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Original poster

I may have the only teenager who agreed this was fair....

179 replies

DoorstoManual · 15/08/2020 01:47

He has landed a job, it is full time he will be on £10 an hour, he asked what we required for bed and board.

I said £400 a month.

He said, presume that includes food......... I said it includes everything, he said that is a bargain, thank you so much.

We will save it for him, but I was so impressed that he already knew it was good value.

He sat down and worked out income, tax, NI, travel, phone etc., it was a revelation.

For the record, we have been very fluid financially for the last ten years of his life, but he has clearly not forgotten the tight times, not bone crunching tight, but tight.

OP posts:
Silvercatowner · 15/08/2020 08:22

I never charged my two rent for living with us. They are both in their 30s now and perfectly able to manage their finances. Late teens and early 20s is far too late to be 'teaching' young people about managing budgets anyway.

AIMD · 15/08/2020 08:23

@Silvercatowner

I never charged my two rent for living with us. They are both in their 30s now and perfectly able to manage their finances. Late teens and early 20s is far too late to be 'teaching' young people about managing budgets anyway.
I thought that was was when most people learned about budgets. I only learned about budgeting when I went to uni as I under had to do it before and no one taught me about it!
IWantT0BreakFree · 15/08/2020 08:27

I never charged my two rent for living with us. They are both in their 30s now and perfectly able to manage their finances. Late teens and early 20s is far too late to be 'teaching' young people about managing budgets anyway.

Good for them, but for every person who turned out fine I can show you another who is completely financially clueless. This is a valid way to teach your kids about financial responsibility, but it's not the only way and it probably isn't the only way that OP has taught them. It's never too late to teach someone these skills. I find that a bit of a baffling statement.

missrks · 15/08/2020 08:29

He sounds like such a sensible good boy! Well done with him! ☺️☺️

islockdownoveryet · 15/08/2020 08:32

This crazy. I don't understand why parents take money off their children if they don't need it. Leave him to enjoy the money that he has earned. Taking money off your children does not teach them 'responsibility'.
It teaches them that it's not free road , bills mortgage food costs money and £400 a month is quite fair if the op dc is on £10 a hour .
He sounds sensible so hopefully he will save some . I've had siblings who still / have lived at home until well into their 30s with not a penny to their name . Lots of great nights out and lovely holidays but not even own a car never mind enough money for a deposit.

GoshHashana · 15/08/2020 08:34

It's hardly teaching him life lessons if you're planning on giving it back to him!

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/08/2020 08:35

Taking money off your children does not teach them 'responsibility'.

It dies teach them that adulthood means paying your way for things, that you need to prioritise your money (if you want a house you might not be going on holiday for a while), it teaches them that everyone contributes to the cost of running their home.

thatplaceinjordan · 15/08/2020 08:42

At 18 I got a job earning £18,000 a year. I paid £400 a month.

That was 2000.

FippertyGibbett · 15/08/2020 08:45

A work colleague takes rent off her DD and puts it in a bank account that the DD doesn’t know about. When the DD is looking to move out/buy she will give her the money back.
I think it’s a great idea.

Rhubardandcustard · 15/08/2020 08:45

Well done to you and your son op. Exactly what I would do in this situation- he will still have lots disposable income whilst you are saving his money for his future deposit etc.

MsSquiz · 15/08/2020 08:50

When I lived at home and worked full time, my DM charged me board. I don't remember the amount, but it went towards living costs (food, utilities, internet, Sky TV, etc)

When my DD grows up, I will still do exactly the same, even though DH and I have no need for the money. It will go into an account to be accessed when she is 18/21. We are very fortunate that DD will want for nothing due to DH's family money, but I absolutely believe that charging her a "rent" will help her to budget and we will encourage her to save separately for things like holidays or large purchases.

DH and I grew up at polar opposites - his family money allowed him a lot of financial freedom, and while he is very good with money, he also thinks nothing of making a large spontaneous purchase, whereas I am very much a "research, plan and think before we buy anything" type of person

LaureBerthaud · 15/08/2020 08:55

Great idea to take that money off him and pay him back as savings

Actually, I think doing that gives the impression that you're treating them as though they're still a child.

It would be better if you said "you're welcome to stay at home whilst you save for a place of your own, instead of paying board open a savings account/ISA and put £400 a month in"

That way they're not under any illusion that they're contributing to the household like an adult. I suspect many know that their "rent" is being saved up for them anyway and that might actually take away the motivate to save for themselves!

Rosebel · 15/08/2020 08:58

I think £400 is a lot. Surely the point of living at home is that it doesn't cost as much as living elsewhere?
I know you are keeping it for him but it still sounds a lot. I agree with children paying money but not that much.
I was earning about £600 a month and my parents only charged me £200 a month. I don't resent paying that and would charge my children rent too. However if they are working I want them to have money to spend too.
Of course traditionally it's meant to be 1/3 to your parents 1/3 to save and 1/3 to spend.

user1497207191 · 15/08/2020 08:58

@Silvercatowner

I never charged my two rent for living with us. They are both in their 30s now and perfectly able to manage their finances. Late teens and early 20s is far too late to be 'teaching' young people about managing budgets anyway.
It's never too late. I've helped people in their 30's, 40's and 50's to sort out their horrendous financial situations including bankruptcy, repossessions, mountains of debt, etc. You're never too old to learn about money, loans, interest, budgeting etc. Obviously the sooner the better to reduce the waste/mistakes, but you can't really learn about mortgages/rent, utility bills, wages, tax, etc until you're an adult and leave the clossetted lifestyle of living with Mum and Dad.

