Two wedding gowns

[kierawhogives]

I tragically have two wedding dress- due to having a weekend wedding being revised for a covid wedding.

I cannot pick one. It's been in my closet for a year- and as plans have changed, I don't think I can wear both now due to having a small, short wedding.

Which dress do you think I should wear? Some friends are telling me to still wear both- i just can't be bothered, really.

Here are the pics

I don’t think you are being ridiculous at all.

Plan to wear both - dress 1 for the ceremony and dress 2 for the evening - if you can't bring yourself to change then just stay in dress 1. The beauty of a small wedding is that it is people who are close you and who will understand why you are wearing 2 dresses.

I also feel utterly ridiculous having spent £300 for wedding shoes!

Now due to my dad's illness, I feel all this is ridiculous. Hope these feelings go away - it's v, unfair to my DP.

DP has been patient with me, but I'm just throwing my wedding shoes around the bedroom, I feel I'm robbing him of a normal wedding. Feel rotten about myself and everything.

I even told him to find a partner who is happy and with healthy parents - as I'm just ruining his day.

Doc said dad illness could accelerate- he can't promise me anything , and the sooner I have the wedding the better.

I would rather sometimes forego the whole thing and just spend more time with dad until he inevitably doesn't even recognise me or know who I am anymore.

Mum is adamant that's not what he would want - and I will regret it. Just plan something soon.

I would say the first one, if it’s a winter wedding get a beautiful coat/cloak. Have you got your accessories sorted? Could you get something that makes it feel special, maybe change you hairstyles idea so it feels different.

Sorry so shit for you at the moment, I know you may feel it but you are no where near fat. Could you start back on a healthier lifestyle so come Christmas you are feeling a bit better about yourself?

What time are you getting married? I have been to a few weddings where the bride has changed for the evening 'do into something simpler.

Chances are by winter you will be able to have 30 guests at your wedding so it won't be tiny. I had 30 at mine and it was lovely. Anyway, it's your wedding, you can do what you like. I'm sure everyone there will be thrilled that you wear 2 dresses. I mean the best bit of a wedding is seeing what the bride is wearing. You will treat them twice!

So my vote is to wear them both.

@Debinaround

It seems that's what I will do. As I can't seem to care about anything at the moment - and am having a difficult time giving two shits about accessories.

I pray dad will recognise me during the day of. That's all. And he's not too frail.

I need to pull myself together to be there for my poor mum. Her 50 year marriage is just about to be over, and I'm just not able to cope with all of this.

Of course you are disappointed not to have the wedding you expected, but you will still have a lovely day. Both dresses are lovely, but the first one is extra special, the lace on it is just beautiful. Decide about the dress, then ask someone to keep it for you, looking at it for so long is taking the specialness away from it. You are not robbing your dp of anything, he is very lucky to be marrying the love of his life, as are you. Book the wedding asap, it will be a fabulous day, and probably far, far, better that you are anticipating. Once the decision is made you will feel less stressed.

I'm wearing dainty antique earrings my 'nanna' left me after she passed; and borrowing mums bracelet also gifted to her from my dad's mother (mums MIL) that she wears every single day. They had a lovely relationship- as my grandmother tried v. Hard to fit into the english way when she left her home country. Mum is/was v fond of my French nanna- as she wasn't v. Close to her own mum.

Then my gorgeous engagement ring from a my DP.

will the wedding involve an overnight stay at a hotel? Perhaps you could wear the 2nd dress the next day.

You are in shock for your lovely Dad. That is normal. Lovey, I am no expert but people take quite a time to deteriorate from Alziemers - unless he is in a very bad way at the moment, I think it unlikely that he won't recognise you in two or three months time. You need to grieve for your Dad - the man you thought he would be for a long time. You are experiencing grief at the moment and are shit scared of the uncertainty of the future. You would be abnormal if you didn't feel like this. You feel the whole two dress, shoes, whatever, is trivial decision when something so big looms. However, your Dad is still there, he is still your beloved Pa, he is very much a person and will be with you for some time yet. It's not all going to go pooff! In a couple of months. He loves you. He will think you look amazing in either dress or both dresses - as will your dearly beloved. My MIL had Dementia for a long long time before really deteriorating. She never didn't recognise us - even me whom she saw rarely ( due to distance). The choice of dress can wait. You need to sort out your emotions surrounding this news. Scream, cry, hurl stuff about but allow rationality back in.

Best wishes and both dresses are lovely. Dress one is weddingy and dress 2 can be worn for beach party. You can still have a beach party here - friend of mine had her wedding bbq on Brighton beach.

