I am clearly doing money very wrong in comparison to 90 per cent of my friends.

[ComplexPTSDmaybe]

My new (as of July) monthly take home income is £2580. A rise of £480 (new job that I worked very hard for) Income used to be £2100.

My household bills are £1261.98. Which means I now have £1349.02 for food, petrol and general expenses. I have 3DC's. I am £800 overdrawn. I have slowly got this down from £2600 debit this time last year (thank you lockdown). I do an internet shop weekly that costs about £60. Top ups from farm shop and local coop - prob around £40 per week. Petrol is max £20 per week. My car is 8 years old. My mortgage is reasonable (£460) for a small 3 bed new build. I pay £260 in student loans - my only debt (I have 3 degrees). Only eldest DC and myself have a phone (£50 per month for both).

This summer hols I have taken my DC's to the seaside once, eaten out three times in a pub and two cafes (twice for a birthday, once on day out). We are going on holiday for a week in Ireland, ferry and cheap Air BnB (all paid for). Looking on FB I am do very little in comparison to many - others seem to do lots of eating out, days out, house renovations, garden renovations, new cars, holidays in the UK. Know a fair few of these are on furlough so they will have more opportunity to go out so will seem busier and that is fair.

I think I should be able to afford that level of activity/house/garden improvements with my income but can't seem to stretch it. It seems that stuff always comes up e.g. My dc's birthdays are clustered around this time of year so that is x3 £100 outlay, MOT comes up in summer too £250 ish generally, TV broke so that sets me back. School uniforms in August £250. Then Christmas comes up. I feel like I am always chasing my tail. What am I handling badly? My exH took and handled all the money including my wage so I do feel like I have never really got a grip on it. I really want to start managing my money better - first I want to get rid of the overdraft and feel like the money I earn in a month is mine. Then I would like mine and DC's lifestyle to be a bit better - do more things. My marriage to my ex was awful (broken bones and lots of financial, sexual and psychological abuse). I would like a bit of joy now I am past just surviving. Any ideas?

[JingsMahBucket]

Contacts aren’t a luxury, really. The price may be able to go down a bit but contact lenses aren’t a luxury FFS. Depending on her job at the NHS, the OP may be better served wearing contacts instead of glasses. We don’t need to push a race to the bottom in the poverty olympics.

[UncleBunclesHouse]

@joeysapple I really couldn’t get this to work at all, I don’t know if I was doing something wrong - can’t recommend to the OP as it just drained my non existent time and stressed me out trying and failing to set up and get it to work!

[Goongoon]

You’re spending a huge amount replaying your student loans. Is it with the student loan company? If it is, I’d look at getting that reduced. You shouldn’t be paying £260 x3 a month.

[Theorangeorange]

People could be thinking about us; we've just had a large home renovation and got a few extra fancy bits over the last few months but the reality is we remortgaged to do it and also have a hefty credit card bill!
So I'll be using some of the tips on this thread!

[OhTheRoses]

All those saying the contact lenses are a massive extravagance and buy glasses. It rather depends on the prescription. Last time I had glasses - 8 diopters plus longsight (age), plus mega thinning plus varifocals - cost (at a good but reasonable optician) was about 680 (cheaper than last time because costs are coming down a bit) . Got 2 yrs 10ths put of ladt pair of glasses. I don't therefore think the co facts are massively extravagant.

[Graphista]

BT - just get internet. That is doen from 53.99 I was paying!

They're ripping you off!

That's outrageous - seriously switch provider ASAP.

I think it's the kids have the contacts? Op?

[Pugdoglife]

You seem to have a pretty good grasp on your finances op, small changes like meal planning and buying exactly what you need as one shop rather than doing top ups will save you a lot.

The bt bill is expensive, we pay £17 a month through vodaphone.
You might be able to get phone insurance through a package bank account for less than £16 a month.
You could look at getting a cheap tablet like a kindle fire for the children rather than paying each month for iPads.

