I may have the only teenager who agreed this was fair....

[DoorstoManual]

He has landed a job, it is full time he will be on £10 an hour, he asked what we required for bed and board.

I said £400 a month.

He said, presume that includes food......... I said it includes everything, he said that is a bargain, thank you so much.

We will save it for him, but I was so impressed that he already knew it was good value.

He sat down and worked out income, tax, NI, travel, phone etc., it was a revelation.

For the record, we have been very fluid financially for the last ten years of his life, but he has clearly not forgotten the tight times, not bone crunching tight, but tight.

He sounds very sensible.

The "rent" I paid was to cover food and bills.

It really was not "cold" at all.

I was proud to be able to help out.

I spent my twenties as a working class girl done good (complete with chip on shoulder, which I take responsibility for) subbing a few long term boyfriends from wealthy families who had never paid towards their costs of living, as I was very proud to have always paid my way and to have in the process understood the value of money. You've given your son a great gift in showing him the pride of paying your way and contributing to a household and you have also made him less likely to be a sponger and more likely to view a partner as an equal and teammate. Bravo!!

@Change17 of course. It's the police grad scheme so she'll be a police officer. The starting pay is 26k which is extremely good for a first job and more than I ever made that's for sure!

The good thing about putting it in a pension is that by the time he benefits from it he would be 55 and so presumably have learned the value of money management!

@eatsleepread

That's a shitload of money to take every month, even if you are saving it to give back to him. I don't even understand that, to be honest. I'd rather just take £200 per month and keep it, as then he's genuinely paying his way.

Bollocks. I paid £200 a month 20 years ago! It was still a fraction of the cost of a room in a house, and if you're an adult, and earning, then you should pay your way!

Very very weird and cold to me. My culture allows our children to live in our homes for as long as they wish. No rent. It is their home as much as ours. They can contribute to bills and help out but never rent.

Your child paying bills and no rent is no different to the ops child paying rent which covers his share of living expenses. The only thing I see weird here is your interpretation of something that's pretty much the same as what you do 🙄

The attitude to the child contributing to the household is different though. In one culture it's "you pay a set amount to live here and if you don't like it you can find somewhere else to live" and in the other it's "You're welcome here for as long as you wish. If you are able to contribute to the family, then please do."

I actually think the second attitude would result in adult children being more respectful and wanting to contribute more.

@Notsotight

I always found it a very cold English way to charge children rent. Never understood it never will. If you want to help them with the real world why not just ask them to take care of some of the bills? And isn't it part of being an adult to know how to budget and save? Why does OP need to charge rent to help her child save? Very very weird and cold to me. My culture allows our children to live in our homes for as long as they wish. No rent. It is their home as much as ours. They can contribute to bills and help out but never rent.

Wow, so your culture would have them contribute to having to water and food??

Cold.

I can't understand why you'd charge your child to eat and drink.

.....

What an odd comment saying it's 'cold' to charge rent it's exactly the same as your culture, just money is spent (perhaps) on the cost of rent instead of utilities and food.

@LynetteScavo

"You're welcome here for as long as you wish. If you are able to contribute to the family, then please do."

Yes and OP's son is able to contribute to the family by paying £400 and still having a grand left over every month to spend entirely on himself! Much more than most people.

And on top of that, OP is saving the money for him so she knows that he will have a chunk of savings when he moves out too.

He can save even more than that himself too! If someone has a grand of disposable income a month do you not think that's enough to save some?!

She is continuing to provide him security in a loving home, saving for him and leaving him with a huge disposable income every month.

The idea someone would think that showed a parental attitude that's anything less than loving and supportive is ridiculous.

Also I LOVED being able to pay my way, some people take pride in it and don't see it as some sort of punishment. OP's son sounds like he has that great attitude too.

I think OP has done a marvellous job!

In one culture it's "you pay a set amount to live here and if you don't like it you can find somewhere else to live

That's not English culture though. Some people do that. Plenty more don't. Some ask for a contribution to bills and not rent, others ask for rent that covers bills, same thing really. Many don't ask for rent at all, others do as the op did and save it. Others need the contribution. Different circumstances for different people. These things don't mean British culture is cold and weird. Far from it.

I think the cultural norm has changed. Im guessing 60years ago, where money was probably a bit tighter generally, there'd be no discussion. Of COURSE the working adult contributes to the household. They're and adult.

