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Original poster

Do you eat with your children. How?!

145 replies

Bloodylush · 13/08/2020 17:52

It’s impossible!

Mine always want extra drinks, more food, less food, different food, different cutlery, extra sauce, they like this, don’t like that. I’m up and down ten times.

It’s so stressful there’s no point in trying. It’s easier to just sort them out and then eat later. I don’t know how a whole family can sit down to eat together at the same time and actually finish their meal and enjoy it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodylush · 13/08/2020 18:20

I agree preparation and setting it all out is key which I thought I did today but it still didn’t happen smoothly.

Today I made juice for dc age 13 and knew they would want more so put the carton next to them to finish off. That was gone in ten seconds and they still wanted another drink. It felt mean to say no. I could have said get it yourself but it’s easier, quicker and tidier for me to do it.

I don’t think it helps that I have a teeny tiny kitchen so if dc are wandering around getting extra stuff it’s a pain, They invariably can’t find it, can’t open it or just make so much mess it’s easier for me to get up.

Yes I could probably be stricter but I don’t find it enjoyable to eat and be reinforcing rules and table manners every two minutes or opening extra bottles or wiping up spillages. I like to eat in peace!

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/08/2020 18:22

AmIAWeed I’m not ignoring my child, always communicating, we eat together at weekends, and breakfast, lunch if not at nursery. The week varies, tbh pre covid id never eat with her as I wouldn’t even get in until 6/6.30pm from the commute. I know people who keep their preschoolers up to all eat c7pm with them- I personally prioritise the sleep time. I had lovely meals with my family growing up, but after school it was me and my sister- fine for me.

CaptainWentworth · 13/08/2020 18:23

How do you do this with an almost 2 year old? I find she needs to have lunch about 11.30 otherwise she won’t go to sleep for her nap at a decent time, which then impacts on bedtime. Then we do tea about 5pm, which is invariably leftovers from the freezer as I don’t have time to cook in the afternoons as I work 4 days a week, and it just eats into doing other things as a family to cook so early at weekends. Also I often go for a run or a bike ride in the evening after DD is in bed, or if DH is putting her to bed, and I can’t do that if I’ve already eaten.

We’ve just moved to a house with a kitchen island and a separate dining room instead of having a table in the kitchen, and I’m finding that makes it harder too somehow. Also I really have to coax DD to eat often - not doing well tonight as she’s eating toast in front of the Clangers: I was on a work call so a bit later than usual collecting her from nursery, and even though I rushed to get tea on the table she was just so clingy, wanted to sit on my knee instead of in the high chair and then wouldn’t entertain eating anything. Maybe she’s just super whingy at the moment and it will get better! Do feel I’m failing in this area and I feel bad about it ☹️

PotteringAlong · 13/08/2020 18:28

13?! And that’s not a typo?

I set the table, we sit down and we eat. I don’t make different food, there’s no clarting on about different cutlery and we just eat.

I think this is one of those times when you are making life harder than it needs to be.

InvincibleInvisibility · 13/08/2020 18:30

13?! I thought you'd say 3!

We don't eat together during the week as Im not back from work til 7pm and DS1 had severe reflux for 5 years so we got into the habit of the DC eating at 6pm so food could down before bed.

However, they are now 6 and 9 and are responsible for setting and clearing the table and help themselves to water whenever they want (juice is only 1 glass a day). If they want different cutlery they know where the cutlery drawer is.

My favourite phrase for months was that Im not their servant. This applies to meal times, and any other tidying up after them.

SimonJT · 13/08/2020 18:30

You made juice for a 13 year old? If my five year old finishes his water at the table he knows if he wants more he has to get it himself, he also knows if he spills some he is responsible for cleaning it up.

HeeeeyDuggee · 13/08/2020 18:33

We get our 8 yr old to set the table, juice in jug at table if it’s drunk too fast then That’s tough (same rule at restaurants), condiments on table already anything extra needs to be requested before I sit down or get up and get themselves.
Serve up one meal for all. No one gets extra or
More food (leftovers) until everyone’s done

user1493494961 · 13/08/2020 18:33

I'm astounded that the DC is 13. If they make a mess, make them clean it up.

Danglingmod · 13/08/2020 18:34

13????? Any additional needs? He's having you on, OP.

Just eat together, expect good table manners and get on with it.

PMTRex · 13/08/2020 18:34

Mine are 13 and a bit younger. They or DP lay the table with condiments, jug of water etc.

We sit and eat.

No one leaves the table unless we've forgotten something we really need like the ketchup or a regular of the water jug. DC go and get it if they need it.

Not sure why people need to be getting up constantly throughout the meal?

Original poster
Bloodylush · 13/08/2020 18:35

Yes I said that of course they could have got it themselves but my kitchen is tiny and I have the washing drying in the middle of it as it’s raining and it was just easier although I felt irritable about the number of times I was up getting this that and the other and still do now!

OP posts:
latticechaos · 13/08/2020 18:35

it’s easier for me to get up no, it isn't!