Remember though as other posters have said, you are doing this alone, other people might have two incomes or lots of debt. I also know friends who benefit hugely from the bank of mum and dad, one has a family holiday abroad paid for every year, car repayments and mobile phone bills paid and £30k for an extension! If I didn't know where all that money came from I would be wondering where I was going wrong too!

[happytoday73]

@ohtheroses... Have you tried glasses from asda... Im badly short sighted... I get 2 pairs for an offer that's about £120 or £180....that includes varifocals, v thin lenses, coatings etc
I got swimming goggles for less than £30, minus 8 prescription.

I used to pay £500 for a pair due to prescription

[GirlCalledJames]

It sounds like the contact lenses are for the children and are for more than one person, so they may not be as big a potential for saving as people are assuming.

[Twigaletta]

It's too late because you've signed up to new contracts but you should change your phone contract to SIM only literally the day your contract ends. I pay £7/mth SIM only and never go over. Buy a big SD card and the phone lasts forever (2.5 years and counting).

[HairyToity]

The things I do differently is I get clothes secondhand (charity shops and ebay bundles). Some years I have got away with £50 for birthdays. Similarly new school year is £100 expenditure.

I ask need/want before purchases. I have a £18 per month phone contract. Days out are walks, paddling in river, exploring free attractions. We have lots of picnics.

This is the biggy if everything goes wrong and I need some extra cash, I have rich parents who can bale me out. Sorry, I'm not really much help. Perhaps your friends have rich partners or parents.

[HerNameWasEliza]

There's lots of people saying you're doing really well. Do you think your friends might just be quite loaded? I don't say that flippantly. My OH and I live in the worst house in a really nice area. It's a really nice place to live and we feel really lucky. We have a good income by national standards and we have no real financial worries. But my guess is that we are at the bottom decile of income locally. Who you compare yourself to is really interesting. We can get caught up in the 'why can't we or our kids also do x,y,z' but when that happens we look outside of our bubble to say that most other people can't do those things either.

[CornishTiger]

Single persons discount on Council tax.

Go for maintenance and put in a claim for youngest DC child benefit explaining that they reside more with you if correct.

[BackforGood]

Good grief there are some people being harsh on here.

From the OP, I misunderstood, and thought your bills were high - I didn't realise things you'd listed separately were included in that bills amount. ComplexPTSDmaybe isn't thousands of £££ in debt - she is not only paying her way, she is affording treats / luxuries too. She has had some awful years (which I'm presuming the dc will have been part of) and now she is moving forwards. It makes no sense to deprive herself and her dc of any enjoyment. You don't want to be on the barest minimum broadband width when you have teens. The point is, there is no need for the OP to be depriving herself.
I'm not sure what @FannieMae84 ' s issue is with the OP . She hasn't come here to be attacked. She has enough money not only to cover her basics, but to afford treats. She has already paid off her debt, even before her pay rise with her promotion.

If someone comes on asking for how they can clear £10K worth of debts, then yes, shaving a fiver off here and there, and being prepared to 'manage without' is good advice, but this isn't the situation here.

[PerveenMistry]

I would say the birthday expenditures sound high for children/teens.

Also, they don't really need milk for nutrition at their ages, and juice is pure sugar which no one needs. Maybe try a month of just drinking water? See how much you save.

Eggs are good, reasonably priced protein; build more meals and snacks around them. Make sure meals and snacks aren't too carb-laden which fuels further appetite.

[Ginkypig]

Personally I would take as much of the pay rise as you can and save it (after the overdraft is filled and all other debt except student loan is paid) every month to pay for things like birthdays and Christmas and the tv breaking etc. Eventually you will have a pot big enough that you can also occasionally dip into it for fun stuff like cinema or takeaway etc or put slightly less in and use it for something else.

You have been managing without it up until now, well sort of. Go through the last 6 months to a years bank statements to really see where you are going over as those are the areas you even temporarily need to pull back on until you build up a net properly especially as you think bills are being covered with leftover.