Nowadays though (especially on MN) you have people thinking that 21 isn't an adult

I remember one poster actually said that they thought the period of 21-25 is the period of transition from childhood to being an adult

You get nothing for free in this world, does them no harm to learn that. When my kids are working full time and still want to live at home then they will have to contribute like every adult in our house. Your son sounds like he gets that and is happy to pay his way which is a very good quality to have.

I remember one poster actually said that they thought the period of 21-25 is the period of transition from childhood to being an adult

I think it's a class think in the UK. Working class people once started their working lives aged 16 and were expected to contribute to the household finances, where as those going to Oxford or Cambridge would graduated age 21 and then start their career, but not be expected to contribute financially to the house hold as their parents didn't need their money.

Maybe this is why I find the idea of charging rent to my children a bit awkward, but totally understand why others would.

I don't really understand the point.

You don't need it and you've saving it. Teach him to save it. That's a bigger life lesson than having mummy put your pennies in a bankie!

My DD19 saves around £800 a month. I don't charge her to live here. I don't need to and I am happy to help her towards her future. Sometimes she saves more, sometimes less and if she needs to dip into savings she will but she really she spends very little as she wants to save to buy her own place.

I've never known anyone actually charging market level rent to a fledgling in the workplace.

No doubt such people exist! But that's not normally what was meant by paying for your board if in an entry level job.

Sounds great, if he is on £10 is that about £20k a year? Meaning he should have £1k-ish left a month after tax and paying the £400? A lot more than he would have if he lived elsewhere. My parents actually did the same, I paid them board, I was never left short of money, but when i was ready to buy a house they blindsided me and gave me a cheque for the money. I genuinely had no idea, and would have been happy to pay it and never see a penny of it again, but if you are able to its a great way to get the best of both worlds.

@premiumshoes

I don't really understand the point.

You don't need it and you've saving it. Teach him to save it. That's a bigger life lesson than having mummy put your pennies in a bankie!

My DD19 saves around £800 a month. I don't charge her to live here. I don't need to and I am happy to help her towards her future. Sometimes she saves more, sometimes less and if she needs to dip into savings she will but she really she spends very little as she wants to save to buy her own place.

Did you miss the hit in the OP where DS says he wants to contribute?

When me and my brothers started full time work we had to pay 1/4 of our take home pay to my parents. I was 25 when I moved out, brothers were similar ages.

When we hit adulthood my parents lost TV ex child benefit and tax credits for us so they had to make up the difference somehow. They couldn't afford to have three full time working adults living at home and not contributing, especially as we were all earning as much, if not more than them.

They also didn't put it into savings - it went towards the running of the house.

Everything was included in that - bills, food etc. Mum still cooked family meals that we all sat down at the same time to eat together, she did the washing and ironing etc, our boyfriends and girlfriends were allowed to stay over. If they ordered a takeaway we would have one as well etc. I wish I could live that cheaply now!

It's odd so many people have issue with this or see it as unfair, no wonder there are so many cocklodgers out there who don't see why they should pay their way.

Sounds so cold coffeeandgin 😉.
It really is a great deal and can be taken as a sign of a strong family unit.

Op, if you are still reading. The idea of the savings scheme is a good one.
It's what we've gone for here, it just made more sense for us. Then my DC helps out with quite a lot of family stuff and contributes that way.

Our eldest said the same. He pays £300. Includes everything, even Spotify. He also downsized to the smallest room so that his youngest sibling could enjoy a large room when he goes to secondary. We too, are saving it for him and he hopes to buy a little house next year. Hoping his younger sister will be the same.... not so sure 😂.

Did you miss the hit in the OP where DS says he wants to contribute?

Not at all. I still don't see the point. He isn't contributing. He is giving mummy his money to pop in his piggy bank.

Sounds like a sensible boy that you've raised there. My mum charged my rent when I lived at home as a young adult and was working full time. I cant remember her much it was but I still had plenty left, and she didnt save it and give it back. She needed it in order to support the food, Bills and extra council tax that it cost to have an adult child at home. I dont begrudge her for a second, of course a full time working person should pay some rent.
I will do the same if my DC want to live at home when they work- but I do hope that like the op I can save it for them and return it for a house deposit.

@CommonCarder

I've never known anyone actually charging market level rent to a fledgling in the workplace.

No doubt such people exist! But that's not normally what was meant by paying for your board if in an entry level job.

Depending on where they live, this absolutely is not “market level rent.” In much of the SE you’re looking at £600+ for a room in a shared house. London £800+. £400 is a real bargain for food and bills etc to be included if OP lives in an area where her DS could easily be paying 600+ before food etc is taken into account