Yes I could probably be stricter but I don’t find it enjoyable to eat and be reinforcing rules and table manners every two minutes or opening extra bottles or wiping up spillages. I like to eat in peace! I do eat in peace, because I'm not getting up and down. It sounds like you prefer to carry on how you are, which is your choice.

Rae36 · 13/08/2020 18:35

We often eat in front of the TV watching a quiz show. One of ours is a painfully slow eater and sitting round the table looking at him is awful. Also during lockdown we just ran out of things to say. So we sit together at the tv and chat about the quiz show, but we're not sitting at a table. Works for us.

Original poster
Bloodylush · 13/08/2020 18:36

Yes additional needs but not particularly relevant to why they couldn’t get a drink. They could but it’s easier for me to do it.

OP posts:
Stephenfrylust · 13/08/2020 18:36

We have recently started eating with our 3 and 5yo as we are now both home from work early even to cook it.

At 13yo I was cooking for myself. It may feel easier to do it for them now but it's not. These are life skills they need to learn. They are in for a shock as adults. Let them look after themselves and teach them to cook for themselves.

Sootikinstew · 13/08/2020 18:36

You've been a mug op, my four year old knows how to set the table and get themselves a drink from a pre-made jug.

Sootikinstew · 13/08/2020 18:37

At 13 I was cooking and cleaning for myself including doing my own laundry.

Let them grow up

beautifulxdisasters · 13/08/2020 18:38

13?! If he wants juice he can get it himself and clear up after himself! I thought you were going to say your kids were ages 2-5 and my answer for the upper end of that was still going to be if they're faffing that much they can get it themselves!

mbosnz · 13/08/2020 18:39

13? They don't get to choose food, (other than being asked if there's a meal they'd be keen to see on the meal plan), they get themselves a drink for dinner, and that'd better do them, because they're supposed to be filling up on food, not drink, and everyone has the same cutlery. They sit down with us, we eat a meal. Job done. If there's a condiment they feel they simply cannot live without, they excuse themselves, and go get said condiment. If they want more food, if there is leftover, they are welcome to help themselves. If they want less food, that's okay, but all veges barring mash must go. Has been the rule since they started solids.

If they don't like it, tough. (Having said that, we're fairly good cooks, and they've been brought up with a fairly wide palate, and we do acknowledge that some people are fonder of some meals than others, but you don't grizzle about other people's choices, and they won't grizzle about yours. And you never piss off the cook by being rude about the food.)

SandieCheeks · 13/08/2020 18:39

@Oblomov20

I never had any of these problems. I wonder why. Mind just ate what they were given, right from weaning.
One out of my 3 is really fussy but I always say I don't want to hear complaining, eat or don't eat it's up to you Grin The other two have always just eaten everything.

So partly luck and partly how much you are prepared to pander to it ime.

BingoGo · 13/08/2020 18:39

Stop catering to your children, OP. It doesn't matter if it's easier that you do it, you're doing them a disservice by doing everything. If they make a mess in the kitchen, let them tidy that up as well. Confused

DanniArthur · 13/08/2020 18:40

Family meals together is important in our house. I only have 1 DD who generally eats meals at the table with me and DP (if he isnt at work). She has ate with us since she was a baby so knows how to sit nicely, eat what's in front of her and only gets 1 cup of juice during dinner (another after if she wants) She is still too young for condiments like salt pepper etc but when she is older they will be sat on the table with her. I'm a stickler for routine so DD understands what's expected. She is also rewarded with ice cream or a slice of cake if she eats well

mbosnz · 13/08/2020 18:40

It was easier for my Mum to clean the toilet, rather than getting me to do it, or teaching me how to do it. That did not help me when I left home and didn't know how to clean the dunnie!

We need to grow good adults - sometimes that means doing what's better for them in the long run, than what's easier for us as parents.

SandieCheeks · 13/08/2020 18:41

@Bloodylush

I agree preparation and setting it all out is key which I thought I did today but it still didn’t happen smoothly.

Today I made juice for dc age 13 and knew they would want more so put the carton next to them to finish off. That was gone in ten seconds and they still wanted another drink. It felt mean to say no. I could have said get it yourself but it’s easier, quicker and tidier for me to do it.

I don’t think it helps that I have a teeny tiny kitchen so if dc are wandering around getting extra stuff it’s a pain, They invariably can’t find it, can’t open it or just make so much mess it’s easier for me to get up.

Yes I could probably be stricter but I don’t find it enjoyable to eat and be reinforcing rules and table manners every two minutes or opening extra bottles or wiping up spillages. I like to eat in peace!

When they are 2 is the time to set expectations and table manners, so that when they are 5+ you are all eating a nice family meal together in peace!
Original poster
Bloodylush · 13/08/2020 18:41

Tbf my 13 year old can cook and often helps but it’s during the meal I find a pain. Maybe it’s lack of prep at the start.

Anyway even if I made them clean up spillages or said, sit there and wait till I finish, or let everyone wander round looking for extra stuff, I don’t find that a relaxing way to conduct a meal.

OP posts: