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Original poster

I may have the only teenager who agreed this was fair....

179 replies

DoorstoManual · 15/08/2020 01:47

He has landed a job, it is full time he will be on £10 an hour, he asked what we required for bed and board.

I said £400 a month.

He said, presume that includes food......... I said it includes everything, he said that is a bargain, thank you so much.

We will save it for him, but I was so impressed that he already knew it was good value.

He sat down and worked out income, tax, NI, travel, phone etc., it was a revelation.

For the record, we have been very fluid financially for the last ten years of his life, but he has clearly not forgotten the tight times, not bone crunching tight, but tight.

OP posts:

Ibake · 15/08/2020 15:40

@DoorstoManual I totally agree with your approach. Provided you live in an area where getting on the property ladder is a realistic goal, might I suggest looking at setting him up a Lifetime ISA? The amount he's paying you each month would more than cover the maximum amount each year (£4K) which the govt then tops up by £1k. In 4 years time he'd have a £20k deposit.

www.gov.uk/lifetime-isa

Martin Lewis has done a lot of analysis on this. We've started them for our boys and their board feeds the monthly DD.

Financial responsibility and understanding budgets is a huge gift to give your child.

Fyzz · 15/08/2020 15:48

I always think on MN there is a huge resentment of parents who don't take money from their DC, often because they "had to pay their way" from a young age or perhaps because they couldn't manage this financially themselves.

I strongly believe in teaching financial management but that doesn't have to involve taking money from them.
Mine were taught financial management by us from an early age. They then learned to manage on a tight budget in 3 years at uni. They each lived at home for a year after graduation and I never took anything from them they saved madly in this time. Both now living away one buying a house and the other paying rent.

Fyzz · 15/08/2020 15:49

Taking their money and placing it secretly into the bank for them isn't teaching them financial management.

Sunrise234 · 15/08/2020 15:54

Well done OP for raising such a great son! And it's lovely to hear some positives about teenagers for a change!

I am definitely planning to do this for my DD when she gets a job - charging her but putting it into a savings account.

I think £400 is quite steep but it means he will have massive savings to put towards a mortgage or car and he will learn how to budget better.
You could even say if he wants something that is expensive eg a holiday or car then you can lend him the money and he can pay it off bit by bit so it's more of a compromise and he is still able to treat himself.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/08/2020 15:59

A LISA account. . I wish my name was Lisa.

Devlesko · 15/08/2020 15:59

He sounds brilliant OP, and you have obviously taught him about finance.

user1497207191 · 15/08/2020 16:32

Why is financial contribution, prudence and responsibility not a life lesson to teach your kids in the same way as cooking, manners, hygiene and morals.

The same "parents" who don't teach the former will probably be the ones who don't teach the latter!

Ibake · 15/08/2020 16:46

Mine is @Awwlookatmybabyspider!

I would like to pretend it didn't play a part in my decision making process when DH and I were weighing up the two products on offer at the time. Martin Lewis came down on the side of Lisa's and who was I to argue!

Jarofflies · 15/08/2020 17:07

My parents charged me a similar amount when I was working and living at home. I liked doing it that way as all my bills and food were included. I still had enough left over each month to put some in my savings and go out drinking at the weekends so I had it pretty good!

optimisticpessimist01 · 15/08/2020 17:32

That's more than I pay for rent for a semi detached house... I barely pay that much more all in either. Halve it and tell him to save the other half. Jesus

optimisticpessimist01 · 15/08/2020 17:34

It would be a better financial lesson to have him open a LISA (on his own), and have him show you his account each month with +400. You saving it for him is not giving him an ounce of independence. Can't touch a LISA either so it will be safe. Or half with a LISA and a bit on the side in an NS&I account so he has some extra saved up for a car, furnishings etc.

cologne4711 · 15/08/2020 17:34

I used to earn £120 a week and my mum took £60. I would absolutely charge my child rent for living here in the future. But a proportionate amount

Blimey that's a lot. I earned £150 a week on a holiday job and my mum took either £20 or £30, can't quite remember now. But it was a holiday job so she knew I was also saving for my next year as a student. I think 20% of taxed income is fair.

VinylDetective · 15/08/2020 17:48

@optimisticpessimist01

That's more than I pay for rent for a semi detached house... I barely pay that much more all in either. Halve it and tell him to save the other half. Jesus

I have no idea where you live but that’s less rent than I was paying 30 years ago so it must be one of the cheapest places in the country. A room in a house share is about £600 here. Then bills are on top. And obviously food.

It’s a decent amount to show him what the cost of living is. Halve it indeed!

Reallybadidea · 15/08/2020 17:54

I can see why you're pleased with yourself - you can be smug about what a great kid he is, teach him financial management and have that lovely moment where you gift him all the money you saved on his behalf. Meanwhile I feel sympathy for those parents who have no choice about charging their adult kids to live with them because they actually need the money but feel shit about it.