Turning 18 is the perfect time. My son was 18 last February and is going to Uni next month. We've spent the last 6 months setting up bank accounts for him, explaining his part time job payslips, explaining student loans (and the horrendous interest!), looking into student bank accounts, explaining overdrafts, moving his mobile contract to his own bank account, moving other s/os and d/ds to his own bank account (Xbox, FIFA, Spotify, Netflix etc) so he can see (and check) the costs of what he subscribes for, going through uni halls lease agreement so he knows what he's liable for i.e. damage, TV licence, etc and that he has to take photos as soon as he gets the keys to record the condition of his room, and report any damage, stains, etc immediately so he doesn't lose his deposit, etc. Far easier to teach/give guidance, at the right time when it matters rather than years before when it's just a theoretic concept.

BarbaraofSeville · 15/08/2020 09:07

@Rosebel

I think £400 is a lot. Surely the point of living at home is that it doesn't cost as much as living elsewhere? I know you are keeping it for him but it still sounds a lot. I agree with children paying money but not that much. I was earning about £600 a month and my parents only charged me £200 a month. I don't resent paying that and would charge my children rent too. However if they are working I want them to have money to spend too. Of course traditionally it's meant to be 1/3 to your parents 1/3 to save and 1/3 to spend.
He's probably got a better deal than that. £400 pm is probably less than a third of his take home pay, and it doesn't sound like he's going to be saving any more on top, so even if he's paying bus fares or car costs he's still got hundreds of pounds a month available to spend on anything he likes.
BarbaraofSeville · 15/08/2020 09:08

£400 is probably cheaper than the all in rate for a room in a shared house elsewhere. And he'd have food and bills on top.

Parker231 · 15/08/2020 09:08

I’ve given talks in schools to GCSE students - the majority haven’t a clue about money management. Some haven’t ever had to save for something they wanted or budget as to how far their money will stretch.

allfalldown47 · 15/08/2020 09:13

@RosieLemonade and how exactly do you think that prepares grown up dc for the real world?
The most basic of house shares, in a cheap area is going to cost way more than £400. If op takes nothing from her ds, he's going to get one mighty shock when he does leave home.

Believe me I'm watching it first hand, dh's sister is 34 and has never left home. She earns around £28k and has never contributed a penny towards household expenses and has got very used to that amount of monthly disposable income.
She has a swanky car, spends her weekends shopping, getting her nails/lashes etc done, has fabulous holidays etc but she is utterly clueless about the 'real world' and dh 100% blames his parents.

Peppermintteadrinker · 15/08/2020 09:14

My friend's daughter moved back in 2 years after uni and is still there at 28 years old. She pays nothing. She has a dreadful entitled attitude. She eats loads. My friend has been struggling financially during covid and still nothing. She has an excellent job and a very fancy car. I find it shocking. Good on you and your son op!

allfalldown47 · 15/08/2020 09:14

So well done op, you should be proud of your ds!

AHippoNamedBooBooButt · 15/08/2020 09:15

I've always told my dd(16) that as soon as the child benefit stops (so leaves full time education) she has to pay 25% of her income for rent, same that I had to do. I'm not going to raise a bunch of entitled freeloaders, and that is probably well below market rate for a room, so not a bad deal for them either. Food, electricity, heating, water, the TV, none of it is free and once they are old enough to work full time then they are old enough to contribute. More parents need to be teaching their kids money management.
Well done OP

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/08/2020 09:16

However if they are working I want them to have money to spend too.

How much money to spend though? He’ll still have £1000 a month to do what he pleases - I don’t know many folk who have that after living expenses. I’d be worried that he would never have motivation to move out - all bills covered for £400 and the rest to play with is never going to happen if he leaves home. Too many stories on here to women needing to negotiate with partners who don’t seem to realise the actual cost of living and that chucking someone a few hundred a month isn’t remotely going to cover it.

I’d be taking the £400 and putting into household funds - adult children who are working don’t need to be so heavily subsidised by their parents.

Oblomov20 · 15/08/2020 09:17

Laughing at the 'I'd never take money off my precious darling' posts. Hmm

Miljea · 15/08/2020 09:19

My DS1 is back at home for the year in his 'year out in industry' from uni. His pay is £20,000 p.a.

I'm charging him £40 a week; but I don't expect to be subbing his final year at uni, though.

Veterinari · 15/08/2020 09:19

@20viona

How is he ever gonna save for his own house when you're taking £400 a month off him? That's really expensive.
He'll still have about a grand a month to do as he pleases. Why can't he save out of that?