How about having some photos of you and dad taken now in both dresses they will be memories to look back on and he can help decide which he prefers, or like others have said wear both on-the day. I do think that having photos while he is still able to know you and be emotionally present would be comforting if he gets worse quickly. Its shit i know my lovely mum had the same thing 😟

Everything sounds absolutely beautiful, but more importantly, meaningful.

There is love and history, familial heritage and happiness and many memories in each item, all those things intertwining to add layers of meaning to your special day. That’s not insignificant at all.

That is why I feel strongly that it would be right to wear both dresses on the day, no matter how silly that might seem or how much you wouldn’t ordinarily do it. It’s what I would do, because it would matte hugely to me too.

I really think, pick your date. Make it sooner rather than later, so that you can hopefully lessen your anxiety about your dad’s ill health.

Once you have settled the date and had some time to absorb that, and get used to it, you will know instinctively what you should do on the day.

But for now, just make the decision you actually have to make. Then let your mind and heart rest for a while.

I really like the 1st one, I love the sleeves!

@kierawhogives

DP has been patient with me, but I'm just throwing my wedding shoes around the bedroom, I feel I'm robbing him of a normal wedding. Feel rotten about myself and everything.

I even told him to find a partner who is happy and with healthy parents - as I'm just ruining his day.

Op your not robbing your DP of anything Covid has fired a spanner in the works.

You have to separate two things in your mind, the marriage which your naturally want to begin asap so you can try for a baby. Your DP clearly wants to marry you and share your future together. That's the important bit.

And the wedding day itself its secondary to the above. You have a problem if it becomes more important than the marriage.

You want to be married, your want your parents and family to see you marry. Go with the amazing first dress. Have the family you are allowed to have and do it asap. Who knows what the future will bring or if we could end up in another lockdown further delaying the wedding day.

Fingers crossed you fall pregnant soon and are able to have a big celebration for baby naming or christening. People will understand that it's making up for the wedding day you couldn't have.

The first one is stunning.

I've decided after a long walk, that I will wear both. Mum is wearing a traditional English hat, and some family will as well. She is going to keep her tradition and insists we need to keep moving along.

Mum asked me I need to find some strength for dad. And hurry up and get a date set, venue sorted. And to bloody wear both- as she and dad will be happy about the decision.

They're both stunning dresses.

I hope you have a lovely day.

Remember that the marriage is the important bit; not the wedding.

We will be having French cake, macaroons, etc to incorporate dad's upbringing, as well as lovely English flowers.

I just cannot be bothered at the moment- I have zero motivation.

First one. It's beautiful.

You're not over reacting. My wedding was postponed till next year and I have cried over it several times and I'm sure I will several times more. I was never bothered for a wedding in the first place but planning something and having it taken away from you is hard

OP your pain shines out from all your posts. I am so sorry for you. This year has been so bad for so many people.

My beloved father died from dementia. Sadly, for years before he died he would not have recognised a dress. But he DID recognise the people he loved. I'm forever grateful that he knew my husband before he died, and liked him. But, as others have said, dementia takes an - horrendously - long time to do damage, normally speaking. Perhaps your father's case is different, in which case anyone can only sympathise.

I married at a time when there was not all the fuss about a "performance" wedding. Also as others have said, what matters is the marriage - and the children that follow if you are so blessed.

I don't want to sound unkind, but can I strongly suggest that you simply arrange whatever sort of marriage is available/appropriate to you as soon as possible. That's what matters - having the ones you love with you. What you wear is ultimately neither here nor there. I don't think my husband could tell you what I wore on my wedding day. It simply did not matter to him - and he was the only person who - to me -really mattered. It is really quite lovely that your father has paid for fancy wedding dresses for you - it's so generous. But that's about - if I may put it this way - past but still ongoing relationships. You say that you and your husband to be want children. I sincerely hope that you will have them, but - to be blunt - please try to stop fretting about clothes. I KNOW that they are symbolic, but just try to let it go.

Your mother's wishes don't really come into all this, except as an example of how worried and horrified she must feel about your father. Ignore, but treat as very, very gently as you can.

Glad you're going to wear both dresses. It's your wedding day and you can do what you like.

I know you can't be bothered now but I reckon once the day gets closer you will naturally get excited. Have a wonderful day!

If you want to wear both do it. Make sure you get lots of photos of you in both.

Enjoy your day and enjoy planning it.

I found out partner's mum doesn't approve of me. This was a nice addition to my wedding planning. He told her to not come to the wedding, and he will not be putting up with her garbage anymore ? (Abymore?)

This is going to be a great day!

I honestly don't care if she doesn't approve of me-- as I've always felt the same way about her. She is a cruel person who has made rude comments about my mum, I've let all her slights just go.

I'm not sure how much worse things will get, bc DP is now furious with her and told her she embarrasses him and wish she had gotten herself an education or gained some wisdom and class. :(