[Flibbertyjibbit]

If you switch banking to nationwide. We pay £13 for our flexplus account. Gives us mobile phone insurance for whole family, European travel insurance for family and car breakdown cover all for £13 a month. So you get mobile phone insurance plus a few extras

Also wondering why you pay car tax plus another amount to DVLA each month?

You're doing fab OP, keep going, you'll get there. I find writing all our outgoings down once a month keeps me thinking about being careful. Not in an extreme no treats way, just mindful of what we are spending and where.

[wellhelloyou]

Can I just say sorry to hear about the abuse. It sounds like to me you're doing amazing! Sure, make changes if you want but well done, honestly, take a step back and look at what you've achieved, you're doing awesome

[lilylion]

Contact lenses: the options aren’t just to pay loads or get glasses. This is expensive. I pay £13 a month for lenses and solutions. Why is is £50? Can you shop around?

[shenanigans5]

I’ve no idea how to budget properly but I just wanted to say how incredibly well you’re doing to keep your shit together and give your children such a lovely life with clubs and extras etc. It must have been a slog at times.

I agree that reframing your situation positively in your mind whilst taking some of the excellent budgeting advice sounds like a good plan.

[kitschplease]

Not RTFT, but check out Money Saving Expert - the debt free section of the forum has a really good Statement of Affairs so you can see exactly where every penny goes.

I used YNAB for years, but Excel is free.

I second a bank that lets you have pots. I have a lot - birthdays, Christmas, dentist, car repairs, vet, school uniform etc.

But most importantly well done and congratulations on no longer being with your ex.

[ComplexPTSDmaybe]

Perveen they might not need milk but they like it.

I knew listing my household bills was a mistake. I cover my household bills without fail, I don't need to reduce them, if you read my OP I was saying now I have a promotion I would like to live a bit and from this month I will have 1k + disposable so I wanted to be prepared, get rid of the overdraft and by starting pots of money and saving I can do that. Those that calmly understood and recommended a plan got it, others just wanted to go on about my 'luxuries' and how they have made better choices and missed the point.

I know why I am in the position I am in financially - I had to go through a divorce on 2 min wage jobs whilst studying, furnish a house from scratch (curtain poles, teaspoons, lampshades) and was in chaos dealing with the DC, ex, police, solicitors all whilst struggling with a court case from my past. I am past that now and finally have capacity to deal with my finances. Hence why I asked. Thanks to all the sensible recommendations.

[TitsOutForHarambe]

You've received some good advice here, I just wanted to mention in regards to everyone else spending all the time - most people are in debt. Seriously.

[BarbaraofSeville]

As you've just said, your payrise will make a big difference to your disposable income, so you'll probably feel in a bit better place in 6 months time, your overdraft should be gone in a month or two for a start. Plus if you put the work in about saving for future costs like school uniforms etc.

How long do you have left on your student loan? Once that's gone, you'll get another big boost to your disposable income. I assume that listing it separately to your salary means that it's not the type that's taken from your pay before you receive it and goes on for decades?

But you're not doing bad at all, and I hope you realise that now, you don't have two incomes, aren't in that much debt, and have never had a big inheritance .

Only thing I can suggest is look for cheaper contact lenses, £25 a month each seems a lot, unless you have complex needs.

Also when your phone contracts end, keep the phones and cancel the insurance. If you lose or break a phone, just buy a new one. When you need a new one, buy one outright for £1-200 (I recommend Motorola G7 or G8 series, brilliant phones for the money) but really not worth paying nearly £100 a year per phone to insure them - have you ever claimed?

What is the £14 a month for DVLA? It's not car tax, as you've listed that separately.

[BarbaraofSeville]

I don't think £250 for the MOT is that much, if that's pretty much your annual spend on car maintenance for an older car. The test is £50 for a start and £200 doesn't go that far in terms of brakes, tyres etc.

I'm about to go from a company car to a 'banger' (not quite but I'm hoping to spend around £2k and it to last a good few years without major failures) and I'd be very happy with an average annual spend of £200 for repairs.