Do you eat with your children. How?!

[Bloodylush]

It’s impossible!

Mine always want extra drinks, more food, less food, different food, different cutlery, extra sauce, they like this, don’t like that. I’m up and down ten times.

It’s so stressful there’s no point in trying. It’s easier to just sort them out and then eat later. I don’t know how a whole family can sit down to eat together at the same time and actually finish their meal and enjoy it.

Yes and always have since they were babies. We have a jug of water, condiments, cutlery on the table.

Yes I always ate with mine and would never have put up with any of that nonsense. Discipline, and I'm not jumping up and down 10 times during a meal, they can eat what is in front of them or starve.
It works, they soon learn.
They never learn if you constantly indulge their every whim.

However if they are all under three then no I wouldn't eat with them. I'd eat later. Over three and they should be trained properly not to misbehave and whine constantly.

Yes we do. Dd5 was a very slow eater and one of the pieces of advice was to make dinner time a happy chatty family time and not focus on nagging about eating. It works. We eat in the kitchen anyway so getting drinks not a problem.

Yes we eat together and rarely need to get up and down. A fair few of your reasons for getting up and down would be non events here.

Extra drinks - get their own, or jug of water on table
More food - they can wait until everyone is finished
Less food - leave what they don't want on their plate
Different food - just nope. This is your dinner
Different cutlery - again nope, though ours get their own cutlery before they sit down anyway.
Extra sauce - on table anyway (ketchup etc) or maybe ok if there's some left in the pan
They like this - good, eat it up then
Don’t like that - ok, try a bit or don't eat it.

Only 1 of those things would involve me leaving the table (extra sauce from pan). Sound like you are pandering to their every whim so they have a meal precisely as they'd like. Stop and let them learn that they eat or at least try what they are given and help them become independent by being responsible for their own drink and cutlery.

OP, when I read your initial post, I assumed that you were talking about tiny toddlers. Then you said that your ds is 13!

The thing is, there's nothing wrong with running around and pandering to their every need IF that's how you choose to live, but you do need to recognise that it's a choice and that there are other approaches if you've had enough. It's up to you.

I simply cannot imagine getting up in the middle of my meal to get my teenage dc a drink or sauces or different cutlery etc. At that age (and quite a lot younger tbh), they are perfectly capable of doing those things for themselves. And we tend to eat what's cooked even if it's not quite how we wanted it to turn out because we don't like wasting food.

You need to recognise that you are choosing to do all of this getting up and down from the table during your meal. You don't have to do it. There is no point in playing the martyr. So either just decide that you don't want to do it any more and stop, or accept that you're doing it because you want to and that's the approach you have chosen.

How old are they? I've always eaten at the same time as mine ( now 13 and 10). Once we got past age 2 if you didn't ask for it before we started eating you waited until we'd finished or you got it yourself. They used to take turns to set the table including drinks etc, but now my dd does that as my son cooks or he loads the dishwasher after we finish eating. It also works really well when we have people over for dinner or we eat out as they're used to staying seated until everyone has finished eating, whereas lots of my friends children don't sit at a table or eat with adults at home and are a nightmare when we go out.

We eat together most nights. They get what we eat (family friendly, and at least one thing on the plate I know they like). They eat it or don't (no begging or pleading or bribes, just this is dinner if you don't want it fair enough but there is nothing else). Drinks, we have water only and all have a glass at the beginning of the meal, eldest can get his own if he needs more. Same with table sauces, eldest can get his own, youngest doesn't have them.

As for cutlery, eldest lays the table, youngest "helps". He can get whatever cutlery he wants but once he has started using it that is it. We sit at the table until we are all finished.

I was brought up that way and feel it worked well so have emulated it with my kids. DH was brought up eating on his knees in front of the TV, he prefers it this way.

Yes, we eat breakfast and dinner together at the table every day. I don't force my 4 year old to eat food he doesn't like, but if he's trying it on and says he wants something different, I just say there isn't anything else. Fortunately (and long may this lucky streak continue), he then just eats what he's been given.

If your children want more drinks, just put a jug of water on the table when you set dinner down.

We always eat together, unless we're having a takeaway. We also always eat the same meal, i dont cook separate things for DD or DS (7m). I wont give her things I KNOW she doesnt like but I dont offer an alternative to the meal I've cooked if she just doesn't want it. DD is 5 and lays the table for dinner every day. Late night she also helped me make dinner ( peeled the onion, made flatbreads, squeezed in tomato puree etc ). She has a bottle of water throughout the day so pops that on the table at dinner time. I tend to serve and yhen put plates on the table. Only time I get up and down is because I've forgotten something like kitchen roll or to get desert afterwards.

Having read your description of the meal, the horrible gnocchi was an unfortunate one-off. The rest of it was entirely preventable but I fail to see how it could really be exhausting or stressful or why it has to be you that does the (annoyingly inefficient) repeated microwaving, changing of cutlery etc if you find it so exhausting.

I can't imagine thinking that things as simple and quick as getting different cutlery and pouring some juice were even a disruption tbh. You need to either recognise that these things are just normal or you need to be more organised in advance if you really need mealtimes to be seamless without anyone getting up from the table for any reason.

I think I need to go back to bed... I read the title as 'do you eat you children... how?' 😂😂😂

I always sit with my children when they are eating and have a cup of tea or a snack but eat later with my husband. We have family meals twice a week where we all sit down together. My husband works late 5/6 days a week.

Yeah, you need to make them do more. If I was knackered from microwaving 3000 different things I’d give each DC their bowl of pud and tell them to heat it themselves - it’s hardly slave labour! We’ve also instituted a rule that if you don’t have it when you sit down at the table you go without - water, sauce etc. Sounds harsh but it’s completely stopped the jumping up and down at meal times and it’s much calmer. They won’t die from waiting 10 minutes for a drink.

Gosh I totally missed that dc was 13 . When I said that I expected mine to get what they wanted or wait once I'd sat down to eat I was referring to from age 4!

Only in front of the tv. I tried for years to eat at the table but my youngest would throw stuff and lash out. At least we can talk if she's kept occupied by tv.
If she's not around me and my teen sit at the table.

Ours always ate with us. They are the same as us , no different meals. No different times. It was just easier for me.

I cook. Dc lay the table. Anything anyone else might want must be brought before we sit. All the food is in big dishes in the middle. Two jugs of water on table (part of laying the table).

Once we sit, there is no need for anyone to get up until we’ve finished eating.

It’s strange how you wait on a 13 year old