to be tough.

I'd say your outgoinga look normal apart from the odd tweak that others are helping you with. It's your lack of savings that's doing you over.

I save my child benefit. It goes into a separate account and pays for Christmas and kids birthdays. It comes to about £1500 per year. The kids get 200 per birthday (they're younger, so it's either a party and a small gift from us or most of it on a big present and no party). Then there's a thousand left to pay for Christmas. Which we don't always use. And it just gets left in the account. Some tears I use the excess for a night or two away, or spending money for a little holiday or day trips in the school hols.

Once I'd separated that out from my main budget, I also started saving regularly every month. Another 20 quid or whatever. Then I got a current account that gives me cash back. So I save that.

Eventually you have pots of money for various unexpected things like the MOT and repairs.

That's the biggest difference I made to our money.

Hey OP, thanks for this thread. I have switched my phone to a SIM only deal this morning based on some of the advice here - I'm saving £15 a month now, which covers off Netflix and a newspaper subscription, so that was a half-hour well spent!

First, congratulations on your promotion, your mortgage, your debt repayment and your three degrees! All this with three children (at least one of whom has a cracking work ethic - obviously takes after his mum) and a terrible ex. I am in awe of you.

Have you come across the 50:30:20 rule? The idea being that you spend 50% of your budget on essentials, 30 on 'wants' and 20 on saving. Within that, you might, following the advice on here, want to set aside some of the 50% into different budgeting pots for annual/occasional expenditure like MOT, house and car insurance, emergency fund for repairs and maintenance.

'Saving' also includes debt repayment - so crack on and pay off that £800 asap, then you can start saving. Most personal finance writers recommend building an emergency fund in easily accessible cash first (some people like to keep this in premium bonds - accessible, protected and you get a chance to win in the lottery draw each month).

ARe you in the NHS pension scheme? Please say yes! This was a good decision I made at 22, before I was even really thinking about money and my future - you had to opt out rather than opt in. It's portable across a lot of public sector schemes - or it was - and in these uncertain times, having a defined benefit pension is a great source of security.

But you asked about getting more joy in your life. Good question! I am a fan of experiences rather than things and planning ahead. I find stuff happens if you book it. Lockdown is easing and where I am, a lot of theatres are starting to open up again, and a lot of cheap tickets are available, - could this apply to you and your family? Could you visit Leeds Playhouse or Sheffield Crucible? (you said you were in Yorkshire - I appreciate it's a big county!)

You have a car and your petrol expenditure is quite low - could you plan a couple of trips out a month - picnic and hike? Family room in a youth hostel? (I have happy memories of youth hostels in Lake District).

Declutter and sell/donate stuff? Not so much to raise money, but to get you thinking about what's important to you, and seeing all you have. A lot of personal finance writers advise decluttering as a good starting point for managing money. Get the kids involved in doing this (if relevant)- it gets them on board with thinking about money as well - good life skills.

Yes to getting familiar with Martin Lewis and the Money Saving Expert website - you can get weekly emails. I also like Jason Butler on personal finance - he has a blog,podcasts and a very good 20 point money mastery cheat sheet, downloadable for free. Again, it's a good starting point with children too.

A lot of the PF writers talk about 'intentionality' - knowing what every pound is for, whether saving it or spending it. So you don't fritter.

Oh, and yes, you can reduce your Netflix expenditure to £5.99, but this only alllows one device and if you have others in your household who want to watch, not necessarily with you, it's rather limiting (I found this out by being accused of skinflintery when my son and his girlfriend couldn't log in on his laptop). For £3 more a month you get a lot of flexibility - you have to think about value as well as cost.

Good luck, you'll be grand. Get that diary out and start planning nice stuff.

You're doing really well and congratulations on your postgrad and promotion. Looking forward, you might want to consider country park passes/national trust passes/Merlin passes (when Covid situation improves perhaps!) and air bnb etc to places that kids of all ages (and you!) can enjoy - e.g. Cornwall, Dorset, Norfolk (invest in wetsuits!), mini-golf, zip wiring, high ropes, young driver experiences etc - all great fun for kids young and teen and IME, experiences trump stuff for feeling like you're enjoying life and not just trying to get through the working week.

I find Facebook local a great place for sourcing 2nd hand uniform an have seen independent and grammar school kit on there too so might be worth a look. School shoes are pricey and agree 2nd hand not great for growing feet. John Lewis currently has 20% school kit including shoes with a code for JL members and I recommend topcashback too. If you follow Amazon deals of the day you can sometimes pick up great bargains that are fab to keep in the cupboard for birthdays/xmas etc.
Enjoy your holiday - richly deserved by the sounds of it!

Don’t compare, we have lots of days out, many are paid with club card points so cost nothing, many are paid for by the grandparents, I rarely pay full price for a day out ever! We also never eat out, drink, smoke etc... so may seem like we have lots of money but we actually don’t I’m just really tight and get as much for nothing as possible!