VinylDetective · 15/08/2020 18:00

Maybe they’ll feel a bit less shit about it now they can see there’s nothing wrong with it. There’s a thought.

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/08/2020 18:40

Meanwhile I feel sympathy for those parents who have no choice about charging their adult kids to live with them because they actually need the money but feel shit about it.

I have a choice and would still charge them. £400 out of a taxed income of £1400 isn’t good much to expect a working adult to contribute to the household. My home will always be my child’s home, of course, but I need to pay for the privilege of living where I do, the bank doesn’t give me the house for free because it’s my home. Adults should pay their living costs - it’s not remotely unreasonable to expect that they do. Different if they’re continuing in full time education, but if they’re working they need to contribute.

BarbaraofSeville · 15/08/2020 18:45

Meanwhile I feel sympathy for those parents who have no choice about charging their adult kids to live with them because they actually need the money but feel shit about it

As long as they are able to ignore the 'I could never take money off my child to live in their home' crew, from their place of blissful ignorance where budgets are endless and unrestricted.

KarenFitzkaren · 15/08/2020 18:58

Meanwhile I feel sympathy for those parents who have no choice about charging their adult kids to live with them because they actually need the money but feel shit about it.

What should the op do about that then? It's hardly her fault is it. Just because someone else can't afford to do that doesn't mean the op isn't allowed to, and feel pleased about it. But you do you 🙄

Notsotight · 15/08/2020 19:07

I always found it a very cold English way to charge children rent. Never understood it never will. If you want to help them with the real world why not just ask them to take care of some of the bills? And isn't it part of being an adult to know how to budget and save? Why does OP need to charge rent to help her child save? Very very weird and cold to me. My culture allows our children to live in our homes for as long as they wish. No rent. It is their home as much as ours. They can contribute to bills and help out but never rent.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 15/08/2020 19:09

When my DH first got a job (YTS) he paid a week's worth of his wages to his Mum each month. I'd think that £400 is a little bit high as it's prior to his deductions. It would be better to see what his takehome amount will be and then ask for a 1/4 of that. And talk to him about setting up his own savings account. DD is in uni and only has her maintenance and a small casual holiday job income, but she has a savings account and aims to save part of her earnings and loan every month.

TheMarzipanDildo · 15/08/2020 19:14

Sounds reasonable. I would kill to have a grand a month for myself!

“For those saying £400 is expensive, I wonder how many of them don't pay full costs themselves, i.e. subsidised accommodation, or receiving housing benefits, council tax discounts, etc. £400 for bed & meals, washing & cleaning, etc is bargain of the century.“

I think this is unlikely to say the least. Benefits amount to feck all for one thing, you have to budget heavily. I think these comments probably come more from higher earners.

Defenbaker · 15/08/2020 19:30

Brilliant OP, your DS sounds like a very mature and fair minded lad. Many years ago, my Mum did something similar for me. I paid my parents a few pounds a week for food. I offered to pay towards the bills, but they were comfortably off so declined that offer. When I received a pay rise I offered more to Mum, as I knew I was living very cheaply and felt it was the right thing to do. Mum accepted the cash, but secretly saved away the extra, then handed it to me on the day DH and I moved into our first home together. It was such a lovely surprise, and came in handy as there was so much we needed to set up our first home. ☺ I'd forgotten about it until reading your lovely post - it's a lovely memory of my dear Mum, who passed away 4 years ago and left a big gap in my life, so thank you for the reminder.

I would suggest you work out a fair amount to cover the food your DS eats, and perhaps a bit towards the phone bill or any online TV/film/internet package that you currently have in place (especially if you are paying extra for something tailored to his lifestyle), then save the surplus for him. There's no reason to give him the whole lot back - it's totally fair that he covers food as a minimum. He'll be so chuffed when you gift the money back to him, it will be a lovely moment.

SmackTheMackrel · 15/08/2020 19:35

Sounds about right to me. My 21 year old is about to start a graduate job on 26k a year. I have discussed her contribution to the household and we've agreed £250. Now wishing I'd gone in higher after reading this ----

I'll also be putting it to one side for her as we don't need it but she absolutely does not know this. It's really important they pay their way though and for me, £250 seems about in the right ball park

Change17 · 15/08/2020 19:44

@SmackTheMackrel

----

Would it be cheeky of me to ask what field your DD will be working in? I’m considering going back to uni to study a masters because I really hate my job and the career I’ve been in the last 5 years since I graduated but I’m worried about going right back down to a grad level salary but I had 20/21k in my head. £26k is great for a first job

thatplaceinjordan · 15/08/2020 19:49

If you don't need the money - start him a pension and put the £400 into that.
Also make sure he starts a pension

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