In my experience they fund it with credit. A lot of people don’t see it as debt or credit and I think that’s because companies will call it a monthly offer or deal, rather than a loan. I always wonder the same though, I know of lots of people renovating properties, no idea how they afford it all if it’s not on finance

Also if you’re look for a little extra work the census is coming up next year and they’ll be employing people so you or DS could do it

I knew listing my household bills was a mistake. I cover my household bills without fail, I don't need to reduce them

Sorry op, while I’m mostly sympathetic this comment has annoyed me - because you’re NOT covering them if you were you wouldn’t be in debt!

And it’s silly to keep paying more for anything when it’s not necessary to receive the same goods/services.

Better that money is in your bank account than the people ripping you off who generally don’t need more money - like the ceo of BT!

@babbi

Your grocery shopping of a total of £100 per week is extremely high . It could easily be cut down to half that .

Examine the rest of your bills they are far too high ...

You earn slightly less than me , I’m also a single parent, and have way more spare cash than you . My monthly bills are a total of £950 including mortgage

£100 a week for food for a family is not extremely high. Not by any measure.

And that's a family with at least 2 adult size members.

And it’s silly to keep paying more for anything when it’s not necessary to receive the same goods/services

Exactly. One of the easiest ways to feel like you have more money for the 'nice to haves' is to spend less on boring things like utilities, insurance etc.

Haven’t read whole post, but I’ve just switched to Halifax. That’s £100 for doing nothing, all payments are forwarded etc. I’ve had a grand over the last few years for switching, it sounds like a pain in the arse but it’s easy. Also get a cash back credit card; Amex is the best but Aquacard is easier to get. It’s a welcome bonus once a year. Only get these though if you can pay the balance off in full or have a credit card that doesn’t pay cash back; if you have a big debt on credit card look to do a cheap balance transfer. Good luck- as others have said nothing is off limits when it comes
to sorting your finances. Bottom line is it’s in your bank account for your kids or some company’s helping to pay a bonus.

OP you have done a grand job getting through what you have done and being in the position you are. My suggestions would be, 1) try and get your shop to a single delivery shop a week with no ‘top ups’ - I didn’t think this was possible with milk guzzling kids but it had to be done during lockdown and you know what it’s taught them that when it’s gone it’s gone and they are self planning, 2) maybe try and cut overall food budget down (add in some extra cheaper meals or cut out meat another night), 3) see if you can pay more off on student debt to get rid earlier. Shoes, don’t buy second hand, look for bargains, there’s lots out there in supermarkets. Other than that well done!

Hi
I would recommend that you pay as much as you can by monthly DD so you know what you've got left each month. Then draw up a monthly budget for everything else, including a regular savings pot. This savings pot is then there to gradually pay off the overdraft and then smooth out the 'bumps' like uniforms, car repairs, broken washing machine, etc.
Also don't beat yourself up looking at FB😒 - you may well be comparing yourself to other families that have two incomes, but just one set of household bills. It's not worth the stress OP, you're doing the best you can on one income😉. In fact you're doing well compared to many at the moment.

We don't have an aerial (I can't spend £200 on getting it fitted)
Minor point, but we got an aerial thing that plugs straight into the tv, works a treat, gives us all the Freeview channels. Though I suppose then you'd have tv licence to pay.
Well done on getting where you are OP, with the ex and everything - use the pot technique that others are suggesting and you'll get where you want to be. Good luck.

Hi OP

Some good advice from others on here but for me the one thing that really works is setting a monthly budget for each pot: groceries, petrol, takeaways/eating out etc & tracking spend against it. I know that's a bit too anal for some but it works. if its getting near the end of the month and these pots are running low, I do try to tailor what we do/eat etc to keep within budget. I usually still splash out on a few treats when i get paid but then reel it back in once the money disappears.

Knowing where your money is going is half the battle!

I think you are doing brilliantly. It'll get easier as the kids get older and also as some of these things get paid off. I agree about getting a Monzo account - the big thing for me is that I can see every outgoing immediately on the app.

£100 a week for groceries for 4 income 2 Male teens is bloody good!! Teens need more cals than adults especially boys and especially if they're active!

That's only £25 per person, £3.57 per person per day!!

Exactly. One of the easiest ways to feel like you have more money for the 'nice to haves' is to spend less on boring things like utilities, insurance etc.

definitely! I very much begrudge lining the pockets of wealthy ceos and not getting anything "extra" for it! Sod that!!

As for the "milk is unnecessary" post I suspect that may be the weird poster who thinks anyone that drinks milk over the age of 2 is unreasonable! Ridiculous! Perfectly healthy, low fat source of nutrition!

@QueSera are you sure that's not the aerial cable that connects your tv to the aerial outside usually on the roof you're describing? Or are you meaning an internal aerial?

Internal aerials tend not to be very strong and depending on location of ops house may not work well or at all (built up or mountainous areas especially)

Including not income gah hate the lack of edit on mn!